As if the rain stopped as if the heart was never wounded, as if the sun was never clouded, as if nothing happened, life goes on. Though it became hard to believe that everything changed, still the little ray of hope stays, reminding us that whether hurt or not, life must go on.
I like rain.
Taehyung tells himself, again and again, as if making himself believe in that. Other than his name, everything felt mute for him. As if his senses had gone numb, Taehyung stood there, not even trying to turn at the person who just called him and secured him under the shade of an umbrella.
Because he was afraid. What if they see him crying? What if they see his weakness and make fun of him? What if he was pushed to the rain again and---
"Hey, Taehyung?"
Now the voice became clear, reaching his ears like the raindrops hitting on the mud. It was soothing. As if he was standing in the middle of a desert as if he was thirsty all this time, the voice poured over him like the rain he needed oh so badly to survive. Taehyung didn't get a chance to wipe his eyes when the man placed a hand on his shoulder and made him turn.
No. Please, God, No.
It was like time paused for them, and Taehyung wanted to curse at the irony. He wished the man to leave him in the rain alone and walk far away. He wished the man to be like everyone who judged him, made fun of his feelings, and even wounded him. He wished the man would leave him alone.
Taehyung wanted to be alone. He wanted to be drenched in the rain to forget loads of things.
No. Please, leave me...
Taehyung chanted inside but the man placed a finger under his chin and made him look at the face, their eyes met and Taehyung's breath hitched. The tears he thought dried out were back, stinging the back of his eyes, heart clenching with the overwhelming feeling.
He can't.
Taehyung tells himself that he can't keep himself composed in front of the man. So he lowered his eyes to the wet footpath, staring at the little waves of water on the road. It was the same as his mind, like the tides that would hit the shore, scatter into foams and go back to the deep sea. The hurt was like a forever stuck cycle, making him tired.
"Taehyung, you okay...?"
To say Taehyung was stunned would be a major understatement. He had gone frozen the moment the smooth voice touched his ears, shaking his consciousness. With a weak smile, the person set his eyes on Taehyung.
The other didn't know how to react. Whether he should shake his head or cry in the man's arms. But there was a faint image in his head which portrayed the worries he was feeling at that time.
'Everyone will leave.
Even this person.
He will push you in the middle of the rain when he knows the truth about you.
You'll be alone again.'
'I'll be...'
Taehyung's mind was way too far from his control. His hand clutched the hem of his wet shirt, lips trembled to whisper out anything to the man who had eyes set on him. Wide eyes, that are doe and innocent, gazing at his soul.
Taehyung had seen those eyes before and they used to fill the voids in him with warmth. But today, he felt numb. He felt Jeon Jungkook was someone so unknown that he couldn't even utter a word or convey what he was feeling.
"Taehyung, are you okay? Why are you in the rain and what happened to your face? Are you hurt?"
The bunch of questions was piercing his ears and Taehyung couldn't think of an answer. Only if he could say it with his action, he would jump into this man's arms and cry a little more. He missed Jimin.
He wanted Jimin right at that moment to squeeze him in a bone-crushing hug and curse at the world for making his best fvcking friend cry. He missed Jimin and the short male's tactics to make him happy.
Shaking his head, Taehyung stood there, hands quivered, legs wobbly and heart in pain. Then he felt a feather like a touch on his cheek, warm like an evening sun ray that would pass through the lavender curtains of his room and reach towards him. The fingertips brushed the wound on his cheekbone and Taehyung suppressed a painful hiss that came to his lips.
"Are you hurt?"
Jungkook asked again for which Taehyung shook his head again. He found a little courage to reply and muttered softly.
"No... I just... Fell from the steps"
He didn't know if the other brought that excuse to heart but his doe eyes were wider in shock, his palm softly caressed Taehyung's cheek, and the said Taehyung couldn't even breathe for a moment.
Call him a coward, fool in love, or whatever, but Taehyung never wanted Jungkook to see him in a vulnerable state like this. He always wanted to showcase his strong self in front of Jungkook and somewhere in that attempt, Taehyung had even practiced how to speak without stuttering and controlling his heartbeat. Jungkook makes him want to be a better man.
But at that right moment, Taehyung was weak, messy, and deranged. He was not thinking straight, his heart and mind were not in the right sense. All he wanted was an escape from that moment because he was afraid. What if Jungkook runs away from him because of his ugly self? What if---
"You should be careful..."
The tone was kind of scolding, the hand continued caressing the wounds on his face, while Taehyung scanned the man. Jungkook was in the same dress he wore to the uni that day, a backpack on his shoulder, and his face was dull. Because they share an umbrella, the rain had made Jungkook's neat clothes drench slightly for which Taehyung felt apologetic. That's only when he remembered what was happening around him.
He and Jeon Jungkook were standing in the middle of heavy rainfall on an empty footpath, totally drenched and under the same umbrella. That's when Taehyung realized why his heart stopped breathing for a moment in the first place.
"But you said you don't like rain..."
Taehyung came to his senses, his tears dried out, eyes widened and lips curled into an amused pout while saying that for which Jungkook only glanced at his side, still holding the umbrella in his hand.
He turned away from Taehyung and took a slow step forward. Bewildered enough, Taehyung could only follow Jungkook when the man walked through the footpath, holding the umbrella for both of them yet his steps were careful to meet Taehyung's hesitant ones.
"I stick to what I said"
Jungkook replied, and Taehyung could only wonder at the words. Although he was not sure what he was doing and where he was going, he walked along with Jungkook. It felt so difficult for him to decipher the inner turmoil yet he let it be that way.
The explosion of butterflies, the tingling sensation in the pit of his stomach, call it whatever messed up feelings Taehyung wanted to seize the moment as long as he was with Jungkook.
"Then what are you doing in the middle of heavy rainfall? Shouldn't you be inside your dorm and boycott---"
Before he even knew it, Taehyung started with his rambling but stopped in the mid-sentence because to his surprise, Jungkook paused on his track to confront him. There was a big lump in his throat, a strong push and pull in his heart that made him go numb than he already was while looking at the younger.
Jungkook is always a mystery to him- beautiful pages of the old fantasy book Taehyung had bookmarked in their library, which calls his name like a mantra, which makes him want for nothing other than to read it again and again. Jeon Jungkook was like the lines of his favorite story that he had memorized a long time ago, yet he felt so unknown in the universe where Jungkook belonged.
The sharp doe eyes stayed on him as if they were in two different worlds, the round sparkling orbs hid a lot from him. Taehyung could say nothing. He stared back at Jungkook, concentrating on his now weirdly calm heartbeats.
"If I was at my dorm, you would be still drenched in rain," With a smug smile on his lips, Jungkook whispered again
"Secretary Kim"
Taehyung's mouth opened to say something but he closed it faster like a fish out of water and followed Jungkook who continued walking. It felt good. Walking like that, with a bearable silence between them and not invading both of their thoughts without saying any awkward things, felt so good to him. Yes, at least to Taehyung.
"Oh, right. you didn't tell me that you're the student council secretary"
Jungkook said softly as they walked through the footpaths, drenched with the water splashing at them when cars passed on the roads. Though it felt difficult for Taehyung to walk like that, he didn't complain at all. His cold hand went to hold the umbrella, careful to place it a little above Jungkook's hands without touching it. His steps stuttered as that little action made them move closer, Taehyung had his heart on his sleeves and sanity way too far from him.
Biting his lips out of habit, Taehyung whispered against the wind gushing over them, making them both shudder because of the chillness.
"Ugh, it is not that big deal... and you didn't tell me that you dance"
"Taehyung, I literally told you that I'm a dance major, and we even talked about Jimin and I being in the same team. Remember? the library?"
Jungkook said, slowing his steps as a car passed fast on the road, wetting them both in the rainwater as a result. Taehyung suppressed the urge to curse because as far as he could feel, his whole body parts and each piece of clothing were soaked in rain. He glanced at Jungkook who had a small smile on his lips as he carefully sauntered.
"Oh, the library!"
How can I forget? Taehyung smiled widely before showing his enthusiasm about the moments they shared in the library. Of course, he would never lend that part of his memory for anything- the moments when he and Jungkook first met and talked.
"Yeah, now you remember... Oh, wait a minute!"
Jungkook stopped abruptly in the middle of their walk, he held the umbrella with one hand and his other hand went to hold Taehyung. Okay, cut the circuit.
Taehyug felt brain damage when Jungkook placed his hand over his shoulder and pulled him closer which made their bodies brush against each other.
Ask him whatever fricking frick was that but all Taehyung could do was stare at Jungkook with his wide eyes, heart going crazy as the seconds ticked by, and mind fogged with the only thought. Jungkook pulled him closer.
Just then Taehyung thought he could relax, Jungkook moved next to him, and walked to the aisle side of the footpath, making Taehyung inside, his hand still on Taehyung's shoulder, tight grip making him count stars. And the said Taehyung lost it.
Oh he loves Jungkook, he admires the man, he stalks and dreams about him. But no one gave Jungkook the right to do those things to his naive heart.
It was so illegal that Jungkook didn't even put any effort, he was just showing his humanity yet Taehyung was so moved by that, so sick for the little things Jungkook does, and that too for someone whom he was barely friends with.
"Why---- Wha-- Why would you do that?"
Jungkook kept his gaze on the vast scenery in front of them and replied softly.
"You're already drenched and will get cold..."
Oh.
Taehyung wanted to scoff at the inner voice that told him that
Don't feel special. He would say that to everyone who drenched like a dog in the rain.
Don't be delusional, Taehyung-ah, He's just born a kind person.
"Oh, please!"
Taehyung yelled outside not even thinking that he was talking about his feelings out loud. And to his embarrassment, Jungkook stopped on his track and stared at the weird elder who now lowered his head to hide the rosy and flustered face.
"What?"
"Nothing, I was just... Umm... You would do that to anyone, right?"
He didn't know if it was okay to ask without making Jungkook uncomfortable. But Taehyung couldn't help when his mind was being a pain in the a$$ that he had to suppress it with a satisfying answer. Yet he felt scared inside. The answer he was about to get from Jungkook would probably---
"No..."
"Huh?"
"I won't do that to anyone, if that's what you're scared of and looking this pale..."
"No, I'm not scared or anything. I was just---"
"It's okay. I did it because I know you. And I felt like I wanted to help you."
Taehyung couldn't say anything more. He was in a daze that shook his little world from the core. Things between them are supposed to go easy. Until yesterday, they were strangers, and then they met, talked, and today, they were walking. But still, there was a thin wall between them building and falling at the same time, that Taehyung could feel whenever he breathe next to Jungkook.
Maybe it's because the walk had two different meanings. Jungkook was walking with Taehyung, someone he knew from an accident meet-up and Taehyung was walking with Jungkook, under the same umbrella in heavy rainfall.
His beloved Jungkook.
The feelings with each step and the heartbeats at every second shared different stories. And that's where it all made no sense.
Taehyung didn't push further. Sure, he was disappointed at a lot of things. But you can't force someone to reciprocate the feelings you have for them, right?
The rest of the walk was in silence, both taking careful steps in the water, the rain still pouring over them heavily. Both of them were soaked in water, and Taehyung was continuously apologizing for the trouble he caused Jungkook and at the same time, so amused by the way the younger didn't lose his patience. Once they reached the gate of the dorms, Taehyung stopped on his track and said.
"Oh, my dorm is on that way. Thank you so much for everything and..."
Taehyung took a step out of the umbrella while pointing at the building opposite. He flashed a grateful smile for which Jungkook opened his mouth to say something. But Taehyung tapped his shoulder lightly, feeling heartbroken when the warmth Jungkook gave him was lost as he moved away from the man. He stood in the rain, waving at the younger with a heartwarming smile.
"I'll just run there, you go to your dorm. And I'm sorry----"
Taehyung was about to cross the road, the water pooled around everywhere and it was difficult for him to even take a step. He tried to manage on the slippery road while waving and apologizing to Jungkook. But he couldn't reach the other side.
His words were cut off from the middle by a loud horn of a truck coming towards him, Taehyung stood in the middle of the road not knowing what to do, his vision went blurry because of the rain drops. Before he could even register, the truck reached him, and Taehyung felt everything going blank. His mind, his words, his heartbeat, his pain- everything went far from him.
All he could see was dark.
All he could feel was blank.
He was numb to sense anything and his body gave up in a snap. He was frozen to death.
But survived.
The noise of the horns was no more, the rain still falling upon him, he was still in his drenched state, yet his heart felt warm. Taehyung felt he was taken away to another world, yet the arms around him gave the feeling of home- safe and sound.
He opened his eyes slowly to register what was happening around him, then there was a pain in his chest. He blinked twice, digesting the fact that he was being hugged- by Jeon Jungkook.
The arms tightened around him, the heartbeats were as fast as his, and they both were standing under a lamp post. Taehyung spotted the umbrella somewhere on the ground and he glanced up at Jungkook.
The doe eyes closed, the pearl-like water droplets rolling down on his soft cheeks, his lips tightly pressed, chin resting on top of Taehyung's head. Jeon Jungkook looked so serene like that- crazy beautiful if Taehyung would describe it.
"Umm... You don't have to do that..."
With a shaky breath, Taehyung managed to say. He was still in that utter shock but when Jungkook's soft eyes landed on him, he forgot everything for an instant.
"And let something happen to you in front of my eyes...?"
Jungkook whispered, eyes still closed, hands tightening around Taehyung more than ever. There's a moment of silence between them, Taehyung could only wonder about the honesty Jungkook's each word held and the pain in his chest doubled.
They weren't meant to be, yet Jungkook was holding him so close. Even if Taehyung would try to run away, the other will still be making him come back. He felt his legs going jelly and his heart-stopping when Jungkook opened his eyes and looked at him.
"I'll go now. Thank---"
"Yeah, let's go."
Jungkook guided Taehyung by his waist to the dorm opposite his. Taehyung stopped in the middle, staring at the man.
"What? Now you want both of us hit by another----"
"No, I'll just go to my dorm. Thanks for helping me."
"I don't think that's how it works, Taehyung."
Jungkook replied, making Taehyung shiver. He couldn't decipher what to say next.
"No, I can go---"
"No, I won't let you..."
To say Taehyung wanted to run away would be an understatement. He wanted to disappear. He knows he can't blame Jungkook for this. The oblivious younger was making it so difficult for him that Taehyung wanted to vanish away forever. Because, once the rain goes, and the sun will rise, Jungkook will return to his things and Taehyung will be left alone with memories. Only memories.
"Please... Stop making this difficult for me..."
"I'm just taking care of you because you're hurt"
'I'll be more hurt tomorrow if you leave...'
Taehyung kept his mum. He tried to move away from Jungkook, though the other was stopping him.
"Jungkook..."
"Yes, Taehyung. I'll just take you to my dorm, treat your wounds, and then you can go. Please..."
With another heavy stream of rain, their eyes became blurred and their hearts raced fast. Their bodies stood frozen yet so collected. Taehyung suppressed the urge to cry and asked softly.
"Why can't you just stop doing this...?"
"Why are you stopping me?"
"Because..."
Taehyung took a moment to read Jungkook's facial expression. The soft features are now in a mess, he looked drained out, the frown settling on his face, eyes wary and ambiguous, yet Jungkook was holding him so delicate, closer than ever.
"Because... "
'You make me feel things'
'You make me wanna cry and hug you tight'
'You make me forget that we can't be together
'You make me wanna be in love with you for the first time
'Because, I love you, and...'
Taehyung bit his lips tight, gripping Jungkook's arms because he wasn't sure of standing on his own. He took a deep breath before glancing at the man.
"Because you don't love me!"
He spits out as if his own words were like venom. He could see how Jungkook forgot to breathe for a moment and how the strong body stiffened under his hold. He realized that it was too late to take the words back, especially when Jungkook loosened the hold.
Taehyung felt he was crumbling apart. As they stood in the middle of the rain, drenched in water, frozen like a stone, and tormented by the pain, Taehyung realized the warmth of Jungkook moving away, the touch and the grip on him leaving his side and he closed his eyes slowly, feeling the rain on his soul.
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
H-Hi?
I wanna give Tae a hug... He deserves it.
Thoughts about the chapter?
See you soon...
~AnecdotesOfABroken