woahh, tuesday update instead of sunday haha. song to the side is "i won't give up" by jason mraz! ignore weird mistakes and typos, enjoy the chapter xx
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11:35 am
While I may have been wrapped up in Archie's arms last night, waking up to his complete absence had me thinking that I had dreamt the whole thing. At the brink of awake and asleep, it was possible that I had been more asleep than I realized. Possibly more wishful thinking and lovely dreams than anything. It was an exhausting flight, after all. But the only shred of hope I had of actually having been in his arms last night was opening my eyes to a very familiar setting. I was back in my brother's guest bedroom, in my reality of a life, and smack in the realization that today would be the day where Archie and I finally broke the ice about where to go next.
Groaning, I shoved my face into the pillow laying next to me. Now that I think about it, maybe I wasn't ready to talk to Archie yet. I loved him too much to take the blow of leaving him, if that's what it came down to be. But I knew that I couldn't prolong this any longer. So despite the nerves making my stomach feel at its absolute worst, I forced myself out of bed and headed down to the kitchen.
"Auntie!" came the instant excited cry of my darling little niece. A grin settled on my lips as the bundle of sweetness slipped off her chair at the dining table and came jumping into my arms.
I pressed a kiss to her forehead and hugged her tightly. "Hey, Caroline."
She beamed brightly at me. "I'm so glad you're finally back. Mommy and Daddy are still sleeping, so Uncle Archie and I are making breakfast for everyone. He said you wouldn't be awake for a while, though."
Realizing that another pair of eyes were staring at me intensely from the other side of the kitchen, I glanced up to meet Archie's gaze . . .
Then broke into giggles as I saw the colorful, fruit patterned apron tied around his waist. With the time I get to see Archie, it actually was a foreign sight for me to see him in anything other than his work clothes, looking crisp and professional in dress shirts and a tie. He was incredibly handsome going to work, but something about seeing him in such casual clothes hit me with a sense of how it used to be. While aprons definitely weren't a common thing for him to be wearing back then, a smile like that was a definite feature.
His smile came almost effortlessly, a huge contrast to his usual flat expression. It made my heart constrict tightly with hope.
I placed Caroline on the counter and didn't bother to conceal my amusement as I assessed him. I bit my lip. "So it's come to apron wearing, now has it?"
A hint of his old self shone as he stepped behind the counter to reveal himself in all his fruity glory and cheekily replied, "There's a point in a man's life where he must wear an apron for his wife's amusement. Is it working?"
I smiled. "Very."
He returned that smile, softly. "Good."
11:59 am
"This is so weird," Luca muttered to me after we were filled with Archie's delicious breakfast. The man cooks for himself every morning before work, and it's not just some bowl of cereal with milk. It's not shocking that everyone was impressed with what he laid on the table.
"What's weird?" I asked him.
He gestured to backyard where Caroline stood drawing pictures on the brick walls with some chalk. She had Archie's full attention as she babbled endlessly about whatever she wanted to get off her chest.
I watched them intently, noting the lightness in Archie's demeanor, and said, "Him with Caroline? That's nothing new, Luca. He's always been like that with Caroline."
Luca shook his head and turned to me with a furrow between his brows. "Maybe. That whole apron thing, though? That was just wrong. Really wrong."
I scoffed, though silently agreed. It was extremely out of character for Archie to do something like that. "I don't know," I murmured, returning my gaze to the backyard. "You probably think this is stupid, but his wearing the apron gave me a little hope. Like, there's still a part of him behind the cold workaholic, you know?"
The disturbance on his face softened at my words. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and turned us so that we were both facing Caroline and Archie in the backyard. Watching Archie so at ease with Caroline gave me a glimpse of a different side of him – the side he's kept hidden for so long. I desperately yearned for him to show that side more often.
"He really missed you, Elle," he said after a long moment of silence. I looked up at him, surprised and skeptical at the same time. He gave me a firm nod in return and squeezed my shoulder. "You should've seen him when he came back to find that you were gone. I was letting AJ out for her to do her business before bed when he nearly tore the door down getting in. He was so pissed to see me rather than you but when I told him that you were most likely on a plane by now . . ." Luca let loose a whistle, "Man, he looked angry."
I shrugged at that. It wasn't like I expected him to react any differently. Without any notice of my leave, it was something abruptly sprung on him. "He was angry that I left, so what?" I asked.
"The thing is, Elle, I don't think he was angry that you left. This was before he found out that you were coming back, and if his sounds of what sounded like heartbreak through the walls were anything to judge by, I think he was angry at himself for letting you leave."
3:15 pm
The atmosphere of our drive back home was amiable. We kept occasional small talk before lapsing into a comfortable silence. Despite our great job of avoiding the inevitable conversation that needed to be done, we both knew that we were waiting until we returned home. All signs of anxiety grew the closer and closer we got. By the time we arrived, my own house looked extremely daunting.
"I'll get your bags so that you can rush to say hi to AJ," Archie offered. I smiled and went to do just that, not minding when I was greeted with loud barks and slobbery kisses. AJ was no pup, and I've come to accept the active mess that she was. Dealing with her fur was also a small price to pay for a best friend and a running buddy.
As I sat on the floor and was spoiled with doggy love, my eyes were drawn to the new addition hanging on our tree in the backyard.
"Where'd you find that?" I gasped as Archie came bearing my baggage. I didn't give him much time to answer before I made a beeline for the old birdhouse.
The color, I noticed, had been lost with the years — the once vibrant colors faded down to dull pastels. I thought the old thing was lost when we moved houses that I couldn't help but reach out gently hold it in my palms. For such a small object, this birdhouse was the most sentimental thing I owned, a memento from the day Archie and I first met.
The man himself came up to me and slid it off the tree so that I could hold it. I've forgotten how small it actually was. The size and faded colors added to its cuteness.
"I found it when I was cleaning out the closet down the hall," he informed me.
I turned the birdhouse mindlessly in my hands. "It was there?"
He nodded. "Among other things."
I released a long breath and placed the birdhouse back onto the tree branch. "So," I said, slipping my hands into my back pockets, "can we talk yet?"
His jaw set and he nodded once more. "Just . . . let me get something, okay?"
3:31 pm
I sat on the porch steps and threw a ball around with AJ as I awaited Archie's return. He didn't return as quickly as I thought he would, and I found him on the phone when I went into the house to find him. With an apologetic smile, he held up a finger that signaled me to wait a moment.
Sighing at yet another setback, I ventured into the bedroom in search for my ring; one of Riley's rings served as my temporary one while I was away. My ring wasn't there, though, and I paused as I saw a picture frame of Archie and I in its place. It was an older picture, one that captured us on one of the glorious beaches in Hawaii. This must have been the "among other things" that Archie came across when cleaning out the closet in the hallway. That closet was our designated place for storage of things we didn't need laying around in the house, but I've lost track as to what we didn't end up unpacking.
The mass of things in there were items from our old house that we just stashed away. I went into the bathroom still on the hunt for my ring and instead found an old decorative vase filled with fresh flowers. My curiosity drew me to the closet.
"Oh, wow."
The words left me in a shocked breath when I was faced with, not old junk reaching from bottom to top of the closet, but coats. Coats – our winter coats – just hung there, as if they'd been there the whole time. Two boxes located at the bottom was all that was left of our messy collection.
"Hey, Elle?" Archie's approaching footsteps tore my gaze away from the closet and I turned to him with an open mouth. He shoved his hands in his pockets when he saw where I was.
"Where did –" I gestured to the closet, clearly at a loss of words. If you'd seen how pack that place was, I'm sure anyone would've been surprised to see it fully cleaned out and organized. "Was cleaning the house something you did while I was gone?" I asked him instead.
Archie nodded and rubbed at the back of his neck. "I was cleaning out our closet in the bedroom because I realized that everything was getting pretty crammed in there. That's why I moved our winter coats out here. There's room for anything else you want to store away," he explained.
"And what about our old stuff?" I asked quietly, hoping that he didn't get rid of those things without my knowledge. What if there were things I wanted to keep?
Archie, however, merely smiled at my concern look and held his hand out. "C'mon," he said. "I'll show you where they are."
Frowning, I slipped my hand into his after a quick moment of hesitation and he led me back to the bedroom, his fingers intertwining with mine, his hold firm and secure. "Back in o'ten, we went to vacation in Hawaii and a teenage boy took this picture of us," he spoke, stopping in front of my bedside table where the frame sat.
I cocked my head to the side. "You remember that?"
"'Course I do," he answered, already leading me to the bathroom. "I'm pretty sure when you bought this vase, you dragged me into a store that I clearly didn't want to go in."
I chuckled, knowing full well that it was something I would do. It's amusing to see how many guys are standing around, waiting for their wives or girlfriends while in a shop. Archie contributed to that statistic. "How could you possibly remember that? I bet I've dragged you to a bunch of different places before."
He leisurely tugged me out into the hallway. "That day always stuck with me. You also bought cookies from a shy little girl scout that was being coaxed by her mother to speak up more to bring in more customers. You went and talked to her for a long time and told her that there's nothing wrong with being a little shy." He recalled the memory with a faint smile that grew as he turned to me and stopped in front of our coffee table. "I thought it was real cute of you to do that, Elle."
He remembered that? I thought as a blush stained my cheeks and Archie lifted his fingers to brush the skin. Then he placed something quite weighty into my free hand, causing me to tear away my hold from his so that I could grip it properly.
"Is this the scrapbook your mother gave us for our wedding?"
Practically the majority of Archie's life thus far is documented in this scrapbook. His mother was an awfully crafty woman, and I remember Archie telling me about the scrapbook when it was still in the works. She was tenacious about keeping up and not giving in, always adding recent pictures and spending a lot of her free time working on it. Our first date is in this book of memories.
He took the load out of my hands and reached for my hand again. "Going through the closet was practically a jackpot, Elle. You'll never remember the stuff we kept."
I quirked a brow and asked, "But apparently you remember the exact day we got them?"
"Well, there's a reason why we still have them to this today, right?"
"I thought you said it's because I like to hoard things," I murmured as we came across a newly purchased picture frame with an old picture of Ari placed inside. I looked away with a frown, biting my lip. We still needed to talk and yet, Archie was fully determined to take me on a tour around our own house, pointing out all the items that were once hidden away but were now fully displayed, adding a little something new to our home.
"Just one more thing and then we can talk," Archie promised as we headed for the backyard. AJ, who'd been following us around and sat patiently until Archie and I moved on to a different spot in the house, rose from the floor and happily ran into the yard. She made a lunge for her favorite rubber toy sitting on the lawn as I followed Archie to the towering tree.
"Is this supposed to be softening me up?" I asked him, bordering teasingly.
Archie kept silent as he dragged his hand across the bark, his other hand still holding mine. In addition to his not letting me go, the whole tour was making me beyond emotional, with the sentiment of the items and the sweet gesture of Archie doing so. His placing of our old stuff was spot on, each one acting as a valuable decoration for the house.
We paced to the side of the tree before Archie made a noise of triumph and pointed to a spot on the tree. I leaned closer until I was able to make out a small carving in the dark color of the bark.
AL+ED
With me as his audience, silently, Archie took out his old pocket knife from his pocket and began scratching a heart around the letters.
Remember when I said that I'd put up barriers to prep myself up for potential heartbreak? Yeah, well I didn't prep myself for a definite heartmelt. I've cried my fair amount of tears in the last month or so with Archie as the main source of that pain. Now, however . . . Now the build up of tears were for a reason I didn't expect. Nothing would've prepared me for this act of love, because I'd given up hope a long time ago.
"What are you trying to do, Archie?" My voice was no more than a whisper, as I knew my voice would've cracked if I spoke any louder.
Looking so intense, so determined, he locked his gaze firmly with mine as he replied, "I'm trying to make you believe in my love again, Elle, because I'm so sorry that it's come to the point where you doubt me even when I tell you."
My breath audibly caught in my throat and came out shuddering. The relief and hope that struck me was almost dizzying, but I used what little willpower I had left to say, "How was I supposed to? Arch, you've pushed me away for months on end. I was left to deal with the guilt of my stupid mistake and the blame that you put on me, even when you knew how sorry I was."
"I know that now," he said, shaking his head with evident remorse. "And pushing you away was my mistake. It didn't hit me until a coworker of mine told me that she saw you in the bathroom at the airport. I refused to believe her, but when I came home and found Luca instead of you, I thought you really left me. That I pushed you too far and it was too late. I haven't done well with all the promises that I've made in the past, but I promise I'll do whatever it takes to prove to you that I still can still keep them."
My eyes fluttered shut. This was everything I've wanted him to say and yet, the doubts forming from the memories of these past few months prevented me from throwing my arms around his neck and caving in.
I wanted to believe him. I desperately wanted to believe that we could go back to the days when there weren't restraints on our relationship and there were no doubts about how we felt about each other. But the barriers were still there, as weak as they were, and they were my only defense to prevent finding myself sad and miserable when Archie couldn't keep his word.
I shook my head. "Don't make promises you can't keep, Archie. You said it yourself. How can I trust that you aren't going turn cold as ice when I make another mistake?"
My reluctance to believe him had no effect on his determination. It's as if he knew I wasn't going to be that easy to convince. His game face stayed strong as ever, especially when he produced a ring from his pocket and dropped to one knee.
My eyes widened in surprise, and I tried pulling my hand away on instinct to step back. He only tightened his grip in response and slipped the ring onto my finger. I eyed the colored band and pointed out the obvious. "This isn't my wedding ring."
Archie kept his position. "You're right. It's not. It's supposed to be a promise ring."
"Is this –" On closer inspection, it finally hit me why the band looked so familiar. "Is this a mood ring?"
I placed my hand back in his as he held his out. His thumb brushed across the band before he brushed a kiss upon my trembling fingers. "Yes it is. I took your wedding ring. We can pretend that this is the most beautiful piece of jewelry you've ever received, but I know you were never one to care about glitz and glamour."
"You're correct." I smiled faintly and tugged at his hand. "Archie, please stand up. You really don't have to drop down on one knee to give me a promise mood ring."
"While that is also correct, you know that I could go beyond the level of cheesiness just to get a smile out of you. Whole purpose of the apron, remember?"
He smirked triumphantly as the corners of my lips turned upwards. "The whole purpose of giving you the promise ring rather than your real ring is because they hold two different meanings: one for promise and one for final commitment," Archie continued, sobering up.
"I hereby promise you right now, Ellie Douglas, to do my damn best to make up for all those months that you've felt alone. I promise to kiss you, to hold you, to love you until you believe in me – in us – again. Because I do love you, Elle, no matter how much you doubt in me, that must has never changed. You're my one and only and I'm not going to let you slip from my fingers a second time. When I drop down on this knee again and present to you your real ring, your answer determines if I succeeded or not."
"What do you say, baby girl?" He finally stood and wiped away the tears that began to roll down my cheeks. My heart was thudding so heavily against my chest, AJ could probably hear it from where she sat mercilessly chewing her toy. "Will you give me the chance to do that?"
Before either of us could comprehend what I was doing, I'd already leaned up and pressed my lips to his in kiss that was long overdue. His arms instantly slid around my waist to pull me close, returning my kiss without restrained passion and desire. My sanity gradually withered at the familiarity of his lips and body pressed against my own. His warmth heated all the spots that had grown cold, a sweet ache blooming from the center of my chest and spreading all throughout my body.
A kiss and some promises were not the key to instant recovery and making everything all right, but it was a start that I could hold on to.
A breathless "I do" was all I could manage once we parted, and I could feel the tension leave Archie's body beneath my fingertips. He pressed his lips against my forehead and let it stay there for a long, sweet moment.
"And Ellie?" he murmured against my skin.
"Yes?"
"I forgive you."
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my heart hurts for my own characters omgg. so a&e have cleared the air between them but there's still a lot healing that needs to be done. you'll see in the next upcoming chapters a shift between the two which i'm excited to write :) there's about 3 chapters left + epilogue!
this chapter was hard for me to write bc of one main thing: i feel like i've lost elle's voice. idk if i'm overthinking it but reading the first beginning chapters and then the chapters i've been posting after the 6 month break makes me feel like i've lost her voice in the way she thinks about the situation. please let me know if i'm right or if i'm just overthinking it!
this week's chapter question is: what's something that you own that holds a lot of sentimental value?
thank you guys for all your love and support for this story, until next time!
i love you to the moon and back,
-jesse xx