BEFORE PPL HATE ON ME, LILAH IS NOT IN FACT WEARING HER UNIFORM TO THE FUNERAL! I WANT DRAMATICS THAT COME WITH HER NOT WEARING IT! PLS DON'T KILL ME!
They never teach how to deal with pain. They teach you how to save lives, and take them, and how to deal with the grief and guilt that comes afterwards. Staying calm comes up, as well as self-sacrifice. Those are the easy ones.
The hard one?
It doesn't have a name.
Why?
Because it's indescribable, the pain of losing someone you love. The type that you only feel once in a lifetime.
It took a mere two days to arrange everything needed for the funeral. It seemed her grandfather had not wanted the burden put on the shoulder's of those left behind.
In those days, Lilah walked through life in a trance, like someone had taken their hand and smudged the Earth. She ran, she ran a lot. She loved the way it made her throat close up and the exhaustion it brought along with it. Bradley forced food down her throat. And she trained. She trained hard. The adrenaline was addictive.
She didn't speak unless needed.
She didn't joke.
She let people stare at her, give her hugs.
She was numb.
When her uncle's came home the day after he died, she moved herself back to her house. Too many pitiful glances. Bradley moved in too. As did Phoenix. Payback and Bob rotated. She was never alone. No one forced her to speak. She wouldn't have respond anyways.
On the morning of the funeral she awoke to Bradley next to her. It didn't surprise her, it would've been Phoenix if it wasn't him.
"Morning, sleepy head." his voice was still rough, like he'd just woken up. "Training is cancelled today. Attendance to the funeral is required."
Lilah just nodded.
There was already a lump in her throat. In the corner of her room hung the dress her grandmother had brought to her house yesterday, pressed and ready. She was supposed to wear her uniform, but apparently her grandfather had wanted her to be just his granddaughter, not Captain Lilah Hollis. Nobody dared to oppose her grandfather, even though he was almost in the ground.
"Are you going to take a shower?" Bradley asked.
Lilah nodded again.
"Phoenix made breakfast. Belgian waffles, your favorite."
Another nod.
Bradley ran his fingers through his hair, standing out of bed. He was in just is underwear.
"Reuben going to bring my uniform here so I don't have to leave. Trace's catching a ride with him to go back to her place for a while."
Lilah didn't have the energy to nod again.
"Are we going over to the funeral together, or no?"
Lilah just shrugged to that one. She didn't care, but it was likely Bradley was going to have to shove her into a car to get her there.
"Dammit, L, talk to me!" Bradley fumed, jumping back into bed with her. "I want to hear your voice. You haven't talked in days."
She rolled over to glance at him from where she lay in bed. "I'll talk when I have something to say."
"And when will that be?"
Lilah got out of bed, not bothering to pull her large t-shirt over her lilac thong. "I'm going to get in the shower."
Bradley's jaw clenched at the sight, but he contained himself. "Okay, I'll make you a plate of food, one or two waffles?"
"I'm not hungry." Lilah called from the bathroom, stripping out of her shirt.
"You're going to eat!" Bradley argued back, peeking into the bathroom. He immediately backed out. "Sorry."
"Nothing you haven't seen before." Lilah said flatly, stepping into the shower. Once there was enough steam, Bradley entered the room.
"Was that a tattoo?"
Shit.
"No?" Lilah lied, though her voice wavered with the lie.
Bradley opened the shower door.
"Brad!" Lilah scolded, moving furthering into the shower.
He got inside with her, still in his underwear. "Let me see it."
"I'm a grown ass adult, Bradshaw, I can get a tattoo." Lilah sighed, washing her hair. Purple was staining the walls.
"Let. Me. See It." He grabbed her hips and spun her around to face him.
Two dates sat on her left upper rib cage:
ＶＩＩ． ＸＸＶＩＩＩ． ＭＣＭＬＩＸ
ＩＶ． Ｘ． ＭＭＸＸ
"When did you get them done?" Bradley asked, running his finger over the inflamed skin. Lilah flinched.
"The day after." she finally admitted after a staring contest. "I wanted to feel something."
Bradley finally let her hips go, realizing just how close they were. "Why didn't you take me with you?"
Lilah scoffed, "You would've let me do this? You hate tatties."
"I have one."
Lilah spun around. "What? Since when?"
He held up his arm, showing her the inside of his right arm. Sure enough, on his bicep, there were six tally lines. Four in a group, the fifth closing it, and a sixth standing alone.
"I've shot down three planes. All with two people inside." Bradley explained, staring Lilah straight in the eyes. "I've taken six lives."
"Carrying around your guilt, Bradshaw?" Lilah teased, washing the conditioner out of her hair. "That's not very healthy."
"Says the one with a death date under her boob." Bradley shot back. Lilah couldn't help but smile. She hadn't cracked a real one since that since the night on the beach.
"Hey Lilah -" Phoenix stopped, slapping her hand over her eyes. Then, she was screaming. "Holy shit, holy shit!"
"Nat!" Lilah shrieked, shutting the door to her shower. Bradley covered Lilah up with his body, spinning her to where she was facing the wall and her butt was up against the bulge in Bradley's pants. "Knock!"
Phoenix backed slowly out of the bathroom until she was on the other side of the double doors. "I was looking for Bradshaw, erm, Fitch's here, just wanted to say bye."
"Okay! Don't bother locking the door!" Lilah shouted, way too turned on to be having a conversation with the girl. "Thanks for breakfast!"
There was no response.
"I- I'm going to go." Bradley stuttered out. Lilah was way too breathless to reply, just watched open mouth as he left her alone in the shower once more.
★★★
"I feel like I should wear my uniform."
Lilah was staring at herself in the mirror. Behind her, she watched as Bradley put on his hat. Her blond curls cascaded down her back; a large black head band held back the locks from her face.
"No," Bradley shook his head, smiling slightly. "Admiral Kazansky would've wanted you to come like this."
"I look more badass in the uniform." Lilah grumbled, struggling to zip up her dress. "And people don't know who I am when I don't wear it."
Bradley touched the small of her back gently, signaling her to let him zip the square next black dress. "Hollis, you radiate power wherever you go, people will know who you are."
He slowly zipped up her dress, making sure to run his finger up her spine as he went, tracing her scar. It sent goosebumps across her skin. He smoothed down her dress, kissing her a top the head lightly. He gave her a slight glance, making sure she was okay. She moved her head the slightest bit, and he left her alone in the room.
She didn't recognize the girl staring back. Some color had returned to her face, but the eyes were no longer the shiny, glazed over green they's once been. Dark circles plagued the skin beneath, and the green was dull and lifeless, nothing behind them but grief.
A knock. Bradley was once again in the room.
"We need to go."
Lilah couldn't muster up anything to respond with. She just brushed past him and plopped onto the edge of her bed. A pair of heels lay on the floor beside her.
"Here." Bradley said, kneeling into the ground. He picked up the heels. "May I?"
Lilah gave him a smile. "It's never stopped you before.
Bradley grabbed her leg, lifting it up to where he could slip the black stiletto heel onto her foot. He repeated the process on the for the other one.
"Done." he breathed, still her holding her calf.
"Brad." she uttered, removing her leg from his grasp.
He nodded, understanding the boundaries being made. Friends. Companions. A support system. Nothing more than that.
He stood up, wiping off his knees and fixing his pants. He held out his hand to help Lilah off of the bed, steadying her when she almost fell.
"Your tie." Lilah said, shaking her head with a smile. "It's crooked."
Bradley backed up from the mirror he was checking himself out in, giving Lilah enough room to stand in front of him. Her hands drifted to the black tie, straightening it out. She smoothed out the jacket, resting her hands on his chest when she finished. They stood there, just like that for a few moments in silence.
"You look beautiful." Bradley murmured into her ear.
"I look like death." Lilah countered quickly.
She felt Bradley smile into her the crook of her neck. "Then death is absolutely stunning."
lil short but it would be like 5000 words if not. also loved the way i ended this chapter.
love y'all - mads <3