The cold of night still hangs in the air, even with the shelter of Regan's cabin. Seems the officers from Mortal really view Regan as a sort of leader. It makes sense for them to follow Peace's orders without question. She is the mayor after all.
But Regan just took on that role of leadership seemingly out of nowhere. Never before had Cree imagined Regan would uphold such a level of authority, let alone over a small army. And because of this authority, he is given a few benefits. One being his own room on the ship.
But even with the comfort of four walls and a warm bed, Cree can't stay asleep. It's not even nightmares keeping him up, it's his own thoughts. His doubts.
The cold isn't helping much either. He knows he should get up and get dressed as his current lack of clothes is certainly not ideal, but the only warmth he has right now is from Regan's presence at his side.
Last night felt like he was given new life. To be held in Regan's arms again, and to be able to hold him in turn – well, as much as he could hold him with only one arm – was a feeling he hadn't realized how much he had missed, but damn does it feel good to be back.
But as nice as it feels, he can't help but have those lingering doubts.
Regan had to practically sneak Cree to his room. He claimed it was to avoid causing the officers to worry, but Cree knows what's really going on. He wants to keep him away from Reela. He would understand why, but the fact that Regan isn't telling him his reasoning is what worries him more.
But he's in no position to question anyone here, especially Regan. He was expecting nothing more than to be seen as a traitor and kept locked up below deck. He counts himself lucky to just be able to sleep in a bed at all.
To sleep in Regan's bed is nothing short of a miracle.
But his mind never allows him to accept the 'miracles' at face value. Perfect never lasts.
Especially when he doesn't deserve it to begin with.
With a sigh, Cree carefully pushes his only arm under him so he can sit up. The blanket falls from his torso, making him shiver but he doesn't pull it back up. He shifts to keep the blanket fully covering Regan, and as he catches a glimpse of his sleeping face, he stops all train of thought.
How can he look so peaceful? How is he able to sleep so soundly in Cree's presence when just weeks ago, he was trying to kill him?
Maybe he'll never understand.
Cree reaches down to touch his face, but his hand recoils before he can. He forces himself to look away so he can start pulling on his clothes.
He gets dressed, actually relieved to finally be out of that Imperium gear. None of his own clothes were salvaged from the Firefly, so he has to wear some spares that were brought over from Mortal. Black jeans and a dark grey t-shirt, with a dark brown bomber jacket. He has to tuck away the right sleeve to compensate for his lack of an arm, but it's warm so he doesn't mind.
As he opens the door to the cabin, he cautiously looks over the deck to make sure Reela isn't around before he exits and softly shuts the door behind him to keep the cold breeze from getting to Regan.
The sky is still relatively dark. The navy blue tint is just starting to break with the orange glow of dawn casting across the ocean waves. He can't believe it, but something about the waves gently rocking the ship is almost comforting to him now. There's still a part of him that remains uneasy about being on a ship at sea, but compared to the Imperium, this is a breath of fresh air.
He makes his way across the deck to stand at the bow of the ship and simply stare off over the water. Even with the jacket, the cold still somewhat gets to him but he doesn't want to return to the cabin just yet.
He loves Regan, but right now being around him makes his heart scream too loud for him to be able to hear his thoughts.
Meanwhile the wind makes it so that he actually can't hear, causing him to miss the approaching footsteps. He's only able to catch the sound of a soft chuckle.
"Good to know I'm not the only one awake at four in the morning," Colin says.
Cree lets out a gasp and goes to draw his knife, forgetting that he still hasn't gotten his weapons back. But when his mind catches up to the fact that it's only Colin and not any threat, he slowly lets himself stand down, but his tension remains.
He says nothing as the SRL holds up his hands. "Easy. I'm not looking for a fight."
Cree looks away, and Colin sighs as he lowers his hands.
"And hell, even if I was, you'd probably still win. Even with only one arm," the SRL chuckles again, but Cree still remains silent. Colin cautiously takes another step closer and leans against the rail across from him, looking him over curiously. "I'm awake because it's almost physically impossible for me to sleep," he nods to Cree, "What's your excuse?"
Cree takes in a deep breath of the ocean air and also leans forward on the railing. He can't tell if his sudden struggle to think of what to say is a result of his guilt after being the Ghost, or simply because he's never really held a real conversation with Colin before. It typically always ends with a fight of some sort.
"It... certainly feels that way," Cree clears his throat. "Guess I'm not too different from an SRL after all..." he weakly snickers but it ends in a sigh.
Colin cocks his head a bit to the side as he stares at him curiously. He examines his demeanor and tries to piece together what might be on his mind, but he opts to stop while he's ahead. He's never been able to understand Cree before, so why start now?
Well, he didn't understand him until he physically went into his head and saw who he was.
But who he is is a different story.
Cree keeps his head down, when he catches a glimpse of Colin moving in the corner of his eye and looks over to see the SRL holding out a bottle of ale with another in his other hand.
He sighs and takes it with a slow nod. "Thanks..." he says and tries getting the cap off, but struggles with only one hand. Colin chuckles and reaches over, twisting the cap for him before he takes a drink of his own.
Cree takes a small sip and returns his gaze to the ocean. Seeing the distance on his face, Colin takes another step closer and leans forward on the rail next to him.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
Cree turns his gaze away with a sigh. "You wouldn't under..." he stops his automatic dismissal as a thought enters his mind, and he slowly returns his attention to the SRL. "Actually... Maybe..." he looks over his face. The wires and dimly glowing green eyes. "Maybe... you would understand..."
Colin tilts his head and takes a drink. "Understand what?"
He looks down and also takes another drink, slightly fidgeting with the bottle. "How..." he has to nod to encourage himself to keep going. "...How did you deal with it?" he angles the bottle a bit forward to be able to slightly see his reflection in the glass. "...Dying... Only to come back as someone... completely different from who you were used to being..." he drinks again before meeting Colin's eyes again.
The SRL lightly laughs. "Which time?"
Cree lets out a soft snicker and shakes his head, looking at the bottle again. "Was... there ever a time you came back, expecting to be... hated?" he sniffs against the crisp air and glances back over his shoulder at the door to the cabin. "But instead, you were forgiven without a second thought... Leaving you to constantly be waiting for the façade to come down..."
Colin looks back at the cabin door as well and slowly nods as he thinks he might be starting to understand where he's going with this. He takes another drink and turns around to lean back against the rail. "That would be... the second time I died," he chuckles again. "In Idyll. When I came back as a Bio SRL, I was fully expecting Edith to hate me for lying to her about what she was... And at first, I thought I was right. She was furious," he starts and takes another drink.
"But then... she wasn't. Once she was no longer upset about learning she was an SRL, she looked at me and..." he slowly shakes his head. "...She was just happy I was alive. She forgave me in an instant. And after that... The first time she told me she loves me... I couldn't believe it. I wanted to, but I couldn't."
"Why not?" Cree asks without turning his focus away.
Colin looks down at him and meekly shrugs. "'Cause I didn't deserve it."
Cree stares at him for a second longer before he turns his eyes back to the sea and takes another drink. He honestly wasn't expecting him to say that so calmly. How easily he can acknowledge the way he felt. But the way he said it makes it sound like it wasn't how he felt, but rather how he still feels.
How can he still feel like he doesn't deserve Edith's love after everything that's happened? She's carrying his child. They've been through hell and back over and over again and always make it out together. As long as he's known Edith, she's been at Colin's side. From CLive to who he is now.
"But... Don't you love her?" Cree asks carefully, and Colin simply nods with a smile.
"Of course I do," he says frankly. "I would give my life for her and more."
Cree takes a slow drink and eyes him quizzically. "Yet... you still feel like you don't deserve her."
Colin nods again and takes a drink of his own. "Yeah. And honestly, I don't think those doubts will ever go away. I think part of love is constantly thinking they deserve someone better than you. Because you just love them so damn much that you can't help but want the best for them, even if 'the best' isn't you," he says and looks Cree over as he once again looks back at the cabin door.
"I take it you feel the same way with Regan," Colin says.
Cree slowly shakes his head without looking away from the door. "...How can he still say he loves me? After everything I did – everything I said..." he sighs and turns forward to look down at the bottle of ale. "How can he still..." he sighs and takes another drink.
Colin sets his bottle down and crosses his arms. "I won't lie and say it gets better. Those doubts will probably always linger. At least, they do for me. And... from what I understand," he nods to Cree. "Doubt seems to stick with you pretty heavily."
Cree says nothing and just keeps his head down as he goes back to fidgeting with the bottle with his only hand.
The SRL takes a deep breath and looks down at the wires on his forearms. "You may... doubt yourself now. Maybe you always will, maybe not," he looks at Cree just as he lifts his head to meet his gaze and Colin shows him a small smile. "But don't doubt Regan. You may feel like you don't deserve it when he says he loves you, but ask yourself this;" he turns around to lean forward on the rail again.
"Do you think Regan would say something he doesn't mean?"
Cree looks down again and slowly shakes his head. "Well I... guess not... But—" He stops himself when Colin carefully places his hand on his remaining shoulder and he looks up to see him smile.
"If you love him, you have to trust that if there's a problem, he'll talk to you about it. That is when you can worry. But in the times between, you shouldn't let those doubts keep you from being happy. If Regan wants to love you, you should let him."
Cree goes to take another drink, but the bottle is empty. Glancing up at the sky, he realizes the sun had come up at some point while they were talking. Colin looks up as well and lightly chuckles. "Sorry. I didn't mean to steal all of your alone time," he says sheepishly.
"It's... okay," Cree looks forward again, when Colin pats his shoulder.
"You should get some more rest, Tyrell," he says. "I've got a feeling it's going to be a busy day."
Cree slowly nods. "Yeah... I will," he says as Colin turns to start walking away, when Cree quickly looks back at him again. "And gearbox—" he catches himself with a defeated sigh. "Colin."
"'Gearbox' is fine," Colin chuckles.
Cree shows him a small smile and glances at the floorboards awkwardly. "You can, uh..." he clears his throat before meeting his eyes again. "Feel... Feel free to call me 'Cree,'" he shrugs and anxiously rubs the back of his neck. "I mean, everyone kinda already does, so... Why the hell not?"
Colin smiles back at him and nods once, and he hopes to Mazenya he's doing a good job of hiding his joy over finally succeeding at holding a conversation with Cree. "I'll keep that in mind. And... Just know that if you ever need to talk... I'm here," he says.
Cree looks away and bites his lip. "Thanks... And... The, um... the same goes for you, if you need to talk..." he glances over at the medical tent where Malachi is still out cold.
"...I know you must be going through a lot right now."
The SRL nods again and looks away as well. "Yeah, but... I'm not the only one."
Cree watches him walk away and return to Malachi's side.
With a deep breath, he returns to Regan. He pulls off his jacket and climbs back into bed, pulling the blanket up over himself as he settles at Regan's side. He stares at his face for what he thought was a few minutes, but the next thing he knows, Regan is blinking his eyes open to instantly land on Cree laying next to him.
A smile grows on his face as he reaches over to gently hold Cree's cheek while looking over his face, making Cree raise a curious brow.
"What is it?" he asks, making Regan lightly chuckle as he meets his eyes again.
"...I love you so much," he whispers.
Cree can't help but smile back before he leans forward to give Regan a soft kiss, then pull back with a look of pure bliss.
"I love you too."
As morning comes with the sun hanging over the ocean and the crisp air starts to warm, Reela unzips her tent and steps out with a big yawn, rubbing her eyes and pushing her bed head out of her face, looking up to see Regan standing over her with an anxious smile.
She smiles as well as she awaits his typical 'good morning,' but it doesn't come. Instead, he kneels down and holds her shoulder.
Regan takes a deep breath and slightly turns his gaze to the floor before meeting her tired eyes again. "Reela... Sweetheart, there's..." he tenses. "...Someone you need to see."
The girl innocently tilts her head, when Regan stands up and lets go of her shoulder. He steps aside and looks back, and Reela follows his gaze.
Cree slowly approaches, freezing as his eyes meet hers.
"...Hey, Reela..." he manages a weary smile.
She stares at him blankly. Her eyes dance across his face. Her mind fights her heart to accept what's in front of her. He isn't real. He can't be real.
Without a word, she closes her eyes and holds her breath.
Cree tilts his head and steps towards her. "Reela...?"
She doesn't move or open her eyes when she responds. "I'm trying to wake up," she pouts. Her breathing gets a little faster and her hands start to shake. "I'm... I'm not waking up," she opens her eyes to find that her vision is blurred. "Why am I not waking up?!" she looks to Regan in a panic, when Cree takes another step closer and kneels in front of her with a smile.
Her attention snaps back onto him and she freezes again.
Cree shakily opens his only arm to her and bites his lip against his building tears.
Nothing more is said as the girl throws herself at Cree and holds onto him like she never intends to let go. She buries her face in his chest as she starts trembling violently and her tears break free in a fit of sobbing.
Cree holds her against him and kisses the top of her head, breathing in deeply and closing his eyes as his body starts shaking too.
Reela suddenly gasps and opens her eyes, leaning back to feel the dampness to her cheeks and look around in a frenzy. "So happy it hurts... in a good way!" she joyously throws her arms up as she sobs. "I'm a masochist!" she wraps her arms around Cree again as he laughs through the tears.
She shudders as she struggles to breathe with the overwhelming emotions screaming in her heart, but she doesn't let him go. She keeps her eyes closed and her head pressed against his chest to hear the rapid beating of his heart.
"...I love you, Dad," she whispers through the sobs.
Cree's heart skips a beat and he suddenly forgets how to breathe at hearing that word – that title – come from this girl. He tries to think of something to say, but his mind runs completely blank.
So instead, he just holds her tighter and knows deep in his heart that he loves her too.
Her and Regan.
His family.