CHAPTER THREE
●○► CANDIES AND LOLLIPOPS
I feel as if my body is being torn into pieces. I don’t know if I can still breathe out the air that is trapped in my lungs from what I am seeing. It hurts, like there are a thousand pins pinching at your heart.
My jaw drops, and the next thing I want to do is to run back. I don’t want to see Kevin with another girl kissing him. Certainly not. I want to be in that position, kissing Kevin and tasting his lips like there’s no tomorrow.
Heather lets go of my wrist and speaks. “Woah. That’s not happening. It can’t be.”
It can, I think, gritting my teeth. Suddenly the anger rises up into my heart. If Kevin is with another girl, so be it. Let him be with her and live with her. Besides, Kevin has no taste. Kevin is a big slut!
“We should go,” Heather suggests. “I think that’s already freaking you out. We should go home.”
I nod in reply to Heather, then she grabs my hand and we turn our backs to the lake. We walk back home silently with heads bowed down. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me now. Will I still have a child? Or will I just die a virgin? I wish I do not.
As we reach the house, the girls are already there. Janine is laughing with Kate while Beth bits her lip as if she had just tasted a boy.
“Oh, hi, Mary. Hi, Heather,” says Kate, as if shocked when she catches sight of me and Heather. “Where’ve you been?”
Tiredly, I admit, “The lake.”
Kate must have recognized the worry in my tone. “What’s wrong?” she says. “Did your boyfriend back out from having sex with you?”
I look at her, the kind of look you give when you’re disappointed, and say, “No. There’s no one who backed out. And I don’t have a boyfriend yet.”
“Oh,” ejaculates Janine, “you don’t have? Well, Beth has just had sex with Ryan.”
“‘Ryan’ who?” asks Heather.
“Kevin’s friend,” says Kate. “I believe, Mary, that he’s your crush. Is he? Did you ask him out already?”
“Did,” I say, my lips regretting that the word leaves them, “but—”
I just shake my head. Maybe the girls know what it means. The answer is no. But it’s worse than no. Kevin has a girlfriend, and I bet something has already happened between them.
“That’s sad,” comments Beth. “Having sex to someone is good. It’s the best feeling I’ve ever had in my life. Try it. You’ll get what I mean. And, oh, Janine, did you ask Oren already?”
Janine smirks and raises one eyebrow at us. “Secret,” she says, rolling her eyes, laughing.
“Aw,” says Heather. “I’m sure you already have. You’re blushing, don’t you know?”
I did not notice that. I cannot focus at the things that are happening around me. I don’t even know what Beth is doing with her tongue. Like she’s licking something. But I do not know what it means and what it is. I cannot focus. The kiss still bothers me.
“I’m not.” Janine laughs, and Heather teases her more that she is.
Before I go to sleep, I take my diary with me and place it on my lap. I uncap my pen and start scribbling something on the first page. I write: February 2, 2113.
First off, before I write something about the content, I need to name my diary. What’s a good name for it? I think, staring at the ceiling. I want to ask some suggestions from the girls, but as I glance at them on the other side of the floor/bed, I find all of them already asleep. Janine uses her hands as her pillows: Kate drools; Beth is snoring so loud she can wake up Heather, who is on her side smiling and making sounds like “Hmmm.”
I think of the name for minutes. I guess I should just name it after my mother, whose name is Trisha. Besides, I want to tell her everything that has happened to me. If she just lived . . .
I start write.
Dear Trisha, my mom,
It’s my first time to write on a diary, especially on you. Mom, I wish you were here. I want to tell you everything right now. I really want to, but I know you can’t come back. I just hope you see what I’m doing.
I don’t know if I’m feeling jealous with Kevin kissing another girl. Yes. He’s my crush, Trisha. And I really want to have a baby with him. How would I? I think I would die childless. I don’t want that to happen. I know you wouldn’t want me to as well.
I had asked Kevin to have a baby with me at the lake. He didn’t answer me. I don’t really know if he wants it or not. But I guess not. He’s already with someone, Trisha. And I hope that girl would die so that I’d replace her. Yes. I wish that girl to die. If I could just do it with my own. But I couldn’t. It’s my life the price. If I do, I would no longer see Kevin forever.
So that’s the highlight of everything that happened this day. I will write more tomorrow.
Love, Mary
It feels good as I finished writing on Trisha. It’s like the feeling I feel is transferred into the diary. The feeling decreases as well. I don’t know why, but I guess I feel a slight relief happening inside me. I sigh, then folded the cover of the diary and lock it. That way the girls wouldn’t know what’s inside.
I think I have to hide the key. I should hide it in a place where no one can see. Well, keeping it with me is also a great idea. Besides, if someone tries to find it, they’d have to grab it in my hand—I’m good at clasping things.
After that, I lay my back on the floor, staring above me and thinking of my parents, which I normally do every night before I go to sleep. I close my eyes, and my dream starts with me and Kevin kissing. For the rest of the night, I feel I were the girl Kevin had kissed at the lake.
I wake up with a start. I glance on the other side of the floor/bed and find everyone awake. I sit up and rub my eyes. Then I stand up and walk wobbly toward the door.
Before I open the door, someone calls me behind. “Mary,” the voice says urgently. I recognize the voice before I turn around. It belongs to Heather, and she already wore the outfit for our candy-selling.
“I need you to carry out the candies left in the kitchen,” says Heather. “There are five more containers.”
“What?” I protest. “Can’t you see I just woke up? I need a break.”
“Don’t care,” says Heather flatly, as if she never really cares. “C’mon. Move fast. Then we can hunt some guys this afternoon. I promise.”
I roll my eyes and scoff, frowning at Heather. I don’t know if she really means about the guy hunting. She must be serious about that. She wants to get pregnant though. And I can’t stop her from that.
“Move,” she orders, then I proceed to the kitchen and places the candy containers on our sidecar bike.
There is a specific street in Depton Republic where you can sell. All you have to do to sell is to borrow materials from the government. They’ll give you everything what you need—a space, a stand and products. It is up to the person what product he wants to sell. There are a lot of options to pick in selling. But the ten percent of your income will go to the government, and the remaining percent will go to yours.
It is already 8:30 in the morning when we arrive at the street. There are so many people coming in to buy some products. Every side of the street has a stand; and every stand, there are people buying.
Our stand is located after fifty-three stands. Usually, everybody doesn’t leave their products inside their stands, because at night, the thieves come to steal them all. This has happened before. But not to ours.
We get to our stand and place every candy container in front. For the first five minutes, there are some children coming in to buy gummy worms and rainbow lollipops. Adults buy to us too. They buy gums and candies. But they do not actually buy unless they smoke. You know, for fresher breath.
2 HOURS LATER
We have sold half of our candies now. Heather is counting the amount of money we have earned. So far, we already have three-hundred deps (deps is the currency of Depton Republic).
While I look at Heather, a little boy comes to us.
“How much for the gummy dinosaurs?” he asks, holding out his money in his hand.
“Gummy dinosaurs,” I repeat, finding for its container in front. “Oh, right behind you,” I joke.
The little boy glances behind him and laugh. “You’re funny,” says the boy.
“Am I?” I ask.
“Rawwr,” he says, and I take that as a yes.
“Okay, three pieces for one dep,” I tell the little boy.
“Can I have three deps?” he asks, his tone is very cute for his age.
“Alright,” I say, then I pull the gummy dinosaur container and open it. I take out nine gummy dinosaurs and put it inside a small plastic. The little boy shouts ‘yehey’ a few times. “Here you go, little boy.”
I look at the little boy’s eyes as I hand him the plastic of gummy dinosaurs.
“Your eyes are beautiful, little boy,” I say.
When I said that, the little boy smiles. “Thank you, Miss.”
His eyes remind me of Kevin. They have the same warm-green eyes, and it seems this boy is the younger version of him. I fall in love with the boy—with Little Kevin. I don’t know why. But there’s something in his eyes that I can’t resist from staring.
Then I heard someone call the boy. “Kirvy!” the voice calls.
Little Kevin turns away, walking toward the guy standing on the other side of the street. “Daddy,” says Little Kevin.
“We’re going home, son.”
I suddenly recognize the voice of his father. I look up, then . . . Little Kevin runs to Kevin.
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