Recently, I had been depressed, so I decided to distance a little bit to my social life because my life gets worse and worse by the second, seriously.
Words cannot explain how frustrated my heart is, he always hates me, and everyone hates me. No one understands my problem, that's why I have my Wattpad stories. I don't care if I get a million reads or be in the watty awards. I just want this to be my expression. , My chamber, my solitude.
Don't worry; I'm not that stupid to commit suicide, I'm not that type of person. But if you ask me, life is fucking beautiful, you should not waste every second of it. It's a gift.
My life is just imbalance as usual. I have loving friends; I have a little excess on my financial terms. I have understanding and loving parents (who sometimes I hate because I never get what I want, but I figured it out that I should be the one understanding them.)
But the thing is you may see that I'm overreacting. My report on history requires an interviewee and my group mates said that I should interview him. I was ecstatic of course, he was one of a kind, and I love him. Seriously love him; whenever I would see him, my world is just focused on him.
He's the reason why he made me an achiever, he's smart and nice but sometimes snobby, getting back to the point, I was really depressed when I saw that he really hated me that much. He avoided me when I wanted to interview him. I wanted to give him an iPod touch for his graduation, even an asus laptop. But he just treats me like crap. Like everyone else.
Just depressed, so expect a lot of updates lately because this is just my life now, I guess.
Sorry for the long story of my unnecessary life. I was crying when I was writing this, it made me think of him, but if you are reading this I just want you to know that I love you very much. And please let us be friends even if I love you a lot.
-Joshieeeeee
Here to Stay (Chapter 22)
Ross' POV
When I heard Oliver's car left, I wanted to go near to him, and comfort him. I know that he's the type of person that never blames anyone; he would take all the faults and mistakes of others to himself. I know that's its courageous of him to do such things. But to clear things up, I know that he's fragile and needs someone who will hold him and understand him.
When he closed the door, I closed my eyes also so he wouldn't doubt that I was eavesdropping on them. I wanted him that our relationship would be stagnant. But the thing is, whenever I would see him, some part of me says that I am incomplete and needs someone who can fill up the gap that was shattered. I know that I broke my girlfriend for him but I know deep inside he's having his confusions.
He looked at me and noticed that I was awake and heard all the commotion outside, I heard him say, "Ross, I know you're awake." He giggled and walked towards my place.
"Ha-ha" is the only thing I could utter; I was embarrassed, really embarrassed, I could feel that my face was burning up and my heart racing. I know it's quite awkward for us both. Since he has a boyfriend and I am making him fall for me.
"Ross, you look so cute" he brushed my hair repeatedly and then looked at my eyes. I know that he was just impressing me, but the looks at his brownish blue eyes tells me that he's telling the truth.
I blushed even harder, he giggled and then blushed also, and I knew that he fancied me a little. Judging by the looks of it, how I wish that I was first than Oliver, but who could tell, maybe I was just going to wait for a little while. Maybe I should wait for him to respond in this kind of situation.
"Ross, may I ask you something." He asks while being comfortable at my lap, I never knew that the sofa was that large that both of us could fit there.
"Sure." I agreed nonchalantly.
"If you had loved more than one person, what would be your reaction?" he asked sheepishly, I saw his cheeks turning crimson every single awkward moment we share here.
"Well, I don't usually support polygamy or other types of having more than one partner. But since you've asked me, it would be dishonesty on my part if you would put it in that way" I scratched my head thinking if my answer was right.
"Thanks" he hid his face, maybe he wasn't expecting a negative answer on my part, but he asked my opinion. He should accept it because it's my opinion.
"Ross, you need to rest." He patted my head treating me like a small child and then brushed some hair from my head then he leaned my head onto the pillow in order that I would be sleeping. "I'll be back; I'll just get some Chinese herbal medicine so your bruise will be gone in no time."
I buried my face down the blanket as I saw the beautiful creature left the living room and heading towards the kitchen, probably going to the medicine cabinet if you ask me. I just closed my eyes and waited for his arrival.
After a few minutes, he arrived with some boxes with incoherent letterings. Probably Chinese, he starts opening the box and I saw patches and them placing where Oliver had hit his fists in my face.
"Ow" is the only thing I could utter, the sensation that I was feeling is somewhat comparable to a corrosive material burning my face. I know it's not acidic, but it's super painful. The only thing I could ever think of is Josh. He was the one healing what his boyfriend did to my face. I don't blame him for that but he's curing me. I can't be more elated than ever before.
"Sorry Ross." He removes the patch and then the acidic feeling in my face was now gone. "You look like you had never been hit by my boyfriend, sorry about that aye."
I stood up and grabbed the nearest mirror near the coffee table. At first, it was hard to believe that my face was now normal; I tried to snap myself because I thought it was just a dream but it's not. It was really unbelievable.
As a sign of gratitude, I mumbled, "Thank you Josh for all of this." I hitched because I needed to breathe, "I can't think of any way I could repay you." I grabbed him and embraced him, I know that he just treats me as a friend so I never expected any reactions from him, but for me, sparks flew everywhere my body. I was ecstatic the moment when his body moved into mine. It was really magical and wonderful at the same time. It was grandiose for me.
When I decided to break the embrace, I heard him say, "Stay here for a while Ross, please." He pleaded then looked down at the sofa; I guess someone's embarrassed over me.
"Sure Josh." I embraced him again and looked at the time, I know that my mother would murder me because I didn't have the courage to say no to him, but he's too cute to say no at.
When I broke the embrace once again, I decided I want to take this into another level, what I had really wanted to try for almost a thousand years, but I want to try it, so I asked him sheepishly. "Josh, may I ask a favor."
"Sure Ross, anything." He starts touching my face; He knew that I was quite shy so he was patient and gentle on me. I know that I should be courageous enough to do this. Come now Ross, you have now the chance, so do it now.
"Please come closer" I ordered him, gladly, he obeyed then he leaned closer to me, he's scent is so intoxicating that I could take him.
"What do you want Ross?" he asked, his look, perplexed. I know that he doesn't know what am I about to do, I was so nervous about his impression after I had done it.
Then I think I should make him promise, "Promise you would still treat me after I have done this to you ?" I asked sheepishly avoiding eye contact to me.
"Sure." He agreed still confused what I was about to do.
I was now about to go near him and smack my lips toward his, when I heard a beep in their garage, he then looked at me with sad eyes, our gap was almost about one millimeter. "Sorry Ross." He pushed me once again and then looked at me in the eye.
He pecked my lips then he ordered, "Ross, I know how much you want to do that, I do. But I have a boyfriend now and I want to be loyal to him." He then made me sleep and kissed my forehead.
I was more ecstatic even if it was just milliseconds; the point is that his lips touched mine. When it happened, I was really happy and more joyful than ever before. I was proud of myself that he has done that. I know that he's a great friend and no matter what happens; he would be always there for me. I closed my eyes, tired of thinking of anything else then looked at the ceiling awaiting for my trance.
After a few minutes, I was now asleep.
Josh's POV
I know what I just did, I know I kind of like Ross a little, but not that much, he's still my friend and no matter what happens, he would be my friend.
When I saw him asleep, I giggled because he was so cute while he was sleeping. When I looked the beep outside, it was just Jana returning the car; he had driven Jeff to the airport for his last trip around the country so I decided to g upstairs and check my accounts. I hadn't been using my computer for a while now.
When I arrived at my room, I closed the door and opened my facebook account. I was really looking forward for a forsaken notification, but once again, expecting told me to don't expect.
My notifications are skyrocketing, it was unbelievable, but when I looked at it, I knew now the reason why my notifications are so high these days.
Ranz and Oliver had been posting on my timeline and then their fans keep on commenting and liking them at the same time, almost a thousand of them. Then my messages are only one, then I looked, I was expecting that Ross, Ranz or Oliver would be messaging me, but it was disappointing at my part.
It was just Katie having her girl problems again. She was at Norway with her family and friends for a short time, then she messaged me, "Josh, did you know that there's a really hot guy here and he's name is Alvin. He's so nice and tall all of my standards pass him, he even asked me on a date and he kissed my forehead for heaven's sake, I'm dying here. Hope you have a good time with your Oliver, Lots of love; your fatty best friend."
I laughed boisterously when I heard the fatty part. Katie and I had been calling fat ever since immemorial, since she weighed more than a hundred pounds. (Even though it's normal), I would still laugh and pick on her about her weight.
So even though I can't breathe because I'm laughing my whole life, I messaged to her, "I knew that you would be in love, everyone does. Hope you come soon, your sexy best friend."
Then I started laughing again, and then I thought to myself, I have a low profile when it comes to humor. I had no sense for it. I really am a crazy retard.
I then looked at my timeline when I saw Justin again. He's so happy now. Good for him, I thought he would never leave me. He and his brother Randolph are being friends again, Too good to be so true, I was really happy about it because finally I don't have to worry about him.
Then I logged out and about to close the computer when someone messaged me on Skype, I thought it was Ranz or Oliver. But once again, I sat there uncorrected by the laws of expectation.
It was another message from Ella, my other good friend of mine. She said that she's in Japan with her family and asks what I want as a present as she goes home.
I never liked presents before but it's Ella, and she would insist, so I had no choice and reply the most cliché thing. ''It's up to you; you're the one giving it anyways''.
Since she wasn't online, I just wanted to turn off the browser and the computer. I wanted to sleep right now. I'm so tired from all the commotion that has happened here. I was really, really exhausted. I laid down my comfy bed and tried to sleep.
When I heard a beep from my computer, I rose up from my bed and then looked at that beeping sound that caught my attention. I saw that Justin was beeping me. What a pleasant surprise, I guess I forgot that he still knows me, stupid me.
Because I never wanted to be mean to other people, I decided that I should respond to his message and be nice to him. Even though I always hated him that much, I should set aside my hatred for him and be nice.
"Hey Joshie ! How are you, What are you doing today ? I guess you're waiting for someone, Mind talking to me." Since his demeanor is quite friendly. I hesitated for a while to respond. But the initiative to deter myself has made me to respond to his silly talk.
"Sure, what do you want to talk about?" I asked him, quite perplexed. I don't know why he is talking for me. For all we know that I hate him that much because of the incident. But I guess I have to stop hating him because it's quite irrelevant if you were to ask other people.
He paused for a few seconds until he responded, then he asked, "Why did you not stay here, your mother is sad here and your cousin is killing me. Please go here." I have to admit, it made my heart skip a beat for a little. But I can't my life is here and I don't want to leave, I love it here and nothing can change my mind no matter what.
I giggled when I saw the part of the cousin thing because she really found out that Justin and I really are the greatest couple of all time. But now, I kind of disagree, because Oliver is more nicer and understanding than that boastful person.
"Ow, Hahahahaha. How's Randolph ? I guess you both have your 'great rapport' hahahaha !" I chuckled when I said the great rapport thing, because Justin and Randolph always hated each other, even if they were brothers. They would always argue and have a little vendetta.
Randolph always envied Justin because of his dancing talents, the cutest face and most of all his toned and sexy body that I can't even resist. He would always make him and his parents fight even if he didn't do it. He would sabotage and even hurt his other brothers just to make Justin miserable.
But what Randolph doesn't know, Justin also envies his brother for his great and polite demeanor. His excellence in his academics, the both always wanted themselves. But I think, they would be better if they would bury the hatches. Guess time would heal it to realize that they need each other no matter what.
"He's fine. He's grades are top that he may get a scholarship in USA. He's so lucky. Unlike me." He typed. I just looked at the text to formulate an answer.
"Listen, I know your relationship is quite hard and all of that, but you two must stay there and help yourselves and have your differences settled. Your brother's for heaven's sake." I typed as swiftly as possible so I can sleep and take care of Ross in the morning.
"Okay, I'll try, Josh, I really love you, please come back." He messaged me; I felt a pang in my chest which I cannot decipher in this moment. I know that I love Oliver whole heartedly, but some parts of my brain tells me that I still love Justin.
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I always had said to him that I love him, but when we were still in a relationship. Then every bit of my love shattered and dispersed when the incident happened. I never forgave myself that it happened but at least I got over it.
He made my head dizzy and to think that do I still love him, then he typed again, "Please, Josh. I really love you, come here, stay with me."
Every bit of those words made my tears fall, I can't take so much emotion like that, tears full of emotion keep falling and falling. He never stop typing such sweet words, then I saw his final type of message that made my heart even shatter more.
"I know you would never love me back for what my ex did to me, but please hear me out, Josh I really love you please hear me out. I love you with all my heart, I never wanted you to be confused. I know that you have a boyfriend, A famous and gorgeous boyfriend, but please love me with all your heart, you're all the one that I have, I can't take the agony that I am experiencing right now. I mean, I love you very much and I can't take every second not looking at you.
I know you can't take a long distance relationship, that's why I thought you could stay here, we could be together and have a harmonious life together. Please." He said then logged off, probably flooded his room because he was sobbing and weeping.
I was also sobbing and weeping, I can't have these feelings once again, I'm getting confused, do I still love him or Oliver, I needed advice, I can't call Katie because he's still in Norway admiring Alvin, also Ella, she's still in Japan probably fangirling over anime.
So I ran to the nearest person I could talk to, Ross. I know he won't understand, but I trust him that he would be the one to help me in this situation no matter what happens.
I think, I love Justin and Oliver, but I can't both love him both.
Hello Loves,
SOOO Sorry for the late uploads, my friend Angelo made me play mine craft and made me to love and be an addict in that game. ! hahahaha ! I know I had been keeping this from you ! but here ya go ! Chapter 23 WILL be posted in SATURDAY because I really love that chapter,
Here's a spoiler, The title is I'll be ! don't ask why ! hahahaha !
I just love that chapter with all my heart
Every vote counts !
AND THANK YOU FOR THE 7,000 READS I REALLY LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU ! and I dedicate this to my 97'th fan @KellilovesPeeta
LOTS OF LOVE
- Joshieeeee