THERE ARE MENTIONS OF SA IN THIS CHAPTER
When I wake up, the clock reads seven in the morning and we're in the same spot we were in when we fell asleep. I feel bad because Geo's been sitting up for five hours straight, holding me.
I carefully un-straddle my legs and tap him, "Geo. Lay down before your back gets messed up."
He wakes up ugly as hell and it makes me laugh a little.
"I was fine. I wanna keep holding you." he groans as he reaches out for me.
"You can hold me after you lay down but I don't want your big headed ass to be walking on a damn cane at thirty years old."
He finally opens his eyes, "rude." and then lays down.
When I lay down, I make sure I face him so I can hug him.
"Aw, you love me?" he smiles as his chin rests on my head.
"You wish."
____
The next morning:
I slept good last night next to Geo. I always do. He's like my personal dream catcher. But I'm still up thinking about my mother and that guy. I didn't make amends with my mother before she died and that guy just won't leave my head. I don't know why either.
I'm laying in bed, rubbing Geo's cheek as he sleeps while staring at the blank wall, thinking about this. What do I do about my mind? I can't keep living like this. Geo isn't gonna be here 25/8 to keep these nightmares away. I have to get over it. So he won't get annoyed or feel like he has to be with me. I have to get over it for him.
"What's the matter? You've been staring at the wall for an hour." Geo groans.
"You were up?" I question.
"Not really, no... but at the same time, yeah. What's on your mind, princess?"
We're in a relationship now so I should tell him these things. But what would he think if I told him that I'm going fucking crazy because my mother told me she hated me and I almost got raped? He'd probably look at me like I was dumb. I probably would too. It's not that big a deal so I'll just leave it alone and Google something later.
"Nothing. Just thinking. About everything."
That wasn't a total lie.
"About me?"
"Sure..." I joke.
He laughs, "shower?"
"Yeah."
We're in the shower now and we aren't doing anything besides cleaning ourselves. It's kind of nice to be this kind of intimate. No sex, just him and I. Although, sex would be an add-on that I wouldn't refuse.
My mind keeps racing and racing though. It's the same thing every nightmare. My mother and that guy. I know it's getting annoying to hear but it's all I know right now.
"Princess," Geo waves his hand in front of my face.
"Oh, huh? Yeah, what's wrong?" I snap out of thought.
"That's what I'm trying to ask you. What's going on with you, baby? Talk to me." he rubs my chin.
I really don't wanna tell him.
"Nothing. Just thinking about Daddy and Kai... and you." I lie.
"Because I have to meet that girl?" he questions.
I actually haven't been thinking about that. Lin's right. I should trust him... but I should say yeah.
"Yeah."
"I told you that I don't want her. I heard about what she did to you so trust me when I say I won't fall for a girl like that. I love and want you. Only you." he kisses my forehead.
"Okay." I hug him.
The hug feels a little weird because I'm naked and wet but it's comforting so I don't mind.
____
We step out of the shower and he wraps my towel for me. "Thank you." I smile.
"Mhm." he wraps his.
We walk out into his room but I have to go to mine because I don't have clothes in here.
"Move in with me." he says as I open the door.
"I already live with you..." I say.
"No, princess," he smiles, "bring your clothes in here. I have an empty closet and dresser that has your name on it."
"Nah, that's too much and I'm lazy." I start walking again.
"I'll do it; I just want you in here with me for good."
"I'll think about it."
____
Geo's about to leave now. He looks nice too. I'm jealous that that she's gonna get to see him like this.
"I'll be back before eight tonight, okay? And if I'm not, call me." he says while rubbing my shoulders.
"But what if she sees my name in your phone? Then what?"
"Your name in my phone is Princess now. If she asks, I'll say it's my sister, alright? I love you, baby. I'll be back soon." he kisses my forehead and heads for the door.
"I love you too and be careful."
"I will." he leaves and closes the door behind him.
Now I can Google everything.
I walk upstairs into Geo's bedroom and grab his laptop. He left it password-less so I could use it.
I type into Google, 'how to get rid of sexual assault nightmares' and I see hotlines. The main thing that catches my eye is a website. It has the following steps:
•Reassure yourself that you're safe and the event is NOT happening right now
•Breathe slowly and clearly as you become aware of your safe surroundings
And the most difficult one:
•Talk to a family member or significant other
These all seem like they won't work. I don't wanna talk about it to anyone. It's so embarrassing.
"Shit," I murmur.
LIVE! I have to go live.
I look a little crazy right now. My hair is in a high bun but I didn't necessarily brush it and I'm in a thick grey champion sweatshirt with sweatpants. Yes, I have an unhealthy obsession with sweats and I'm not ashamed to admit it.
I start the live on my PC, "hey, buddies. What game are we playing today?" I question while surfing through the comments.
comments:
"play through season 1 of TWD!"
"oooo yeah^^"
"yuuuuus. I wanna see Lee."
"Oh, I've played TWD already... not on live though so I'll play through it again. How about this; I play an episode every other day until we finish the season. Is that okay with you guys?"
They all reply yes.
I click replay on the game and start the first episode.
I got to the part when the car flips on the road and the driver turns to a zombie when the comments went wild,
comments:
"who is that behind you?"
"Kia... turn around"
"no no no! don't turn around"
"What the hell are y'all talking about?" I ask in a whisper. I'm scared to turn around.
comments:
"there's a guy in all black standing behind you."
"Kia please be careful"
I'm scared. Please no. I start hyperventilating really bad. My chest is tight and my hands are shaking. I don't wanna turn around.
I can't breathe.
comments:
"LMFAO WE WERE KIDDING"
"anyone else mad concerned as to why she seemed so calm?"
"yeah, i am. OMG IS YOUR DAD A MAFIA LEADER?"
"That was fucked up." I say out of anger.
comments:
"y'all she just cussed.."
"what the hell did we do?"
"omg."
"We Messed Up So Bad"
"I'm taking a break from streaming for a while. Bye." I end the live.
I know it's not their fault but I really can't. My hands are still shaking and I'm still nearly breathless. I'll call Kai.
I pick up my phone and dial his number in the key pad while consistently shaking my other hand.
"Hello?"
"Ka-"
"Nah, I'm just playing this my voicemail. I'll call you back though!" and then there's a beep.
I don't know if Daddy has his phone back or not so I'll call Sully.
The phone rings for a while and I almost lost hope but he picks up, "hey, Key. What's up?"
"S-sully. I'm having a panic attack and I need you to talk... to me." I stutter.
"Okay, Key. Uh, how's everything going with you and Geo? Did you tell him how you felt? Are you two official?" he questions.
"Y-yeah... we made it official last night." I reply.
"Okay, good. Has he been treating you good?"
"Mhm." I catch my breath.
"Have you streamed yet?"
Damn.
"Yeah, that's why I'm like this. They pranked me and said someone was behind me and you know... with the work our family is in... I believed them."
"Oh, yeah. I get it, mama. Do you want me to come over?" he asks.
He really shouldn't.
"Yeah."
"I'll be there in ten, okay? Get a blanket, ice cream and pull up The Princess and The Frog on the tv." he says.
"Okay."
I did as he said and he literally got here in ten.
"You ready?" he questions while waiting to start the movie.
"Yeah." I'm lying down on the long part of the couch and he's sitting on the shorter side. I'm wrapped in a blanket burrito and his is just over his head.
I'm glad he pulled through for me.