"Those people in the truck were the people who killed Kyle?" I was surprised. They didn't seem like the type of people to do that. I decided I didn't want any negative influences or thoughts in my life. My father came to live with me; he moved in quite fast, especially while I was going through the stages of grief.
I missed Kyle and sat at the window for days, completely emotionless, unable to cry. It was like I was screaming from inside to be let out. I didn't feel like eating. I just wanted to end my own life, my suffering. My father would barge into my room many times an hour to ensure I hadn't done anything, such as self-harming or wild things. I felt completely numb.
I was young and naive and believed that love was a one-time thing. Also, not to mention, Lee reminded me of Kyle every time I was around him. I couldn't just date Lee after Kyle. It wasn't right. I wanted to remain friends, because it would show more respect for Kyle.
I stopped talking to my only friends, Marissa and Lee. Because I am almost positive Marissa was sleeping with Lee and Lee because he reminded me too much of Kyle, and I couldn't be reminded of that pain by something they did.
That nothingness. I guess this is how I should have felt when I lost my grandma, but this death was sudden; I had not expected it. With Kylina, she got older, and I was expecting it, maybe not so soon, but I was. When somebody dies suddenly, it's a different pain than if you knew they were dying.
I felt the same way with my mother when she was here, but she wasn't around for me to talk to most of the time. She was always out in the world doing God knows what.
I always thought about these things in my darkest times, when I only got out of bed to go to the bathroom. People told me it would get better and that there were other fish in the sea, but I wouldn't have believed it. Nobody believes it. The thing is that time has moved past, and they are more distant from their pain than someone it just happened to. Time is the only thing that heals because you get used to that person, and your memory wanes.
I was stuck at one time-the time when I saw Kyle dead in that vehicle. My father knocked at my door, "Kylie; somebody is here to see you."
"Tell Marissa I don't want to talk," I shouted with a stuffy nose. I was furious with her because of what she lied to me about.
"It is not Marissa." the voice said.
"Tell Lee the same thing," I said in response to the voice.
"It's not Lee." The voice said once again.
"Then who is it?" I was confused because I didn't talk to many girls and genuinely didn't know who it was.
"Why don't you come to see for yourself?" Repeated the voice.
"No, I don't feel like it," I grumbled and sighed. I just wanted to be alone to have time to process everything I had been through.
"Kylie, please let me in; I would like to talk to you and help you," said a familiar voice.
"Huh?" I didn't need help, or maybe I did, so I gave it a little thought.
"Kylie, I have been there before!" explained the voice.
"What do you mean?" I looked mysteriously at the door.
"Just let me in, and I will explain everything." I unlocked my door and let her in. She saw my room in complete disarray, with clothes piled up in the corners, my drawers out of my dresser, and my bed with missing pillows. There were candy wrappers all around my bed, and there were also water bottles everywhere.
"Wow, your room is messy for once; in class, you were always the clean freak," she explained. I was very upset about how she insulted me about something I barely cared about. She should have understood everything that I had been through.
"Yeah, I went through some things in my personal life," I explained. I saw the empathy in her eyes; she was so sympathetic toward everything I had been going through, almost as if she could walk in my shoes.
"I heard," she said, nodding her head.
"From who?" I questioned.
"The news," she answered.
"What do you mean?" I interrogated.
"So this is going to sound downright creepy. Okay? But bear with me. I was obsessed with you, so I have been watching you since you met Kyle. I found out you two were dating when I saw Lee at school. I was kind of upset about the situation. We talked, and he told me he had secrets he couldn't tell anybody, even me. I thought maybe he would tell you the secret. Perhaps he didn't. "
She continued, "Your friends have tried to be kind, but you are kicking them to the curb. Marissa has been your best friend for life, and you'll let something ruin that? Lee doesn't deserve you treating him this way. He loves you, and you're not giving him the time of day. What's up with all that? And when you haven't been to school, everybody has been asking about you, and I saw the news. I'm sorry for your loss."
"What do you mean secret? And Marissa was sleeping with Lee, which is why I'm not talking to her. That's against our friendship. Lee reminds me of Kyle too much. I can't stand the pain I am always in around him because of the similarities between the two. Why would anybody ask about me? I was the girl who was shy at the back of the classroom."
"Marissa sleeping with Lee? Lee has told me he only likes you and stayed away from you because your mother threatened him after you guys had sex. Also, maybe you should tell Lee instead of leaving him in the dark. You dated Lee. Everybody in school now cares about you, and they wonder where you are. Not to mention you brought in a lot of happiness wherever you went just by you being you. I'm not saying you have to listen to me at all. In my past, I have been the one to lose somebody suddenly; having somebody there to guide me helped."
"You don't know what it's like having a love relationship."
"I loved my father very much, and it almost broke me when he died. He was a good influence in my life. My mother died in third grade, and because of that, I became a very insecure person. My father was both parents in raising me."
"Okay, and..." I said ignorantly, not wanting to hear Neisha anymore and get back to my grief.
"Having people there helped me get through it; I had Leah. You have Lee, Marissa, and myself to help you if you accept the help. Even if you don't want my help, at least try and reach out to them because they may be going through things, and they will need you too."
"Why did you come to my aid first? You hated me for the longest time, and now you don't hate me; you're going to "help" me? And help me get through everything that is going on in my life. Why? I haven't been helpful to you, so why would you help me?"
"You see, I realized that no matter what you went through not too long ago, life goes on, and things happen for a reason. Also, I know your mother is gone now, and I can relate to that in a way you can't. I want to help you, so get up and get ready; we are going shopping." "Yeah, right." I lay there laughing, rolling my tear-filled eyes.
"No, I mean it!'' She went to the other room and grabbed the comb. She started combing my messy hair. Yes, I had bedhead. I haven't brushed my hair in a week. I didn't feel up to it. After she was done brushing my hair, she told me to get ready. I used my dry shampoo and dry showering items. I instantly felt a little better after taking care of myself.
"I gotta ask my father," I proclaimed to Neisha.
"Okay, I'll wait here," she sat on the couch.
I knocked on his door, "Dad?"
"Yes?"
"Can I go to the mall?"
"Can you what?"
"Go to the mall?"
"Finally, of course; what time will you be back?"
"She will text you," shouted Neisha from across the hall.
"Okay, have fun, be safe."
"Okay, I'm ready," I said as I smiled at my looks.
"You ready, Kylie?" she questioned me.
"Look out, world, here I come!" I looked at myself in the mirror dangling from the wall. I got into Neisha's car and had always dreamed of riding in a sweet convertible like this.
"Where to?"
"Any mall."
"You're a mall girl?" She questioned me as she turned her head sideways.
"Yeah, I love the mall."
"Maybe if we had met under different circumstances, you wouldn't have had to leave public school. I am so sorry that we did that to you. Not that it's an excuse, but we were so young. We were all just trying to fit in at all costs. I was trying to be "cool" at your expense. I am so sorry."
"That was a long time ago. We buried that bone a long time ago already. Maybe I wouldn't have, but maybe I still would have. But let's focus on this day. This fantastic stress-free Saturday morning.''
"Let's go downtown Las Vegas, and then we can go by the strip and take pictures and everything."
I agreed with her. Even though it was a two-hour trip. I just sat on my phone, scrolling through one website until it got boring. Then I scrolled through another, watching short videos. We arrived by the Grand Canyon; I just looked out the window. "Wow, it sure is beautiful," I said, looking out at the Grand Canyon.
"Yeah, it is! Ever been here before?" she pointed her hand at the grand canyon and smiled at me.
"No, I've gone to Bunga bay, but I couldn't do anything." I shrugged my shoulders. I wanted to take my mind off Kyle's smile, but I couldn't. I stared outside my window at the land horizons and couldn't even think about art. I was sickened.