I had one, single takeaway from the night out- opera was incredibly, endlessly, sinfully boring.
It started with the greeting. 'Oh, hello Lord Fently. What a surprise to happen upon you here'- as if there were not only a few select families well-off enough to afford a night out to the opera.
Then the introductions. 'You remember my wife, and my oldest daughter, Elizabeth? Why yes, I did say my oldest daughter. This is the newest member of our family- isn't she a lovely little thing? Amelia, say hello to Lord Fently and his wife, Lady Fently.' I would curtsy. They would coo and aww at me, carrying on and on about how adorable I was and repeatedly asking me about how I liked my new home and family, though I could hear the assumptions in each of their tones as to how grateful I should feel.
It was not that I wasn't grateful. It was that I could almost feel the judgement- the assumptions of my value, as if I had no worth until I was taken in by this rich, well-known family. It was absolutely infuriating, but I knew what was expected of me, so I just smiled and nodded as much as possible.
Next we were led to our seats by a man in a fine suit- he was dressed so elegantly, I could not help but wonder how he was in a service position when he could afford such attire.
Once we reached our seat- a private balcony above the stage- we were hushed by Lady Baldwin and reminded to sit up straight and not to squirm. And we were to stay like that for the entire performance- which not only proved to be incredibly boring, to hear women screeching at the top of their lungs in a language that was foreign to me, but the show also went on. And on. And on.
Four. Entire. Hours. Twice my leg was swatted for squirming, and several other times Elizabeth reached a hand over and placed it firmly on my arm or thigh, a silent warning that I was doing something wrong. Generally, that 'something' was kicking my legs back and forth, squirming, slouching, or struggling to stay awake.
I found a way in which Elizabeth and I were equal- the soreness and stiffness of the legs that she had felt after walking for four hours? I felt it myself after sitting for four hours.
Apparently, you just needed to spend four hours doing something you were unused to doing. I was grateful that Lord Baldwin told Elizabeth and I to link arms as we walked out of the theater, because I was unsteady on my feet. Not that we had to walk far- The carriage waited for us just outside, and the footman held the door open for us.
I fell asleep on the journey home, and awoke as Lord Baldwin lifted me from the carriage, securing my head as he raised it off of Elizabeth's shoulder. I glanced behind us as he carried me in, and saw that Elizabeth was still awake and was stepping out of the carriage herself.
But, as Miss Lancing undressed me and wrapped my curls to protect them, I went on about how much I had liked the performances. Lady Baldwin was still lingering in the room, and I did not wish to hurt her feelings. She had been so pleased to take me out and introduce me as a member of her family.
It would hurt her enough when I left soon. I could feel the guilt growing as I realized Lord and Lady Baldwin, and certainly Michael, as well, had all become a bit attached to me. I felt even worse when I recalled the way Lord Baldwin had defended me against Madame Duponte once- he had been so certain that I would not steal from him that he had not even demanded I turn out my pockets under her accusations.
I was letting them all down. But John needed me. Above all else, I could not let him down.
*******
Too soon, the day of my ball arrived. I had anticipated hearing knocks at the door, and being able to guess at how many people were arriving based on that. But the doors had been propped open more than two hours before the ball was to start, men stationed at the door to check names off of the lists and announce the arrival of different families.
Not that I was there to witness much of this. Elizabeth and I were still up in our bedroom, being endlessly prepared for the ball.
"Now, Amelia, who is the daughter of the Duke of Daybourne Manor?" Lady Baldwin asked me, pacing around the room like a cat stalking a canary. Miss Lancing stood behind where I was seated on a stool, carefully curling my hair as she had been doing for what had to be close to an hour now.
I hesitated a second too long in my answer and Lady Baldwin sighed. "Lady Emma Daybourne. You must memorize these. Now start again."
"Dear, do you not think this is a bit much for the child?" Lord Baldwin interjected- he stood near the window, presumably watching as people gathered in the garden out back. There was a door from the Great Room that led directly to it. "After all, everyone she comes across will be introduced to her. We will be right there the entire time."
Lady Baldwin huffed, still seeming frenzied by the pressures of hosting a ball. "Perhaps I should go down there and make my rounds."
"It wouldn't be proper," Her husband countered, stepping further into the room. He took his wife's hands. "Everything will be fine. We have plenty of waitstaff on hand. We will be announced to the room just before the children. We need to make our way in together, and show a united front as we introduce Amelia formally."
She sighed. "You're right. I know, of course." Lady Baldwin then turned to me. "Truly, Amelia, you do look beautiful. As do you, Elizabeth."
Tonight, it was not only Elizabeth and I who were matching- every member of the family was in red. Lady Baldwin had an extravagent red ballgown on, while Lord Baldwin and his sons were dressed in matching red tailcoats. 'A united front', as Lady Baldwin had put it.
Time seemed to move so slowly and quickly all at once- in a frenzy of motion, I was suddenly herded towards the top of the stairwell.
"Your parents will be announced first," Miss Lancing said quietly to me- she would not be attending the ball, and was dressed in her plain dress. She said she was not fond of such large events. "Then your siblings will walk down together. You will be entering on your own. Do not hold on to the railing- walk down the center of the stairs, and lift your skirt with both hands. When you reach the bottom, you stand beside Elizabeth, between your brothers. Do you understand?"
My hear was racing, and I felt my breathing speed up. I could not find the breath to respond, so I just nodded my head.
Miss Lancing knelt down as Lord and Lady Baldwin were announced, and began making their way down the stairs. "Listen to me, Amelia. This is nothing at all. You are simply walking down some stairs, and standing beside your family. Do not overthink. You can do this, alright?"
"Yes, Miss," I gasped, though I sounded incredibly breathless.
She smoothed my hair for me, gripping the ends gently for a moment and then smiling at me. My name was called. "Go on now," She said, placing my curls over my shoulders. "Raise your skirts to walk properly- just like that. Go stand beside your sister."
It was strange to me that I did not even have to pause and think as to who my supposed 'sister' was. As I made my way down the stairs, I avoided the sea of eyes that fell upon me. Instead, I looked to Elizabeth, holding her gaze as she smiled reassuringly at me.
Time passed in a blur- suddenly I was standing beside Elizabeth, and she reached over to grip my hand, despite all of the eyes on us, and despite the fact that Michael was standing just beside us. He did not laugh at me, though- he just smiled at me as his father, who was standing just behind us with Lady Baldwin, reached forward and put a hand on my shoulder.
"Ladies and Gentlemen," Lord Baldwin called. Lady Baldwin was handed a glass by a Butler, and she gently clinked it with a piece of silverware. This noise caused the room to quiet down immediately.
"Thank you," Lord Baldwin continued. His voice was strong- how could he be so confident before all of these people? "Now, as you know, I myself was adopted. My entire life, I have strived to have a family, and to provide for them well. I have done so. But a piece was missing- I have always wanted to adopt a child, as I know personally how such a thing can entirely change the course of such a child's life.
"And I am here today with a child, whom was not born unto me, but was gifted to me by our loving God. In a short time, we have come to love our little Amelia- she is wise, compassionate, and fearless. She has come to get along so well with her new brothers and sister, and has become a light of happiness within the house. We hope that you will allow her to become the same for the entire community."
Lord Baldwin raised a glass- I did not see from where he had gotten it. In truth, I could hardly hear his words over the pounding of my heart in my chest. "To quote Shakespeare- as I so often do- 'Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.' I believe that Amelia will go on to inspire and do great things. To Amelia- the newest member of the Baldwin family!"
"To Amelia!" There was a loud chorus of voices that repeated the line back, and then the Great Room erupted into laughter and cheers and conversation. There was a band playing music in a far corner, and the center of the room was filled with swirling dressed and waving coats as people danced.
Just as Lord Baldwin had said, I was introduced to countless people. I remembered some of them, mostly from Susanna's birthday party- Susanna was there herself, as were several other children from her party. I did not have much time to speak with any of them, though, as I was constantly brought from one person to another. My left foot was tired from all the curtsying.
I was also expected to dance, which was not so awful- despite how strange he was, I had to admit that Master Manning had taught me well. With little concentration, I was able to keep up with the steps to the dances, only stepping on Lord Baldwin's toes a few times as he led me in dance for the first several songs.
Michael danced with me, as well, though we spent most of that time improvising and trying not to laugh, much to Lady Baldwin's chagrin. I had finally pulled away from Michael when I had seen her preparing to approach us from the side of the room, and had quickly retreated to Thomas for the next dance. He was very particular about his steps, following every rule of dance and etiquette with precision.
There were brief moments when Elizabeth and I managed to steal away to the hors d'oeuvre table, snatching up a few bites of food before Lady Baldwin would find us again, shooing us back on to the dance floor or introducing me to another family.
It was strange how much I enjoyed an event that I had been so anxious about- despite all the formal introductions and rules of etiquette surrounding socialization and dancing, I had a marvelous time. I was disappointed when the first hour was up- at the stroke of seven, Elizabeth and I were sent upstairs to our room, and many of the other children had nannies and governesses arriving to take them home, as well.
The adults would get to stay longer- Elizabeth had told me that parties such as this could go on until close to dawn the next morning. Those old enough to be considered debutants would socialize and drink and dance into the night, once the innocent eyes were all out of sight.
At least, that was what Elizabeth assumed they did. She had never been allowed to stay up and see.
Now that summer was near an end, the night air was chilly- the open door had felt nice downstairs in the crowd, but the large bedroom felt cold. Miss Lancing added another log to the fire and left the window open only a crack, as was needed to keep the air clean.
It took quite a while to prepare us for bed. By the time Miss Lancing had wrapped our hair to preserve the curls, washed our faces free of any oils that may be present from the chocolate we had eaten, and swapped out our intricate, laced-up party dresses for simple cotton nightgowns, the sky was all but dark.
"Elizabeth, come away from that window, unless you want the guests to hear you getting a sound whipping," Miss Lancing warned, growing irritated after reminding Elizabeth for the third time to stay out of view of the window while in her nightgown- it would not be proper for her to be seen in it. "If I have to warn you again, it shall be with a birch switch. Do you understand me?"
Elizabeth's cheeks lit aflame at the thought of everyone downstairs overhearing such a punishment. She hurried away from the window, keeping a wide birth between herself and our governess, lest Miss Lancing deal a few blows in warning, as well. "No, Miss! I mean- I understand. I won't do it again, I'm sorry!"
"See that you do not." Miss Lancing scolded, grasping for Elizabeth's arms and lifting her on to the bed, By the time she was turning to help me up, I was already climbing on to the high mattress, and she just put a hand on my backside to help push me up. "Do you both have your dolls?"
"Yes, Miss Lancing," Elizabeth and I chorused- hers was already tucked in beside her, but mine was hidden beneath the blankets. I freed her from her cotton prison, hugging her in apology as the blankets were lifted over me, and Miss Lancing tucked Elizabeth and I in beside each other.
Moving the candle, as always, from the bedside table to the center table, Miss Lancing made her way to the door. "Goodnight, girls."
"Goodnight, Miss Lancing." I said. Elizabeth was already beginning to doze off, just as worn out from the day as I was.
We fell asleep to the sound of music still playing downstairs.