As morning light trickled into my room, I slipped out of bed and made my way to the window. I waited until I saw riders depart from the castle across the snow-covered ground. Until Richard disappeared from my sight, I stayed there until returning to bed.
Over the next few weeks, I worried about his mission. If my uncle rejected Lady Lucia, the repercussions would soon be known. It was hard to find news as my aunt arranged a winter's visit to one of our obscure cousins. It was better than returning to Usk and in a matter of days, my aunt managed to secure a promise that Eleanor and I could stay there until spring. The small country manor didn't hold a candle to Aunt Joan's castle, but it was still far better than the gatehouse.
It wasn't easy to get news until one visiting musician mentioned that the Earl of Kent had married in Southwark. That should have taken care of my worries, but since women were seldom important, he didn't mention the identity of the bride. So I smiled and made my way to the local church to pray that we would be spared the king's anger.
A letter arrived right before Lent. This was from Richard and though my host's family watched, eager for exciting news from court, I excused myself to the narrow bedchamber I shared with Eleanor. I broke the seal and stared at Richard's familiar writing.
I spoke with your uncle on behalf of my sister. While he still holds her in great esteem, he prefers not to anger the king. He promises that he will provide for the child and many would say that is generous.
Richard's scorn seeped through the last sentence. He understood better than most what it was like to be unacknowledged by his true father. I imagined he must hate my uncle and I wouldn't blame him.
No one speaks openly of what happened, but everyone knows. I fear the king is aware of why I sought a meeting with your uncle and is ill-pleased with me.
I let out a frustrated sigh. The Lancaster king had his way, and it still wasn't enough. He knew Richard attempted to thwart his plans and would blame him.
Richard had to help his sister, but promised he would still approach Prince Hal. I didn't think there was much hope. Once again, a scandal haunted our families.
Everything might have worked out for my uncle, but he shared little of his new bounty with the rest of the family. The most I received from him was enough money to travel in halfway decent comfort to more cousins I had never met for the summer. Eleanor adapted to staying with relative strangers who had never even seen London, but I never could.
When I collapsed into another strange bed, I wondered if this was going to be the rest of my life. I couldn't imagine enduring another year of the indignity of being shipped off to unknown family and using all my skills to always act like a charming guest.
"You could always give up on your York," Catrin suggested as I practiced my rusty archery skills. "Wed a decent gentleman and have your own home."
I loosed an arrow, hitting my mark with ease. "You could do much the same. You don't have to follow me around forever."
"We're talking about you, not me." She grunted. "I know you love him. But he did not have to go running to do the bidding of that woman."
I reached for another arrow. "She is his sister. He is loyal to family."
"He should be loyal to you," she said, echoing the thoughts I kept inside.
"He is! We're still going to marry." This time the arrow sailed far past the mark, and I frowned. "These things take time."
Catrin cocked her head, skepticism clear in her eyes. But she gave no further arguments, and I ignored my own doubts.
Around midsummer, Richard surprised me with a visit. He used the excuse of traveling and asking for hospitality from my hosts. A little thrill went through my heart when I saw him, one of the few people who never forgot me. He was the grandest visitor, and we had no privacy to speak. Instead, he gave safe news and told exciting stories of battles to the children. Though he spent time in foreign palaces and came from one of the most important families in the land, he never showed any repugnance for the small manor hall. We had a short period together the next day when I walked with him to the stables as he prepared to depart. I had made it clear to everyone that I was sending a letter with him.
We walked as close as we dared. I expected him to tell me if things were bad for his family, but he stayed silent and my worries grew.
"What's happening?" I muttered under my breath. "No one knows anything out here and I couldn't ask anyone, anyway."
Though no one watched us, Richard kept a smile on his face as if all the eyes of court were on us. "My sister has retired to her estates. We speak nothing of it, as if that will make the disgrace vanish. But everyone knows."
Nothing could destroy a woman faster than this kind of scandal. Only the king's stepmother had survived a similar fall, but that was because her royal lover eventually married her. Most women would suffer shunning and would be fortunate if they escaped the condemnation of the Church.
I refused to feel sorry for a woman who continued to make my life miserable. "A shame for her."
"I know you hate her," Richard said. "I've had moments when of rage at her. But... she's all alone now. Do you know how her husband died?"
I nodded. "He tried to assassinate King Henry and restore the last king. He was beheaded for his treason."
Birds chirped in the distance. Their merry song made an unsettling contrast to our macabre conversation. The disturbing conversation also brought back the day Mama told me about the execution. I was only eleven at the time and she wanted me to understand the danger of defying the Lancaster king. The grave consequences hadn't hit me as much as the absurdity. A man had been executed for treason because he had been loyal to the previous king.
What if the Lancaster king was overthrown and his supporters were executed by the next king?
I picked up my skirts to avoid a rather muddy area, though I was probably fighting a losing battle when it came to maintaining my clothing. "Forgive me, Sir Richard. It's a shame your sister suffered such a loss, but that won't make me change my opinion on her."
Richard stopped by his chestnut horse and turned his attention to him. "That's not the whole story."
I dusted off my skirt. "There's always more."
"My brother Edward told King Henry of the scheme," Richard said in a hushed tone. "He's the reason she's widowed. He's the reason the last king was never restored."
I sucked in a breath. "I've never heard of it."
"Almost no one knows." Richard's shoulders tightened. "My sister only told me now. It seems my family always makes things worse for yours."
So much worse. If the scheme had succeeded, the Lancaster King would be dead. The old king would sit on the throne and my brother would be the acknowledged heir.
I would be a princess in every way that mattered.
The squawking of a nearby chicken destroyed that fantasy. Dust and dirt smudged the edges of my kirtle and my old life never seemed farther away. I fought back my old anger at the Yorks. They weren't the only cause of my misery, but they were a safer target for my ire.
Fury at a king could only lead to death.
Richard's head slumped a bit, as if he expected my rage at his family. While it frustrated me that he was still helping his sister, I couldn't resent him for it. His compassion and honor only made me love him more.
"The past can't be helped," I said. "I suppose we have to keep playing the game. Unless you're ready to give up?"
He spun around, a touch of deviltry gleaming in his eyes. "Never. I'm sure we can still do this! We'll win this game yet."
His unwarranted optimism almost made me giggle. "Then what is your move?"
He rubbed his hands together. "I'm going to keep trying with Prince Hal. I believe that he found the business with Lady Lucia distasteful. The way his father abandoned her and then insisted your uncle marry her at the expense of another woman's reputation. And I believe he still cares about your family. He visited your brothers."
That news brought more worry to me than Richard had probably intended. I leaned closer, clasping my hands. "Are they all right?"
He blinked at my almost shrill tone before understanding dawned on his face. "They are in perfect health. No matter what you think of his father, Prince Hal is a man of honor."
I had quite a few doubts about that last part. "He used me to convince them to stay loyal to the Lancasters. The prince will always put his family first."
"That's to be expected," Richard said in a reasonable tone. "But he intends to release the lads when he's king. He ask after you. I know he wants better for you."
"Then keep trying with him." I hugged myself, though I wished it was Richard hugging me. "Although with this new scandal, I think we might have to wait longer."
"No." He shook his head. "I won't make you wait forever. I wager that by Christmas, we'll stand before the priest."
I was almost jealous of his hopeful confidence. The only time I had seen him uncertain was when my uncle's marriage had been threatened. My brooding must have been obvious because as he led his horse out, he leaned forward and kissed my cheek as the animal blocked us from anyone who might see. I clamped my mouth before I could let out a delighted cry and he gave me a merry wink as he mounted his horse.
"Farewell, Lady Anne," he said in a formal way.
Then he rode off, leaving me a little more optimistic about the future.