My phone vibrated in my pocket where it rested against my thigh. I was sat on the couch in the Cullen's living room, leaning against Derek and staring unseeing at the movie playing on the massive tv screen. I pulled it out, straightening up a little, my shoulder still against Derek.
My wolf: Come home
A wide smile broke out across my face and my heart stuttered in my chest.
Me: Say no more
"I'll take you," Derek said quietly where he sat beside me.
"Okay Mr. Snoopywolf," I rose a brow at his having obviously read my texts over my shoulder.
But instead of biting back a remark, he was stoic as ever as he rose from his seat without meeting my eyes. Emmett frowned at him but didn't comment as his eyes slid to meet mine. I shrugged and followed the sourwolf out of the Cullen's home and to our rental car. Unsurprisingly, his silence persisted as he started the car and began the journey down the driveway.
"What's going on Der?" I asked this softly.
No sarcasm, no jokes. I knew what these moods normally meant. They meant he had something serious to say, but that it would take a little coaxing for him to come out and say it.
"You're leaving," he stated flatly, giving in much more quickly than I had anticipated.
My heart stuttered in my chest again, but for an entirely different reason. When had Derek got better at reading me than Scott? I hadn't prepared myself for this conversation yet.
"Derek, I..." I didn't know what to say.
Derek peeked at me out of the corner of his eyes, probably smelling the scent of my distress on the air.
"Stiles, I'm not mad," he sighed, looking back to the road. His knuckles were white where he gripped the steering wheel.
"You're... not?" I asked wearily, eyeing his extreme grip.
But I noticed that I wasn't that surprised. Old Derek would have been instantly, irrationally mad. Would feel betrayed. But this Derek, this Derek had grown. He'd learned how to identify his emotions, to deal with them and how to show how he was really feeling to the ones he cared about. Old Derek only knew anger, there was nothing else. The pack had changed that.
"I just- don't know how I'm going to live without you," he admitted quietly.
I swallowed thickly.
"The decision wasn't made lightly," I bit my lip, tears burning the back of my throat. "You- you're my family. All of you. But he-."
"You don't have to explain yourself, I understand," Derek cut me off. "I'm in the same situation after all."
He took one hand off of the steering wheel, placing it over one of mine where it rested on my thigh. I turned my hand over, gripping his hand tightly.
"You're my best friend," Derek admitted. "I'm so happy for you, and proud of you for being able to finally make a decision to put your happiness first," he squeezed my hand. "You're always putting everyone else first. Their safety, their happiness, their lives. It's about time you put yourself first, you've more than earned it. You've sacrificed enough of yourself for us. It's your turn now."
I blinked back the wetness forming in my eyes, swallowing again as I tried to control the wave of emotion that swept over me.
"Thank you," I whispered fervently, looking over at him as he pulled up in front of the Lahote house.
Paul wasn't waiting outside for me like I'd expected him to, as if he perhaps sensed the need for privacy.
"Will you... be alright?" Derek asked, a hint of uncertainty in his tone.
He put the car in park and kept hold of my hand, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles.
I knew the uncertainty stemmed from more than one source. He was uncertain whether he should have asked the question or not, not wanting to make it harder for me than it already would be. And therein lies the other source of his uncertainty. Would I be alright? Without the pack? Without my family?
"I..." I trailed off and took a deep breath, and saw Derek flinch. Ahh, he could smell how deeply I was feeling this pain then. "It's going to be... difficult, and nearly unbearable... but I'll manage."
Derek nodded, accepting the answer and releasing my hand.
"I don't know how I'm going to live without you either, you know," I smirked as a traitorous tear slid down my cheek.
Derek swiped it away with his thumb, sliding an arm around my shoulders and pulling me in for an awkward hug over the centre console of the car. I squeezed him as hard as I could, choking back a sob. This wasn't goodbye just yet.
"Alright, get out," Derek grumbled, releasing me and trying to hide his smirk.
Paul stepped out of the house a moment later, and an automatic smile graced my lips as the tightness in my chest loosened.
I turned back to Derek with a gentle smile, one he returned.
"I love you Der," I told him.
"I love you too, Stiles," he whispered.
Derek might have grown.... But he still perceived some emotions as weakness. Gosh, how powerful would he be when he realized emotions were a source of strength? But he'd said it, and that's what matters. I smiled some more as I got out of the car, my eyes drawn to the beautiful man waiting for me at the front door.
"Hey gorgeous," I smiled, immediately wrapping my arms around him.
"Hey love," he murmured with a kiss in my hair, swallowing me into his warm embrace.
He held me tightly, as if he never planned on letting me go. And that? Well that I was okay with. I squeezed him back, warmth flooding my chest.
"How's Jake?" I asked, remembering suddenly that another world existed outside of our small cocoon.
"He's, he's healing properly now," Paul muttered shakily, holding me a little closer and a little tighter.
His heart was hammering in his chest where my head rested, and he was breathing heavily, something I hadn't noticed before. Alarm bells went off in my head. Heavy breathing wasn't usually good coming from the Quileute wolves, or my Werewolves. It usually signified a loss of control.
"Are you alright?" I whispered against his neck. I was unable to peek at his face from where he had me pinned against his chest.
"I am now," he sighed, staying quiet for a moment. I gave him time to form his thoughts to explain. "It was- listening to him scream- as doc rebroke everything... it was horrible." He breathed, shivering in my arms.
"I'm sorry you had to hear it," I murmured, rubbing his back soothingly and kissing the bare skin of his chest.
I focused on taking even breaths, doing my best to calm my heartbeat despite the horrific image Paul's words had conjured up. It always helped the other wolves to relax, giving them something calming to focus on. I peppered the parts of his chest I could reach with slow, feathery kisses. After a few moments his shaking stopped, his chest didn't move as rapidly as before. His heart no longer felt like it might beat its way out of his chest, and I sighed in relief.
"Better?" I murmured, kissing his neck and collarbones now.
"Better," he agreed, his voice low and hot.
He loosened his grip now, and I immediately looked up at him. He looked... downright sinful with his hooded, dark eyes and his white teeth biting into his bottom lip.
"You're not about to ravage me on your dads front porch, are you?" I smirked, eyes drawn back to those very tempting lips of his.
"I want to show you something," Paul smiled, tugging me into the trees behind the Lahote house.
"In the woods?" I wondered, my thoughts still clouded with images of Paul pounding me into the floorboards in the open air.
Although equally enticing images were then conjured up of Paul sucking at my neck while pushing me up against a tree, and I couldn't deny I would like that just as much. But my thoughts of sinful activities with my wolf skittered out of my mind when Paul swung me onto his back.
"Hang on Mieczy," he warned. I tightened my hold and he was off like a shot.
Where on earth could he be taking me now? Another secluded beach spot? My brain took that and ran with it, filling my head with breathtaking images and possibilities. Anything to not think about the pain in the car with Derek, and that soon to be very real goodbye. But a few minutes later when Paul came to a stop, my adhd brain immediately moved on again.
He gently set me on my feet as I took in what was in front of us, Paul being sure to keep a hold of one of my hands.
It was a house.
The leaves in the canopy above cast a green glow over a small, log house. The house had a stone lined base and a beautiful stone chimney that reached from ground to roof on one side. It stood on the top of a small hill, surrounded by the towering trees of the temperate rainforest. It had a front porch, and it looked like it also had a back balcony, with a basement entrance beneath. The railings looked like they were made from branches that had been plucked from the very ground it was built on, giving it character. It was two stories high, with a basement level. Maybe it wasn't so small after all. The shingles were peeling off the roof in some places, and missing entirely in others. A few of the stones in the chimney had come loose, laying on the forest floor. Three of the windows were boarded up, the glass broken. The beautiful structure was clearly abandoned, and didn't look like it had housed anyone in a long time.
But none of that mattered, because it was utterly perfect.
It was... well it was exactly what I had been picturing all those weeks ago when I'd imagined a home here, with Paul. Nestled beneath the trees, a front porch to hang a hammock on and curl up with my book. And based on the sound of waves reaching my ears... it wasn't far from the ocean. My heart swelled in my chest, and I felt like I might actually be glowing. Could it really be as perfect as I'd imagined it? Could my future with Paul be exactly as I wanted it? It was like the picture from weeks ago was coming into focus, sharpening and becoming more real.
Paul squeezed my hand, and I turned to him with awe in my eyes.
"Is this... is this what I think it is?" I asked quietly, not wanting to break the spell of whatever I was feeling.
"Home," Paul answered simply, and my eyes widened. "I know- I know, it needs work. But it's big enough that your pack mates have a place to stay when they visit, and it's not too far from the shop or the station. And I know it might be hard to see now... but it could be-," I didn't let him finish.
"Perfect," I beamed. "Paul, it's utterly perfect!"
Paul sighed in relief, smiling widely as I threw myself at him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into a long kiss, full of meaning. My body was humming with excitement, and love for the man I held in my arms. Maybe the universe knew what it was doing when it destined us for each other. He seemed to know me better than I knew myself some days. And this- this small, secluded place he'd chosen to start our life together. God, he knew me.
"Mieczy," he started gently, taking my face into one of his hands. I leaned into it, looking up at his through my lashes. "I know that this is going to be... hard, for you. But I promise you that I will do everything in my power to make you feel at home here. To make you happy."
"With you, I am home," I replied, and considered cringing at how cheesy that sounded. But I'd never meant something so seriously in my life.