Daphne: *points at drunk man* Look at that man.
Constance: Who is he?
Daphne: My college mate. Ten years ago, he proposed me and I rejected him.
Constance: Oh my god! He is still celebrating!
***
Tammy: I am so happy!
Debbie & Lou: Why?
Tammy: Today, I went to doctor's for full body examination and he said my breasts don't look like a 40 year Old woman's breasts.
Debbie: Then? 70?
Lou: 90?
Tammy: No, you fuckers. He said my breasts look like 18 year old girl's breasts.
Debbie: *rolling her eyes* And what did your doctor say about that 40-year-old ass?
Lou: And 40-year-old cunt?
Tammy: We really didn't get the chance to talk about you two
***
Constance: I need help, guys. I am arguing with this bitchy girl on twitter and I need comebacks. She is really using solid lines. Give me some lines.
Tammy: 'You are like the first slice of bread in the bag. Everyone touches you but none wants you'
Constance: Nice. More please
Nine: 'You make me wish I had more middle fingers'.
Rose: 'Some day you'll go far. And I hope you stay there'.
Amita: 'I'm not a psychiatrist but I'm fairly certain that you suffer from an overestimated sense of self-importance'
Daphne: 'I would've called you a whore but who are we kidding, we both know nobody is going to do you even for free'.
Lou: 'If I plan to commit suicide, then I'll climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ level'.
Constance: Awesome! Now Debbie, give me something really strong.
Debbie: How about 'Your ass must get jealous of all the shit that's coming out of your mouth'
***
Arrogant YouTuber: Wanna hear a joke?
Constance: No thanks. I'm already looking at one.
***
*Conversation between Lou and Hela*
Lou: How long is a million years?
Hela: To me it's just like a minute.
Lou: How much is million dollars?
Hela: Just a penny for me.
Lou: Can I have a penny then?
Hela: Sure, wait for a minute.
***
*Some guy knocks at Lou's loft. Constance opens the door*
Guy: *squirming* Sorry to disturb. Bathroom please?
Constance: No thanks. We already have plenty of bathrooms in here. We don't need anymore. *Shuts the door*
***
Tammy: You need to control your anger. You have to attend anger management classes. You badly need it.
Lou: I need not manage my anger if people manage their stupidity in front of me.
***
*Lou shopping at nearby grocery store when her ex appears out of nowhere*
Ex: *fake surprise* what are you doing here?
Lou: Nothing much. Just hunting a lion.
***
Tammy: Had your lunch?
Debbie: *in mood to prank* had your lunch?
Tammy: I'm asking you
Debbie: I'm asking you
Tammy: okay, stop it, asshole
Debbie: okay, stop it, asshole
Tammy: Lou, your asshole of a friend is acting crazy
Lou: *eating popcorn while watching the two*
Debbie: Lou, your asshole of a friend is acting crazy
Lou: *laughs*
Tammy: Shut up Lou
Debbie: Shut up Lou
Lou: Uh...
Tammy: I swear to god! Debbie, just fucking stop!
Debbie: I swear to god! Debbie, just fucking stop!
Tammy: I love Tammy
Debbie: I had my lunch
Lou: *rolls on the floor, laughing*
***
Lou: What are you doing?
Nine: I get constantly disturbed by people when I'm working in my bar. So, designing do not disturb sign.
Lou: do one for me that says 'Already disturbed. Proceed with caution'
***
*Constance fighting with her boyfriend*
Constance: YOU THINK I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? MY PHONE CHARGER?
***
*Little Lou in 3rd grade*
Teacher: Lou, answer me, who is the prime Minister of Australia?
Lou: Bob Hawke
Teacher: You need to tell me the full name. The official name.
Lou: uh... Robert... Hawke?
Teacher: Middle name?
Lou: uh... I don't know?
Teacher: This is unacceptable. Focus more on your studies and spend less time watching footy.
Lou: May I ask you a question?
Teacher: ... Uh? Okay
Lou: Who is Angela?
Teacher: Angela? I don't know. Who is she?
Lou: This is unacceptable. Focus more on your husband and watch less 'Neighbours'
***
*Daphne on a date with a billionaire*
Billionaire: I want to share everything with you
Daphne: Let's start with your bank details
***
*Debbie and Lou's first ever conversation*
Lou: uh... What's your favourite soup?
Debbie: Chicken noodle soup.
Lou: A fine choice
Debbie: I guess. But tell me, why did you ask me this for our first talk?
Lou: You can tell a lot about a person based on their choice of soup.
Debbie: Oh. What does my choice tell you?
Lou: You like chicken and noodles.
***
*After MET, Debbie visits her parents for a week while Lou stays at the loft. They have phone conversations*
Debbie: Watcha doing?
Lou: Nothing. Just in bed.
Debbie: *mischievous smile* ohhhh, what else are you doing?
Lou: Eating Tim-tams. The real biscuits.
Debbie: *seductively* what would you do if I was next to you in bed?
Lou: I'm not sharing Tim-Tams. Go get your own.
Debbie: I don't need your Tim Tams. I asked what would you do if I was next to you?
Lou: Uh? Eat Tim Tams by myself.
Debbie: *sighing* what if I am next to you and you don't have Tim-Tams with you? What would you do? What would you eat?
Lou: I would go get some Tim Tams from kitchen and then eat it in bed.
Debbie: *irritated* Let's say there are no Tim Tams at all in kitchen or anywhere and you only have me. What would you eat?
Lou:
Debbie:
Lou: Oh I know! FOUR'N TWENTY MEAT PIES!
***
*Lou's mother sends a typical mom joke to Lou*
Lou: Mum, stop. You aren't funny. You can't do any joke.
Lou's mum: I made you
***
*Lou's ex trying to get back together*
Ex: Hey, what's up?
Lou: My standards. Bye
***
*Tammy advising Constance and Nine*
Tammy: Alcohol is never the answer.
Lou: *drinking vodka neat* But it does makes you forget the question.
***
Tammy: My grandfather lived a good 98 years and never had the necessity of using glasses.
Lou: Some people do not need glasses. They drink straight out of the bottle.
***
*Conversation between Tammy and her husband*
Husband: what happened dear? I see you are upset for few days now
Tammy: You don't love me
Husband: I do!
Tammy:'. If you did then why did you name the folder 'My documents' instead of 'Our Documents' in your laptop?
***
Tammy: WHO ATE ALL THE COOKIES? I PREPARED FOR TOMORROW'S BAKE SALE!
Constance: Ninjas
Tammy: *annoyed* oh really? I didn't see them though
Constance: Nobody can see Ninjas. That's how good they are
***
Lou: You guys, I'm preparing breakfast.
Rose: uh... Lou, if you don't mind I'll only have some orange juice. Nothing much.
Lou: sure Honey.
Constance: Yo, burrito, Pumpkin muffins and a large glass of Strawberry milkshake for me.
Daphne: apple pancakes and kale smoothie for me. I'm balancing. Make sure to keep everything vegan. No eggs in pancakes.
Tammy: Biscuits and Gravy, mango smoothie. Need to be organically grown.
Debbie: Bagels and cream cheese, Blueberry Muffins and Banana bread too. And latte. No sugar. More coffee, less milk. But should be creamy. Also, do that latte art.
Amita: breakfast casseroles and doughnuts for me. Also, I won't mind some muffins Debbie is having
Nine: Hash browns and chocolate waffles for me. And I need a burrito what Constance is having.
Lou: Okay, it's Vegemite toast and orange juice for all.
***
*Little Lou in school*
Teacher: Lou, name something important we have today that wasn't there 10 years ago.
Lou: Me
***
*Little Lou in school*
Teacher: Lou, do you pray before eating your food?
Lou: No, I don't have to. My mum is a good cook.
***
*Little Lou in school*
Lou: Miss Norris, will you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: No, I will never
Lou: Okay then, I didn't do my homework
***
Nineball: Why is your password 'incorrect'?
Lou: because if I ever forget and enter something wrong, then the computer will remind me 'Your password is incorrect'
***
Constance: What do you call a werewolf wearing a woollen sweater?
Tammy: I don't know. What do you call?
Constance: Wolf in sheep's clothing
***
Lou: You should make your enemy's name as password. That way you'll always remember
Debbie: good Idea. *Types Claude*
Computer: *'Password too short'*
Debbie: I know it is.
Lou: *spits her coffee, laughing*
***
*Winter*
Lou: *shivering* my hands are cold
Debbie: *holding Lou's hands* better?
Lou: My lips are freezing just so you know
***