"Alright, what's my middle name?" Zoe leans against the high top table, arms crossed in a way that forces her tits up, and her mischievous grin tells me she knows exactly what she's doing. Zoe likes getting a rise out of me, and I like giving it to her just as much. She brings out a fun, playful side of me I haven't seen in years, and it feels good. Better than good, actually. Not only am I getting to know Zoe, I'm going to know myself again, too.
We're five drinks in at the little dive bar we ducked into, and she's gotten more daring with every sip. It's like I can almost see her guard dropping right in front of me. The concert was canceled, and we should have left hours ago, but neither one of us wants the night to end. That's why we've been sitting here playing this stupid twenty questions game, but I'm not complaining. Every moment I spend with her just keeps getting better, and I feel like I could do this all night.
Zoe's proud of herself. She thinks she's stumped me with a question I'll never guess. Her rain-soaked hair is almost dry, and she keeps trying to tuck it behind her ear, but it's no use—her curls are wild and beautiful. The alcohol makes her cheeks rosy red and her confidence soar, and I almost want to let her win. Almost.
Before our date, I did a little research on Zoe, and I've got this one in the bag, but she's not the only one who likes to play a little.
"Is it Elizabeth?" I furrow my brow, really selling the act.
She giggles, shaking her head. Her ankle brushes against mine underneath the table, and instead of moving away, she keeps it there, intertwining our legs.
"Renee?" I bite back the smirk I so badly want to give.
"How did you guess that??" Zoe's eyes widened, a sweet little pout settling on her lips when she realizes she's been beat.
I can't even relish in the victory, though, because she's too cute to lie to. One look into those big doe eyes and I'm ready to spill my guts to the girl.
"I have a confession to make." Am I actually about to admit this to her? I slam the rest of my beer, leaning forward. "I did a little research about you before our date. Zoe Renee Parker. Youngest of three girls. Born November 27, 1995 in Scottsdale, Arizona."
Zoe clicks her tongue. "You Facebook stalked me?"
"Hey, it could have been worse. I have friends on the police force and Brooks suggested I do a background check."
"Brooks... right. The man-whore friend with the gold star dating advice." She twirls a curl in his fingertips, angling her head to the side.
I don't even bother to correct her because her appraisal of him is pretty spot on. "Brooks can be a lot, but he's my best friend. You won't find a guy that has your back like he does."
"Is he on your team?"
I nod. "We came through the academy together. He's the one who pulled the guy out of the enclosure that day at the zoo. I promise, he's a lot better in person than I'm making him sound."
"I'll take your word for it... for now." She teases. "But when I meet him, don't think I won't set him straight."
"I won't stop you." I stumble over the words, because she just inadvertently said she wants to meet my friends. Before I make an even bigger fool of myself, I change the subject. "Sorry about the concert getting canceled. That's a bummer."
"Honestly, I couldn't care less about the concert," Zoe's nose scrunches adorably, and she gives me a nervous shrug. "I didn't even know what kind of music it was or if we were going to like it; I just got the tickets from work and wanted an excuse to hang out with you."
Her little admission gives me a confidence boost, and I reach across the table for her hand, shooting her a smirk. "For the record, you don't ever need an excuse. I'm glad you asked."
"Me too," Zoe blushes, biting back a growing smile. "And I'm pretty happy with the way things have turned out so far."
My thumb sweeps across the back of her hand. "So am I."
Over by the bar, there's a scuffle, and I turn to the commotion. It's just a couple of drunk guys with big mouths, and the bartender sorts it out himself by tossing both guys out the door. When I look back to Zoe, there's a half smile playing at her lips.
"Do you ever get tired of being on duty?" She asks.
I let out a sharp laugh., raising an eyebrow at her. "What do you mean?"
"Your head's been on a swivel all night. Like you're always looking out for a threat."
I like to think I hide it a little better than that, but Zoe reads me like a book and isn't afraid to call me out.
Captain isn't just my title, it's become my entire personality lately—both at home and at work. When Gwen told me she was pregnant, I pretty much had to grow up overnight and I haven't given much thought to it since. I'm the responsible one. The one in charge. The one everyone looks to for guidance and direction. It all lands on me, good or bad, and it's a heavy load to carry around. Maybe it's made me a little uptight, even a little paranoid, but it's so ingrained in me now, I'm not sure I even know how to relax. I can have fun and let loose for a while, but eventually, that need to control the situation takes over. Tonight is the closest I've come to really letting go in a long time.
Part of me wants to say that to Zoe, and I'm just drunk enough that I almost do, but at the last minute I think twice. "I guess it just comes with the territory."
"Do you ever get scared out on calls?" She asks, pressing her lips to the edge of her glass. Zoe isn't just interested in the glory of it, and that's refreshing. I can't remember the last time I had an honest conversation about my job with someone other than Brooks or Riggs. One where I didn't have to sugarcoat the job. One where I didn't have to downplay what I dealt with on a daily basis.
It doesn't make answering her question any easier, though. "Fear is kind of irrelevant in firefighting. It disguises itself as adrenaline sometimes, and you don't know until after the call. Once you get to the scene, you're just kind of in fight mode and have blinders to everything else. Like you've got one mission, and the rest is just noise. At least for me. But there was one time."
"What happened?"
"A few months ago, we were called to a five alarm five a few months ago. It was already way out of hand by the time my team got there, and we lost a lot of civilians. There were more trapped inside, but the chief gave the order to pull everyone out, but I..."
The memory hits me out of the blue, like a punch to the gut. It takes me by surprise, and for a minute I have a hard time catching my breath. It's like I can taste the heavy, poisonous smoke in my mouth again. Hear the roaring flames and the static of my radio as Morgan calls for everyone to evacuate. Feel the moment my stomach drops as the beam breaks and the floor gives out from under me. I'm free falling again, images of my boys flashing through my mind.
And then it all goes black.
It's not until Zoe gives my hand a tight squeeze that I jerk back to reality. I'm not lying on that cement floor bleeding out; I'm sitting in a loud and obnoxious bar with a beautiful girl and a cold beer in front of me.
"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Concern fills her face as she holds my hand, and she looks like she's about to cry just from my reaction.
I shake my head. "Sorry, it's just... I haven't really talked with anyone about it before now. I told you sometimes I make risky decisions... I didn't pull my guys. I gave them the option to stay, and they all did, so we went after the people still inside. We were sweeping everything, and the floor collapsed, and I took a pretty bad fall."
"How bad is bad?" Zoe presses her lips together.
"Bad like two punctured lungs, a shattered leg, and a small brain bleed." I let out a sharp laugh.
Zoe's eyes widened. "Oh my god, Tanner."
"It sounds worse than it was." I assure her. "I'm as good as new now, but that was the only call I've ever really been scared on. Obviously, I couldn't move, and all I could do was lay there and wait for my team to come get me. Everyone was evacuated, so it took longer than usual, and that entire time, I thought I was going to die. I could feel the blood pooling around me and the only thing I could think about was Lucas and James. And I was scared for them, and what it meant if I died. It still haunts me."
Jesus, now I know I've had too much to drink. I barely know Zoe, and I just spilled one of my deepest, darkest secrets to her. Something I've never spoken to anyone about. Not my family. Not my friends. Not my therapist. Hell, I've barely admitted to myself what that experience was like.
"Boy, do I know how to put a damper on a date or what?" I laugh it off, shaking away the heaviness of the conversation.
"I don't mind at all." Zoe insists, her voice soft. "In fact, I like knowing how your mind works. And I admire how much you care about other people, but you've heard that saying about the oxygen mask, right? You can't help others unless you help yourself? That's a lot to go through, and it wasn't very long ago. Maybe you should give yourself a little more time."
This has gotten deeper than I intended to go tonight with Zoe, and I need to get us back on track. Lifting her hand, I put it to my lips and kiss it. "I appreciate your concern, but I'm okay. I promise."
Zoe opens her mouth like she's got more to say, but I don't give her a chance.
"Now, come on." I stand up quickly, pulling her towards the dance floor. "It's not as good as a live band, but I've been dying to get you out you out here all night."
We spend the next few hours spinning around on the dance floor and sobering up enough to drive home. Zoe's smile is enough to make me ignore my two left feet and we have the time of our lives laughing and dancing together, and when the lights come up and they announce it's closing time, my heart drops a bit.
The entire night has passed, but it felt like only minutes with Zoe in my arms, and I can't believe it's over already. I've got it bad for this girl, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.
When we get ready to leave, we huddle around the door, waiting for the perfect break in the rain. It's been pouring all night, though, and shows no signs of stopping soon.
"Here." I take my jacket off, offering it to her. "Let's make a run for it. The truck isn't too far."
Zoe nods, slipping it over her shoulders and taking my hand.
"Ready?" I ask one last time before darting out into the rain.
It's rained so long there are puddles all over the sidewalk, and I avoid them as best I can, but it's not much use. It's almost comical at this point, and by the look on her face, Zoe finds it as funny as I do. By the time we get back to the truck, we're both soaking wet and I fire up the engine.
The drive to home is quick without all the traffic, and when I pull up in front of her house, we get a moment of reprieve from the rain. Her fingers are interlaced in mine and our hips brush against each other as I walk her to the door.
"Do you want to come inside?" Zoe offers, a seductive smile toying at her lips as she fumbles with her keys.
Yes. Hell yes, I do. But that's exactly why I can't.
"Not tonight." I shake my head.
Zoe gives me a strange look, my rejection stinging a bit, and she starts to backtrack. "Oh, okay. Sorry, I just..."
Before she can talk herself into the wrong conclusion, I grab her hand.
"I can't come inside because if I come inside, we both know where that's going to lead. And I want to do this the right way. I want to give you the kind of relationship you deserve, and I don't want to mess anything up, so I'm just going to say goodnight tonight. But don't for a single second think it's because I don't want to follow you in there and lay you down and fuck you. It's because I respect you, and I want this to work out."
For a second, my chest tightens at the realization that this could be more than just fun. That I want it to be more than just fun. I'll be the first to admit how rash and irresponsible that is so soon, but I can't even help it. The girl is so effortlessly cool and interesting, and I'm falling for her hook, line, and sinker.
My stomach turns with a sensation I'm not used to. At least not used to getting from another person.
Usually it happens when I'm standing on the edge of a vicious blaze. Kind of like I'm about to do something crazy, possibly even stupid, but I'm steamrolling forward, anyway. It's adrenaline. Excitement. A rush. A natural high that fires me up from my soul.
I put my hand to Zoe's cheek, brushing my thumb along her jawline as I press her back against her door. I plant my free hand on the wall next to her, almost pinning her in place, and she swallows, her ocean eyes locked on mine. I lean forward and a flash of excitement sparkles in her eyes, and I know she wants this just as much as I do.
The kiss is like whiskey—a slow burn at first and then warming me from the inside out. It's a rush that goes straight to my head, nearly knocking me off of my feet and leaving me desperate for more. It's been weeks of pent up anticipation and it blows every expectation I had out of the water. Fireworks. Stars in my eyes. Red hot passion. The whole shebang. It's so good it hurts.
As I intertwine my fingers in her hair, my cock twitches, hardening against my jeans. Our bodies are pressed against each other, fitting together like we were designed for nothing else, and I know if I don't stop this soon, there will be no coming back. For a second, I consider how easy it would be to cross that line. She obviously wants it, too, but she deserves more, and that's exactly what I'll give her. When I finally pull away, Zoe's hand settles on my chest.
"Are you sure you don't want to come inside?" The flush in her cheeks intensifies as she tries to catch her breath.
I smirk, brushing my lips against hers one more time before walking toward the truck. When I glance back, she's standing in the same position I left her, reeling and shocked that I'm actually leaving.
"Goodnight, Zoe."