Heyo bubs! I'll be back on schedule within the next couple weeks, been busy with getting trying to get adulthood back in order.
I will be releasing a oneshot related to what happened in ch. 363 of the manga soon, so look out for that if you're interested (〜￣▽￣)〜
Love you guys, and always thanks for the support <3
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Katsuki woke up late today.
He knew he was the only one to blame; he'd slept late after all. He wanted to shift the blame on Hina for his sleeplessness. Wanted to complain how her turmoil brewed guilt and made it impossible for him to find any momentary peace.
But he found himself unable to do so. Not when he was the one responsible for the mess in the first place.
He huffed an exasperated breath, rubbed his traitorously puffy eyes and got up to get ready for the day within five minutes so he had a few to spare for breakfast.
When he was clad in his hero suit, he grabbed a duffle he took to the agency whenever he planned on coming late. Not that he was planning on coming late. He'd see based on how the empathy link was faring then.
He rolled his shoulder once, and opened the door, dreading yet somehow ready to face her impending rage bubbling under his and her skin.
However, he wasn't ready for the scent of sweet chocolate pancakes to hit him like a wall in his path. With a sniffle and peer over the railing, he stomped his way downstairs, slightly shrinking the closer he got to the kitchen.
Because the empathy link was one way of feeling her anger. The bitter, spicy scent of cinnamon and coffee overpowering his sinuses was the other.
He kept his gaze low, but when he reached the foot of the staircase, he couldn't help but look up and glance to where she stood. Her back was to him, but a stack of pancakes were plated on the island, his cup of black coffee right next to it too.
Last time they had pancakes, she'd teased him till his ears were red. Now she was giving him the colder shoulder that made his lungs freeze in fear of the extent of how much he'd ruined his relationship with her.
Just when they'd finally gotten to an understanding, finally worked out their differences, they were back to the distance they had six weeks ago.
He could've left through the front door. But Hina making breakfast, no matter how her emotions were, was her offering an olive branch. An offering that Katsuki could never let go. Not when she'd taken the first step when it was clearly his responsibility to do so. Just how much more pathetic could he get.
So he steered off his course to the front door and to the kitchen. Gruffly, he dropped the duffle beside his stool, and sat with a demure posture. He shoveled the pancake slowly, sipping coffee between bites and not meeting her gaze in shame. So much shame.
But also because he could sense the breakfast was more than a peace offering. It was meant to keep him at home for a little longer. For a conversation perhaps.
He could feel how she wanted so desperately to do something but distrust, wretched, twisted distrust was stopping her. So he continued eating slowly, almost at a snail's pace, all to give her the time she needed.
He glanced at the time on the microwave and he saw he was running late. But he stayed and waited for her to start what she wished to start. It was the least he could do.
When he was half way through his pancake and only a few sips down his coffee, she sighed as she plated the last pancake for herself and closed the stove while taking off his- now her apron.
"I don't forgive you." She said, turning around and staring him down. "But I refuse to let this- whatever happened yesterday- corner me like it did in the past. So we will work around it, instead of against it."
Katsuki looked up, his eyes finally meeting hers and nodded in agreement, his voice still lodged in his throat.
She huffed in annoyance and his shoulders slump further. "Since your command said I can't leave alone, I'll leave with someone you trust. I'll do this for two days and then I'll try to leave alone. We'll see what to do after that."
He swallowed, nodding in agreement again, his eyes flitting from her patronizing, angry gaze to his plate and back to her.
She clenched her jaw, pointing at him, her voice soft yet sharp at the same time.
"You have to verbally say you agree. My inner omega won't listen otherwise."
His eyes widened and she nodded in irritation. "Yeah, my inner omega isn't fighting back like she was with Sti- Dabi's voice."
He cleared his throat, and swallowed saliva down his dry throat while trying not to whimper from the disgust she felt. Even though he doesn't know exactly what disgusted her, it wasn't too hard to assume it was he himself that caused it.
"You can leave with someone I trust today too, Hina. You don't have to wait two days. But-" He exhaled, meeting her eyes with a desperation that left her lips parted in shock despite the anger still in her tense brows. "-can you let me know who you're gonna go with? And where? We still have a traitor in the ranks."
She sighed, frowning and tears welling at her waterline. "I don't exactly have a choice, Katsuki." She said bitterly and he flinched from how the words slapped him. "Not after you used your voice-"
"You do." He interrupted, "That's why I'm asking if you're willing to. If ya don't wanna, I'll take away the condition. I just-"
"That's okay." Her voice was tired and her hands shook as she hugged herself. "I understand."
Even if I don't want to, were her unsaid words he understood.
He nodded, freezing when she left a seat empty between them, and feeling the dread spread across his chest when her warmth was nowhere near him.
With a hollow breath he ate his breakfast that tasted like cardboard.
This was torture. But his consequences lead to this.
And he knew that he deserved it all.
-----
The agency was too normal today. Patrol was uneventful, there were no updates on the investigation with Nakamura Enterprises, and any leads on the NVA were nil.
It didn't matter much to Katsuki. Not when he could feel Hina's emotions the whole day. The spurts of discomfort in his own skin, the hatred bubbling into anger and sudden waves of deep foreboding depression were all echoes of a past he wished to suppress. But knowing they came from Hina's darkest emotions, the guilt of his own shortcomings was enough for him to give the little comfort he could through the link.
He called the empathy link shitty in the past. But now he's grateful for it since it gave him a chance to reach out and hopefully sear the open wound before it was too late.
Annoyance scratched in his lungs, annoyance that didn't belong to him but to her. His push and pull out of her misery must've been the cause.
Before he could further ponder on the rope-like empathy link they were wrestling over, his phone pinged.
He picked it up, and noticed the notification was from Hina. A text message from her.
going to the gym with Mina
taking my gym card
also stop playing tug of war
If the circumstances were different, Katsuki would have belted out a laugh, and would've responded with an equally witty text. Instead he replied with a simple response.
Sorry. Have fun with Pinky.
She left his message on read, and Katsuki found himself smiling bitterly at the screen. Because he didn't blame her one bit. Not when he deserved the worst of it all.
Suddenly he felt a tug in the empathy link, felt remorse and self doubt prickle his eyes. Most of all he felt an emotion most foreign to him. He felt sympathy and understanding.
He knew it was Hina's emotions he was feeling, knew it was her troublesome understanding he was subjugated to experiencing. It was akin to pity and yet he knew it was something much more kind and warm than that.
That warmth, that grace and humanity was something he found ever grateful for receiving; yet, at the same time, he found himself unable to fully appreciate it.
Not when he was undeserving of her and all her compassion.
A knock on the door forced him to push all of it aside as he put up the mask of indifference he always kept up at work. He'd go through the motions for now. Until he finds a way to tear the wall between him and her.
"Come in," He sighed, slumping in his leather chair and tucking his phone into his pocket.
And he faced what came next for this too normal day at the agency.
-----
Hina punched the leather bag filled with sand thrice before shouting in frustration. The pain on her knuckles wasn't enough to smite the darkness creeping within.
"Girly," Mina said, crossing her arms and watching Hina kick the bag and wince while hopping on one leg for bad form. "If ya don't tell me what happened, I can't help."
"It's nothing."
"Even with yer scent blockers on, I can tell somethin' is terribly between ya and Bakubro."
Hina scowled, grumbling under her breath while standing in front of the bag again. She nodded her head, gesturing to Mina for holding the bag in place and let her punch her frustrations out on the bag.
"Nothing happened between me and Bakugo."
Mina heaved an exasperated breath. "Ya callin' him Bakugo tells me plenty."
"He deserves to be called Bakugo. You should be on my side for this."
"I would if I knew what this was, I'd be on yer side."
Hina punched the leather again, grunting when she felt her knuckles split from the impact. Finally, she could feel pain that wasn't caving a hole in her chest, that wasn't making her question her own feelings while being muddled with his.
"If I told you, you might punch him. And he would even say thank you." Hina's eyes burned, the memory of Katsuki's depression she wasn't accustomed to making her more sympathetic for the alpha trash he was yesterday.
"Ya sure ya don't want me to punch him?" Mina gave a determined glare for show. "I'll do it gladly. Eiji would too."
Hina nodded in denial, still punching the bag in rhythm. "I don't want him to go down that hole again."
Mina hummed, "Bakubro's depression hole is no joke. Sometimes ya can't even tell he's down there until he breaks down."
Hina's eyes widened, and she froze while her lungs stilled with breath.
"Break down?" She asked with worry laced on her tongue. "How does he-"
"He fights Deku-chan. Or he goes too far in a fight against a villain and wins at the cost of his body." Mina grimaced from a memory of their time in UA, and Hina's eyes only water with more concern. "He hasn't done anythin' extreme recently, but that's cause he's never let himself get that hurt emotionally anymore." Her golden irises then glowed with a sudden realization. "Ya felt him dive huh?"
Hina recalled his fights with the sludge villain, how he gave it his all and still ignored getting the medical attention he needed. She recalled him in the hospital, all those scars and those injuries that he usually wore with pride and now he'd hide a few from even her. She recalled falling into that abyss so quickly when she blurted that question in anger, when he realized just how much he hurt her when trying to protect her.
She exhaled a shaky breath, unwrapping the cloth between her fingers and hisses as the red bled through the white.
"I'm worried that he'll self-destruct." She confessed, "He was at fault, but the guilt he felt was astronomical. And yet-" Another shaky exhale, and a tear fell from her lashes. "I still find it hard to forgive him."
Mina hummed again, holding Hina's hand and putting ointment on the cuts between her knuckles. "If Bakubro was at fault and he knows it, I think ya both just need some time and space to figure things out. You not wantin' to forgive him is completely fair on yer part. But if yer findin' yerself forgivin' him in the near future, it's okay to do so. At the end of the day, if ya forgive him, ya will be healin' from moving on." She sighed, wrapping a bandage on Hina's hand.
"I'm worried he thinks he isn't worthy of being my mate." Hina whispered, hissing when the cuts sting from the pressure of the binds.
"Then he needs to figure out that that ain't the truth."
Hina hummed then, "I guess I'll have to pull him out of his emotionally constipated ass."
Mina chortled, "Ain't that the spirit."
Hina found herself smiling after a long time. Mina was truly a great friend to have in these difficult times. Especially when Hina found herself at such a loss with the conflicted feelings of both his and hers, of all those emotions she was flitting through.
"Hello, ladies. Everything good?"
Hina tilted her head up, seeing Aoi come closer with his blinding smile and charismatic aura.
"All good Aoi-chan." Mina said cheerfully, "Just declarin' Bakubro is an emotionally constipated fool."
Aoi belted out a laugh and Hina eyed him with curiosity. She's only met the man a handful of times, but from considering how close all the heroes were to him, he must be someone they trusted. Someone Katsuki trusted.
"What are your thoughts on Katsuki?" She asked suddenly, the impulse to question the gym regular overtaking her usual quiet. "On how he trusts the people in his life?"
He smiled, holding his jaw with mock consideration. "Well, Bakubro seems very untrusting of others with his standoffish behavior and his bursts of anger." His smile morphed into a grin, his eyes glinting with something that made Hina's nerves buzz with caution. "But he trusts his gut instinct more than anything. And if his gut gives him the okay with someone, he usually doesn't doubt them."
Mina giggled, pulling Hina from the small fright she felt. It was most probably Katsuki facing something at the agency again.
"That sounds just like Bakubro all right."
Aoi's teeth flashed again, his smile kind and friendly. Almost as if that switch of character was something Hina made up. Katsuki's paranoia must really be rubbing off on her.
"If you really need help with his emotionally constipated disposition, just give him a cup of sweet and hot cocoa." Aoi bent down to whisper to the pair with a mischievous tone. "He pretends to hate them when he really does love sweet things."
Mina cackled, grabbing Hina's arm and started to retell a story of how Katsuki once devoured a cake because it was phenomenally sweet. Aoi then joined with another story of how Katsuki once drank three sweet slushies in a contest and detested the brain freeze right afterwards.
Soon after a flurry of stories, Hina couldn't stop the laughter that bubbled from her chest, and momentarily forgot the turmoil she's been feeling since yesterday.