***BC: KIERAN***
"Should I be worried?"
Severide's eyes dropped to the glass in my hand and then darted back up to mine.
"I didn't think you noticed."
"I noticed," he muttered. "You've already had three and I think that's more than enough."
"Are you scared that you'll have to send me back to—"
"Yes," he interrupted. "I already lost Albany. I don't want to lose you too."
"You haven't lost Albany," I told him.
Walking over to him, I placed my glass down on the coffee table in front of him and took his empty glass to refill for myself. Instead of taking a seat on the couch across from him, I sunk down on the opposite end of the one he was sitting on.
"What if I can't do it?" Severide asked after a few minutes of silence. "What if I can't prioritize?"
"Somehow I have a feeling that it's not the only thing bothering you," I muttered. "What does Kat want?"
Severide leaned forward and picked up is glass. Taking a sip, he leaned back and rested the glass on his thigh as he looked at me. His eyes darted over my face and then dropped to trail over my body.
"She wants me to help her get out of some shit. Why do you and Thomas hate each other so much?"
"We fucked," I told him boldly which wasn't the best thing to do.
Severide just took a sip of his drink again when I spoke so he ended up choking.
I slid across the couch and slapped his back as he coughed. Once his cough died down, he leaned forward to place his glass down and then turned to face me.
"What did you just say?"
"You heard me."
When he continued to stare at me, I sighed and downed the rest of the bourbon. I shouldn't have said a thing but everything was already a mess so I might as well tell him the truth. It was going to come out sooner or later besides I knew that Severide would never tell a soul.
"Remember that time when we flew to Vegas?" I asked him softly.
He nodded. "To celebrate."
"Yeah." I hesitated. "When you and Steven went back to your room Thomas and I decided to have some more fun. We had a few more drinks and played some more games. Eventually we went back to our rooms."
"Clearly not separate rooms," he muttered.
I smirked at him. "Are you jealous?"
Pursing his lips, he looked away. "No," he muttered after a while.
Chuckling, I dropped my head back and stared up at the ceiling. I wished Severide wasn't putting so much space between us. I wished I could close the space between us and kiss him again.
"Kieran?"
"We stopped outside my room and I was about to go in when he stopped me. I can't even fucking remember what he asked me."
"Who made the first move?"
I licked my lips. "He kissed me. I'll spare you all the gory details so in short we fucked. We spend the night together and most of the next day." I looked at him. "I don't know what happened."
"I noticed the tension between you on the flight and the few weeks after that you both made excuses not to hang out," he muttered. "Did you ever talk about. . . it."
"I tried but he didn't want to hear a thing. Thomas clearly stated that if I told anyone about what happened that he would make my life hell. I didn't want our friendship to end because of that so I pretended like nothing happened."
"I wish you would've told me about it."
I waved his words away and grabbed his glass but before I could down the contents, he grabbed the glass from me. Frowning, Severide stared down at it for a moment before he downed it too.
"You want to fuck me."
It was on the tip of my tongue to deny it but in the end I nodded at him. "Yes."
"Why?"
I blinked, caught off guard by his question. My lips parted but no words escaped.
"I'm not gay, Kieran," he muttered. "I've never had an interest in any man. I've never looked at one like I look at a woman. I've never thought of. . . fucking another man."
Severide stood and walked over to the window where he stood for a moment before he turned to look at me. His lips parted but he pursed them again and then hesitated.
"We've been friends for years and I don't want to ruin it because you want to experiment." He pointed a finger between us. "I'm not going to lie and say that I don't feel anything because I do. I feel the attraction and sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be with you like that, but I'm not willing to risk our friendship."
He gave me a small smile but it quickly faded. Reaching up, he ran a hand down his face and then let it drop to his side with a small sigh. Severide turned as if to walk away but he changed his mind and walked over to me instead.
"You mean the fucking world to me, Kieran," he said softly, "but I don't want to ruin it by doing something that might not last."
Words rose in my throat but I swallowed them down. Wasn't it worth the risk though? It could go two ways; thing could either work out or it couldn't. Our friendship wouldn't be ruined because I wouldn't allow it to happen.
I gave him a stiff nod and looked away.
"Kieran—"
"I get it," I interrupted him.
"I'm sorry."
Pursing my lips, I looked away from him. The sudden urge to run hit me. I wanted to be anywhere but with him at the moment. Swallowing, I got up but I'd only taken two steps when he gripped my arm to stop me.
"You can sleep in one of the guest's rooms."
"I'm not drunk." My eyes darted up to his. "I have shit to do."
I pulled my arm from his hold and hurried out of the house. Severide followed me to the front door but he didn't try to stop me again. He watched as I climbed onto my bike and pulled out of the drive way.
There was only one place I could go to clear my head.