The leaves had slowly started turning brown and orange, the streets seemed to be decorated with trees made of gold. Heidi loved it and spent every morning painting, until she had to go back to school instead. On the morning of their school start Heidi waited outside of Alexander's house for about twenty minutes. She had no clue what was taking him so long.
"Fucking, einzeller." She muttered. I wanted to gasp, when had such vulgar words started coming out my little's human's mouth? She waited for yet another five minutes without any additional swearing before Alexander finally ran out of his house.
"Sorry, mädchen!" He apologised in a hurry, before grabbing the bike. Heidi rolled her eyes but then before getting up on the bike, she stopped dead in her tracks.
"Didn't you say that we couldn't bring the bike to school incase...?" In case it had once belonged to one of their classmates was what she had wanted to say, but she felt this wave of guilt while thinking about it that made it impossible for her to do so.
"Heidi," He sighed. "We don't have many options do we? Either we're late, or we take this bike to school. You tell me which one is better." Heidi had to eventually get onto the bike, it did sound like a horrible idea to be late on the first day with a new teacher. She had hoped to make a good impression. Alexander started pedalling and Heidi wrapped her arms around him to prevent potential falls.
"If you hadn't been so late, we could have walked to school." Heidi remarked with a slight tone of annoyance. She was terrified at the idea of someone recognizing their old possession. She had no wish to perpetuate the idea that everyone living on apfelstraße were robbers. She felt enough guilt for stealing the bike in the first place, in fact, she had already thought about bringing it back, but she was in no position to do so for many reasons. An example of that would be how she had no idea where they had taken it from.
Fortunately for the two friends, the school yard was empty when they arrived. Everyone had already gone inside, but even if it was a relief for Heidi, it slowly turned into something less positive as they saw what time it was. They were ten minutes late already.
"Shit." Alexander whispered before grabbing Heidi's hand and running up the stone steps and into the long corridors.
"Where is our new room?" Alexander asked hurriedly when he realised he was running without any destination. Heidi knew this, Frau Huber had said it at the end of last term and she remembered because of how simple it was.
"The door at the end of the corridor." She told her friend. They rushed up to said door and before knocking they both hesitated and shot a glance at each other. What if this teacher was worse than Frau Huber? What if this year would be doomed because of their late arrival?
"Please, Alex." Heidi eventually begged, staring at the door and his hand frozen in mid air. He took a deep breath and his hand hit three times, time seemed to slow down. They were going to be in so much trouble.
"Come in!" The teacher called from outside, Alexander pushed the door open slowly.
The two children stared down at the floor as soon as it revealed them both with a creak. The heads of their classmates turned toward them. Heidi didn't dare to look up, but Alexander did, taking Heidi's hand.
"Sorry for being late." he started with a slight tremble to his voice. "My brother was sick, and I made Heidi promise she would wait for me."
A full on wave of guilt washed over Heidi suddenly, she didn't know Johann was sick, she hadn't asked why Alexander was late. She felt like a terrible best friend.
Heidi then looked up at Alexander, her hand squeezed his slightly, and he gave her a watery smile. It was then that Heidi met eyes with the teacher, and she froze. Those brown eyes, those legant dark waves floating above the shoulders of a short and plump woman. She recognized her so well and then it hit her. Gertrude,Edith, the old witch.
The woman recognized her immediately as well. She grinned.
"Heidi, how nice to see you." She said, her gaze turning to Frieda who sat at one of the front desks. "Your sister already warned me, she said you would be late today." Heidi nodded slowly, imagining how Frieda had stood up from her desk with a smug expression and told everyone with a loud and sort of prideful tone that her sister was late and that she wasn't. She was sure Frieda had been boasting about her superior time managing.
The teacher then told the two friends to sit down in the spots that remained, Heidi lit up as she saw Tilda was still sitting alone. Alexander on the other hand sat down next to Franz Günther, a real menace from across the bridge. His parents were filthy rich but he wasn't as classy and humble about it as Tilda.
As their first day went on , Heidi and all students watched Gertude in awe. When telling them about the rules in her classroom she explained how she would never punish them physically for being late, or forgetting to do their homework.
She would potentially give them an extra assignment if it happened regularly, which everyone found fair.
"Now, enough of the rules." Gertrude said, rolling her eyes up at the painted ceiling Heidi had been occasionally looking at. It had nothing to do with her previous classroom. My human was almost sure this was more of a floral mural. The dominant colour was a soft pink with a few touches of lilac here and there, then what she supposed were the leaves of this wonderful bouquet were of a deep forest green.
"I wanted to talk to you all about what I value most, in education and in everyday life." The teacher started, pacing from wall to wall, getting a look at every single one of her students.
"Books." She finally said once the suspense was getting overwhelming. A collective sigh went through the classroom, and a loud huff from Franz. Heidi looked around, she didn't understand their collective hate for books, she would almost kill to have been able to read a rich and magical story all by herself.
"Now, don't be so pessimistic." Gertude said, clapping her hands together. "Books are a wonderful vessel of knowledge, they can teach you science, maths, grammar...and much more, but I assume you've had quite enough of those books."
She smiled as her students nodded vigorously.
"Well, I'm glad to tell you that books can also hold wonderful stories." She told them all with enthusiasm. "From dragons to tragic love stories, a book can make you travel more than you ever will, and while reading you can find yourself deeply invested in a life that isn't yours."
The children all stared at each other, some knew this of course, but Frau Huber had tainted their view on reading almost irreparably. She had turned it into something close to torturous.
"Literature is much more than what most people think, and I will make it my personal mission to prove it to every single one of you."
She grabbed her ruler and pointed it at a boy by the name of Henrik. He had dark brown straight hair, that was so neatly slicked back that no one would ever dare to get their hands near it.
"Henrik, right?" Gertrude asked, closing her eyes, holding her breath, she didn't want to get it wrong.
He nodded, standing up, gulping his fear down his throat. She waved her hand in the air, shaking her head.
"Sit back down if you like, Henrik." She told him kindly, he slowly did so, his muscles relaxing.
"What could be found inside a book?" She questioned. Henrik sat there for a second in silence, then he slowly turned to the girl on his right, who could only shrug. Suddenly his face lit up.
"A novel." He answered. The teacher smiled.
"You could say so, yes." She approved. "Does anyone know the definition of a novel?"
The class went terrifyingly quiet, and she waited patiently, but eventually she had to give the answer. She grabbed a piece of chalk and wrote:
Novel: A fictional prose narrative of considerable length.
Heidi couldn't see it at all, it was just this line of white on the dark green board. She looked over at Tilda.
"What does it say?" she whispered to her, after a whole lot of conflicted thoughts about asking for help. The blond girl slowly read the sentence then whispered it back to heidi.
'Danke." Heidi thanked, and Tilda only smiled, happy to be of help.
"Does everyone understand the word 'fiction'?" Gertude asked when everyone had written the definition down. They all slowly nodded, frau huber had actually taught them a few things, believe it or not.
"Good, very good, and 'prose narrative'?"
Every child shook their head, some mumbled a weak nein. The brown haired woman nodded, and then began explaining.
Heidi saw the glimmer in her eyes that indicated she had a passion for what she was talking about and she was laughing with her warm voice and emphasising what needed to be dramatic. She made reading seem lively to children that had thought it to be just as boring as watching a clock tic. It was incredible, and Heidi knew her year wasn't doomed after all, it had actually been blessed, saved by this wonderful woman.
Gertrude defined more than twenty words that the students had never heard of before in one day, Tilda dicted them all to Heidi without question, so everyone wrote them down.
The dark haired woman would often ask her students before giving the answer, keeping the class animated. I don't think anyone got bored, not even for a minute.
Alexander got an applaud for knowing what a play and a screenplay was and explaining it perfectly. He would never forget it.
Along with making her students happy and eager for literary knowledge Gertrude even managed to make maths interesting when most hated it with all their might.
September 1936 slowly turned into October, leaves had now started falling onto the streets, covering their stone surfaces. Heidi missed out on making many wonderful paintings because of school hours, but she didn't mind it anymore, she loved school.
Although many things remained difficult or near impossible, like reading anything, she felt she was always helped. Tilda would whisper the assignments for her and The teacher would always be understanding of her issues even if sometimes her face revealed a lot of concern that I believe was justified. Of course Heidi couldn't see the faces she would make, but she could hear the silence; feel it even deep in her bones, she could sense the tension, see the change of her mannerism. It made my human sad, perhaps more than it should have, but I understood that she didn't want pity.
On a cold and rainy day, in mid October, The teacher pulled her aside after class, she wanted to talk to her. Heidi had told Alexander not to wait for her in case it would take a while.
"I think, or rather, I hope you know you aren't in trouble, dear Heidi." She started, gently gesturing for her to sit down in front of her desk.
"I was hoping you would say that," Heidi admitted, looking down at her hands, lacing them together and fiddling with her fingers. Gertrude smiled and nodded.
"I just wanted to talk to you about the fact you cannot read on your own." She started. "I know your situation, Heidi. We all know about it."
Heidi slowly nodded, turning red. She hated this 'issue' so much. She was embarrassed by it. "I'm sorry.' She whispered.
Gertrude got up from her chair.
"Oh no, no. Heidi, I forbid you to say that word." She stated. "You have no control over things like this, which is precisely why I'm angry and disappointed, because no one seems to have thought about helping you."
Heidi shook her head, that was false. Her mother had wanted to save up, even if in the end most of the money went to bills anyway and Wilma was actively saving for it, Heidi had found the little box on top of her sister's bed quite recently. It was filled with money, but Heidi knew this wasn't where she usually placed her savings, so she asked her about it and her sister's answer cost Heidi a few tears and a hug to give to Wilma.
"That's not true." Heidi interrupted.
Gertrude raised an eyebrow, some hope glimmering through her eyes.
"I'm glad to hear that." She said but before she could say any more Heidi interjected again.
"My sister's saving." My human explained. "She won't let me get a job during the holidays, but one day I'll convince her and start saving for glasses and for my family as well."
Gertrude stood there in silence for a second, Heidi couldn't read her mannerism and I couldn't read her expression.
"How old is your sister?" She eventually asked, finally I noticed what looked like concern stretching over her face
"She's turning 19 in December." Heidi answered. Gertrude's wrinkles showed, she seemed to be despairing.
"She shouldn't have to do that." She said gently. Heidi shook her head again.
"She doesn't have to, she says she does it because she wants me to see properly, that's all."
"She feels the need to then?"
"I suppose, yes." Heidi somewhat agreed.
Gertrude sighed.
"She shouldn't have to do that, and you shouldn't have to rely on her for it."
Heidi could only shrug.
"She's the only one doing something." She said, "For now it's our only option."
The pendule inside the room ticked, I could hear the flies buzz around the room because of how quiet it got.
Gertrude rubbed her temples. What she wanted to do was unclear to both myself and Heidi.
"That's ridiculous, your sister should be focusing on her exams and university or professional training applications." Gertrude stated and Heidi chuckled. She even laughed loudly in fact.
The dark haired teacher stared. What was she laughing about?
"University?" Heidi repeated in clear disbelief. Gertrude nodded, slowly realising her gaffe. "Not everyone gets to think about that." Heidi stated simply. Gertrude nodded. She started articulating a sorry, but Heidi kept going.
"Wilma wants to become a nurse, which you need an education for, or in some rare cases a lot of medical training, but she'll never get that, she knows it and you and I both know it."
The woman stood, still and speechless. She wanted to say many things, but it was hard to articulate it while Heidi was explaining her facts, her reality. She couldn't protest against that.
"Walter is studying in Heidelberg." Heidi continued, still not too sure about the city he was in, but the studying part was true at least. "And that is a miracle, but not truly a surprise since we all knew that if one of us were to go to university it would be him, no matter how smart Wilma, myself, Frieda and even little Gisela turned out to be."
"Because he's a young man." Gertrude stated, with no emotion attached to it, just as if it were an obvious fact, a written prose.
Heidi was getting visibly upset, her fists clenched, her eyes welled with tears. She had never thought of it that way before, but maybe that was the reason, or maybe it was because he was older, or whatever other reason or excuse her parents could find for it.
"He's just the favourite." She whispered, holding back her tears.
Gertrude didn't know what to do anymore, she felt it would be wise to just let this happen, let Heidi open up and have this moment, then they could figure things out more thoroughly.
Frau Meyer
Gertrude
Edith
The old witch
The teacher
Whatever name you used to refer to this woman, she was still as wonderful, kind and best of all...a good listener, so she did, she listened to Heidi, it was rare that my human felt she was being heard and taken seriously, it had happened a few times with Wilma and with Alexander, but she felt this emotional block around them, the duty to be a good friend and a good sister, but with Gertrude that block disappeared.
"And, that's great for him, that he gets to study, that he gets to have a better life than my parents, but Wilma deserves it just as much, or even- well if I'm honest, she deserves it more." Heidi rambled out very quickly so she wouldn't start crying or realise this was all a big mistake she shouldn't be making.
"She once told me that she felt like she was working herself away for nothing, that she felt like a bird flying against the wind and it broke my heart."
Heidi took a deep breath.
"But she also said that sometimes it felt rewarding, because she gets to see us all grow up and do things she never could have done." She took yet another deep breath. Thinking about a good way to say this, without starting to sob.
"She wants to help me, and all the rest of us because she knows her future is ruined already."
Gertrude could see where this was going now and felt all the more guilty for choosing her words so poorly. 'That's ridiculous' echoed in her mind, her soul adviser told me.
"If she wants to get me those glasses it's because she feels that if I manage to break this cycle she would have been part of it. She would have done something of value." her voice broke then very slightly, but she kept going. "And I know we could all be fine and get good jobs, even an education, or even marry someone better off, but not with how it's looking right now. My sight needs to get better and preferably very fast, Wilma needs an angel to go catch her because she's falling, Frieda needs a better maths grade because yes, even if she is better than me on every single front in school she won't pass any exams with that one maths mark. But how are we supposed to do all that if we barely have enough food on the table!" her voice raised itself and then stopped, she felt ungrateful, it could be so much worse for her, people had it so much worse but she also needed to say that. She calmed down eventually, wiping her tears.
"So It's not ridiculous." Heidi finished, and Gertrude pulled her into a hug. "It's not ridiculous and it would make her happy to give me such a gift."
The pendule became louder than everything else in the room again and Heidi leaned into Gertude's hug.
The older woman had now made it her personal mission to help Heidi, Frieda and the rest of her family as much as she could. It had always been her.
***
"How's Johann?" Heidi asked once the silence between herself and Alexander had gone on for too long.
Two days had passed since her conversation with the old witch and the two children sat on the playground. Alexander had hurt his knee while playing football and had already ended their conversation about that.
Alexander shrugged as an answer to heid's question
"It could just be the flu, he's doing a little better now." he answered, but his voice was muted and Heidi could see the tremble on his lip that indicated that might not have been the case. "Mama wants to take him to the doctors soon, and it's expensive."
Heidi nodded. She knew much about that.
"I try to read to him." he then said, on a more positive note. "You know the book that no one chose yesterday?"
Heidi shook her head, she didn't know, because she had decided to not even look at the three novels that her classmates had to pick and read in case she would get horribly jealous.
"I'm still worried about him though-"
"Worried about who?" Tilda asked as she sat down next to the two friends. She had previously been playing with some of their classmates. Alexander visibly stiffened. He had decided a while ago that he didn't like Tilda. His reasons were simple. He couldn't accept that they had many similarities despite their different upbringings and he didn't want to be associated with the mayor's daughter. You could also argue that some jealousy played a role in his dislike for the young girl. Heidi had made a new friend and he might have felt like he was being replaced.
"No one." he muttered , turning away from her.
"Worried about his brother." Heidi answered, overlapping Alexander's words, turning to Tilda.
The two best friends slowly looked at each other, Alexander shot her a disbelieving glance and Heidi conjured a quick smile to ease the atmosphere.
The silence became deafening. Tilda slowly realised she probably wasn't welcome and got up from the floor, but Heidi grasped her arm.
They met eyes, and Tilda understood she didn't mind her staying, once she sat down again Heidi turned pink.
Alexander sighed and grabbed his knees, pulling them toward him.
"Johann is sick." He grumbled, not daring to face the two girls. Tilda slowly nodded.
"Johann is your brother then, I suppose." She said, hoping he would meet her eye. Alexander scoffed under his breath, mocking her wording. 'I suppose' might have been a bit too posh for him.
"Yeah." he started, his annoyance becoming clearer. "He's really sick and we can barely afford to take him to the doctor."
Tilda's face fell a bit. "I'm sorry about that." She said sincerely.
The golden haired boy finally turned to her. "Sure," he said.
"Alex." Heidi warned.
Alexander ignored her.
"You wouldn't know much about that." Alexander spat at Tilda.
Tilda said nothing for a second, keeping her composure.
"You're right," She said, simply. "In some way."
"Yeah, you would never have to worry about that sort of thing, your family has loads of it."
"What?" She asked. Her steel eyes showed no more than peace, whereas Alexander's eyes revealed an anger or a strong annoyance that Heidi rarely saw in him.
He scoffed. Wasn't it obvious?
"Money," he answered.
Tilda seemed to realise now they were not thinking of the same thing at all and she could only nod to that.
"Oh," She reacted. "That's true, now that you point it out."
Alexander stared at her with wide eyes.
"What did you think I was going to say? What other fact would I have pointed out?"
The young girl shrugged. "I mean, you're right. I was simply thinking about something else."
There was a silence, Alexander felt like she was outright mocking him, and Tilda was impossible to read.
"Like what?" The boy eventually grunted.
"That my brother's dead."
Heidi and Alexander had been silenced, Heidi barely breathed, that was unexpected.
"Tuberculosis." Tilda said, answering the friends' unspoken question. "I thought you were going to point out that I don't have a brother to worry about anymore."
The silence became even louder, Alexander's gaze met Heidi's. They had no clue what to say to this.
"Money can't buy everything" She then said and then sighed . "We should burn it all, burn the money, read the books." She smiled slightly. "He used to say that. I never quite understood what he meant by it."
Once more, The best friends had nothing to say. Tilda got up and wiped her hands on her dress.
"I do hope your brother gets better." And with that she left.
The following evening, Heidi explained all that had happened to Wilma. She hated that Alexander didn't like Tilda, she hated that Tilda knew that he didn't. In addition to that she was worried about Johann and felt bad for Alexander. She also wanted to understand the meaning of 'burn the money, read the books' why would someone say that? No one should be burning money.
Wilma, however, was concerned about a totally different thing.
"Why do you keep talking about money together all the time?" She asked, tying up her hair in a bun.
"What?" Heidi questioned, this had no relation to what she was talking about.
Wilma shrugged.
"I mean, it's not that important but, I just noticed that you talk a lot about it, at least with Alexander."
Heidi grunted.
"That isn't important and not what I asked." Heidi retorted. "I'm worried for Alexander and Johann and now I want to know more about Tilda's brother. So did you know him?"
"Only when he was already sick." She answers.
"Did you ever talk to him?" She continued, Wilma rolled her eyes.
"I don't talk much to my clients." She sighs. "I only clean for them."
Heidi nodded. Wilma then took her silence as an opportunity to give Heidi some bread shoved in a bag.
"What is this?" She asked, looking into the little bag.
"Bread for Herr Wolf." She stated. "Could you please do me a huge favour?"
Heidi's face turned pale. "No, wilma!" She protested just the thought of knocking on the door of a stranger made her want to hide under the covers of her bed.
Wilma shook her head. "Please I need to stay here and watch Manfred, mama is at the Fischer house, Frieda's doing homework and Gisela can't go alone."
Heidi saw how tired she looked, and even if she wasn't unusually tired,she accepted half-willingly.
"Fine." She sighed, grabbing her shoes and coat.
"Don't forget your scarf!" Wilma called just before she left, heidi's head peaked back into the room and she quickly grabbed it.
Heidi closed the door behind her before any of the cold strong wind could come inside the house. She knew where the Wolf's lived and it wasn't far at all, just two blocks away, but with the temperature and weather it felt like it would take her forever. Her nose turned red and her hair almost froze into place. After about 20 minutes she finally arrived at Herr Wolf's doorstep and thankfully because of the cold, the only thing she could think of was getting home, so for once knocking wasn't a problem. The old grey man who opened gave her a polite smile once she gave him the bread and said it was on behalf of Wilhelmina Seide.
Then he quickly closed the door, locking Heidi out in the darkening cold night. Heidi looked around for a second, seeing the lanterns on the street turn on. She had always loved light because of the same reason she loved flowers, metallic things and autumn. The colour of light was wonderful and moving, it never looked the same as the second before.
While watching the light her gaze slowly travelled up toward the dark blue sky and among this wonderful rich colour she noticed a thick trail of grey and brown smoke. Heidi frowned and tried to find the source of this.
It came from pretty far away, but curiosity got the better of her and she slowly followed the trail in the sky.
She walked down st. Maria promenade and then turned left, she realised right then where the fire most probably came from. The square where she had painted a wonderful morning sky, where she had met Gertrude.
The closer she got, the more she smelled the smoke, it almost became sickening once she walked into the square. The buildings looked just as they had before and the fountain stood where it had before, the edges of the grey water slowly freezing. December had always been cold where she lived, but she'd never seen water actively freeze. She slowly walked up to the stone sculptured water source, completely mesmerised. Her hand slowly touched the freezing water, she found the feeling it gave her strange but somehow thrilling. Suddenly, the air didn't seem so cold anymore, a wave of heat warmed her cheeks. The smoke she remembered. Smoke always meant fire.
She turned around, her delicate hand emerging from the water.
Her blue eyes reflected the scene, glowing red. Right in front of her, just a few metres away, in the middle of a huge crowd, a big fire rose. It burned wildly, small orange sparks flying from it like tiny pebbles being thrown out on a street by a speeding car. The colours almost blinded her, she walked slowly toward this whole event, wondering what was going on.The people were shouting and screaming, roaring at this fire happily. Almost everyone wore black and beige uniforms, but Heidi couldn't have cared less as she studied this wonderful flame filled with shades.
My human was in some sort of trance-like state, her eyes reflecting the red, the orange the yellow. She loved it. She wanted to grab her paint brushes right away but instead she found herself holding a book.
A boy that she recognized—Franz Günther had pressed it into her arms.
"Don't just stand there! " He yelled at her. "Either you throw the books in the fire or you leave, freckled idiot!"
Freckled idiot was a new one for Heidi, she'd never been called that and it did sort of hurt, as soon as someone brought up looks in a bad way, she would always think about it for days afterward.
She clutched this strange book, Franz was looking at her expectantly. It hit her then, she was supposed to burn it, they were all burning books. How had she ended up here? Did she want to do that? She certainly didn't want Franz to beat her up. Why were they all doing this?
"Come on, dummkopf!" Franz insisted.
She slowly looked at the cover of what she was holding and something told her she recognized it. That something was me. I was telling her which book it was, but my explanation never reached her mind.
A collection of my previous human works. What Tilda had played the day they became friends, just a month ago. I wanted to scream and rip it away from her as she stepped forward, trembling in fear because of Franz.
No matter what I did, what I said, Heidi's grip on the collection loosened. Just as it hit the flames, Heidi was reminded of where her thoughts had been all day, what she had been fixated on for the last hours.
Burn the money, read the books
And yet here she was, burning a book and not reading it.