(A/N this is a oneshot following on from my book picture of a life time, which I suggest you read before reading this. Wow, way to get that self promo in... Embarrassing, I know. Enjoy!)
Troye's POV
It had been 10 years since Connor died. To this day, I still found myself awake at 6:00am, craving the warmth of his nimble fingers, intertwined with mine, as we laid comfortable in bed. To this day, I still found my way to his grave, lining it with only the prettiest flowers. Tyler would come most days, driving us home as my emotional stress took over.
To this day, I still wasn't coping.
Coping. The word scared me. How could anyone cope? It was an over used phrase that humans would say to describe their feelings. 'I'm coping' They would smile, pushing the empty pit, that was their heart, just a bit further down.
I did this a lot, playing off my emotions when others asked. My mum had started to tell me to move on, look for someone else. But I couldn't. I wouldn't. No one could fit his mould.
Tyler understood, his soothing arms often draped around me on the worst days. He had moved in you see, I couldn't handle being alone.
It was a quiet drive today. The sun shining beautifully on the February morning. It was the 10th anniversary of the worst day of my life, and the scenery couldn't have been more different. As much as my gloomy, solemn mood consumed me, I knew Connor would like this day. He always did like the sun.
The arrival at the cemetery dawned on me, as Tyler poked my shoulder, chuckling softly as I awoke from my daze. I peeled my eyes from the window frame, and back to the tulips, wrapped in a violet sheet of paper. They hung on my knee like a wet mess, but their vibrant colours made his spot look the best, just as he always was.
"Hey Baby." I made a small curl of the lips, as I read his name, Connor Joel Mellet-Franta, and I took a seat on the grass next to his head stone.
"I'm gonna take a walk buddy, I'll leave you two alone for a bit." Tyler sensed my need for some alone time, quickly lining the tulips along Connor's grave, as I laid down. He gave me a comforting smile, before following one of the paths, out into a country walk lane near by. "I'll be back soon Tim Tam." He said.
I looked at the sky, breathing in the fresh air swirling around me. I could see the clouds part, hazing my vision as I looked into the sun. With squinting I could just make out the shapes of the fluffy cotton in the sky. I was determined that if I looked hard enough, he would appear, sending me a reassuring smile, like he always used to do when I felt down.
I needed it now, more than ever.
"Life goes so slowly without you baby." I spoke, my trembling fingers tracing his name. "I hate the fact that I can't see you anymore. I look at the scrapbook every night, I feel every picture with my fingers, trying to make myself believe, believe that I'm in that memory again, touching your soft jumpers, cupping your little chin. It's weird, I know, but it's the closest I'll ever get."
I wiped the tears that had fallen, before carrying on.
"Tyler is fully moved in now, he still takes me here everyday, so I can be with you. He'll be back soon I suppose." I played with the stems of the tulips, my mind racing back to years ago, before the diagnosis. A happy Connor, taking pictures of the flowers in the garden, holding that ever so important camera.
We had buried it with him. A possession way too dear to his heart to leave him. My friends told me to keep it, use it even. But I knew, that wherever he went, he needed it with him, to take pictures of whatever new memories he would make, memories that he could show me, when we met again.
"You told me we'd meet again Con. You told me that it wouldn't be this painful!" I began to raise my voice, my angry tears dropping on the marble stone. "We even played that song, by Vera Lynn, at the funeral! You told me it would help, you told me to listen to the words! But I couldn't! Not when you were laying there, gone, cold, dead! You died! Why did you die?" I began to wail, throwing my arms around my head as I cried, blocking out anything and everything around me.
I felt a pair of arms wrap me up, pulling my shaking body into their chest. I looked up, praying, wishing it was Connor, but my eyes fell as I saw Tyler's blonde hair and his concerned expression.
"H-He died Tilly, H-He d-died!!" I muttered, still thrashing my fists against his chest. I felt Tyler's squeeze increase, but my mind couldn't process anything. Not now, not ever. Only Connor was there, his voice still in my ears.
"Shhh Troye, I know baby, I know." Tyler tried to soothe me, his thumb caressing my sodden cheek. "Breathe Tim Tam, breathe." He whispered.
"NO!" I began to wail again, this time prising myself away from his grip. I felt enclosed, I felt surrounded and claustrophobic. I felt like I didn't belong in this world anymore.
So I ran. I ran faster than I had ever done before.
I ran past our black Mini Cooper, I ran past the cemetery and the fields surrounding it. I ran until I reached the road. The busy road.
"TROYE SIVAN! STOP WHAT YOUR'E DOING RIGHT NOW!" My eyes widened, my heart stopped, and my feet stayed glued heavily to the edge of the sidewalk, my breathing rapidly increasing as I froze still.
I knew that voice, and It was certainly not Tyler Oakley's. The sweet melodic rhythm, the way it cracked slightly as it pleaded me to stop. The way it said my name, with such force, that I could no longer feel my heart beating.
Connor.
"I-is it r-really you?" I mumbled, slowly turning on my heal to face him. He was no longer deathly pale, his face no longer hiding under the vast amount of breathing equipment. His eyes were no longer a dull shade of grey, but bright and vibrant like the morning sun, his love and care written all over his expression. My Connor was back. My beautiful, wonderful Connor.
"C'mere you." I saw his arms begin to outstretch, taking my small body into his touch. "Let's take a walk."
"I don't get it. How are you here?" I asked, as we began to walk through the cemetery. I wanted to do no more than stay in his arms forever passionately kissing his soft, now pinkish lips. Instead I settled for holding his hand, squeezing his soft fingers as tight as I could.
"You listened to the song didn't you? The one I requested?" He seemed happy as we began to take a seat of one of the cemetery benches. "I told you we'd meet again Troye, and gosh, who would I be to break a promise!" He chuckled, his hand slowly making its way towards my face, cupping my cheek in his protective manner.
"I have waited forever to stroke your soft skin." He sighed, rustling my hair as he held my face. "I have waited forever to do this." He leaned in towards me, locking our lips together as my body fell limp. His touch was dizzying, his luscious lips lacing themselves with the same familiar taste I was used to being accustomed with. He still smelt like fresh coffee and cologne, his scent calming me as I relaxed into his arms.
"I love you," He whispered, drying my fallen tears "and God how I have missed you!" He smiled.
"I love you too." I laughed, all depressive thoughts leaving me as I felt high, exhilarated in his presence.
"Am I dead?" I questioned, gulping hard as he looked down at his hand. He still sported his wedding ring beautifully, as did I, falling together while our hands intertwined. He looked up at me and his sad expression only increased. He put his hands on my shoulders, and bit his lip, like he always did when he got nervous.
"That's up to you my love." He smiled, his grip on me becoming tighter. "That's why I'm here honey. You have to decide."
I felt the colour drain from my face. My mind had begun to race, swirling into all possibilities of life and death. We both knew what I was going to choose. I was going to choose the option that bought me close to him, so I never left his arms again.
I was going to choose death.
"I'm here to persuade you Tro, I'm here to persuade you to live." He ruined my thought path as he began to sniffle, wiping his tears with the sleeve of his jumper. " I want you with me so bad baby, but it's not your time, not yet." He composed his figure once again, his smile nervously painting itself back on.
"NO! I want to stay with you!" I pleaded, falling to my knees as I became hysterical. "Please don't make me go back Connor! I can't cope in a world without you, I can't cope alone anymore, I can't live without you!"
I felt him lift me back up, placing me in his arms once again. I cried, and cried and cried. It was my turn to be the weak one, my turn to be comforted. He was the strong one now. Just like he always was.
"Listen to me Troye Sivan. I need you to live, for me." He kissed my cheek as I violently shook my head, batting slightly at his chest. "I need you to go back and look after Nicola and Tyler and Ricky, you may not see it, but they aren't coping, just like you." He sighed, my watery eyes widening as he spoke.
"Can you see me? Have you been watching over us?" I breathed, my voice no more than a mumble as I dried my tears once again.
"I said I would never leave you, and I never did. Troye Sivan Mellet-Franta, I love you, and you still have my heart. I'm not leaving anytime soon." He said, cuddling me once more. "That is why I need you to go back, so I can live through you, guiding you, helping you. I want you to raise our child, telling them all the beautiful moments we shared. I want you to post on my channel, keep it going, make it yours, and most of all, I want you to be happy. I want you to spend your last day as an old man, ready to meet me once again, when it's time for us to be together."
I nodded, my head leaving his chest for a final time. He cupped my face in his hands, his tears mirroring mine as we stayed close. He leaned in once more, and we sunk into a deep kiss, one of passion, love and care.
I had to do what he said. I had to live. For him.
"I love you Tro." He smiled, slowly letting go of me, only our hands still touching. "Take this." He handed me his camera, a note attached to its leather strap.
'Troye Sivan,
Take the picture of a life time.
All my endless love,
Connor. xx'
"I love you so fucking much." I cried, placing it around my neck. "We will meet again?"
"I promise baby." He soothed, kissing my hand for a final time.
I suddenly felt very dizzy. The world around me turning darker as I floated away. I could no longer see his face, his emerald green eyes, or his rosy cheeks. All I could see was blackness, a silent, empty atmosphere around me.
I could hear a song playing. My ears perking up to its tune. I had never listened to it's words at Connor's funeral, my mind too preoccupied with the thought of loosing him. So I listened now. A smile instantly crossing my face.
We'll meet again,
Don't know where,
Don't know when
But I know we'll meet again some sunny day.
Keep smiling through,
Just like you always do
Till the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away.
So will you please say "Hello"
To the folks that I know
Tell them I won't be long
They'll be happy to know
That as you saw me go
I was singing this song.
We'll meet again,
Don't know where,
Don't know when
But I know we'll meet again some sunny day...
*beep beep, beep beep*
"Troye? Troye can you hear me?" I could now hear a familiar noise, a familiar voice, a voice that now sounded so broken, in such despair that it cracked and wobbled.
I began to prise my eyes open, squinting as the light pierced my vision. I could feel a weight on my hand, moving slightly as I began to squeeze it. I was suddenly hit with a flush of pain in my leg, causing me to groan quietly.
"T-Tilly?" I stuttered, my voice fragile as I tried to use it. I felt weak and achy. Was I in hospital?
"Oh thank the lord you're okay!" He instantly flung his arms around my figure, carefully avoiding hurting me. I felt like I had been hit with a truck. I didn't need a bone crushing hug on top of that!
"I-I'm sorry, Tilly." I breathed, my eyes softening as I saw the bags under his, and his gauntly figure in front of me. How long had he been here?
"It's okay, just don't run into a car ever again you idiot! You may not have him now, but killing yourself isn't the answer Troye! I love you and I can't loose y-you!" Tyler sobbed into my hand, his blond hair falling against my skin. "You c-can't leave me t-too!"
I nodded, squeezing his hand tighter. I pictured Connor in my head, and smiled, gulping back the tension in my throat.
"I'm not leaving for a long time Tilly." I whispered. "Connor is watching over us, and always will be."
Tyler looked up at me and smiled a watery grin. He kissed my forehead, and began to rise from his seat.
"I know he is Troye, and one day, we'll meet him again."
A/N
WOW. SO THAT HAPPENED.
Here you go, to anyone who wanted this :) I have had a lot of requests for it so I'm sorry it took so long but I have been busy and a comment on my old book yesterday gave me inspiration to write this afternoon so it's long overdue and unfortunately only going to be a one shot, but it's technically a sequel? Idk tbh but have fun reading :)
Becca xx