A/N - the amount of support I have received on this book so far is incredible. All your comments and votes just motivate me to write more and more, so thank youu x
⚠️Trigger warning - mentions and descriptions of suicide. Please don't read this if you don't feel comfortable, and remember that if you need to talk, my messages are always open x ⚠️
Lucy Bronze's POV
Sirens.
More specifically, the sirens of an ambulance racing through traffic in an attempt to save someone's life.
I hadn't thought too deeply about the noise, other than whenever I heard it, I silently hoped that the patient inside the ambulance and their family would be okay. Now, I was on the other end of the story, and it was me and my daughter that people were hoping and praying for.
2 hours earlier
"Beth you better be glad you're not in Manchester, otherwise I don't know what the fuck I would have done to you for not telling me this earlier". My aggressive sentence was replied to with silence. Guilty silence from Beth on the other side of the phone, and concerned silence from Keira across the room. 30 minutes had passed since Rosie had left, and I decided to call Beth - desperate to get some answers to the questions whirring around in my brain.
Finally, Beth spoke, "Luce, you have to understand the difficult position Rosie put me in". Anger building up inside of me, I shouted down the phone, "don't you dare try and blame Rosie. You have just told me that my daughter wants to fucking kill herself. And the worst part is, she's not even with me!". When I had spoken, Keira's eyes almost popped out of her head - beginning to fill with worry and anger as she now understand what Beth had known all along. Beth questioned me, "where is she then?". I answered sarcastically, " oh well that's the best bit, she's walking about the streets of fucking Manchester. Alone.". At that last word, I hung up the phone and threw it across the room onto a sofa, "arghhh!". I put my head in my hands and groaned, flinching slightly when I felt Keira's hands on my back - rubbing softly to calm me. Tears brimmed my eyes as Keira put her fingers under my chin and lifted it so mine met hers, "we need to find her as quickly as possible". Nodding my head, we silently walked towards the front door to grab both of our car keys and put our shoes on. Without even speaking, we had mutually decided that taking separate cars would be better - that way we could cover more ground and find Rosie quicker.
Keira's white car left the driveway immediately, while I sat for a bit and pulled out my phone that I had retrieved from the sofa.
Texting the Manchester girls group chat: if anyone has any spare time please can u help me and K look for Rosie. This is URGENT.
Almost instantly, I received a reply from Mary, Alessia and Ella saying that their training session had just finished and they were all available to help. I thanked them before putting on my seatbelt and reversing out the driveway. Trying to block the tears from streaming down my face, I bit my lip. But it was no use. Torrents of salty liquid poured down my face like a waterfall. So many emotions came with them - guilt, confusion, worry, anger at myself for not noticing. How could I miss something as big as this? I had completely failed at being a mum.
After a while of no one finding Rosie, I began to stop and search in the most pointless places : Tesco, Starbucks, the sweet shop she likes. I even went into Pets At Home and looked high and low for her, but she wasn't to be found. The staff in there must have thought I was so weird - walking in there with red and puffy eyes to ask them if they had seen a girl with brown hair.
More people had replied to my message and were now helping out with the search. I was so thankful to have such incredible friends who were willing to give up their time to help me. Even if they didn't know what it was about and why it was so urgent, they were still putting all their effort into finding my daughter.
There was no point going to places that I knew she wouldn't be, so I tried somewhere that I knew she felt safe and comfortable - Jill Scott's coffee shop.
The happy and welcoming ding as you enter the shop, now sounded dull and sad as I made my way over to the counter. I said the staff member there, "can you go and get Jill please?". She nodded and went off into the back of the shop to find her. When she saw me, she shook her head lightly, "oh Lucy. I've just read your text and you sounded urgent. Have you still not found her?". I replied, "no. This was my last possible place, but I have a very strong feeling that you don't know where she is either". I tried to keep my voice as stable and calm as possible, but it was no use, the last part of the sentence wobbling like crazy. Jill enveloped me in a colossal hug with her huge, warm arms. I mumbled weakly into her chest, "I'm scared. Beth...Beth told me that Rosie told her that she doesn't want to live anymore". I could hardly finish my sentence as tears came flowing out once again. Jill seemed shocked as she took in a sharp intake of breath and pulled me closer. But I pulled away, "I can't waste any more time. I need to find her". Jill's facial expression had changed since I told her the reason I was so scared. She seemed serious and more determined than ever to find Rosie as she pulled me to the front of the shop and pushed me into the passenger side of my car - getting in the driver's seat herself. We didn't speak. Not daring to take our concentration away from the extremely important task at hand. I couldn't let anything distract me from finding my baby girl.
The only thing that I could be thankful for now was that it was summer. When she last ran away, it was a cold and dark night in February. Today, even though it was a bit cloudy, it was still very light and fairly warm considering it was 6pm and day was slowly turning into evening. At least I knew that Rosie wouldn't be freezing to death somewhere.
Steph, Ellen, Ellie and Alex had now joined in on the search and no one had found her. It had been 30 minutes of continuous driving to potential places, getting out the car and searching every last inch until we were certain that she wasn't there. And still, the only people who knew the seriousness of this search were me, Keira and Jill. Steph texted me:
Steph H - me and Ellen have just checked your house to see if Rosie has come back but she's not there. R u sure she hasn't just gone to a friend's?
Me - 100% sure. She told Meado some stuff and I think she left the house with the intent of doing something
Steph H - What did she tell Beth? Doing what? To herself or someone else?
Me - herself
Steph H - ohhh Lucy, I'm so sorry. We need to find her immediately. And if we don't I think you should call the police. We can't leave it too late.
Too late. Those two words that I didn't think could have such a big impact. But they did when Steph typed them. Reality hit me that I might be waking up tomorrow without a daughter. Actually, screw that, if that was the case I don't think I would be getting any sleep at all ,nevermind waking up. Pushing those thoughts as far as they could go to the back of my brain, I fixed my eyes on the lifeless paths and roads once again.
The optimistic thoughts were slowly fading away, but I couldn't give up. I needed to find Rosie and I would drive about until I did - despite if it was the middle of the night or early in the morning.
I had sent her multiple texts from my phone, Jill's phone and I was sure that everyone else searching would have also tried to contact her at one point.
"you've reached Rosie, don't leave a message" I heard Rosie's sarcastic answerphone for the hundredth time. If the call went through, I would at least know she was safe and alright for now, but it never did. For 2 solid hours, I heard the same message being drilled into my brain as I called and called, until her voicemail box was full.
8pm came. Rosie had now been missing for 2 hours 30 minutes and we were still exhaustedly searching. I knew that I had to do something about it quickly so I called all the girls who were helping and told them to meet me at my house to discuss what we were going to do next.
When I pulled back on the drive, a wave of emotions ran through me. I expected to be returning home with Rosie safely sat beside me. But I wasn't. I was returning home to talk about what the hell we should do now. I jumped out of the car when I saw that the hallway light was on through the front door, "Rosie?!". Keira walked out the front living room with despair scattered all across her face, "I've just searched the entire house again. She's not here". When she saw the tears forming in my eyes, and I could see the ones in hers, she pulled me into a slow and warm embrace. Usually her hugs would reassure me that everything was going to be alright - but for some reason, tonight I had such a hard time believing it.
Our hug was cut short by all of our friends crowding into the hallway, talking between them and tripping clumsily over eachother. All eager to see if we had found Rosie. When they saw it was just me and Keira, Alex said, "Luce, you need to tell us what's going on". I nodded my head and gestured to them to go down the hall and into the kitchen/living area. All of them sat except me. I couldn't stand still, never mind sit still in one place while we talked about what was going on.
I finished telling them what Beth told me and they all looked at me with wide, sad eyes. I could see that a few even had tears threatening to run down their cheeks. Despite the situation, there was a small part of me that felt happy that my best friends cared so much about my daughter. Lauren was the first to speak as she stood up, wrapped me in a hug and whispered, "I'm so sorry Luce, I had no idea". A few people murmured, "neither" while others were still in shock that the happy, energetic Rosie that they knew was going through such a dark and lonely time.
After a few moments silence, Ellen announced, "we can't sit here. We have to find her before...". Unable to finish her sentence, I nodded towards her, not wanting to believe that what she meant to say could soon become a reality if we didn't find Rosie soon. I inhaled a deep breath but before I could speak, Steph began to give orders out, "Lucy I think you should call the police and they'll send help. Someone should stay here incase she comes back and the rest of us will continue to search all around Manchester". Slowly nodding my head, the girls began to talk about who was doing which role. I stayed silent, not able to believe the conversation that I was currently a part of.
And then someone's phone rang.
Ellie said, "who's phone is that?". Everyone checked their phones and denied that it was them until I was the only one left. Picking it up off the kitchen counter, I read the name on my screen : Rosie 😘. Looking up at Keira with hope in my eyes I barely managed to whisper, "it's Rosie". Everyone in the room stopped talking and focused their attention on me. I actually think I nearly stopped breathing when I saw those 5 letters and that emoji pop up on my screen, "answer it before she hangs up" Mary called towards me. Bringing my attention back to my phone, I pressed the green answer button, "Rosie?".
"Hi is this Lucy?"
At that moment, I knew that something was very seriously wrong. Who was this woman and why did she have Rosie's phone? Stuttering, I managed to string a few words together, "yes that's me. Where is Rosie?". She seemed so calm and collected in comparison to me when she spoke, "I'm Jess, a paramedic. I found your number under Rosie's emergency contact in her phone. We have her with us but we are in an ambulance on our way to the hospital. Will you be able to meet us there?". As soon as she said she was a paramedic, I dropped my phone from my ear so it landed on the kitchen bench. Unable to hold back the tears, I put my head in my hands and began to cry uncontrollably.
Keira's POV:
When Lucy dropped her phone, the whole room knew that something was wrong. While Steph comforted Lucy, I picked up her phone, took a deep breath and tried to remain as calm as I could given the situation, "hi, sorry about that, what were you saying?". I put the phone on speaker as she explained that they were rushing through city centre traffic to get to Manchester Royal Infirmary. Rosie was on oxygen and in a lot of pain and distress. Since I'm not Rosie's legal guardian, she was unable to tell me why she was in the ambulance and how she got there. But to everyone in the room it was very clear and we all knew the reason.
I hung up the phone and rushed over to Lucy, grabbing her in my eyes. We clung onto eachother and silently cried as I barely managed to speak to my teammates standing, unsure what to do, "you can all go now if you want. We'll text you updates". Steph frowned and said firmly, "do you seriously think we are going to leave you and Lucy alone after finding out that? Absolutely not. All of us are coming to the hospital with you and we will take up every god damn seat in that waiting room if it means being there to support you all". I nodded my head gratefully, not able to try and persuade her otherwise.
Me and Lucy sat in the back of Alessia's car as she drove us to the hospital. We had stopped crying and were sat silently. In shock. Neither of us had dealt with anything like this ever I'm our lives and the whole situation just seemed to have landed on us with no warning. Both of our priorities were to make sure that Rosie was okay and we were desperate to arrive at the hospital.
Lucy asked as we were entering the building, "so she wouldn't tell you anything?". I shook my head, looking at our intertwined hands and answered, "absolutely nothing because I'm not her legal guardian". She stopped and stared at me, "after all of this, would you like to be her legal guardian? There's a space for another name on her updated birth certificate. I think she'd like that". I smiled and happiness surged my body that Lucy would even consider making me a guardian of her daughter, "of course I'd like to. Now let's go make sure she's alright and find out what the hell has happened".
"Hi we received a call that our daughter was being brought here" Lucy said to the receptionist who tapped on her keyboard annoyingly loud. She looked at the big group of us over the rim of her glasses, sighed and asked directly, "yours and the patient's name?". Lucy then continued to speak, "Lucy Bronze and Rosie Bronze". She did something on her computer for what felt like forever. Typing on the keyboard, clicking on the mouse, even drinking from her cup of tea. I could tell that Lucy was getting impatient with the woman, especially when she began to drink her tea. Rosie was potentially dying somewhere In this hospital and she was more bothered about having a drink than letting us go and see her. Not even bothering to look at us, she stated bluntly, "she's currently having her stomach pumped but the doctor will come and find you when you're able to go and see her. Take a seat". We all turned to face the waiting room and realised that It was going to be a very long night.
All of our eyes were fixed on the double doors swinging open and shut every time someone entered or left the room. We were awaiting the doctor who would call Lucy's name, allowing us to see the girl we all cared so much for. I was only broken from my trance when Ella questioned, "what does it mean that she's having her stomach pumped?". Lucy answered without taking her eyes off the doors, "it means she took an overdose and they're trying to get rid of all the tablets in her stomach before they do any damage". Ella slowly said, "oh...where has she got the tablets from?". Ellen entered the conversation, "it doesn't have to be a certain type of tablet, you could have an overdose with paracetamol if you take enough of it". Ella sunk back into her seat with a worrying look on her face. I had never seen her so serious before and I wasn't sure that I liked it. Usually she was the one who would bring positivity and lift our moods, but currently that seemed very near impossible.
"Lucy Bronze?". Lucy immediately stood up and dragged me with her to go and speak with the man who had just called her name. He greeted us, looked down at his clipboard and began to explain, "so Rosie appears to have taken an overdose. We are currently unsure of what she's taken but as you're aware, her stomach has been pumped to remove any of the tablets. This will prevent them from affecting more of her body. You can go and see her, but she is very fragile at the moment. Due to the fact that she tried to end her life, all of us will have to have a conversation about what needs to happen to support her if she ever feels that way again. Any questions?". Lucy shook her head, but I had one, "how long does she have to stay here for?". He answered me, "definitely overnight and we will reassess her tomorrow afternoon to see if she can go home or not". Rosie had told both me and Lucy that she hates hospitals. Even when a program comes on the TV that is set in a hospital or features a hospital, she has to look the other way. She never told us why she hates them, but we respected her enough to know that it must be something she would prefer to keep private.
The doctor lead us through a series of corridors and up lots of stairs until we reached a room. Number 301. As Lucy pushed open the door, we were greeted with all different kind of noises coming from the machines sat next to Rosie's bed. She was lying there. Her whole body motionless apart from her eyes that darted to where we were standing to see who had entered. When she saw it was only me and Lucy, she lay back in her bed and closed her eyes. We made our way over to her and sat on the chairs that were on either side of the bed. As soon as we sat down, she whispered, "I'm so sorry" her eyes still shut. Lucy wiped away a newly formed tear and squeezed Rosie's hand. I reached across and gripped her other hand tight, using my free hand to brush a piece of loose hair behind her ear. She smiled and said, "how cool is it that I get my own private room?". This made both Lucy and I grin slightly and look at eachother before I explained, "usually for...for these type of cases they give separate rooms. The conversations between the patient, family and doctors aren't usually ones you want other patients listening in on". She looked at me and said, "still cool. I even have my own en-suite over there. Never knew that you get this type of luxury in a hospital". Both Lucy and I knew that she was trying to divert the conversation away from her and the reason we were there. I couldn't blame her. If I was in her situation, I wouldn't want to talk about it either.
After a few moments of silence, Lucy spoke up softly, "is it my fault that this happened?". Rosie appeared shocked and shook her head furiously, "no of course not. I can't explain why it's happened and even if I tried, you wouldn't understand. But this has nothing to do with you. If anything, you, Keira and the girls are the one reason I tried to persuade myself not to do it. I tried, I really did, but I couldn't take it anymore. I just wanted all the pain to disappear". Her whole body just looked weak and pale lying in the crisp white hospital bed. I looked towards Lucy and flashed her a look to let her know that I was there for her no matter what. She returned it and focused her attention back on Rosie. Remembering what Rosie said about the girls, I told her, "the girls actually came here to see you. They were all at our house when we got the call". She tried to smile as wide as she could, but failed, making her lips wobble ever so slightly, "can they come and see me?". I looked towards Lucy who nodded and began to call one of them, presumably to let them know that they could come up.
A quiet knock on the door interrupted us from our light conversation. I shouted that they could come in, and in they came. Steph, Ellen, Lauren, Alex, Ellie, Ella, Alessia, Mary, Jill, Demi and Georgia all piled into the room that now felt quite small. Rosie giggled as they tried to rearrange themselves so they could all see and talk to Rosie. I stood up from my seat, allowing Steph to take over my role and hold onto Rosie's hand tightly. Lucy stayed by her side, almost afraid of what she would do if she left her alone. I made my way over to Lucy and she motioned for me to sit on her knee. Pushing her head into my neck, she rubbed my back with her free hand and I held onto her shoulder as the girls talked to Rosie.
Ella told Rosie, "before we found out you had your stomach pumped, I bought you a lucozade, a packet of ready salted crisps and a little marvelous creations bar from the vending machine. You can still have them if you want". Rosie smiled and thanked her before saying, "thanks but I might have to save them for later. They've given me this medication and it's making me throw up". Ella nodded, "yep... probably for the best you don't eat them now then".
Me and Lucy were very grateful that the girls didn't mention Rosie taking an overdose at all when talking to her. I could see she was also thankful that they were talking to her like nothing had happened. The last thing she needed was for multiple people crowding round her to interrogate her about things she was unsure about herself.
And that's where we stayed for the rest of the night. Lucy and I tried to persuade the girls to go home and sleep, but they refused. Too tired to even be bothered to fight back, we gave in.
The 14 of us in a small room built for 1 person and the occasional visitor.
Even though Rosie understood that she would eventually have to explain everything, and I mean everything, it was a relief to see her safe and smiling. Even if it was fake. She was still smiling.
A/N - I felt bad for Keira and Lucy when I was writing this chapter 😥 let me know what you thought! X