TW: mention of SA
Victoria Brooks
I gave Morgan the night off. Normally we finish around 3am but tonight it was a little before 8pm. Morgan had a rough day having to watch and participate in the torture of a vampire that was found to be associated with the hunters. I wanted to shower and sleep afterwards, except I couldn't get myself sleep tonight. My sleep has been sounder since explaining myself to her but not at all comfortable. Not when I can hear her faint cries and not when the spot next to me on the bed feels more empty than usual with Pierce down the hall. Tonight I think the horrified look on Morgans face throughout the torture is what is keeping me awake.
My eyes shoot open when I hear light footsteps flying down the hall. I get out of bed and run towards them only to see Morgan sliding out of the one back door we went out of the first time I took her to a bleeder den two months ago. Fuck.
I sprint, grabbing the closest pair of shoes and put them on as fast as possible. I go after her but she's not running, which I find to be an odd behavior for someone who's trying to escape. Out of pure curiosity I decide to follow her.
Hands in pockets and hood now up, she continues walking slowly. For the next hour I trail her until she arrives at the side of a house. I know this house.
She walks down the slight hill. I take a step, intending to grab her and bring her back to my city but she stops midway down. She sits down on the grass next to a tree, leaning her forearms on her knees. She just sits there staring at this house in silence. There's a fairly large window on the side of the house, allowing an open view into their kitchen seating area. About a minute later someone flips a light on in the kitchen. It's only around 10:00pm. "Do you want vanilla or cookie dough, or I think we might have mint chocolate chip too?" I hear a young boys voice. Chris.
"I don't want toothpaste flavored ice cream." A young girls voice comments. Lindsey.
"Mint chocolate chip is great, I thought I raised you better than that?" An older man responds. Her father, Will.
I hear the sound of a freezer drawer sliding open and some rustling. "It's like half empty."
"The mint chocolate chip?"
"Yeah."
"Give it to me, I'll split it with your mother."
I turn my focus to Morgan. Overhearing her stifled sobs and low sniffles as she watches and listens in to her old life. Her old family, her old self, everything she's going to have to leave behind.
I watch her watch them until her parents call it a night and go upstairs leaving her siblings to bicker over what to watch on the tv. Morgan then stands up, wipes away whatever tears remain, and begins trudging away. Once more I follow her to ensure she's not trying to run away. She doesn't. Instead she makes her way back to my city, into my palace, and into her room taking the same route. My mistake for keeping that specific back entrance only lightly guarded.
I head back to my room and lay back down in my bed to stare up at my bedroom ceiling.
She goes out at night to visit her family.
How often does she do that? Has she spoken to them at all? A thousand questions form in my mind about her in attempt to distract myself from thinking about what my brains trying to force me to think about. Tears annoyingly begin to form in my eyes. They start to pool, spilling over the edge sliding down into my hairline and ears.
I bring my hands to my eyes, wiping the tears away but they keep coming.
*****
I think I cried myself to sleep last night. This afternoon I walk into Morgans room shutting the door behind me. Startled, she sits up in her bed.
"What?" She looks anxious already- the scowl that's been carved into my face since I woke up with tear crusted eyes probably set off some alarms in her head.
I cross my arms. "Let me tell you a little story."
Her brow flattens. "Okay."
"Lucien took me away from my family when I was 15."
"I know, Dane told me."
I nod. "Well I obviously had a family for those 15 years- parents and two younger brothers. We had migrated to Greenland from England when I was 14. My new village happened to be about 2 hours away from Luciens original palace. When I was first taken, for months, almost a year I would go and visit them." I say and her face falls. "Nearly every night I'd go have dinner with them or just be with them while Lucien dealt with other responsibilities. He didn't know and it was great. Then one night Lucien told me we were going on a small trip. I get in the carriage, two hours later we stop and I see we're in my village... Lucien then drags me into my house and kills my entire family in front of me." I say as matter of factly as possible trying to remove myself from my own words.
Her face drains of any color. "W- Why would he do that?"
"He said my family was making me weak. If there's one thing you should know about Lucien, it's that he does not tolerate weakness. So he brutally murdered my family because I was still holding onto them- a piece of my life as a human."
Morgan's eyes ignite with such fear as the rest of her stays unnaturally still.
"Take from that what you will." I state widening my eyes. "Riley will be here soon with breakfast I'll see you in a little." I add before exiting the room.
I walk into my throne room, cutting across so I could get to Pierces room upstairs quicker. The image of my dead family is stuck at the forefront of my mind with no intention of leaving. I don't think of them often. It's sad since I know how much they once meant to me. They were my everything but after that night every memory was ruined. Any memory- good, funny, happy, even sad or disappointing- every single memory I had with with them was tainted with their deaths. The image of their blood coating their bodies and pooling on the floor, the light leaving their eyes, their screams, their cries, then the silence. Wanting so desperately to hear their heartbeats and getting nothing. Everything was worse after that night. After witnessing something like that it's a little hard to see the good or light in anything. I didn't want to, to be honest. I had nothing to be happy about and no one to care for so what was the point? I think meeting Pierce was the first time in centuries I felt different about that. He made me want to see the light, he made me happy. So I'd like to see him now otherwise I'm going to have another breakdown like last night.
On the way up I unfortunately run into Jacob walking down the grand staircase. "How is she doing?" He asks.
"Not really any of your business." I keep walking up the stairs ignoring him.
I hear his footsteps speed up ascending the staircase now. "Need I remind you King Lucien himself asked me to stay here to track her progress-."
I stop and turn to him unable to pull back the annoyance plastered on my face. "You are so far up his ass it's infuriating. She's fine, doing great." I say walking away before I have to speak to his man anymore than I want to.
Entering Pierces room I find him sitting on the edge of the bed gripping the sheets of his bed tearing holes through them as he stares off into nothing. Sweat drips off his forehead as he shakes. "Hey." I say and he flinches looking up to me. "Sorry. Are you okay?"
He nods forcing a smile on his face. "I'm okay. Thank you."
I go over to him quickly with my brow furrowed. "Pierce you don't have to pretend with me."
He quickly releases the sheets from his grasp and clasps his hands tightly together. "I don't want you to worry."
"I'm going to whether you want me to or not." I sit down on the bed next to him. "I love you and I want to be here for you so tell me what's wrong. Was it a nightmare?"
He presses his lips together and lowers his head. "Yes and no."
"What happened?"
He's quiet for a little as his eyes dart around the room. "I dream that I'm back in that box and I can't get out." He says keeping his head down. "Then I wake up but... I've dreamt that I've woken up from that- that I'm out. That it was all a dream and I've been rescued." His nostrils flare and jaw tightens. "Then I actually wake up and I'm back there... alone, in the dark, starving, freezing." He brings a hand up to his eyes wiping away tears. "I'm so afraid this is one of those times." He looks at me with glassy eyes. "I just keep waiting to wake up."
I take place my hand on the sides of his face. "What can I do to help?"
He takes hold of my hands keeping them in place, he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "I don't know." He opens his brown eyes. "I can't really help 298 years of things like this happening. Constant dreams getting my hopes up, just to wake back up in that box."
"I'm sorry." I say tears prick behind my eyes. "I'm so sorry."
He shakes his head. "In every one of those dreams you were present. Getting to see you and spend time with you was the only ounce of peace I knew, even if it was false. It just hurt worse and worse every time I woke up." He tries to fight down tears. "I really don't want to wake up this time Victoria."
"You wont." I pull him into an embrace letting tears fall from my face. "I promise you. This is real life, you won't wake up." I pull back holding the sides of his face once more as I sniffle. "None of this is going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere."
He slowly nods his hand raises up to my face as he leans in and kisses me briefly. "I love you."
"I love you." I look into those big brown eyes of his.
"Can I go get water?"
"Yes of course." We get up and start walking out of the room. "Wait." I say and the both of us stop. He looks at me with raised eyebrows. "I know I've been busy with Morgan and Jacob running around here but I am here for you. Come to me whenever, with anything. Okay?"
He allows a small smile. "Okay."
In the kitchen, Pierce drinks his water as I make myself a drink with the vodka I chilled in the freezer to prepare for the day. He hasn't been that open with me since he came back. He's said a few things here and there, he's described his nightmares- all consist of being in that coffin underground. He's put up a good front lately but I've been wanting him to talk to me more. I just didn't want him to feel pressured into saying anything if he wasn't ready to do so.
He is the first person I've ever felt completely comfortable with. Comfortable with sharing my emotions. Comfortable talking about my past. And Comfortable sexually.
The number of men and women who have stopped speaking to me because of sex is ridiculous. I won't put out so they leave. No one was patient or kind enough to wait, no one cared. I was a "waste of time" and for some time I believed that. Sex was apparently the only thing I had to offer anyone else and I couldn't even offer it. Couldn't bring myself to. I never had a good experience with sex. My first time was not consensual, the next couple of times I had only done to try and prove that I could still do it and do it without thinking about that night but I couldn't. Not one positive experience until Pierce. Every time we spent together I had started falling for him harder and harder and it terrified me. Yet I still got to know him. I loved hearing all about his past and likes and dislikes- everything but when it came to me I wouldn't let him in. I pushed him away because I convinced myself that he would leave once he realized sex wasn't going to be immediately on the table. Past experiences have shown that to be the case.
He was never frustrated but I knew he wanted to so I worked up the nerve to tell him about what had happened fully expecting him to walk away. He didn't. He waited, he was patient with me and all he wanted was for me to be comfortable. Eventually I wanted to with him and for the first time in my life sex was... nice. On top of making me feel comfortable with sex, with him I never felt like that was all I was worth. He loved me for me. All my good, bad, dark, light. I made it incredibly difficult for him at every turn and he never faltered. He just wanted to be with me in any capacity. He was there for me through so much and all I want right now is to be here for him.
He gave me all the comfort in the world and I want to return that.
Morgan enters the kitchen wiping blood off of her mouth. She startles Pierce a little since he knows he's not supposed to be anywhere near her. I nod my head in the direction of the door and he nods back- understanding. "See you later." He kisses me on the forehead. "Thank you, Rayo." He whispers. He briefly looks over at Morgan shooting her an acknowledging smile before exiting the room.
"Did I interrupt something?" Morgan's eyes flicker back and forth between me and the door Pierce just walked out of.
"No. He's just not allowed to be near you." I sip my drink.
She cocks an eyebrow. "That's still a thing?"
"I don't want to give Jacob any reason to run to Lucien and tattle like a child."
"How is he?" She asks jerking her chin towards the door.
"He's okay. Or he will be." I state.
"Good." She leans against the counter with her hands planted behind her as she looks around the kitchen like she wants to say something but this setting isn't the right one.
I down my drink and place the glass in the sink. I angle my head downwards, asking her 'what's wrong?' with my eyes.
In silence, her eyes convey a million emotions as she shakes her head subtly.
"We'll go to the den tonight." I say.
She smiles letting out a small but relieved breath.
Honestly the den is exactly what I need right now.