The memories of my mother dying keeps on repeating in my mind again. When she closed her eyes. When she smiled for the last time. How she accept her destiny so easily...
Fear..
Fear is starting to invade my system.
The thought of.. losing someone for the second time scares me. It makes me tremble.
I sat beside my father's bed silently. His face is full of bruises. He looks exhausted and in pain. His back is full of scars. He's injured.
Just.. just what happen to you? You look fine when I last saw you. What happen inside those days that we don't know your whereabouts?
I heaved a sighed and leaned on the chair. I was breathing heavily. I put my hand on my lap and bit my lower lip so that I could stop myself from crying.
Mamá.. wherever you are..
Please... please protect Papá.. don't make him leave me too..
I shut my eyes firmly and sighed for the second time. I stood up and kissed Papá's hands and left the private room. It is already late. I need to go home.
"Kung sana ay ginawa mo na lang ang hinihinging pabor ng Papá mo.. wala sana siya sa ospital ngayon! Stupida!" she angrily shouted. "Nang dahil sa 'yo ay pinarusahan siya ng mga Vasiliev!"
Vasiliev's?
Pinarusahan?
Huh?
Didn't I told father that I already approved about his favor? Umiyak pa nga ako no'n habang tumakbo palabas ng opisina. Hindi ba niya narinig ang sinabi ko? Hindi ba niya sinabi sa mga Vasiliev na pumapayag na ako? Now I am starting to overthink about this matter.
I wanted to correct Carmina about her welcome speech but there is something in me that is trying to stop myself from speaking the truth. I'm a student lawyer for fuck's sake but I can't even defend myself! What is happening to me?
"You are such a burden to this family!" she said before walking out.
Burden..
Am I a burden?
Am I really like that?
Pabigat lang ba talaga ako?
Oh, I wasn't aware about that. Outdated kasi ako sa balita dito sa mansyon. Sorry ha?
I sat on my bed with a heavy feeling. It just.. bothers me so much. Did my father lied to the Vasiliev's to protect me? Or not? Right... why would he lie to them to protect me? There is no reason for him to do that. He does not care about me. He doesn't care about his own daughter... But why did he got punished? For what reason?
"Good job, Miss Mercedes.. you can take your seat.."
I sat on my chair and fixed my collar. I closed my eyes tightly before opening it again and shifted on my sit. I feel tired. Exhausted. Vulnerable
The Vasiliev's...
Carmina...
Papá...
"Ah, my head hurts.." I whispered silently and let out a big sigh before grabing a ballpen from my desk.
"Ang lalim no'n, ah. You okay?"
I was startled when someone spoke beside me. I almost forgot that I had a new seatmeat which is, Guiterez. Nag-exchange sila ng upuan ng katabi ko. Ewan ko ba.
"Yes, I'm fine, Guiterez." sabi ko at nagsimula ng magtala ng importanteng detalye.
"Ang pormal mo naman. You can just say my name, you know? Hindi naman mahirap bigkasin ang pangalan ko.." sinundot niya ang pisngi ko kaya nilingon ko siya at tinaasan ng kilay. I brushed off his touch and rolled my eyes.
"Just say the name Ma-te-o... Ma-te-o. Mateo.." he said and laughed.
He's like a brother teaching his little sister to pronounce his name. Hindi ko na siya pinansin at nakinig na lang sa lecture kahit ang utak ko ay lumilipad. I thought he would stop but he continued pestering me.
"Spanish ka ba?" Guiterez asked.
My brows furrowed because of his question. Anong ibig niyang sabihin no'n? I'm Spanish! Half nga lang. Bumuntong-hininga ako at nagdesisyong sabayan na lang ang kalokohan niya. I rest my hand on my lap and boredly answered.
"Bakit?"
"Kasi Spanish lahat ng babae sa ganda mo..." he laughed and opened his notebook. Spanish? I smiled a little when I got what he means.
"Ito pa.. wait.." he smiled, dimples showing. "Number one ka ba?"
Nagtataka man ay sinabayan ko pa rin ang kalokohan niya. "Why?"
"Kasi number one ka sa buhay ko! Ayiee..."
Confirmed! This guy is literally lowkey flirting with me. I shook my head and laughed because of what he said. He's quite funny. Is he trying to lift up my mood? 'Cause if yes, then he is helping.
"Meron pa.. teka lang.." he flip the page of his notebook and browse there. Did he somewhat wrote all of those in there?
"Kaya ba busy ka kanina kasi gumagawa ka ng ganito?" I asked while trying to peek on his notebook but he hid it. Tumango siya at ngumiti. His dimples are showing.. again. His eyes sparkled when he finally found something.
"Law ka ba?"
"Bakit?" I answered.
"Kasi ikaw lang ang aking law-luhuran habang buhay." humagikhik siya at parang siya pa ang kinilig sa sinabi niya. Natatawa naman akong umiling-iling. Congtratulations, Guiterez. You successfully lift up my mood.
It was past 4 when my class is over. I decided to go to the rooftop to refresh my mind. Mahangin doon. I like it there. When I arrived I immediately hold on to the railings and was about to climb on it when someone shouted.
"Miss.. we can talk about this.."
Nilingon ko ang lalaki, nagtataka. My brows furrowed while looking at him. Ako ba kausap niya? At ano ang ibig niyang sabihin?
"There is no reason to end your life.." he smiled at me softly while extending his arms carefully.
"Ha?" takang tanong ko, naguguluhan sa kanya.
He smiled and walk slowly towards me. Umatras ako at humawak sa railings kaya medyo nataranta siya. Is he crazy or what? Parang may sakit yata 'to sa utak. Kinikilabutan na ako dito. What if he can see things that a normal person can't see? Luminga-linga tuloy ako sa paligid ko.
"There are other ways to end your suffering without killing yourself. Suicide is not the answer for that..." aniya.
"Ah.." I slowly nodded and raised my brows. "Baliw ka yata.."
"I'm not crazy, okay? I'm here to help you."
"Help me from what?" humawak ako ng mahigpit sa railings dahil baka sa kakaatras ko ay mahulog ako dito. I don't want to die yet.
"From killing yourself.." tumigil siya sa paglalakad at taka akong pinagmasdan. "Plano mong magsuicide 'di ba?"
Napakurap-kurap ako. Is he serious? Baliw nga talaga ito. "I am not planning to kill myself, dummy. Nandito ako para magpahangin. Pero baka mamamatay na talaga ako kung patuloy ka sa kakalapit sa akin."
His mouth went agape. He shyly scratch his head before chuckling nervously.
"Ah, hehe. Akala ko kasi.. ano.." pahina ng pahina ang boses niya habang kinukurot ang likod ng palad niya. "Leche, ano ba 'yong pinagsasabi ko kanina?" I heard him said to himself.
I shook my head and chuckled while climbing on the railings. I sat on the railings and close my eyes to feel the calming wind. Somehow it refreshes my chaotic mind. I felt light a little. Naramdamam kong may tumikhim sa gilid ko kaya nilingon ko ito.
"Ano.. sorry kanina.. akala ko talaga.." huminga siya ng malalim at natawa ng mahina. "Alam kung hindi mo tinatanong pero.. ako nga pala si Khael Dixon.." sabi niya saka ngumiti.
Tumango ako at bumaba sa railings. "Sera. You can call me Sera."
"Sera is your name?" tanong niya.
"No. Palayaw ko lang." kinuha ko ang cellphone sa bulsa nang magbeep ito. I opened it and read the message.
From: Criselda
ate, go to the hospital now na! ASAP! dad is awake!
My eyes grows wide and immediately run. No one can describe how happy I am right now.
"Hey, wait!" a voice stop myself from running. Oh, right. I forgot about this guy.
"Palayaw mo lang 'yon? Then what is your real name?" hingal na tanong niya.
Hindi ko siya nilingon at umiling-iling na lang. "Search mo na lang sa google baka sakaling nando'n."
Hindi ko na siya pinagsalita pa at tumakbo na. Sumakay na lang ako ng taxi dahil wala na akong time magbook ng grab or tawagan ang driver sa mansion. The school and the hospital is near lang naman.
"Uh.. Kuya? Hindi po ito ang daan papuntang hospital.." I said when I noticed that we are taking the wrong road.
"Yes.. of course, Malysh.." a cold baritone voice answered.
Scared..
I could feel myself getting scared..
A different type of feeling...
My woman instinct is telling me that I am in great danger.
I tried to open the door but it won't open. I tried it once again but it still didn't work.
"Stop doing that, Malysh. It won't work." Mas lalo akong kinabahan nang hininto niya ang sasakyan sa isang liblib na lugar. "Now, let's get you to sleep."
But before I could speak, he injected me something that made my eyes heavier. Bago ako tuluyang makatulog ay naramdaman ko ang isang malambot na bagay na dumampi sa aking labi.
_ Clarus Ire