One Year Ago
On our walk to campus, I was expecting lots of pitying looks, but most of them just smiled at me and said hi. There were a few, of course. It's to be expected with so many people.
"You look surprised," Amelia notices.
"I am. Honestly, I thought I'd be subjected to all the sorrow I'd see on people's faces for me. It's hard enough dealing with my own. I don't know how I would have handled everyone else's."
"People love you, Char. Most of them will have compassion for what you're going through, but they also know that because of who you are, you're going to be struggling hard enough. They're not going to want to add to that burden. Look around you, babe. You've got the support of nearly all the campus."
That's what I'm afraid of.
I won't admit that to her though, because I fear what she'll say. Amelia is hardcore in her grudge-holding and Keaton is now number one on her 'shittiest person in the world' list.
"Don't. Don't you dare feel bad for him, Charlie. He cheated on you. Hell, he's basically been cheating on you with that filthy sperm-guzzling oxygen thief for nearly three years! Maybe it wasn't physical, but he was there emotionally because the boy I knew before she came into the picture would have never put you last. That boy knew exactly what he had in you and would have never risked losing it. So, don't you dare feel bad that most of the support is on your side."
Her face is flushed, and her eyes are shooting fire at me.
There's only been a handful of times that I've witnessed her this angry, and every single one of them is when someone she cares about has been hurt. Keaton used to be in that group, but now her rage is directed at him instead, and rightly so.
People are paying attention to us and I wipe my clammy hands against my thighs as I swallow tightly.
"I'm sorry, Mel. I can't change who I am just because he ripped my heart out. He's destroyed a lot of me, but I can't let him turn me into someone I'm not just because I'm bitter and full of pain. Keaton's had sixteen years of my life. Do you know how hard that is to just close off?" I shake my head. "I don't want him back. There's too much damage and I'll never be able to trust him again. I may want him to suffer and I may want to hurt him right now, but we both know when I'm on the other side of this, I'll hate who he turned me into. As hard as it is for me to admit, you're right. He may not have been having a physical affair with her for the last three years, but he has been there emotionally. He's given her things that should have only been mine. That's something I'm never going to get over." I walk again, knowing that she'll follow. "If I'm honest, Amelia, I think I would have preferred it just being something physical. That would have been easier for me to get over, but knowing that she's basically been his girlfriend for three years, that's a scar I don't think I'll ever come back from."
Amelia sniffles and I glance over at her. "I'm sorry. I'm just so angry that he did this to you. When I met you all in middle school, I was so sure that you'd be the endgame. You two were the damn relationship goals everyone set for themselves, Char. And it makes me so fucking angry that he just threw that away. He destroyed my best friend and no matter what, I'll never be able to forgive him for that."
With a sigh, I bring us to a stop again and wrap my arms around her. "I'm okay with that because I don't think I'll be able to, either. He was one of your best friends, Mel, so he didn't just break my heart, he broke yours too. You're allowed to be angry at him. Lord knows I am. But we can't let it consume us because that's no way to live. Feel what you feel alongside me, but when I'm ready to heal, I need you with me. I don't want to live the rest of my life in this much pain, Melly," I finish in a whisper.
She pulls away from me, cups my cheeks in her hands, and rests our foreheads together. "You won't. You've wasted sixteen years with this boy. It's time to find out who you are, Char. And like I've always been, I'll be right there at your side."
When we pull apart, she rolls her neck and shakes her body out. Her black-painted lips curve upwards and she hooks her arm through mine. "Let's go show this stupid boy what his biggest mistake cost him."
We're only a few feet from the door when Amelia mutters, "Twat alert, twelve o'clock."
Rianna is heading straight for us, and from the glare on her face, she's obviously got something to say. Too bad for her, I don't want to listen.
I try to go around her, but she just steps into my path, so I stop with a sigh.
And it seems like so does everyone fucking else on this campus.
"Hey, thunder-cunt. Looks like you fucked the wrong person's boyfriend this time," Amelia quips, reaching out to flick Rianna in her bruised nose.
Rianna squeals as water fills her eyes.
Her right eye has a dark purple bruise under it she's tried to hide with makeup, and I flex my fingers as I recall the feel of her skin under my fist.
"What do you want, Rianna?" I ask in a bored tone.
"He doesn't want you."
"Well, that's a good thing, since I don't want him either."
"He'll come back to me just like he has for the last three years," she says.
"Okay." I shrug. "Run off and be happy together."
From the way her jaw tightens, I can tell it pisses her off that she's not getting the reaction out of me she wants, and that's good because she never will.
Amelia starts to say something, but I dig my nails into her arm to warn her off. This is my fight and I won't let anyone else take it on.
I lift a brow. "Are you done? I'd like to get to class now."
"Keaton is mine now, bitch. He doesn't love you. You were just some stupid childhood crush. Did you really think you would last? That you would always be his one and only?" She smiles and I can feel the heat racing up my neck as anger builds inside me. "Yeah, he told me all about that. Seems he decided your pussy wasn't enough for him."
The crowd is building behind me, but I ignore them as I do my best to shove the pain tightening my throat back into its vault. "You know...you might want to think about eating some of that makeup you caked on today. Maybe then you can be pretty on the inside."
Her mouth drops open and she scrambles for something to say.
Two girls walk by and my lips twitch when one of them purposely shoulder-checks Rianna.
"Excuse you!"
The one that did it winks at me before saying to Rianna, "Oh. My bad. I was just trying to move the trash out of the way."
Snickers sound out around the courtyard, and Rianna's face turns a funny shade of red.
"I—I—I feel sorry for you," Rianna says to me.
I close the distance between us and reach out to pat her cheek. "Funny enough, I don't think about you at all."
With a screech, she turns away and only makes it a few steps before some guy sticks his foot out in front of her, sending her crashing to the ground.
"Spunk-chariots belong on the ground where they're most useful," he drawls before shooting me a wink and walking away with his buddies.
There's a part of me that feels bad for her—the good part that is only there because of Joely. But even though it goes against everything I believe in, I don't help her. Instead, I step around her and head toward the brick building.
Keaton is standing at the top of the steps and for a few seconds, I let him see all the pain and hatred in my eyes before I empty them, pretending that he's not there.
As I walk by him and reach out to open the door, he lifts his hand to touch me, but Amelia releases my arm so quick I stumble to the side.
He grunts as she shoves her fist into his gut. "Do not touch her." He nods, but she's not done with him. "Say, Keaton. Did you get your results back yet? Is your dick going to fall off?"
"I'm waiting on the results," he admits in a quiet, husky voice as he rubs his stomach.
I don't stick around to hear anything else.
So much for making him eat his heart out.
Fucking Rianna had to go fuck with my moment.