I'm a wreck.
Now, even hours after leaving Zoe, my heart races and my head is so high up in the clouds I can hardly focus on the menu or what Brooks and Riggs are rambling about across the table from me. Something about the Chiefs game? Honestly, I couldn't care less because all I want to do is replay those few hours in my mind over and over again.
The sound of her infectious laughter. The light in her eyes as she talked about her work. The way she'd brush her hair behind her ear and blush every time I smiled at her. Blue dress hanging on her merciless curves, painted red lips curled up in a heart-stopping grin, nude high heels dangling off of her foot. The conversation was fun and easy, and the chemistry between us was explosive.
And Jesus, when I helped her put that microphone on... it was literally painful to walk away. I had to spend the entire interview hiding my erection, and acting like Zoe didn't have as hot and bothered as she did. I was sweating bullets the entire time Maureen spoke, just thinking about how incredible Zoe felt in my hands. Thinking about how I wanted to trace them along every inch of her. Thinking about the gentle shiver that fell over her at my touch. She felt it, too, and I've been cursing myself for not pushing it farther. Zoe's addicting, and I'm desperate for a fix.
Its almost embarrassing how hard I'm falling for this girl after such a short time, but Zoe's different. Especially from all the uniform chasers I've dated recently. She's got her own thing going and none of the noise or notoriety around me phase her. In fact, she's refreshingly unimpressed by the firefighter thing. She's younger than I am, smart as a whip, and if we're being honest, probably way out of my league. And if she has any sense at all, she'll realize that soon.
But I've never met a challenge I didn't like, and Zoe's no different. All I need is a little time to convince her to give me a chance, and if I can do that, I'll have her falling just as hard as I am.
This thing with Zoe...it's reckless. Dangerous. Irresponsible. Luckily, that's basically my brand.
"Yo!" Brooks slaps the back of my head. "Are you gonna order?"
A waitress stands next to our table, and she's already annoyed, clicking her pen and shooting me an impatient glare. She looks like she'd rather be anywhere else, and I don't blame her. It's the height of summer season and the beach is crawling with tourists. It took us nearly an hour to get this spot in the bar, and we've been yelling all night just we can hear each other over the noise.
"Uh, a Jack and Coke." I pass the menu back to her and she heads back to the bar.
"Boys with your parents tonight?" Riggs asks, slugging back a glass of water.
I shake my head. "No, Gwen came into town this afternoon and wanted to spend some time with them. I guess she's only here for a few days so we rearranged some things. They're bowling tonight."
Gwen's visits are kind of like a hurricane. Not much warning, absolute hell for about twenty-four hours, and I'm left picking up the pieces for the boys for the next several weeks.
"Ah, damn." Brooks cringes. "How long is the wicked with of the west here?"
"Never long." I shrug. Gwen's never been much of a mother, despite how hard I tried to make her one.
It was me who talked her in to keeping the baby when she got pregnant at sixteen. Me who spent a thousand sleepless nights rocking him back to sleep. Me who skipped college and went straight to work to support our family. Me who knew his favorite movies, the way he liked the crust cut off of his sandwich, which animals he liked to sleep with. Me who practically raised James on my own, while she continued living her life just as she always planned. The parties, the friends, the trips. The freedom.
And then it was me who stupidly thought another baby would fix things between us. We were older this time around, we had a house and money and things would be different. At least that was what I told myself. Unfortunately, it did the opposite, and as soon as the divorce was final, she signed over almost all of her parental rights to me.
It's been six years now, and I've pretty much let go of all of my resentment towards Gwen. The only anger I was still harboring was because the boys deserved so much better than a mother who only showed up when it was convenient.
"Why do you let her do that?" Brooks groans. "You don't have to bend over backwards to let her see them on a whim, you know."
As my best friend, Brooks was with me through all the bullshit with Gwen, and he makes no effort to hide how he feels about her. Not to her face, and certainly not to me.
"I know, but they still love her and I'm not going to get in the way of that." I've done my best to be sure that my own feelings don't skew how they see her, and they both still idolize her. True colors always shine through, though, and at some point, they'll see her for what she is. But Gwen is the last person I want to think about tonight.
"You're a better man than me. I'd make her beg." Brooks shakes his head as the waitress drops our drinks off at the table. "I should have known it was Gwen who had you so wound up tonight."
"Actually, it's something else." I smirk, pressing the glass to my lips. The Jack and Coke is strong, but it goes down easy. Almost too easy, but with the boys gone tonight, nothing is stopping me.
"I had that interview with channel seven today." I say. "And I ran into the girl from the zoo."
Both of them look back at me, waiting for more. For years, the guys have been after me to find someone new, but after a string of lousy luck in that department, it's been the last thing on my mind. Until now.
"Zoe? The Zookeeper?"
I nod. "We had lunch after the show, and just sat there talking for hours. She's..."
I trail off, unable to finish my thought. She's so many things. Drop dead gorgeous. Brilliant. Witty. Passionate. Independent. Perfect.
"Wait a damn second." Riggs laughs. "You're into the crazy cat lady?"
"Give him a break." Brooks socks his shoulder. "The pussy must be phenomenal."
"I bet you really make her purr."
Riggs and Brooks bust out into laughter, nearly toppling off their bar stools.
I shoot back the rest of my drink, signaling to the waitress that I needed another. Especially if this conversation is going to continue this way. It's all in fun, though. These guys are my brothers and giving each other a hard time is sort of a love language between us. If we're not messing around with each other, then something is wrong. That light hearted banter is what keeps us sane around the firehouse with all the trauma we see.
"Alright, alright. Go ahead and have your fun."
He catches his breath, still out of sorts from his laughing episode. "And all joking aside, I'm happy for you. You deserve a little fun in your life."
"So you really like her?" Riggs asks, finishing his beer.
"I mean, today was only our first date, but... yeah. I think I do." Saying it out loud makes the realization hit harder. For the first time since Gwen, I feel a real, authentic connection with a woman and admitting it my friends feels good. Kind of like giving myself permission.
"Well, tell us about her." He pries. Unlike Brooks, Riggs is a romantic at heart. He's been with his high school sweetheart for fifteen years now and they have the kind of love that makes anyone on the outside nauseous. He loves this kind of thing, and I'm up for any excuse to talk abut Zoe.
"She's cool." I shrug, downplaying my infatuation a bit. I don't want the guys to know how swept away I already am. "She's from Arizona originally, but before she was at the zoo, she was working on her Ph.D in South Africa. They tracked lions through a huge national park to try to learn more about their genetics, and she actually saved Miko while she was there. And now she's taking over the zoo's feline cardiology program. I've never really met anyone as passionate about what they do as I am. She's just...special, I guess."
The waitress delivers us another round of drinks and Brooks leans back with a goofy grin pulling at his lips.
"What?" I let out a sharp laugh. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"You're already falling for this girl, aren't you?"
"Brooks..." I'm annoyed, but I don't deny it.
"No, I can hear it in your voice," he insists. "She's got you, man."
Maybe it's because I know he's right, but I'm more defensive about his teasing than usual tonight. Brooks is a serial dater, and he likes it that way. He's fine with the constant carousel of woman who like the clout of sleeping with a fire fighter, and settling down isn't in his vocabulary. That's fine for him, but we don't all function that way. Especially not when I have the boys to think about. I can't exactly parade every one who gives me the time of day through my house like Brooks can.
"If I remember right, you were the one who was encouraging me to go after her. Something about the crazy ones being better in bed?"
"That's true. I did say that. But I said it so you'd get laid and loosen up a little, not fall in love."
Riggs rolls his eyes. "Well, I for one think it's a great thing. When are you going to see her again?"
"Hopefully tomorrow. I'm going to call her as soon as I get home tonight."
Brooks face twists as he leans forward onto the table, and he's about to say something he thinks is profound. Usually when he does this, he's about to give you some unsolicited advice that may or may not actually work, and I have a feeling that's what coming. "You can't call her tonight. She'll think you're desperate."
"Or maybe she'll think I had a good time today and that I'm into her...?"
"No." Brooks shakes his head. "If you're really into this girl, you need to play it safe. Wait three days and build up a little anticipation. Girls love that shit. It'll make her crazy for you by the time you call."
His position shifts so fast, I'm dizzy. Wasn't he just giving me hard time for taking it so seriously?
"I don't know if that will work with her." I protest. "Zoe's..."
"Special. We know. " Brooks quips. The sappy romance is not for him, but he's supporting me the only way he knows how. "Trust me, Tanner, you don't want to seem as eager as you are. Like I said, she'll think you're desperate. You need to be intentional about this if you're dating for keeps."
Three days? I vaguely remember some dumb rule like that in like, middle school, but do people still do that?
For a hot second, I wonder if he's right. I haven't been serious about a woman in years, and this whole dating-for-keeps is a little new to me. Is that what I'm doing? Dating for keeps? Do I want more with Zoe? After only a few hours ago, it's hard to tell, but I was sixteen the last time I was in love with a girl, so I'll be the first to admit I'm out of practice.
Brooks dates like it's his second job, so maybe I should put a little stock into what he's telling me.
I don't want to mess things up before they're even started, so maybe I'll take his advice. It's only three days, how hard could it be?