"Layne's on the phone," Shana tells me, peaking her head through the crack of my door.
"Tell him I'll call him back," I mumble through crushed lips. Curled up in a fetal position in bed, I peak an eye open at her.
"You haven't called him back in two days," she reminds me, sucking her teeth.
Shana's right. Since Friday night, I've been ignoring Layne's calls. It's interesting going to bed mad at someone. Even though they're not with you, you hoped they would feel it. I wonder if Layne felt it.
I groan, "Fine, go tell him to fuck off."
"What happened between you two?"
I haven't told Shana what happened that night at the party. I fear she will tell me I was being dramatic, which might be a little true.
"Nothing...I'm just moody," I tell her. "I got my period last night," which is also true.
Shana crosses her arms over each other, "Do I need to beat Layne's ass?"
"No," I stiffly laugh. "Just tell him I'll call him back...please."
It was another lie but probably the quickest way I could get Shana to leave my room.
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
Still sulking in my bed, I think about me...and Layne. I think about sex with him. His smell. His lips. His smile. His voice. His warmth. I miss him. I really, really miss him.
Sighing, I sit up and massage the tense muscles caused by staying in one spot for hours.
But he doesn't feel the same way I feel.
As I massage my neck, my eyes travel to a piece of paper sitting on my nightstand. The edge of the paper lifts, waiting to get elevated into the air.
Chris...I should call him.
He's probably worried about me...with how I left him.
No, he isn't.
I mean, he did look pretty worried.
Because you were about to bawl your eyes out to him in his car.
....Fuck you.
Rolling my eyes at mainly myself, I snatch the piece of paper off the nightstand and get up from my bed. Good thing Shana is nowhere in sight when I leave my bedroom and roam to the living room. I love her, but I just can't talk to her right now.
Grabbing the cordless phone, I sit on the couch. I stared at the dials for a minute before glancing at the piece of paper and dialing the number Chris gave me.
I should hang up. Yeah, I definitely should hang up, I thought to myself as his number rang.
"Hello?" oh fuck, he answered.
"Hey...it's Andrea."
I hear Chris smile through the phone, "Oh hey, I was hoping you would call."
"You were?" I ask him, finally relaxing on the couch.
"Yeah, you got me a little worried," he chuckles lightly.
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"It's fine. How are you feeling?"
"Good...much better," I lie. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm okay."
"Is that all you wanted to tell me?" he asks, hinting at something.
"Yes...and I wanted to tell you to thank you...for bringing me home." A ticking sound becomes more apparent. I look around the living room for a moment before locking eyes with the loud ass clock hammered to the wall.
I then hear some shifting around on the other end before Chris says, "So you and Layne...."
"Me and Layne," I sigh, though a smile slowly appears on my lips.
"Are you two dating or just having fun?" Chris then asks me. I rub my right eye, not sure of how to respond. "You don't have to answer; I'm just curious."
"...I don't know what we are," I confess.
"I mean, that's fine too."
"Is it?" I whisper, clearing my throat a second after.
"Um...well, it depends on what you want."
Shana springs out of her bedroom and sees me on the phone."Who are you on the phone with?" she asks me. "Layne?"
I send daggers toward Shana, mentally telling her to shut up.
"What do you want?" Chris asks me as Shana tiptoe backward into her room.
"Everything," I say as it was the first word that came to my mind.
Chris laughs softly, "That's a lot."
Realizing what I said, I quickly try to change my response. "I mean-" I shut my eyes, trying to think of a better answer. "I just want to be happy."
"Are you...are you not happy?"
"I don't know why I said that," I laughed, eyes suddenly welling up. Shit. I shake my head at nothing. No one. "I'm so happy."
Chris is silent for a couple of seconds. Damn. He must think I'm crazy. The nervousness in me urges me to go on.
"I love Seattle....I love frogs."
"Frogs?" he asks, humor tossing in his voice.
I stare at my bracelet as the dead frog flickers in my head. It's dead eyes. Dead skin. Dead breath. Dead. Something is seriously wrong with me...
"I haven't really seen them before until I came here. I'm in love with them....It's like...it's almost as if I was supposed to meet them."
"That's good, Andrea...that's good." I could tell Chris didn't understand a damn thing that was coming out of my mouth.
Layne flashes in my mind. I wonder if I was supposed to meet him as well...
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
From my bedroom, I hear someone knocking on the front door. Not wanting to get up, I yell to Shana to answer it. Almost like her life depended on it, her feet ran towards the door.
I turn the volume on my TV louder, not wanting to hear the sudden visitor. MTV plays popular music videos in front of me. I'm focused on a new Janet Jackson video until I hear soft knocks on my bedroom door.
I groan, getting up from the bed. The scent of cigarettes and cologne wafted over me when I yanked the door open. Layne stands in my doorway. Shit. Though I was a little excited to see him, I remember why I was pissed at him.
His blue eyes read something different. Literature I haven't had the chance to borrow from him yet.
"Hi," I squeak out in a dry voice.
"What's going on?" Layne straight-up asks me.
"What do you mean?" I ask, turning away from him. I walk back to my bed and sit on the edge. Layne comes into my bedroom and closes the door behind him.
"I mean, I haven't heard from you in days. How come you're not returning my calls?" I roll my eyes instead of answering him."Are you sick?"
"No." Looking down, I play with my fingers. Anger fogged my throat. I need to talk to him, but stubbornness keeps getting the best of me.
"Then what is it?" Layne stands in front of me; a pile of worry sits between his eyes.
"I have my period. But that's not why I've been ignoring you," I finally tell him, folding my arms.
"..Okay, then what-"
"Remember that party a couple of days ago?" I ask him. Layne creases his brows, nodding. "Remember when you just fucked me in the backseat of your car?"
"Andrea-"
"I don't like being used."
"I'm not-"
"And I don't want to be your fuck buddy."
"You're not-"
Standing, I hold a finger up, shushing his lips.
"I don't have sex with just anybody...I don't really, you know...hook up...I'm just not that type of girl, not that it's wrong or anything. I just get attracted too easily. And I already feel myself-I mean. I like you, but unless we're in a relationship, I can't-we can't-" I stop mid-sentence when I see him smirk, "I'm serious!"
Layne grabs my waist and pulls me to him. "I know."
With his hands still gripped on either side of my waist, I back up and create some distance between us.
"I don't want to be someone you can just call up and fuck."
Layne rolls his head back, "Andrea," he sighs. I raise a finger and flick him on his chest. "Ow," Layne says, looking down at me."Hey, no hitting."
"You're not listening to me."
"I am...I am. I'm sorry..You're not my fuck buddy...You're my girlfriend."
"I am?"
"Yeah..." And he seems confused at my question. "I...I didn't know you were waiting for me to ask you to be my girlfriend. I just assumed. Is that okay?" he asks, studying my face.
"No, I want you to ask me."
Layne smiles, "Will you be my girlfriend?" I look up at the ceiling, playfully questioning his question. Layne chuckles. "Don't do that....Will you be my girlfriend?" he repeats gently.
"Yes," I tell him, my cheeks filling up with warmth.
"Your turn."
"...Will you be my boyfriend?"
"Hell yeah," he says before giving me a deep kiss. I miss his lips."I'm sorry..." Layne rests his forehead on mine, looking at me through his long lashes.
"For what?" I ask, teasing him. Yes, I am fishing.
"For making you feel used and confused. That 100 and 10 percent wasn't my intention...I like you. I like you a lot."
"I like you too."
"Please don't ignore me again."
"I'm sorry. I just shut down when I'm...." I roll my eyes, "...mad...I need to work on it."
Layne softly chuckles, "I understand...but I want to be there for you when you're sad...or angry or whatever."
"I don't know what's wrong with me," I whisper, stroking his chin.
"There's nothing...but you have to talk to me."
I nod, licking my lips. "Okay."
Smirking, Layne attacks me with quick kisses around my neck, tickling me. We fall on the bed, his lips never leaving. I jump, trying to pull him off me.
"Alright, alright" With one last kiss, he stops and sits up, looking down at me.
I like him. Yes, I really really do like Layne. He's talented...so talented. That damn voice of his. Fuck, he's a rockstar. He's a ladies' man. Every girl out there with good taste wants to fuck him. Would he let them?
"What is it?" he asks, almost like he read my mind.
"....Will you be able to control yourself?"
Layne tilts his head, licking his lips."Control myself?"
"Like around other women."
"You're worried about me cheating on you."
"I'm sorry," I mumble, embarrassed for even thinking about that.
He laughs, "You say sorry a lot."
"I'm sorry," I roll my eyes for repeating it.
"Yes, I know how to control myself. I don't want to mess this up."
I wonder if he can keep his word. Just trust him, dummy.
"I don't want you to either," I giggle.
"So it's all up to me, huh?"
"Yup, so you better keep your dick in your pants."
"Oooh, keep talking about my dick," Layne laughs.
I snort, releasing an unattractive laugh.
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
I wake to my head nuzzled in Layne's chest. I feel his body about to stretch. Peaking my eyes open, I watch him stretch, sighing as he looks at his watch. He looks down, a smile tinted on his lips.
"I have to go," he says, softly taping my arm.
I whine, holding him down. "Do you have to?"
"I mean, I'm the singer."
"Jerry has a nice voice," I counter.
"He does," Layne agrees. Then, "Babe." I look up at him, his blue eyes drinking me in. "You have to let me go." No blue eyes; I don't want to. I want you to stay with me.
"Will you come back?" I ask, doubting he would miss an afterparty.
"Yes." and he means it. I can tell.
Finally, I release Layne from my arms. Getting up, Layne chuckles. "You're so damn cute."
I watch him put his boots back on, admiring him. I wish I could go to see Layne sing his ass off. But the red bitch is also kicking my ass. I get up as well, walking over to my dresser where my house key sits.
"Just in case I'm asleep by the time you come back," I tell him as I hand him my key.
"Thank you." Layne grins as he stuffs the key in his front pocket.
Leaving my bedroom, I walk him to the front door. Layne bends down to kiss me.
"Have a good show."
He smiles down at me, his eyes softer than I knew his eyes could be. With his one of his fingers placed under my chin, Layne lifts my head slightly and kisses me again.
I love his lips. I love them so much.
The thought then crosses my mind; Layne Staley is my boyfriend.