back to you | paul atreides

forty seven

I ran through the halls of the familiar palace I used to reside in the capital of Arrakis. I would catch glimpses of guards every turn and around every pillar and did my best to hide from their view, but it didn't matter. I knew that it did, I knew they couldn't see me, but it took everything in me to care. I couldn't really care, not really. Not when I thought of my baby. Not when I thought of Leto.

My head was light, I wasn't really here anymore. I pressed my back against the cool cement wall I was using to hide myself from a passing squadron. My breath was heavy, they could probably hear me breathing. I didn't care. I was being sloppy in my hiding, someone must have seen me by now. But I didn't care. I didn't care.

Leto. The soft, sweet, gorgeous little boy that had my heart. There was no way for him to not exist anymore, right? No way. He is at home, likely with Jessica or my father. Leto was fine.

But he wasn't. Leto was dead. I knew he was dead, I could feel it in my chest. Leto was dead but I wanted to tell myself he wasn't.

Did Paul know?

Of course Paul knows. Paul must know.

What is Paul doing right now? Does he care? Is he still looking for me? Did he go back for our child? Is he starting a war?

I wanted Paul. My chest was getting heavier and I felt the sobs building in my chest. I wanted my lover. I wanted my person. I wanted the father of my child, the only other person who could fathom the pain I was feeling right now. Where was my Paul?

My palms began to sting and I quickly released my fists to realize I had been gripping so tightly that my nails dug into my skin and I was bleeding.

I could hear a few footsteps turning the corner and I held my breath as they came to a stop right beside from where I was hidden. The adrenaline kicked in and gave me a window of focus, just enough to realize I had let my breathing and cries become too loud.

The footsteps resume and began in my opposite direction, I released my breath. I shook my head in an attempt to clear my head and quickly peeked from my corner and darted quietly down the hall.

I wasn't sure what I was looking for, but I just kept moving. I knew Alia would be okay, she always is. I'll get help for her soon enough.

I reached one of the large windows that opened over into the centre of the palace and as I looked out I could see the dozens of squadrons and Harkonnens all geared up and presumably ready for war. Where was the war, though?

"-making their war towards us right now, just as planned."

I heard the echo of conversation that caught my attention and I made an attempt to quietly travel down the hall to hear the next part of what was being said.

"So we meet them in the middle?" Someone else asked.

"Yes, we meet the Fremen with equal force and try to take out their fleet. Find their leader, Muad'Dib or whatever the Fremen call him. This is how we win."

Paul. My heart ached for him. They were in the middle of fighting in the desert, I had to find them. I had to help them. I had to find help for Aria.

I eyed an open aircraft a few yards away from where I stood just beside the entrance of what looked like a loading dock. I checked my sides before sneaking closer to the ship, jumping behind the different pallets of equipment to hide myself from anyone who passed by.

Two guards finished loading something onto the ship and had begun to walk away when I took the moment to slip in from behind them and enter the aircraft. I wasn't sure where we were going, all I knew is I needed away from the palace and to somehow, hopefully, get just a little closer to Paul.

It would have been better if I found myself in a battleship that was headed to war but unfortunately, I seemed to have found myself in some storage or equipment. That's okay though, it was the destination that mattered.

I quietly rummaged around trying to pay attention to the soft conversation of the pilots. On the wall, I spotted what must have been an emergency firearm because although it wasn't big, the pistol was good enough for now. I wondered what my fellow Fremen would think if they saw me using a gun. Then I thought back to my son, and suddenly I didn't care anymore. I would kill anyone in my way. Nothing really mattered. 

The ship flew smoothly for what felt like tens of minutes without interruption. I wondered where we were going to land, would it be somewhere safe? Would they find me right away? Would I have the chance to slip away? The smooth humming of the ship engine was almost soothing as if it was trying to lull me to sleep. Then I thought of how I would sing to my baby. Then I wasn't very relaxed anymore.

I felt the drop in my weight which let me know we were descending. My heart picked up as I wondered where we would land. I sat up and crouched down so that I was on the balls of my feet, perched beside a crate to stay hidden from the doors.

As the ship doors began to open, I ducked so that the two soldiers who stepped onto the ship wouldn't see me. I heard their footsteps pass towards the front of the ship and I found the courage to quickly run past and out the doors that had just opened.

My eyes widened at the sight of sand below me. It was nighttime now, so I was surrounded by the dark night but the bright light of the moon offered more than enough vision to see we had landed at what appeared to be a military camp just off the side of Arrakeen. 

I ducked quickly as a small fleet of Harkonnens marched by, unaware of my presence. I looked off to the side and spotted a rock that towered over the side of the base. I made a quick dash for it, knowing that once I was out of here I would be able to find my way back to Paul.

The sound of machinery disappeared behind me as I reached the side of the dune and found a small path hidden inside one of the crevices of the rock, and finally I knew I would find my way.

I slide in and pushed all thoughts of dehydration and heartache aside so that I could move forward. I knew Paul and the other Fremen would be near, especially if we were nearing war. 

The thought of fighting made me want to scream. I wanted to scream at everyone. I wanted to scream at the world. I wanted to scream at Paul for making us do this when I did not want to. I did not want to do anything. I wanted to cry and sleep and stop being brave for once because being strong is exhausting. I didn't feel strong right now. I felt weak. I felt too human. 

I approached the end of a long tunnel and my heart quickened at the sight of moonlight. I just had a feeling this is where I needed to be, and my thoughts were confirmed when I saw the familiar stillsuits from a distance.

"Paul!" I cried to nowhere in particular, but I knew it was him when he looked up to see me. His eyes widened, then darkened, and widened again, and it was his expression that told me he already knew. And he knew that I knew. And that we both knew, and this was a terrible, terrible thing.

I ran to my partner, my brave face disappearing as I fell into his arms and he caught me mid-sob. I didn't want to be strong anymore. I didn't have to be strong here, with Paul.

The tears kept coming and I shook in Paul's embrace. If people were staring I didn't notice and I couldn't care. Paul was silent, and I looked up to see the pain in his eyes. The fear, the sadness, the grief. It was all too much.

He didn't say anything. Neither did I. Instead, Paul held me tightly as I cried.

***

my goal is going to be to finish this story before the next movie comes out. can i do it? i think yes. also i started dating someone LOL so that's another reason why my life has been so busy. thank you for your patience

with love,
via <3