Chapter Forty-Five: 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖋𝖊𝖗𝖛𝖔𝖗.
word count; 7.1k
note: i think we've all been waiting for this one 🌚
Left alone within the confines of the juggernaut, your mind wandered.
Thinking about what the future may hold for yourself, Din, and Grogu thrilled you. Moving to a planet, possibly even establishing a life there on Nata. That was something you never imagined you'd be capable of achieving, much less with them. If you could travel back and tell yourself that this would be the outcome of acquiring that bounty and your temporary partnership with Din, you never would've believed it for a second.
You wanted it. But now that you were here, pondering over it, without the disaster your emotions were before, part of it didn't seem plausible. Maybe you were becoming too optimistic about this idea. It might never happen, because nobody could ever predict what will occur on Gideon's lightcruiser once you arrive to rescue Grogu. There was a significant chance that the kid might not even be there, and the Moff had taken him elsewhere while he was kept hostage. Even worse... he may not have survived. The notion was infuriating and discouraging altogether. It was difficult to bear the thought, but it was a possibility. Then what? What would Din and yourself do afterwards, without Grogu?
So much could go wrong.
It's not only Grogu. It could be you, or maybe even Din. There's always a chance that one of you won't escape alive.
As much as you wished you could obtain that life, it was actually rather improbable given your circumstances. There was still the problem that you need to be trained by a Jedi—or at the very least, learn how to control your powers yourself. The fear of accidentally hurting someone still lingered every now and then. It hadn't occurred yet, but it could. One day, it could and that was one of the largest risks you'd be taking if you decided to be with Din.
A quiet sigh sounded through the vehicle. This was a decision you'd have to think through carefully.
Din and Mayfeld were taking an eternity. It had been... approximately half an hour, but you hadn't heard a single sign of trouble. Which was fine. You were backup and you were here to fight in case the plan somehow went awry, but this was good. There were no obstacles interrupting you for now. You only worried that Mayfeld had betrayed Din in the process of earning the information on Gideon's location, because that was a large probability given that he was formerly Imperial.
You considered peering out the front window and sneak a glimpse of what may be happening around you since the transport had been parked inside the base, but that was unlikely. This convoy was surrounded by troopers, pilots, and officers—and you could hear their footsteps and conversation clearly from where you sat. So you could not risk it. Though as the sounds of the rhydonium being unloaded behind you reached your ears, you hoped that this would be over soon, before someone stepped inside to guide the juggernaut elsewhere.
Then came the abrupt sound of a bullet.
There was silence for a moment.
You waited, anticipation crawling deep within your bones. Silently hoping that didn't mean anything—but it was blaster fire, of course it meant something. Din was not in his beskar right now, and that was what you feared the most. He was vulnerable to being shot straight through the head or the chest, because Imperial armor was fragile and useless.
The shooting continued.
This was a definite shoot-out. So you hastened outside the juggernaut as quickly as you possibly could, heading straight for the source of the bullets. It wasn't too distant, and it seemed it was taking place in what was presumably a breakroom for the officers and troopers. There, you reocgnized Mayfeld—but that was it. Several shoretroopers fired him down, but he was surprisingly holding his ground on his own.
You revealed your blaster and assisted him against the enemies around you both. It didn't take long for you to become a target to everyone within the Imperial base, given that you were lacking their usual attire. As you fired multiple troopers down, you took note of the pilot that seemed to have turned against his team, because he was fighting against the Imperials as well. You assumed he was one of Mayfeld's acquaintances, but... you couldn't find Din.
Which was making you skeptical.
Shooting came to an abrupt stop. It was you, Mayfeld, and the pilot that assisted you against the troopers and officers—but no sign of Din anywhere.
You couldn't trust them. Not even Mayfeld.
"Where's Mando?" you demanded, earning a startled expression from the supposedly former Imperial as you pointed your blaster to his friend. A threat to kill him if you didn't receive an answer.
"Uh..." Mayfeld seemed to be at a loss for words, unable to form a response. His eyes darted back and forth between your angered face, and the pilot—who had frozen the second you lifted the gun. "Well, he's..."
Your cold eyes swapped over to the trooper, shoving your weapon to his throat. His dark hair was in a tousled mess over his forehead from the previous fight. He didn't seem hostile. Not even fearful of the fact that your finger lingered tightly against the trigger. No, he was more... shocked. Stunned and fixed to his spot, incapable of moving or speaking... But you were going to squeeze the words out of them, even if they didn't comply. You'd gladly kill the both of them if they didn't. You could find Din on your own.
"Where is he?" you repeated, pressing on. The thought of what they could've possibly done to him enraged you even further, and the grip on your blaster strengthened. "What did you do to him?"
But they weren't kriffing saying anything and you were growing impatient—
Your finger pushed down, and the pilot seized the barrel, thrusting it away from his head. The bullet blasted through the ceiling above. His free hand whirled you around, forcing your back against his chest. An arm wrapped firmly around your middle and he never released his grip on your weapon. You tried and tried to liberate yourself from him—first, prying his fingers from your blaster, and then attempting to push his arm away. He was unyielding. But didn't dare loosen your clutch on the gun, even as he was drawing it away from you.
"Stop— stop!" he growled in your ear. Yet you never stopped struggling against him, cramming your elbow into his stomach several times, trying to break free, anything to— "Stop it! It's me."
And you froze.
Because you recognized that voice.
A low gravelly voice. No modulation. No distortion, no vocodor, no helmet. It was Din's clear voice.
"It's me..." he reiterated in a gentler tone. His breath fanned your ear as he still breathed heavily from the earlier shoot-out. Even as his arm slackened from your body and he let go of your blaster, you didn't move. Too surprised to act. Too confused to speak.
No helmet.
Why?
You shrugged him off you, backing away several feet form him. That... was Din. You nearly killed him. He was standing in front of you. With nothing covering his face. With nothing to conceal his startled brown eyes— of course. Of course that was him. How could you not have noticed? The earlier incident, when you accidentally stole a brief glimpse of his eyes. How did you not realize they seemed familiar? The same gaze, the same crease between his eyebrows. That was all you glanced at.
You felt horrible.
Your head diverted to a different direction. Anywhere that wasn't his face. All you had seen were his eyes. That was all. Not his curly hair. Not his tanned skin. Not the stubble around his chin and jawline. Nothing else. You only saw his eyes... Those soft, umber hues.
You ruined everything Din grew up believing in.
The mere notion of it left you feeling guilty.
Neither of you could utter a single word to each other. So you spotted his helmet on a nearby table, and swiftly headed over to grab it.
"Hey, I mean this is fine, right?" Mayfeld interrupted your rampant thoughts. You had completely forgotten he was there, given that you were distracted by... Din. This meant he had seen Din's face as well. You weren't the only one. But... that didn't exactly make the situation any better. Your gaze snapped over to the ex-Imperial. How was this fine? Then, "You're married anyway."
What?
Married. To Din.
No.
Well, the idea wasn't all that bad, it's just... not true.
Oh. Maybe that little joke when you and Mayfeld initially met had been taken seriously by everyone else...
"That wasn't..." you hesitated, wishing Din would clear everything up, but... he only grunted. As if he didn't want to continue this conversation. Neither did you, but Mayfeld needed to know if he actually fell for that. "If that were true, would I have tried to kill him five minutes ago?"
"Oh... Really? You were fake-married this whole time—"
"Drop the subject, Mayfeld, please..." you muttered, ending the discussion when you turned to Din. You only stared into the thin visor of the helmet in your grasp, without risking another stolen peek of his face. "I'm sorry," was all you could manage, handing the object over to him.
"You did what you had to do," Mayfeld added, without glancing over either. "I never saw your face."
"Neither did I... We can forget this ever happened."
You wished that were true.
It wasn't that you didn't want to see him... But this was not how it was supposed to go. If it was ever going to happen. Din revealing his face to you one day was never something that was guaranteed. If he ever decided to, then he could go ahead. But only if he wanted to.
You doubted he wanted it like this either. Now his Creed was broken... and you were part of it.
From your peripheral vision, you observed as Din wordlessly settled the helmet back over his head.
At least it seemed they processed Gideon's coordinates into the datastick.
"Security to main comms," an authoritative voice echoed within the speakers spread throughout the base. "Security to main comms."
Great. That signified reinforcements—which soon arrived within a few seconds. Everyone's blasters were drawn out as troopers caved in on you guys, pushing you back against the metal windows that allowed minimum light to seep in from outside.
"Ready?" Din yelled amongst the continuous shooting. You stole a brief glance back to see what he was referring to, and quickly caught up on his plan. "Go!"
All three of you slammed your feet back into the lower portion of the window, kicking a section off and allowing enough space to slip through. You escaped after Mayfeld, and Din was right behind you. There was hardly any space for you guys on the ledge of the building. Below was what was presumably a massive dam, with violent waters crashing against the structure. If either of you fell, it would be easy to drown yourselves in there. Your knees slackened a bit at the sight, so you kept your gaze up and pretended there was no dam below, continuing along the thin perimeter of the building.
The brisk flashes of bullets zipping past you caught your ears. You glanced up to find Cara and Shand in their sniping positions a distance away, taking down several troopers that pursued your group. Up ahead was ladder. Trusting in the snipers to ward off any soldiers, you continued towards it until you reached the steps. Mayfeld clambered up as quickly as he possibly could, yet it seemed he was going painstakingly... slow.
"Move!" you shouted.
"The hell you think I'm doin?!" Mayfeld yelled back.
He hurried, and reached the rooftop with you trailing closely behind. You turned around, assisting Din up the ladder as well, before hurriedly rushing towards the Slave I. It lingered by the edge of the roof, awaiting your arrival with a lowered ramp. Sprinting towards the starship, a few troopers tried to hinder you guys, but you watched as Cara and Shand shot them down with precision. When you reached Fett's ship, the distance between the ramp and the rooftop was rather significant, so the three of you had to jump as far as you possibly could. Thankfully, you and Din landed safely—although somewhat wobbly—and Mayfeld nearly slipped. But you were able to keep him from slipping off the ramp as the ship lifted up into the air. You felt a hand grip your cloak to ensure you wouldn't lose your balance—and it was Din, as he fired down the final troopers on the border of the rooftop.
"Enjoy your little adventure out of prison?" you asked, pulling him up steadily.
"Yeah!" he replied sarcastically and out-of-breath. "Oh, yeah, I'm never agreeing to this ever again. But you know what? Hand me that cycle rifle."
Din grabbed the rifle from the interior of the Slave I, before passing it over to Mayfeld—who made quick use of it. Momentarily, he aimed for one of the juggernauts below, which contained rhydonium cargo. Then, he pressed on the trigger. Even with the continuously moving starship and the distance from the base, his aim was still exact. His skills were actually better than you originally imagined. The fuel caused an immense explosion, lighting the entire refinery into flames and ultimately destroying that hidden Imperial base.
He was definitely not a stromtrooper.
Mayfeld turned back to you and Din, who could only watch. "We all need to sleep at night."
You shared a look with Din... He couldn't speak, and neither did you. You feared he may be angered at the fact that you snuck a glance of his face. You weren't entirely sure how to feel about that yet. But you definitely shouldn't have looked—that's for certain.
Quietly, you sighed and head back into the main cabin of the Slave I. Everyone strapped themselves into their seats whilst Fett piloted the starship away from the refinery.
"We got company," Fett declared through the comms. "Hang on!"
Abruptly, the ship was thrusted to the side, dodging the attacks of the pair of TIE-fighters pursuing your team. The screeched of the fighters reached your ears—which quickly came to an brusque stop when the Slave I dropped a detonator. By the sound of it, you recognized it to be a seismic charge, and the remaining enemies were easily eliminated.
So Fett landed the ship soon afterwards in order to retrieve Cara and Shand. Din and Mayfeld had changed back into their usual attire, discarding their pilot armor. There was a brief conversation with Mayfeld outside, where Cara allowed him to leave... pretending that he happened to have died in the refinery explosion. For a second, he could hardly believe that he was being released from prison. But he did good today. He hadn't failed you guys as you initially believed he would, and he never mentioned Din removing his helmet again. Not even once. As annoying as he was, he was appreciated and he should be able to enjoy a second chance.
Din and Cara conversed between each other for another moment, though you head back into the ship. There, you were met with Shand settled on one of the seats, wiping her sniper rifle with a rag. She acknowledged your presence as soon as you stepped inside. "You seem shaken up."
Did you really? You thought it hadn't been too obvious that something happened back there in the base... "Can I borrow your room again?"
She sent a curt nod your way. "Don't use it anyway."
You could use a moment for yourself after everything. So you returned to the room, shut the door and sat yourself on the single cot in the corner. Burying your face in your palms, you released a heavy sigh as the guilt began to overwhelm you. First, the Razor Crest and the kid are lost... and now you're partly the reason why Din broke his Creed. It seemed that there was no end to this—that disaster followed you guys everywhere you traveled.
Din's voice was audible on the other side of the door, his modulated voice distant and muffled. Soon afterwards, you felt the Slave I lift into the air.
You hoped Din wouldn't come into the room... Not yet, at least. You weren't sure what you'd say or what he'd say, because it was all another shock to you two. It was never expected for his face to be forcibly revealed to you like this, much less on this specific mission. It was similar to when you decided to leave the Jedi Order: you were left with feelings of repent for cycles, because you had promised to repay the Jedi for saving you. You never did, and you'd hate for Din to share these exact feelings of regret as you. You recognized how much he was devoted and dedicated to his Creed. For years, since he was a kid, he vowed to never show his face to absolutely anyone and yet... within a few minutes, all of it had been ruined.
Your chest heaved with a sigh, and you stood to head for the door.
Only, as soon as you were leaving, Din entered. You froze—partly because you nearly slammed into his armored chest, and partly because...
Well... when you looked into his visor, although it was his Mandalorian helmet, you still couldn't erase the image of his brown eyes from your head.
You struggled to find the correct words to say, without sounding awkward. All you could manage was a small, "Hi."
"Hi," he replied, pausing for a moment. Then, "I... just sent a holomessage to Gideon."
"Good." That was progress. The Moff's coordinates were located, so he was able to send a message across to him. "What did you say?"
"Something he'll find very familiar. If he received it, then he knows we're coming for him very soon."
"That's good." You should probably leave, you thought. He might want time for himself after what happened to him. "I have to... speak to Cara about something."
"Wait." He stopped you before you could pass through the doorway (and it wasn't like you could pass anyway, because his body blocked it). Your anxiety spiked and your brain blanked when his hand delicately wrapped around your upper arm, hoping you wouldn't leave yet. "We should... talk."
Your heart pounded painfully upon hearing his suggestion. A million thoughts twisted and distorted your head, fearing he might be angry with you. That he might hate you after this. (But that was okay, right?) What occurred recently could not go unspoken between you two, no matter how many times you insisted that it never happened. (If he hated you, it didn't matter). Perhaps this could go unmentioned with Mayfeld, but not with you and Din... This was different. (If he hated you, you could leave and it wouldn't matter to anyone).
You agreed, and stepped back into the room with him, the door sealing shut behind you.
You were being selfish. It would matter to someone—to Grogu. Were you going to let him watch you leave again?
"I'm sorry," you started immediately. He hates you. There's no use in apologizing. "You have every right to be mad at me."
"I'm not mad at you," he answered easily, without hesitation. He's not mad at you. He doesn't hate you. "It wasn't an accident. I had to take my helmet off."
You weren't sure how to process that. He removed his helmet... willingly?
It doesn't matter if it was an accident or not. You should tell him anyway.
You couldn't tell him now... How could you?
"The terminal had to scan someone's face so I could access the information," Din explained when you remained silent, without offering a response. "Mayfeld recognized a nearby officer. He feared the officer would recognize him, too. He wanted to back down, but I couldn't leave without the coordinates."
"So you took your helmet off," you finished. "For Grogu."
"I did. I just..." His vocodor crackled as he paused and sighed. "I would've preferred you to bethe first to see my face. Not Mayfeld."
You could only give him a curt shrug of your shoulders. You weren't sure what to reply with... Because you were not a former Imperial, so how could you have been there with him? Maybe he had been slightly more comfortable if you had been there, but it would've still involved breaking his Creed. Everyone there—the officers, the troopers, you—would've damaged what he believed in, so what was the difference? It was all the same.
"Cyar'ika... When I said I would've shown you my face if we ran away, I meant it." He stopped for a second, as if awaiting an answer. But you couldn't bring yourself to open your mouth and speak. You were supposed to be warning him that you were leaving soon... and yet he was bringing this subject up. It wasn't helping you in any way. "There isn't anyone else in the galaxy I would be comfortable showing my face to... than with you and the kid."
Nobody else. Just you and Grogu.
It doesn't matter. You're leaving.
But it did matter. If it didn't matter, you wouldn't be second-guessing your decision right now.
"It can't happen, Din." You battled to maintain a strict expression, crossing your arms across your chest. "Not again."
"It can..."
You were beginning to tremble. You had no idea why, but you were feeling the faint quiver of your fingers as you gripped the fabric of your scarlet cloak. Your nerves were everywhere and your brain faltered again— it was difficult to comprehend all of this. That he was alright with removing his helmet in front of you again. This wasn't right, and your guilt never diminished. Not even as he admitted that.
"If you'll let me."
"No," you refused, lowly. How could he do that to his Creed? To what he grew up obeying? You knew what it was like—leaving the Jedi Order, even when you swore you'd repay them for rescuing you—and you couldn't allow Din to undergo this as well. "You can't."
"Why not?"
Tell him.
Tell. Him.
You should leave. That way, he wouldn't break his Creed ever again. Not in front of you, at least.
"Because when we rescue Grogu, I'm leaving." You attempted to sound optimistic about this... but how? How could you if this was the exact opposite of what you truly wanted? "For some time, actually. I need to figure out some things. It'll be easier for you and Grogu."
Your heart shattered at his subtle reaction—the way he shifted his weight, trying to approach you but not knowing if he should, his visor not straying from you for a single second—all because he couldn't believe what he was hearing. He couldn't fathom the fact that even after everything, you wished to leave him, including Grogu. "Please don't..."
"It'll be alright," you insisted. "Maybe you'll be safer. I'm still scared of it happening again..."
"That hasn't happened in a while. Not since Nevarro. And this would've happened anyway, even if you weren't here—the Empire would've taken Grogu anyway. You tried your best. Don't think it's your fault—"
"You're not understanding." Your voice was growing bitter, the conversation converting into an argument. You despised the fact, because you were the one causing the dispute and you were the one who was angry. Even if there was no reason to be irritated with him. Even if there was no reason to disagree with him like this... but he needed to accept this. You were leaving. He wasn't going to agree with this unless you were harsh with him. "We can't. We're not supposed to be together. You're a Mandalorian... and I was a Jedi. It doesn't make sense for us to get along. We never even got along to begin with."
"But things changed," Din countered. "We started getting along. It's not like before."
"No! It's just like before. We hated each other. We started getting along. We started fighting again. We hated each other again. We started getting along again. We're gonna start arguing again— it's the same thing! In the end, we're always what we have been: narudars. You said it yourself, Din."
"This is about that? You're... doing this because I pushed you away first."
"No—"
"You shouldn't have ever forgiven me for that, but..."
"It's not that. It's not..."
He was making it so difficult to argue with him. To stay determined with this decision, without leaving him feeling guilty.
"What about Nata?" he asked. Your gaze lowered when he mentioned your plan to escape to that planet... You feared he'd bring the subject up, but you were going to have to explain to him anyway. "We were supposed to go there together."
Silently, you sighed. Hoped that Din couldn't see past you. See your affliction. Your torment. Your grief... Hoped that all he saw was a bland, serious, resolute expression. And you managed a quiet, "I don't want to go to Nata."
"Then we can go somewhere else," he suggested, practically a plead for you to stay. You might be intent on leaving, but he sounded more determined to convince you than you could ever be... "Anywhere. It doesn't matter. Just... stay with me. Please."
"No." You shook your head, taking a step back from him... Gathering the strength to continue. "I don't want to... be with you."
Your own words sickened you to your stomach, nauseating you to the core—and you couldn't imagine how he must be feeling if he actually did care about you. If he actually wanted you to stay with him. He didn't deserve the way you were treating him. He shouldn't be hearing the harsh words that were escaping your mouth. You weren't sure whether you'd prefer him to believe you or perceive the truth behind your argument. Din couldn't respond, and it left you feeing vile. Horrible. Selfish. All you could do was watch as he stood there... slowly lowering his visor. Giving up.
You hurt him.
"This is because you saw my face," he assumed, lowly.
"It's not because of that. I never saw your face."
"It happened. You can't say otherwise, because it happened. You changed your mind because you saw me—"
"Don't say that." You couldn't believe he could even imagine that. That never altered your feelings towards him. Never. "That's not the reason. It's not because I saw your face."
"Then what?"
"Din, just— stop asking."
"Tell me... You can leave, but tell me what I did wrong."
You didn't do anything wrong.
There wasn't anything he had done to deserve this, and you longed to explain everything to him... How much you cared for him. How much you appreciated him for everything he'd sacrificed to help you. How much you were grateful for his patience with you, even when you were indignant and frustrated. How much you desired to let him know how much you loved him, but you were much too terrified of saying those simple words...
Din was only met with complete silence. Your fingers fidgeted with the hem of your cloak's sleeves, anxiously and relentlessly, but you couldn't bring yourself to open your mouth.
"Cyar'ika..."
No.
His soft plead prompted you into turning around, ending up with your back facing him. The room was compact, so you still didn't have much space from him. It was better than facing him, though... Because with your watering eyes and your lower lip beginning to quiver, it was becoming more complicated to hide the fact that this was all fake. That you never wanted to leave him. That you would much rather escape to Nata with him and the kid. That you wanted to be with him.
A heavy silence subdued the air.
"I'm..."
He muttered something, faintly and tentatively, but—
You heard that.
"What?" Whirling back around, you waited for him to reiterate that. But he hadn't, and so you neared him until you were inches away from his dark visor. "What did you say?"
Din seemed unsure, his gaze averting from you...
"Say it again," you insisted. Did he regret saying it? Did you hear that correctly? Was that even... reality? Were your ears playing tricks on you? You reached out for him, gently placing a palm on the side of his helmet to redirect his eyes back to you. But he was frozen... wordless. "Din, please."
"I'm in love with you," he voiced. Louder. Clearly. Confidently.
You were losing your mind. If that was what you understood, then you had seriously gone crazy under all this pressure. Shock registered in your brain. You took a few seconds—possibly more than that—to wrap your head around his confession. By then, your hand lowered from his helmet, blinking several times before mustering the courage to speak again. "I don't think you know what you're saying... You can't be in love with me."
"I am," he claimed, obstinately. He sounded absolutely convinced about this, but was it the truth? It was difficult to fathom that he truly were in love with you, even through... everything. Through all the hardships and the problems you caused between yourself and him. "I have been for a while."
Din was simply under pressure—similarly to you. He was overwhelmed and devasted over everything he's recently lost. Grogu, the Razor Crest, his Creed... and now you. It was making him feel things he shouldn't. Things he doesn't genuinely feel. None of this was real. His feelings would fade as the time passed, and eventually you wouldn't matter to him anymore. He was only nervous about losing a partner he'd grown accustomed to having besides him. But you had been absent before, and he was fine. So he would be alright after this. He'll have Grogu, after all. He won't be completely alone.
"How could you say that if- if you kicked me off your ship?! That doesn't make sense— is this some sort of trick?"
"Why would I trick you?"
"I don't know, I just... I don't know."
Patiently, he waited for you to calm down. Allowed you a moment to think, as your eyes drifted away from him again, as frustration and confusion was consuming you. But he learned. He had learned after all this time, to stay quiet temporarily... let you gain your composure again. That was precisely what happened. When a deep sigh left your throat and your gaze returned to him, he finally started. "I don't remember how it happened, Cyar'ika. Sometime on our run together, there were... feelings I couldn't explain. It might've been since the prison ship. Or Tatooine, or maybe even Sorgan. But by the time we reached Nata... I realized."
Nata. He came to terms with the fact that he loved you on Nata.
"Is that why you want to go back?" Your voice faltered, faintly breaking by those final words. Din undoubtedly noticed the way your eyes glistened with saltwater. At this point, that was inevitable.
"I was going to tell you there, when the right time came," he explained. Which obviously wouldn't have happened if you ended up leaving. So he took his chances, and confessed here. It had probably taken him plenty of effort to gather the valor and say it. That was something you never managed to do, and commended him for it... because you never would've been capable of doing so yourself, not even under the pressure of everything weighing down on you. Maybe he did truly love you, though you were simply shocked and it was difficult to wrap your head around it. After all this time. After all this time and he finally brought it up.
"You almost died trying to save me on Nevarro. I was... scared," he continued. "I didn't want to see it happen again."
Suddenly, it clicked within your brain. The puzzle pieces snapped together. Your gaze fell, and your voice was feeble as you complete his sentence, "So you told me to leave."
Din nodded, once. "To keep you safe."
"You could've just discussed it with me. We could've talked about it instead."
"I know. We were arguing a lot at the time, so I thought you hated me. I thought it would've been easier to let you leave." A pause. He seemed to calculate his words for a second, thinking through this intensively. "It was a mistake. I regretted it, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry if you thought I hated you all this time. But I stopped hating you a long time ago."
You turned back around again, burying your face in one of your palms, squeezing your eyes shut and permitting the tears to slip freely. Were you blind? Din loved you and you never noticed anything—absolutely stuck to the idea of yourself and him remaining enemies for the remainder of your lives. Too preoccupied on keeping your temporary alliance without realizing that you both shared the same feelings for each other. You never acted on it, because you thought...
Din never thought you loved him either.
Both had been completely oblivious to everything.
Everybody else in the entire galaxy could've known about this, except you and Din.
"Just know..." A hiss reached your ears, unquestionably the seal of Din's helmet. There was a silence as he set the beskar aside. His footsteps, painstakingly slow as they approached you from behind, sent your heart into an outburst and your nerves were uncontrollable. You could not stop the quivering that was beginning to wrack your body and you despised it. "That even if you don't believe it," his voice, gruff but gentle, lacked the distortion of his vocodor. Because, standing right behind you, he was without his helmet. Without anything covering his face, allowing you the chance to simply spin around and look him straight in the face. But you waited... Waited for him to finish.
"Even if none of this works out or you don't feel the same or we're separated again, I will always love you."
"Always?"
"Always, Cyar'ika. Only you."
Din has never shown you his true emotions like that... and it was so pleasant to hear. So relieving for him to confirm what you always doubted.
His gloved hand reached out for you, for your shoulder.
It turned out you weren't the only one trembling.
His hand slid down, shakily, to your wrist... then down to your hand, tentatively slipping his fingers between yours. You felt him so close to you—his touch, his breath—and then he tugged, pulling you around to face him. But you couldn't look up. You couldn't lift your eyes, fearing that you would break his Creed again. That the guilt rotting deep within you would worsen if you stole another brief glimpse of his face again. That had not been correct. You should never have looked, but it happened. Though as much as you wished you could gaze into those warm eyes again, you could only stare into the silver armor plating his chest. Watch your distorted reflection in his beskar, your expression—upset, confused, defeated—the evident glint of tears in your eyes. That was the face Din was looking at this entire time... and there was no doubt he had realized that it was faked. That you don't want to leave him.
He squeezed your hand, while the other reached to wipe the dampness from underneath your eyes. He knew. You failed to convince him that you were determined to leave.
But it was okay.
That wasn't necessarily bad, was it?
"We tried to push each other away because we thought it meant protecting each other. Right?" His gentle voice prompted you into nodding once. "It's not any better when we're separated, is it?"
"No. It's not," you managed, softly. "It never got easier even as the time passed."
"I don't know what I'll do if you leave again..."
"I won't," you replied without hesitation. You lifted his hand, which he still held intertwined with yours, and pressed a chaste kiss to the roughened skin of his knuckles. A flutter erupted within your chest at the thought of what you were going to say next: "I love you, Din. I can't leave you."
From your peripheral vision, you could see his relief—and how his chest sighed a breath of contentment at hearing that.
"We can still work," he muttered quietly, leaning in closer to you... When his forehead made contact with yours, you sealed your eyes shut and a small grin found its way to your lips, setting a palm to his chest. "We just need time."
You could still feel his nervousness every time he breathed, shakily, and you closed the gap between you and him. To soothe him. He sighed against your lips, pleased and relieved at the taste of you. He was gentle with you, but such a simple and brief kiss from him still managed to take your breath away from your lungs. It was concise, and as you were both calming down from your rampant nerves, you drew away from him.
"Open your eyes," he whispered. "Please."
Still, your eyes remained closed. "I don't want to break your Creed again."
"It's already broken," he answered. "Don't think about that anymore. I just want you."
Hesitantly, you opened your eyes and lifted them.
They slowly found their way along his neck, then his jaw... Square, with flecks of grey mottling dark scruff. His lips, pink and dry but you liked the way they tasted against your own. A faint scar across the bridge of a prominent nose caught your attention, and you briefly wondered how he must've gotten the mark. It was a fleeting thought. Because then you focused on his eyes. Brown. Warm. Nervous. He was nervous. And that was okay, because so were you. Your pulse raced at your proximity to each other. How clearly you could see him—every single detail of his face, even how his pupils were almost inky, blown wide at the sight of you. Perfect. Maybe it was because you loved him or maybe it were actually true. But to you, he was perfect. He was more than what you could've ever imagined.
You never believed you would ever gain the chance to see his face. There were times when you guessed he might feel something for you, but never to this extent. Never to the point that he couldn't bear the thought of you leaving him again. Never thought he actually loved you. How much time and problems and arguments could you have saved if you had simply acknowledged all of this earlier, and admitted your feelings to each other?
That didn't matter. Not much. Maybe your circumstances would've been easier but you were immensely pleased to share this moment with him. Knowing that he trusted you enough to reveal his face to you, to betray his Creed, brought a warmth to your chest.
It was evident that you were in love with everything about him... Including the curly mess his hair was in.
Din nearly flinched as he watched you reach for him. It had barely been noticeable, but you had seen it—the way he squinted, vaguely, as he wasn't accustomed to someone touching his face. You were on the verge of retracting your hand from him, when his fingers enveloped your wrist, calmly bringing your palm to the side of his face. You felt the bristles of his facial hair prickled against the skin of your hand. Felt his eyelashes flutter against your thumb each time he blinked, like the butterflies that circled your stomach. Felt him place a kiss to your wrist as he caressed your knuckles.
When was the last time he felt the touch of someone he loved?
Probably not since he was a child.
"I think..." You could hardly manage a complete sentence with the chaos your brain was in—but it was a good chaos. A chaos that developed a fond smile at the thought of Din loving you back. "I think you're very handsome."
He chuckled quietly. Finally, you could see his soft grin for the first time. He even tried to hold it back but, clearly, he failed. You couldn't see why, though, because he had one of the most pleasant smiles you'd ever seen. There was no reason to hide it. Then, "I didn't think I'd ever hear you say that about me."
Soft laughter left your throat. He wasn't wrong. You never thought he'd willingly show his face to you. As you lowered your palm from him, he kept you close to him by maintaining a hand on the small of your back. "How are we gonna do this, Din?"
"Let's figure everything out together," he suggested. "When we rescue Grogu, we'll have all the time we need."
You liked the thought of not rushing into anything. The last thing you wanted was to hasten into something that may never work out if hurried.
You were only a couple steps away from getting Grogu back to you guys. Now all you needed was to figure out whether the kid truly were still on that cruiser or not, and perhaps even recruit the Nite Owls if they agreed to it.
"For now, though..." you whispered, leaning into him. There were still a few hours to spare...
He seemed to understand the hint rather quickly because his gaze flickered down from your eyes, his hand reached for the nape of your neck, drawing your lips to his. You could feel the rough tickle of his stubble against your skin as you deepened the kiss, fingers threading through the dark hair on the back of his head, pulling him impossibly nearer to you. Your knees melted when you parted your teeth, letting his tongue slip into your mouth. Everything was so dizzying, and he could weaken you so easily—feeling his breath against your skin, tasting each other, his other hand gripping the fabric of your shirt to pull on you. Your stomach twisted when that same hand slipped underneath the material, fingers embracing your waist, calloused and pleasingly warm. You tugged on the collar of his shirt as he took your breath away so effortlessly.
And when he pulled back, allowing the both of you a chance to breath, your foreheads pressed together. "Do you want me to stop?" he asked, tentatively.
"No..." Your lips brushed against his with each whispered word. "Please don't."
This time, he didn't stop.
note:
KDJDNFNFKDKDDKSKDNDND
when i first started narudar, i knew this would be the moment they'd confess... i just didn't realize it would be FORTY-FIVE chapters into the story.
the slowburn was beginning to get to me but at least they finally did it 😭
sorry i had to ftb at the end, but when it comes to sex scenes i just can't— smut is the most difficult thing to write for me and the last thing i want is to get some cringy sex scene into narudar 🥲 ( but maybe one day )
soooooooo after this, there's only 3 chapters left for season 2... 😏
THANK YOU for making it this far. ik you guys were here for slowburn but i don't know if you thought the slowburn was going to be taken this far bc i didn't either 😀 but it's been a wild ride... and it's exciting now that they've finally confessed 🤭
I'LL SEE YOU GUYS NEXT CHAPTER!!