Chapter 17: "Saving the love that is almost dying"
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"I don't care about losing people who don't want to be in my life anymore. I've lost people that meant the world to me and I'm still doing just fine." I said and started the engine of my car. I smiled bitterly at them and rolled up the window. With one last glance to the beautiful house that Bobby gave me, I drove off.
I don't deserve to be treated that way. I'd rather be sad, alone but still classy rather than to be desperate, cheap and chasing over every guy in this world. I'm an independent woman and I'm proud of that, I don't allow anyone to treat me like a doormat.
Napapikit ako ng mariin nang mag ring na naman sa tenga ko ang mga salitang binitawan ni Roland.
Totoo nga, it's not always rainbows and butterflies. Because after we made love several times, I decided to take a shower, hindi pa man ako tapos mag banlaw napalabas na ko ng bathroom dahil sa ingay na narinig ko.
Sinuot ko kagad yung robe ko and went out of the bathroom to see what was happening.
Laking gulat ko nalang na parang may dumaang bagyo sa kwarto ko. Yung mga unan at duvet nasa sahig, basag-basag na yung malaking salamin ko na nakahang sa wall. Pati mga picture frames and paintings naglaglagan na sa sahig.
Nakita kong nanginginig si Roland sa galit while throwing his clothes to one of his travelling bags na nakapatong sa kama.
Sobrang bilis ng kabog ng dibdib ko sa takot, nag tayuan lahat ng balahibo ko. I can't even come closer to him. Kung kanina galit na galit siya, mas monster yung dating niya ngayon. If looks could kill I'm dead by now.
His eyes were blazing with fire. He looks at me with hatred and disgust.
I don't understand why.
"Wha-what are you doing?" I stuttered. Sobrang takot ko parang nanunuyo na din ang lalamunan ko.
Diretso lang siya sa pag kuha ng mga damit niya sa cabinet namin saka niya tinatapon nalang sa loob nung malaking bag.
Umiling siya at tumingin muli sa'kin, "I'm leaving. I'm dumping your cheating ass!" He growled as he threw another batch of clothes to his bag.
I was confused as fu-ck, we were ok a while ago. I just don't understand what was happening.
"What do you mean? I thought we're gonna work it out? I thought you believed me what I said?" I asked.
Hindi siya nagsasalita, pumasok lang siya sa bathroom to get his toiletries.
I give way kasi natatakot akong mabangga niya.
"For Pete's sake Roland?!!! We just made love, tangina ano yun? Umarte ka lang para maka-sex ako one last time????" I shouted. Hindi ko talaga maintindihan ang nangyayare, ok na ok kami kanina lang bago ko maligo tapos ngayon iiwan na niya ko?
What the actual fck is this?
Humarap siya sa'kin, fire burning in his eyes at binato yung mga hawak niyang toiletries sa wall. And the loud crashing noise of his perfume bottle made me jump in place.
"Are you fcking kidding me?? Put-angina Andrea, kung sex- lang din madami akong pwedeng i-kama dyan, pero andito ko diba? Pero fck you! I was stupid for believing you, you btch!!!" Sigaw niya nang makalapit siya sa'kin habang dinuro-duro ako.
Nanigas ako sa kinatatayuan ko, dahil sa takot sakanya at dahil na rin sa mga binitawan niyang salita. I really don't understand why he was throwing hurtful words at me.
Para akong nasu-suffocate. Hindi ako makahinga, hindi ako makapag salita, my mouth suddenly went dry. Hindi rin ako makagalaw hanggang sa tinulak niya ko kaya napaupo ako sa kama.
Nanglaki yung mata ko sa ginawa niya. Never niya kong pinagbuhatan ng kamay.
Biglang nanglambot yung katawan ko sa mga sinabi niya, I know sometimes kailangan talaga ng filter sa bibig ni Roland, but I never thought that he could say those words to me.
"You really think I am that stupid huh??? You filthy btch! I can't believe I made you my girlfriend! I can't believe I love someone like you!"
Naramdaman ko nalang na nag papaunahan na sa pag-tulo yung mga luha ko. Para niya kong sinaksak ng ilang beses sa dibdib.
Ang sakit-sakit, para niya kong ilang beses pinatay. Sana sinaktan nalang niya ko physically kung galit siya sa'kin hindi yung ganito.
He was pacing back and forth na halata mong nag kokontrol ng galit.
Para siyang bulkan na konting-konti nalang na salita ko sasabog na siya.
Hindi ako makahinga sa pag iyak.
"I- I don't understand Roland." Sabi ko habang umiiling and looking at him.
"Hindi ako kasing tanga ng iniisip mo Andrea, you think you could get away with what you did huh? Kung sa tingin mo maloloko mo pa ko nagkakamali ka." Galit na galit na sabi niya, he looks so frustrated and mad as hell habang hindi mapakali kung paano sasabunutan yung sarili niya.
Akala ko ok na kami, pero bakit ganito?
"If I was the one who knocked you up, you should be showing by now! Ang tagal-tagal na nung huling may nangyare sa'tin! I put my trust in you, but you crumpled it exactly like what Sandee did." He shouted and slung his bag over his shoulder, papalabas na siya ng pintuan nang muli siyang humarap sa'kin.
Gusto ko siyang lapitan, gusto ko siyang pigilan sa pag-alis pero hindi ko magawa.
"Say it." He said staring straight at me.
"Tell me you were raped. I dare you." He said smirking.
"Nakakadiri ka. Kayong mga babae, dapat sa inyo pinag-lalaruan lang talaga." He said shaking his head.
May kinuha siya sa may lamesa malapit sa pintuan saka niya binato sa'kin.
"Sa susunod na gagawa ka ng krimen, wag kang mag iiwan ng kahit anong ebidensya." Matiim niyang sabi saka tuluyan ng umalis.
Nag sink in sa'kin lahat ng nangyayare nang makita ko yung tatlong pregnancy test kit.
Sinubukan kong habulin siya para makapag paliwanag pero mabilis niyang pinaharurot yung sasakyan.
Pumasok ako sa bahay at kinalma ang sarili ko.
No, I'm gonna fight for this guy.
I'm not gonna let him go.
Matapos kong magpakalma ang sarili ko, drinking a lot of water to steady my breathing. Umakyat ako ng kwarto para magbihis at para ayusan ang sarili ko.
I know I look sht right now but I don't care.
Roland needs to know the truth.
I will not lose him without putting up a fight. He needs to know that I didn't have sex with Blake.
He needs to know I'm not pregnant
Tinawagan ko mga kabanda ni Roland pero hindi daw nila alam kung nasan siya. Napuno ng pag-aalala ang puso ko. I hope he won't do something stupid. Tinawagan ko sila Rocky and Van, I found out that He was at Skinny Van's Sports Bar.
"We had a fight, we had a misunderstanding and we need to fix it now before he does something more stupid. He broke up with me." I said letting Van know, what happened earlier.
"Roland's drunk. You should get him here now." He said sounding like he was ready for me to get upset at him.
"He's in a pissy mood and well... basta pumunta ka nalang dito."
Roland's upset, hell he's mad!!! My sigh of slight relief that he was ok was quickly replaced with worry.
Roland and alcohol never mixed well. Never.
Nagmadali akong nagdrive papunta dun.
Pagpasok ko palang ng Skinny Van's, umakyat na lahat ng dugo ko sa ulo ko dahil sa galit. It seemed as though the entire room began to spin and time slowed.
Roland, in all his perfectness, reached out inviting a curvy red head girl onto his lap. Tuwang-tuwa naman yung babae.
Her hair was pushed back behind her ear by Roland as he looked her in the eyes, completely oblivious to my presence. I could see their mouths move, saying something.
Maya-maya pa'y hindi na ko makahinga dahil sa nakikita ko.
I could feel Van's hands on my shoulder as he supported me. I'd started lean backwards and away from the scene as the kiss just dragged on.
Ang sakit putang.ina
My heart shattering as my eyes snapped closed and tried to keep myself from crying.
"Drei." Van said tenderly, he supported me so I wouldn't fall. ganon din si Rocky
"Drei I'm-" Inalis ko yung mga kamay ni Rocky.
How could.. Roland..how... he.
My mind couldn't function.
Sinundan ako ni Van but I stopped walking causing him to run into my back.
He tried to say something to me again pero hindi ko na siya pinansin. Hindi ko na rin narinig yung mga sumunod niyang sinabi nang naglakad ako pabalik sa loob ng sports bar, straight up to Roland and the girl who's face he was attached to.
Naramdaman ko ng maraming nakatingin sakin habang papalapit ako sakanila pero wala na kong pakialam, I reached out a and grabbed a handful of her hair in my hand.
"Get the fck off!!!!!!" I growled as I yanked as hard as I could manage.
The girl tumbled backwards, her head jerking back as she fell off of his lap and onto the ground.
That's what you get btch!!!!
I pushed her aside with my leg without thinking and she scrambled to get out of my way, screaming in pain and surprise.
Sobrang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko. Adrenaline, anger, hurt, confusion.. everything zoomed through my body as I stared at Roland.
Gusto kong sumigaw sa galit habang nakatingin sakanya, gusto ko din ipaghampasan yung ulo niya sa mga lamesa, gusto kong basagin yung mga bote ng beer sa ulo niya sa sobrang galit ko sakanya!
But I held it in, staring directly to the boy I love.
Roland's surprised eyes met mine. For a few moments he blinked at me looking like he'd just seen a ghost. Alam kong lasing na siya. Naamoy ko din yung alcohol sakanya.
Sumusobra na siya, nihindi niya pa ko hinahayan makapag explain pinagpalit na kagad ako.
I watched him, waiting for him to say anything and when his mouth opened, off all the things he could have possibly said at that moment... "Hindi pa ko tapos sakanya. You can wait your turn."
His words hit me head on. It was my turn to blink furiously and shake my head.
Fck!
Oh hell no. I thought angrily as I tried to reign in my emotions.
"What the fck do you think you're doing????" sigaw ko sakanya, ignoring the girl crying on the floor near my feet as someone I didn't bother to see helped her up. I don't give a fck about her!
Alam kong lahat na ng mata nasamin na, wala kong pakialam kung gumagawa man ako ng eksena. I wasn't going to back down!
No matter what mistake I made nothing at all could excuse this sht.
Oh yeah people love fcking drama
"I'm just having fun." Sagot sa'kin ni Roland, equally aware of all the eyes on us.
"Fun?" I demanded jabbing my finger over at where the girl stood crying against her friend's chest as she clutched her head. "Fun tawag mo dun????"
He snickered. "Yeah, I do. Girls are fun."
A scoff escaped my lips. Hindi ako makapaniwala sa mga salitang lumalabas sa bibig niya.
"Ok lang sana yon eh!" I growled upset at his calm demeanor. "If it wasn't for the fact that you have a girlfriend!"
Sandali siyang natahimik at parang pinag iisipan kung anong sasabihin nang bigla siyang uminom ng beer bago tumingin sa'kin with his bored expression.
"And?"
"And?" I asked raising my voice.
"And?!!!" pag uulit ko dahil hindi ako makapaniwala na yun lang ang kinaya ng utak niyang isagot sakin.
"And I being your fcking girlfriend," I spat at him my anger rising, "do not appreciate you fcking cheating on me!"
"You did the same to me! Tangina, ikaw nga buntis pa eh!!!" He retorted his eyes flashing as though I was the one who'd been making out with someone just a second ago.
I heard gasps from people around us. He took his bag and stood up, naglakad siya papunta sa front door ng bar.
Sinundan ko siya saka ko siya hinawi sa kamay to face me.
"I did not do any such thing!" Sigaw ko sakanya. I was well aware that Rocky and Van standing close behind me. Naramdaman ko naman yung kamay ni Van at Rocky na nasa balikat ko na trying to pull me back.
Roland was drunk. He wasn't thinking, but I didn't care. There was no excusing this.
Roland was making a mistake; we need to talk it out. Kung ayaw niya sa ibang place, edi dito kung dito!
Roland laughed bitterly as I yanked free from the guys hold on my arm.
"Says the girl who just admitted hours ago that she kissed her step-brother back." He said loudly so that everyone could hear.
Snide chuckles came from around me and I could already hear the whispers of whore being muttered.
What the fck?
I thought as I stared around every girl who was glaring at me. "I tried to break up with you when I realized my mistake, I was really sorry about that. But were you? Were you sorry for kissing that girl?" I asked.
Sumagot ka ng maayos
"No, because we're quits. Hindi pa nga eh actually, kasi hindi pa ko nakakabuntis ng ibang babae." He said leering down at me.
"You need to hear me out, I'm not-" I said desperately but he cut me off.
He just laughed bitterly and I could feel tears stinging in my eyes. "You know what? I don't fcking care. I just realized you're not good enough for me."
Bakit? Bakit hindi niya ko kayang bigyan kahit 30 seconds lang para masabi ang dapat kong sabihin na makakapag save sa relasyon namin? Bakit?
Why was he being so cruel to me?
"I should have known that you're just like Sandee. I don't need any of your lame explanations. Whores always have their excuses."
I nearly died. Of everything he could have called me that possibly stung the most.
"Whore?" I finally managed to choke out, hinihiling ko sa puso at isip ko na bawiin niya yun. But he didn't.
Instead Roland laughed again and started to list; "Slut. Skank. Tramp. Hoe.. whatever word you want to use is fine with me." He shrugged.
"Roland?" bulong ko. Hindi niya alam kung gaano ko nasasaktan sa mga salitang binitawan niya. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt trapped. Alone.
"I'm done with you." He said simply with a shrug.
No! Hindi pwede! Not now, not here. Not like this!
"Roland, listen to what you're saying." I tried to reason with him. He couldn't mean it. Drunk or not, he just couldn't mean what he was saying.
"You don't mean it. You said there's no goodbye between us right?" I don't care how pathetic and pleading I looked.
His eyes that had once stared at me so lovingly now bore into mine as if searing his hate for me into my entire being.
"I was lying. We're done. I cannot accept you anymore. I cannot love you anymore. I won't let a woman like you be the mother of my children." Bawat salitang lumalabas sa bibig niya tumatagos sa kaluluwa ko.
"Bakit nga ba ko nagtiwala sa'yo. Sa isang kagaya mo? From the first place, hindi ka naman talaga isang matinong babae. Dahil walang matinong babae ang papayag na maging Fuck buddy muna siya bago siya gawing girlfriend-"
Gusto kong sumigaw. Gusto ko siyang sapakin. I wanted to wipe that smug smile off of his perfect face.
Pero hindi ko magawa. Hindi ako makahinga. All I could do was stand there like a complete idiot too stunned to do anything. Nihindi ko nga mapunasan yung mga luha na nagpapaunahang bumuhos sa mukha ko ee.
But thank God, I didn't have to. A punch was thrown, and it wasn't me who threw it. It wasn't Roland who threw it. It wasn't Van or Rocky. It was someone who I had not even known present in the situation.
Jowelle's fist connected with Roland's jaw with surprising force.
"Tang.ina mo! Wala kang karapatang pagsalitaan ng ganyan si Drei!!!" sigaw ni Jowelle drawing his fist back as Roland's body was knocked sideways from the punch.
Nagmadali namang lumapit sa'kin si Jow as I stood shell-shocked staring wide eyes where Roland now slumped on the ground.
"Halika na. You don't deserve this." Jow said softly to me saka niya kinuha yung kamay ko, he's aware na hindi ako makakagalaw mag isa kung walang gagalaw sa'kin.
"Rocky?" He added and Rocky took my other hand, the pair of them leading me from the bar as I stumbled along my eyes still wide and my heart beating furiously.
This is it. Ayoko na, hindi ko na kaya. Tama na. I did everything I could.
I thought desperately and began to shake my head, the tears still coming.
Lumingon akong muli kay Roland, he was back on his feet at nakatingin lang samin.
I stopped, tinanggal ko ang pagkakahawak sa'kin nila Jow and Rocky. Muli akong humarap sakanya
"I just want to let you know Roland that I can't deal with this anymore. I love you so much and I tried real hard to save our relationship but you threw it all away." Nakita ko kung paano siya nabigla sa mga salitang lumabas sa bibig ko despite of all the things he just said.
Kailangan kong ilabas to kung hindi sasabog ako.
"I love you with all of my heart and my soul. I will never do the things that Sandee did to you." I smiled bitterly and twisted back to the front door.
He did nothing to stop me from opening it. The cool night air refreshing, my face, I paused as I stared out into the empty night. Feeling just as empty inside, I tossed over my shoulder,
"And I'm not pregnant, Maine is."With those words, I stepped outside; slamming the door shut behind me, ran to my car and drove off.
Napailing nalang ako nang marealize ko na umiiyak na naman ako. Fck, masama to habang nag dadrive. I pulled up on the side of the road and cried my heart out all over again.
Pagdating ko sa Baguio, promise, I will have my own fresh start.
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Dedicated it to my former officemate hahaha! Nag enjoy ka sana sa kabaliwan ko :P
Hmmmmmmmmm anyway guys. whatcha say? Masyado bang heart breaking lol di ako masyadong madrama ngayon eee medyo hatred nararamdaman ko hahahaha! Ano masasabi niyo sa monster na si Roland? wahahaha! Vote and comment naman kayo, sorry nga pala nirewrite ko 'tung chapter na to saka inupload ko ulit, kasi naman yung unang version hindi mabasa ng iba at medyo lame. Ito may hugot talaga to tungkol sa nangyayare sa'kin. Hahahahahaha! Sana nag enjoy kayo!
Edit mga mali pag may time :*
3:15 am
05/07/2015
|iamhilarious|