"Open the damn door, Gulf." Mew shouted banging on the door of Gulf's room.
"No."
"We aren't done talking yet."
"I'm done."
Mew yelled, "Gulf, stop being childish."
"You're the one who's being-"
"Come out right now and tell me who those men are." He demanded.
"What men?"
"Don't act innocent right now. You know what I'm talking about."
"I freaking don't." Gulf yelled in frustation.
"I saw those messages on your phone yesterday."
"What messages? I didn't ge-" Gulf stopped in mid sentence when he realized what Mew was talking about.
"Come out."
Gulf opened the door and came out looking scared. Mew looked absolutely livid right now and now that Gulf knew why he was angey with him in the first place, he couldn't help but blame himself. He had been fighting back because he thought Mew was being unreasonable but it all made sense now. It was his mistake and instead of apologizing he had been fighting with Mew.
"I'm sorry." Gulf mumbled.
"Huh? What are you apologizing for? I need answers." Mew said angrily.
"I'm really sorry."
"Are you actually having affair with all those men?" Mew asked horrified.
"NO. I'm not having affair with anyone." He defended himself immediately.
"Then what was all that? "
"It's just- um..... It's not what you think. I have a sort of a job."
Mew raised an eyebrow, "What job?"
Gulf gulped nervously, "There's an adult site-"
"You don't do what I'm thinking, right? You aren't a cam boy, right?"
Gulf's eyes widened, "No, not that. I write."
Mew was confused, "What do you write?"
"Adult fiction."
"Adult fiction?"
"Yeah."
"You mean porn."
Gulf pouted, "Adult fiction sounds better."
"What does those messages have to do with this?"
"I write gay fiction so many men comment on my story. Those notifications were from the app I use to write. People usually leave lots of comments and many of them message me on the app to get my attention. I don't reply to those messages because most of the time they are something lewd." Gulf took out his phone and opened the app showing it to Mew.
Mew went through messages and realized Gulf hadn't replied to any of them even once. "Why do you write these?"
"To get money. Lots of people pay to read my story so I get paid a lot."
"But why would you do this? You can ask me for money if you need it."
Gulf pouted at that, "I don't want to. It's embarrassing. It's your money-"
"You're my husband, Gulf. You have right on every penny I earn. I don't mind spending money on you."
"Still I wanted to earn my own money and since I have talent for absolutely nothing, this seemed like an easy way."
"Still Gulf writing porn-"
"What's wrong with it? People don't mind watching or reading it but someone who does or writes porn is disgusting? Then what does it make people who watch or read it?" He reasoned.
"I'm not saying what you do is disgusting. I don't mind you writing if you want to. But I don't like people messaging you like that. It makes me angry."
"Just ignore them. It's not like they actually know me."
"But they are objectifying my bub. It's getting on my nerves."
"Come on Mew, they don't even know my real name. They are just being creepy, that's all. All they can do is write stupid comments."
"Block them." Mew ordered him.
"I can't. They pay for my every story. I'll lose followers if I start blocking people like that."
"If it's for money then you can stop doing this. I'm here."
"I know but I like earning my own money. Maybe I'll stop when I get a good job."
"When did you start writing this?" Mew asked after a while.
"In middle school."
"WHAT? Seriously? You were just a kid." Mew asked surprised.
Gulf rolled his eyes, "It's not like you didn't watch porn in middle school."
"Yeah but that's different."
"It's not."
"Why did you start? For money? What about your parents?"
"It wasn't like I was poor or anything as you already know. I had everything anyone could possibly want but still being told that I couldn't eat something I loved or couldn't wear what I wanted to just because it was my preference was daunting. They discarded anything that would make me feel good."
"I really hate your parents."
"I want to hate them too but I can't. I was a very lonely child and it's funny but the first word that comes to my head is "starved". I felt starved of affection, starved of love and I felt that it wasn't OK to ask for it. Maybe there was a sense that if I deserved it, it would be there. There must be something I'd done which meant I didn't deserve it."
Mew pulled Gulf in his arms, "You freaking deserve more love than anyone I know. Just because people around you aren't good enough to give you that love doesn't make it your fault."
"Do you ever feel like you're missing out on so much just because of being who you are and not someone else? Whenever I see a beautiful person I wonder how it must feel to be that beautiful and if I'll ever feel like that. Or when I see someone who's confident and extroverted and I imagine how nice and easy it must be to be that way.
Or when I see someone that's my age who has already accomplished so much or been in so many places and experienced so many things, I can't help but feel like time is falling from my hands like sand and I'm not getting better or going anywhere.
I grew up watching movies and reading stories that made me believe that life was supposed to be constantly exciting and haven't felt that way many times and I just feel so stuck being myself. I wish I could be someone else." Gulf said as tears filled his eyes.
"Why would you want that? I like you the way you are."
Gulf scoffed, "That's why you called me a whore."
Mew looked down ashamed, "I'm sorry for that."
"It's so easy, isn't it? To just apologize after hurting someone."
"I'm really sorry. I lost my cool when I saw those messages."
"You could have first asked me about them instead of jumping to the conclusion."
"I know. It's my fault for disrespecting you like that. You can punish me for that."
"How?"
"You decide how you'll punish me."
"Can I poke your eyes?"
Mew winced, "That sounds really painful."
"It was painful for me too when you insulted me."
"Okay fine. Go ahead." Mew braced himself.
Gulf flicked him on forehead and then slapped him twice.
"Why did you slap me? You said-"
"I know what I said. I was worried you'll go blind if I poked your eyes."
Mew held his red cheek, "You slapped me too hard."
"You deserve it so stop complaining."
"So do you forgive me?" He asked hopefully.
"I don't know. I'm not angry at you anymore but I don't feel comfortable with you either."
"I understand. I really hurt you bad, didn't I?"
"You did and it's not like I never expected you to hurt me, it's just that I forgot how much I have become dependent on you and how bad it would hurt if you ever hated me."
"I didn't hate you."
"But you called-"
"Yes, I did and though it was really wrong of me and only reason I did that was because of my anger, even at that moment I didn't hate you. It hurt to think you liked someone else."
"Why would you care who I like?"
"Because I like you."
"You don't. You pity me. It's sympathy, Mew. It's not love." Gulf said sadly.
"Gulf, that's not true. Why would you say that?"
"Because of my mental disorder. You're only affectionate when I'm in that state."
"I love bub."
Gulf pouted adorably, "What about me?"
"I like bub more. He's cuter and absolutely adorable. And he loves me too."
"Then don't talk to me. Go talk to your bub."
"I'm talking to him."
"I'm not bub."
"You are. Gulf, he's part of you and as much as I love you, I love him too. I love when you're being playful and childish and also when you're serious and silent."
"I don't know what to say."
"Then don't say anything. Just be happy, bub. Here with me you can do whatever you want, you can live however you wish. There's no restrictions on you, no one will stop you from doing anything not even me. If I do anything to hurt you then you've my permission to slap me anytime."
Gulf giggled, "I'll beat you up."
"This is first time I have heard you giggling like that. It sounds nice."
"Really?"
"Yes, you're beautiful person, Gulf. And it's sad that you don't know it. I know our marriage started off wrong but let's make it work. If you aren't ready for anything more then let's be friends?"
"Friends." Gulf agreed.