I had no idea where to go or where I was headed, but there was something pushing me to be where I needed to be. I just knew that Paul was at the end of it.
My desire to be with Paul has never been stronger, yet I still had the willpower and a reasonable mind to know my time with him could wait. This, though, had nothing to do with that. I couldn't tell if what I felt was my subconscious Bene Gesserit training, or perhaps something even greater than me, but the sense was strong and it was pulling me towards him.
I would have been happy at the thought of seeing Paul, but this was not a happy feeling. If anything at all, this dark and gnawing feeling that tugged me in his direction felt haunting. Either something bad had happened, was happening, or was going to happen. I wasn't quite sure which I would be leading myself to.
I was quick to catch my father just as he was leaving last night so that I could pass baby Leto off to him. I packed a sachel at lightning speed, strapped on my stillsuit and began my journey.
"I will miss you, sweet boy." I told my son, lightly passing my finger over his cheek. "I love you. I'll be back soon for you with your daddy. Don't grow up too fast while I'm gone."
The thought of separating from Leto pulled at my heart. This had to have been the first time since his birth that I allowed myself to be apart from him but it was bound to happen eventually. I had to do this. Paul needed me, I could feel it.
I wasn't the most up-to-date with Paul's community and diplomatic plans, but I believed he was currently visiting a neighbouring sietch to meet with their Naib. I was worried about not knowing where to head when I realized my body already knew where to go, so I let my senses take over and take me to where I needed to be.
I searched my mind for possible scenarios I could be entering but nothing came to mind. Was it even wise to let myself ruminate over scenarios I know I won't be able to control? I was better off pushing away any thought that would make me panic, there was no point in worrying throughout my long journey there.
My heart couldn't help but yearn for my lover despite my rationale. He had proven to be my biggest weakness, but also my biggest strength. What was once a young and innocent childhood friendship had transformed into something bigger. Something genuine.
I grew up thinking that every boy I meet will be something like Paul. Since he was the only boy I knew, I figured all the other boys would be just as good at making me me laugh, cry, and smile. I thought every boy would be just as kind as Paul, that they'd know how to fight like Paul, maybe even talk like him, too.
But not all boys are like Paul. Not all boys know how to make me laugh, and not all boys will know how to make me smile. They don't know when I want to be left alone, what songs make me want to dance, or what foods I like when I'm hungry. No boy is like Paul because the only person who comes close is him. Paul. It will always be Paul.
Part of me wishes both of us could have continued to live the rest of our innocent teenage years just a little longer, I didn't want to grow up that fast. I remember those times when we were still innocent teenagers enjoying our lives on Caladan. But the Harkonnens hit us, and suddenly we weren't kids anymore. There is no innocence in war.
Then I think to Leto, who was the product of something definitely not innocent, and with that, I realize I wouldn't change a thing.
The thoughts of my family and my love for the people I cared were enough to occupy me throughout the long walk through the desert. I still had so much to learn from the Fremen, but at least desert travel had become something somewhat familiar. A solo trip such as this one was more than manageable.
As the sun began to rise I retreated to the underground where I found a tunnel that seemed to head in the direction I needed. I followed the path, the underground shade protecting me from the Arrakis heat. My water stores were still good and I still felt physically good about my journey thus far.
I was getting closer. I had no way of knowing how far I was from my destination, but I knew I would make it there sooner than later. As I followed my senses in the direction that felt right, I felt my stomach turn followed by anxiety. This feeling told me that this trip might not be a good one after all.
As I continued down the underground path I wondered if I would ever need to resurface in order to find the sietch, but as I got closer I realized I wouldn't need to change course at all. I kept going straight until the different shapes camps and familiar patterns came into view, telling me I had reached the location I was looking for.
It looked like the many sietches I had come across so far, with a varying layout and design than what I was used to. There was no doubt I had stumbled upon Fremen territory.
I considered asking one of the locals for help and either asking to speak with their Naib or to search for Paul, but I remembered I didn't need to. Once again, there was some pulling force guiding me in the direction of Paul.
I followed this sense again, this time my heart beating quickly and my anxiety keeping me on edge. I rounded a corner and spotted a small tent.
He was there. I wasn't sure how I knew, but I did. I rushed forward and pushed aside the flap that covered the entrance, and the first person to meet my eye was a surprised Lady Jessica who was kneeling at the side of a bed.
But my eyes were locked to the person in the bed. His eyes closed and his body limp as he lay spread out on the cot beside his mother.
It was Paul. He looked cold. Pale. Unresponsive.
My heart sunk at first, thinking he might be dead. But immediately I knew that wasn't the case. I could sense it.
"He's in a coma," Jessica confirmed my thoughts. "The others thought he was dead, but I know that's not true. I think you do, too."
I nodded, my eyes still locked on Paul. Despite knowing the truth, it was painful to see him in such a way. I knew he wasn't dead, but it was hard not to think so when I saw him laying there. My heart ached as I thought of Leto. I loved Paul with every part of me, I didn't know what I'd do if I lost him, but Leto without his father? That would break me.
"How did you make it here?" Lady Jessica asked me, bewildered. "I- you were supposed to stay at home with Leto. How did you know where to find us?"
I managed to peel my eyes away from Paul just for a moment to answer her. "I just knew."
She didn't press me further. Instead, she turned her attention back to her son. "I don't know what has happened. I know he is alive but... I don't know what more can be done to wake him."
Her fear was contagious because if the Reverend Mother was at a loss, then what more could anyone else do to help him?
I stared at Paul. His eyes were closed, and his skin looked sickly pale. I reached out to touch his hand-
I see Paul. We're surrounded by sand, somewhere in the desert. His tall and slender figure is staring back at me with his deep blue eyes. I see Paul, but this isn't really Paul. This Paul is different. He looks the same, but he doesn't feel the same. He holds something in his hand. A vial. He holds it up and lifts it closer to his lips-
I drew back my hand, my eyes wide. "Paul," I whispered, "what have you done?"
"What is it?" Jessica asked.
"The spice essence." I bit my lip. "He took the spice essence."
The spice essence was exactly how it sounded. The rawest and purest form of the melange spice is only meant for a Bene Gesserit to take in her transformation to the Reverend Mother. For any other living being to attempt, especially a male equivalent, would result in nothing but fatality. No man had ever survived this transformation.
Why would Paul do this? Had he grown power-hungry? I couldn't understand how this had happened on a diplomatic trip through the desert unless this was his plan all along.
I heard her inhale a breath and I knew exactly what she was thinking. If Paul had taken even just a lick of the spice essence it was a miracle he hadn't dropped dead. How he was still breathing, even if just by a thread, was beyond me.
She was quiet for another moment before speaking. "Bring me the spice essence."
Suddenly we both knew what had to be done. Using some of the melange offered by the sietch, I was able to refine it into the essence. The melange was now a bright blue liquid, tempting to taste. It had a strong scent of bitter cinnamon, though it was far more powerful than any mundane spice.
"What will you do with it?" I asked Jessica as I handed her the spice.
She closed her eyes. "Bring my son back."
She held her hands over Paul's lifeless body. She said nothing, but instantly I felt the overwhelming power that began to spread through the room. It was almost as if I was being blinded second-handedly by her conversion. She was radiating power, her Bene Gesserit abilities were pushing through the silence and emitting strong sensations.
I was beginning to see flashes of white in my vision. The more I blinked, the brighter the emptiness became and it soon consumed my vision. I felt as though a wave of muffled silence had passed over my head, clouding all of my senses.
And then I was back. Just as fast as it came, I was back. I blinked a few more times to clear my vision, and the first thing I focused on was the flushed body in front of me.
"Paul," I cried and leaned over his now responsive figure.
For someone who was near death, he seemed to be in incredible shape. His temperature was back to normal, if not hotter than usual. What caught me off guard the most was his piercing blue eyes. If I thought his eyes were blue before, it was nothing compared to now.
I gripped his hands tightly, my heart picking up at the sight of Paul well and alive. His eyes opened and he met my gaze, his face soft.
"Lia," he squeezed my hand. I held back a tear and squeezed back.
A moment passed where I stared at him like this. The relief of having Paul here was incredible, I didn't know such a burden could be lifted. Whatever reckless thing he did to get in this position was behind me, I could ask him about it later. For now, I was just happy to still have Paul.
Out of nowhere his eyes quickly widened. "We have to hurry," he looked between Jessica and me, his eyes wide and alert. "We need to get back."
"What's wrong?" I asked him, but he was already pushing his way up and out of the bed.
"Follow me. I'll explain more." He turned around and paused, considering his next words. "We're about to go to war."
"War?" His mother asked, incredulous. "Slow down, Paul. What war? What's going on?"
"As I said, I'll explain more as we go." He was quickly dressing and gathering his belongings. Jessica and I exchanged worried glances, confused and unsure of his erratic behaviour.
Paul grabbed his belongings and turned to the door, but quickly paused at the entrance and turned to face us again. "Just one more thing, the Bene Gesserit are wrong."
We paused and stared back at him. "About what?" His mother asked.
He smiled. "I am the Kwisatz Haderach."
***
i haven't forgotten about you guys i swear ;-; every time i get a chance to breathe i've tried to write a bit more. i'm relieved i finally got this chapter published.
i'm going to be so much busier during september when school comes around (though i'm already pretty busy with work and research stuff for school) so once again thank you all for your patience. my goal is to get the majority of this story done by september (holy shit time is running out), hopefully finish it before october.
let me know what you'd like to see happen! i have a general idea of where this will lead, but let me know your thoughts :)
also, once this story is finished i'm going to be putting a lot more time into my other story "paired to the prince" so if you could check it out that would mean the world !
with love
via <3