She thought of it as her last day.
Whether it would be her last day alive or her last day as a version of herself with humanity, she didn't know. But she prepared for both.
She wrote a letter to her aunt, in case Klaus agreed to kill her. She'd leave for her all the money she'd earned through work, to be used for whatever charity she felt needed it the most.
And, in the event he decided not to kill her, she'd started to pack her things. She still cared about people other than herself for the moment, and she knew that she was going to let herself be more reckless than ever in her life, which meant she couldn't stay in the same house as her aunt, putting her in danger. Even if she died instead of turning off her humanity, it would be easier for her aunt to clean the room if everything was put away before she went inside.
She cried for a long while as she did it. The aching in her abdomen had yet to subside. She had no idea that it was possible to cry so much. For so many tears to flow out of her body. She decided to prepare the grave markers for the hybrids while she was at it, before it was too late. That released more tears and made the knot worse.
The idea of not caring felt nice. She could do whatever she wanted solely because she wanted to, not because it was the right thing, and not because someone asked it of her. She wouldn't have to be volunteering and working anymore unless she was bored and it came to mind. She wouldn't be bossed around by anyone and she wouldn't have to think about morality all the time.
Maybe it would be nice to knock off evil things from her bucket list. Maybe there was no point in being good anymore. The good people, the heroes, they always seemed to be the ones who lost the most. If she was a villain, she could do all sorts of enjoyable things and be left with nothing to lose, but everything to gain depending on what path she took.
Elena called her about an hour before sunrise. "Rosalind," she said, sounding tired on the other line. "I completely fell asleep last night, we had it rough with Jeremy, but we managed to help him. Caroline just called to tell me what happened."
"Makes complete sense that Caroline was the one to tell," said Rosalind tightly as she folded more clothes into a suitcase. "She helped Tyler, she kept this from me. The one fucking time she could keep a secret, and it led to my entire pack being murdered."
"I am so sorry, Rosalind. She thought she was helping. She and Stefan, they didn't know... they would never have done anything if they knew what Hayley was planning."
"Yeah, well, they still had plans to help bury Klaus in concrete while inside Tyler's body. I don't think anybody understands that he's been helping me a lot and I would have felt like crap. But you know what, I'm starting to get used to the fact that nobody cares about my feelings."
"Rosalind, don't say that!" said Elena. "We care about how you feel, we do. I'm on my way back to Mystic Falls, okay? We can have milkshakes and—"
"Should probably just get that for yourself," said Rosalind. "No sense in coming by. You won't get here before sunrise."
There was a pause. "And what's happening at sunrise?"
"Everything changes. Either Klaus will kill me and free me of my pain, or I will turn off my humanity."
"Rosalind, no! That can't be your solution."
"I am just sick of losing people. I want out."
"You say that now because it's so fresh, the pain is recent, and it hurts you so bad, but it gets better, I swear—"
"Everyone says that but it always gets worse. We always lose more people and I am just done feeling pain. I'm done letting people in, letting myself care about them, just for them to die."
"B-But Rosalind, what about us?"
"What about us?" she repeated. "Elena, I care for you, but I've decided that I don't want to risk things the way you do. You want us to just go for it and love each other even if it'll hurt a thousand times more to lose each other. I think I'm fine with the 'what could have been't thoughts afterward. I'd rather not love you so that if I lose you, it won't hurt at all. I just lost all my hybrids, and now, all I can think about is how scared I am of ever having kids because I probably won't be able to protect them, either. I'll probably lose them like I lost the hybrids. You deserve better than me. I am done with the fighting. So, this needs to end. For both our sakes."
"I don't want to accept that! You can't just decide that our relationship is over. There is two of us in this, Rosalind. Oh, god... I know you're hurting, I know that, and it aches in my heart knowing I'm not currently there and able to help you, but this isn't the answer! I can help you through this! We can go somewhere, just you and me, we can take some time away from everything and just help you heal."
"You're not understanding," said Rosalind, starting to raise her voice. "I don't want to keep fighting anymore! I don't want to keep waking up day after day putting on a fake smile and a brave face! I want to be at rest, Elena, I want peace. You have a whole life ahead of you, you might actually go to college, and I probably never will. I'll never have a good career, just more and more pain."
"Rosalind, if you do this, I will fight to bring you back. I will not stop until I get you back because I know... I know that if your emotions weren't so heightened, you wouldn't go through with this!"
"You don't know anything about me, then," said Rosalind. "I've been wanting to give up for a long time. Somehow I always found a reason to keep going but this thought has crossed my mind one too many times and I've just reached my limit. I give up, just like I would have given up in the past if I hadn't had a reason to live on. There is nothing left for me. Just the same jobs and the same problems. I don't want it anymore."
"Listen to yourself, Rosalind, we can push through this, I can help you brave through the pain and rise above—"
"No," snapped Rosalind. "What I need is for it to be over. If Klaus kills me, I will have my peace and I can just... have it all be over. Rest after a life of too much pain. And if I turn it off, then I just need time to not care, to do things for myselffor once and who knows? I might get bored and turn it back on after some time and then I will brave the pain, but right now? I just want it gone. I just want it gone. So if I turn it off and you or anyone tries to get me to turn it back on, I will hurt you. Because I'm not going to care who I harm. I'm asking you, right now while I still have my humanity, that if I do that, you shouldn't get involved, because I don't want to hurt you, but once I turn it off, my affection for you won't protect you, Elena. And I will kill anyone who tries to sabotage my time without pain. No matter who it is."
She could sense that Elena started crying. "Rosalind, I don't want to give up on you. I don't want to give up on us."
"Then don't, that's your choice. But don't expect to be successful in trying to turn my emotions back on if I shut them off. You can wait forever, you're a vampire. Eventually I may turn it off. Maybe. For now, it's goodbye. If I die today, I'll die the way I want to, and I will be at peace with it."
"Klaus wouldn't kill you... no matter what he's done, he cares for you, and he would never do that..."
"That's his choice."
Elena wouldn't make it in time, and she knew it. Rosalind hung up on her, and went back to packing. Right as sunrise began, she sensed a presence at the door.
"Good," she said when she saw Klaus, no longer covered in blood. "I assume you're here to help me die a quick and painless death?"
"No," he said. "I wanted to keep you company while you turn it off."
She raised her brow. "And you'll let me do that? What happened to invoking the sire bond or bleeding me of vervain?"
"I cannot break my word to you," he admitted. "You would hate me for it and it would be worse for you to have your humanity and use it to despise me. Without your humanity, perhaps, we could still spend time together. You once mentioned I could keep you in check."
She tapped her foot on the ground. "And why not kill me?"
"I'd be losing you forever," he said. "So would everyone else that cares about you. At least, if you turn it off, I will not lose you for good."
"This could go very badly for you, you know? I won't care about you in the same way unless I stand to benefit from you. I could become your worst nightmare."
"Or a friend I could go on killing sprees with," he offered. "I've been wanting to leave this place for ages and Elena has been holding you back from saying yes. Perhaps you might be interested in traveling with me, doing all sorts of evil things, anything your heart could desire... anywhere but here."
Rosalind began to walk up to her room while he followed after her. He noticed all of her things were already packed.
She sat on the bed. "I assume I just think about it, and it'll happen?"
He nodded, leaning in the doorway. "Is there anything you need, before you do it?"
"I just need to think of where I'll stay so that I'm not a danger to my aunt," she said. "I'm thinking of getting myself an apartment."
"Or you could stay at my mansion. Works best for me to keep you in check, little hybrid."
She stared at him intently. "Hmm. Also makes it easier for me to bother you. I think I'll take you up on that offer." She closed her eyes.
Flip the switch.
She thought about it. She visualized a light switch currently on 'on' with bright lights around it.
She said to herself, I'm letting go. I am done with emotions. I don't want to feel anymore.
She forced the switch to turn to 'off.' The lights disappeared, and when she opened her eyes, the pain was completely gone.
"How do you feel?" asked Klaus, noticing the emotionless look in her eyes. The change was immediate.
"I feel nothing," she said blandly. "Which is better than everything hurting like a bitch. Carry my bags down to your car and take them to the mansion. I'm going to drive on my own. Maybe stop for a bite to eat first."
She brushed past him, glad to find the pain in her abdomen was no longer present. Her steps didn't feel heavy. There was no pain at all. She preferred it this way.
She drove toward the mansion, stopping at The Mystic Grill and plucking up a man who was smoking in the alley behind it. She knocked him out and dragged him into her car, smoking while she kept driving. She'd never smoked a cigarette before. She disliked it.
Without a care in the world, she tossed it out the window, allowing it to land on a stack of old magazines someone seemed to have left behind a trash can. They started smoking, but she didn't care if they burst into flames. Didn't care if it ignited the building behind the trash can. Nothing mattered anymore.
If she had her humanity on, it would have been hard to walk into the mansion. The sight of the hybrids' belongings left behind would have made her bawl. Instead, she kicked them aside, dragging the unconscious man with her to the living room. She took a bottle of bourbon in one hand, and sat the man on top of her, biting into his neck and alternating between feeding and drinking alcohol.
She bit his carotid a bit too hard, and a stream of blood burst out, splattering over her face and shirt. She didn't care about the stains that were on the carpet, the chair, the wall, or on her blouse. She shrugged it off and kept drinking.
The main door opened, causing her eyes to flicker up toward the entrance hall. Klaus walked in with her bags, initially not paying attention to her as he carried them up to her room. He walked in as the man died in her arms.
"Have you had your fill?" he inquired. "I could find you another person to feed on."
"Since you're so intent on helping me," she said with fake sweetness, "I'm going to dub you my personal errand boy. Good for you, making yourself useful. You'll be good for suiting my many needs. Go find me at least... five more people. Type O positive people, if you can. I never realized how nice killing could feel when you just don't care about the fact they have lives."
He nodded. "I'll be back shortly."
She turned on the television while she waited, flipping mindlessly through the channels. She rarely watched television, never having had much time for it because of work or her commitments with the hybrids. She now had no commitments. And no reason to stop her from watching television if she wanted to.
The man's dead body was at her feet, and she kept running her foot over his back, pressing down on different parts of his spine, breaking every single vertebrae she could access. Perhaps she ought to do that to a living person to test the pain levels for each individual vertebrae. It would be good to know in case she decided to torture anyone.
"Good boy," she crooned when Klaus brought in five compelled people for her. She had the people come and stand in front of her, feeding viciously on every single one until they were dead. The taste of blood was better when she wasn't worrying about listening to their heartbeats and making sure she didn't go too far. Going too far felt amazing.
"Here you go," said Klaus when she finished, and was covered from head to toe in blood. He held up a towel. "Unless you'd rather I draw you a bath."
"You're being too helpful because you feel guilty," she noticed. "As you should. I won't be needing that." She waved the towel off and stood up right in front of him, sliding off her shirt.
He watched tensely as she stripped herself completely of clothes, gathering the pile and tucking it all under her arm, all while gazing into his eyes to tempt him. He seemed to want to look away, but likely feared that if he acted flustered, she'd point it out and use it against him. Make fun of him some way.
"Is that lust I see in your eyes?" she asked, moving closer. He took a step back, and her lips curled upward. "I can sense the wolf trying to come out. Let him out to play, Klaus. Maybe then you'll feel a connection with the part of you that you continue to deny."
He frowned, watching as she walked toward the staircase, still naked. "Admit it," she said, glancing over her shoulder. "Your wolf likes me better now that I'm just as dark as him. He liked me before because of my power. And now that I've stopped giving a shit about right and wrong, nothing will stop me from reaching my true full potential. I am one of three hybrids left in the world and I am second only to you when it comes to power. I will be more ruthless, more animalistic, and all he wants to do is pounce on me. Admit it."
Klaus wasn't sure how to answer. Wasn't sure if she was testing him. He didn't know if she'd grow angry depending on how he replied. Or if she'd continue being as apathetic yet still cordial as she was now. He felt he'd be needing to walk on eggshells, waiting until she'd suddenly snap. It would happen eventually. He just didn't want it happening because of him.
"Cat got your tongue?" she inquired. "Don't get shy now, you just killed twelve people in the most brutal manner possible. Answering a simple request is much easier than that. Unless you're a coward? As cowardly as you were when you killed them because you couldn't handle not having control over someone."
Those words stung more. He managed, "He likes you more." He wished to add, 'But I realize now that I like you a lot less when you are this brutally honest with me.'
Rosalind smirked. "Hmm. Well, he may just get his wish. I do think I shouldn't have killed all those people, I should have had some more fun with them. I was just so hungry. All that digging I did earlier, and I didn't feed."
"I could fetch someone else for you," said Klaus.
"How about you message Kol?"
He blinked. "Pardon?"
"You heard me. Kol wanted to fuck me in the past, I know it. Bring me Kol."
His wolf didn't like the sound of that, and honestly, Klaus didn't either. His own guilt was keeping him from enjoying Rosalind's new outlook on life. If he brought Kol into the mix, he'd adore her this way. She might never turn it back on if Kol showed her just how psychotic he could really be and made it fun for her in the process.
"Are you deaf?" she snapped, much less kindly. "Bring me your brother."
"Kol is traveling," said Klaus. "I will see how soon he can arrive."
"Good. Make it soon. You know, I haven't slept with anyone in quite awhile. Since you, actually. I was so busy trying to be loyal to Elena that I haven't been having my needs met. I think that's the perfect way to spend my time. No work, no stupid volunteer events. Just... drinking... killing... fucking anyone I want to. Because I no longer have to care about anything else."
"I would hope you care about not fucking anyone unless they wish to."
"Oh, please, I may have my humanity off, but I am not a monster. I'll make the offer but if they don't consent, I am not engaging any further."
The doorbell rang before Rosalind could make her way fully upstairs. Despite being completely naked, she walked down to open it.
"Oh my god!" shrieked Elena, turning around the instant she saw her. "Rosalind, that— that's so not what I expected— oh—"
"Maybe that'll teach you some manners," said Rosalind, putting her hands on her hips. "Why did you think you could come looking for me?"
"I-I just wanted to talk to you. You weren't at your house and I figured you'd be here. Can you... can you put something on?"
"No. You want to talk to me, you can do it while I'm naked. Be a big girl and look at me. You're the one who admitted to having dirty fantasies about me. Go on, have a look, use it as fuel for that."
Elena didn't turn around. "You turned it off... I just... I wanted... I wanted to remind you that I care about you, that I'm here for you. All of us are here for you."
Rosalind groaned and rolled her eyes. "Did I not say I won't tolerate attempts to stir any emotions in me? We are done, Elena, you're not going to stir anything in me. You might care— which is such a chore by the way, you should consider turning it off like me— but I can assure you, the others don't care in the same way. Matt hates vampires, he won't want to come anywhere near me while I'm like this. All Jeremy wants to do is kill me. Stefan and I hate each other. Caroline is a little bitch. And Damon is just Damon. So, unless you want to come in and have a little fun with me, I suggest you leave. Otherwise, I'll go straight to Caroline and rip her head off. Then, I'll go after Stefan. And from there... anyone who's ever pissed me off is going to find themselves on a hit list."
"Wait, what?" said Elena in a light squeak. "Have... fun?"
"Mhm. You've been wanting to fuck me, haven't you? You admitted to those dirty fantasies of me. Here's your chance to make them a reality."
"Love," said Klaus, frowning. "You told me you wanted your first time with her to be special."
Rosalind whirled to face him. "Was I talking to you? No. Sit down and shut up. Your wolf is so close to the surface, why don't you take the hint and act like a good dog, with your butt on the floor and a closed mouth? Wag your tail if you want." She turned back to Elena. "I no longer care about her that way, so I don't care how special our first time together is. If she wants it to happen, it can happen. Offer stands for another ten seconds, Elena. Take it or leave it."
Elena was so flustered, she couldn't speak. Rosalind counted down in her head at first, then said, "Three... two... one... the opportunity's gone. Goodbye." She slammed the door shut.
She started to walk to her room again. "Well?" she asked when she saw he was still staring up at her. "Are you going to come with me and sleep with me or not? You look pathetic with those little puppy eyes."
Klaus didn't even know how to respond. "You... want me to sleep with you?"
"What I want," she said sharply, "is to get pleasure in any way I can. What I want is to stop being good. So, screw it. I'll sleep with anyone who's willing, no matter who it is. So long as I get an orgasm out of it, I don't care who it's with or how it happens. Though..." she smirked wickedly, "if they can't even make me finish, I think I'll just kill them. Spare other people from having a crappy sexual experience, rid the world of anyone who doesn't even know where to find the clitoris. While I'm at it..."
She leaned over the railing, pressing her breasts to it, and eyeing the bulge in his pants. "I might just go to all the prisons and kill every murderer and rapist ever. Every person who's ever harmed someone like that... violated them so horribly. I'd always wanted to do it, but I was too moral with my emotions, even as a hybrid with the power to do it. Now, I don't care about how wrong it is to take lives. Fuck it, I'll take as many of them as I want. I'm in control. I get to decide who lives or dies without feeling guilty about it, and I'm going to do it. The world will be rid of all the shitty people who I don't like. All the really bad ones. Racists, sexists, homophobes... ugh, especially homophobes." She wiggled her eyebrows. "But before I do any of that, I need sex. Need it."
Klaus swallowed the lump in his throat, wondering if this was all a trick to get him vulnerable so she could enact her revenge. His wolf was begging him to accept, watching as she rubbed herself over the railing, even climbing onto it and grinding against it, giving him a seductive look he never thought her capable of making. He couldn't look away as she slid herself up the railing, with it still pressed between her legs.
"I think I might fare better asking someone like Damon instead," said Rosalind when he didn't move. "You are no fun."
In an instant, he'd appeared in front of her, grabbing the back of her head roughly to kiss her. She pulled him to her bedroom, pinning him down and undressing him, then digging her nails into his chest, raking them down and cutting open his skin.
"You have no idea how furious I was with you when you killed those hybrids," she said darkly, making his heart skip a beat. "All I wanted to do was rip you to pieces, but I knew that wasn't possible. Even without my emotions, there is a nagging sensation of dislike for you. Though, so far, you're proving to be a very willing little helper, so I think I'm going to develop a system for us. Your wolf adores me. More so now that I don't care about anything. So I'll tell you what, Klaus. You do everything I tell you, and I'll reward you with sex. I don't care what anyone thinks about it. Are you in?"
He hissed as she scraped her nails onto his shoulders, leaving blood stains down the lines she cut. "You admitted to still disliking me. In what universe would you want this?"
"Oh, trust me, you're great in bed," said Rosalind. "If I preferred men to women, I would've moved in a long time ago. I could just never have feelings for you. And now, I'll never have feelings for anyone. Never lose anyone anymore and never feel that pain. So, go on. Fuck me like you hate me. Because that's how it's going to be from me to you. Might as well make it even."
At least the first few hours, she knew she'd enjoy having no humanity. Klaus was giving into her every desire. And only Elena had bothered her up until now.
But, she prepared herself for the fact that Elena was going to spread the word to the rest of the friend group as soon as morning came. Maybe she'd already begun telling them. Rosalind had to be ready to meet their concerns with a show of force.
She was ready to kill anyone who tried to ruin her fun.
.
A/N: We have sooo much left for this story, I thought it would be fun to throw in a little angst for awhile! Makes it more realistic as if Rosalind was actually a character in the show. She and Elena are going to be fine, in the end :) Don't worry. Next chapter will be more interesting... at least that's the plan.