Glossary of the Chapter:
Gomen: "Sorry"
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We're shooting the last scene of the day so far so good. The actors and everyone else have done a great work and it's exciting. Everyone is filled with energy and it feels like we'll conquer the world. But in this particular scene with Zoe and Gareth there's something I don't like. I know they are just following Jerry's-the director-instructions, even if it doesn't seem quite right. Before they even start shooting I can see Gareth's reluctance to do as Jerry commands him, knowing that showing that much interest in one of the first scenes is too soon. They are shooting scene teen and it's just too soon for Sasha to show his undying love for Lana. Jerry seems to want to reinforce the love story when it's not the most important thing in the books. I mean, Sasha and Lana don't even get together in the first book.
Zoe messes her line so Jerry cries cut and they know they have to shoot it again, so I take this chance to make my input.
"Jerry," I call, walking up to him and he looks at me with those cold brown eyes and the grimace is back on his face. "Don't you think you're pushing too much the romance? I believe it is too soon to have them looking at each other that way. Besides, Typhoon isn't a love story."
"Excuse me?" he says, raising his voice and causing people around us to stop and start paying attention. I wanted to do this more quietly, but that doesn't seem to be his plan. "Are you criticising my view? And who are you to do that?" I know he knows I'm the producer and basically who hired him, but that is not what he means. I have that clear. "I'm an awarded director, I know what I'm doing better than a little girl like you. I know more about this industry than you could ever dream to know. This is my film and I'll make a success of it like I always do."
With every word he says I feel more and more insignificant because he is shouting to the world I am as inexperienced as a kid. He's putting me in my place in front of everyone, with an authoritative tone and entirely belittling me. I look around with widen eyes, feeling the horror draining the blood from my veins when I notice all the pair of eyes on me, watching me with a wide range of emotions. From pity to disgust and indifference. I stop on Gareth for a bit longer just to see his slightly shocked expression and a disgusted grimace.
I can't make eye contact with everyone and I take a deep breath, knowing I have to say something, to defend myself.
"I know that and I respect you, I just thought-"
"You thought?!" he mimics me in such a mocking tone that it makes me cringe. "Your thoughts have no weight here. I won't be told by a kid what to do. You can't tell me how to do my job. Don't play to be an adult and go back home. We'll do our job without you roaming around and pretending to be someone you're not."
I can't even breathe when I hear him, his hurtful words and that look in his eyes. The force of his disdain makes me take a few steps back and my hands are shaking. So far almost everyone has looked at me with the thoughts Jerry just uttered, but no one has actually treated me like this. I actually feel hated and like my whole existence insults him.
"Gomen... I mean, I-I'm sorry," I mumble because I don't know what else to say and I feel stupid for using Japanese first, but that's the language that comes out. "I... I didn't meant to-"
"Just let me do my job in peace, don't interfere," he cuts me off again and my hands shake more violently this time, but I try to hide them.
He turns to face the actors again and I can't look at them or anyone else. I can't face anyone right now and I feel like running away, but I can't move. I stay there, looking at my feet and trying to calm down. I put my hands together and squeeze them tightly, my knuckles going white and I barely catch the soft whisper that calls my name. It's Teru, I can recognise his voice, besides he's the only one to use honourifics with me. I look at him and try to smile, to reassure him I'm fine but he's blurry, which means my eyes are teary so I look away immediately. I need to pull myself together before I face someone, but I still feel people staring at me so I turn around and with trembly steps, I leave.
I need space and fresh air. I need a moment to pull myself together and breathe again. But the moment I'm alone my knees give out and end up hugging my legs and crying with my face hidden between my knees. I try to stay quiet but I feel so insignificant, so humiliated. I didn't want to offend him but I don't think what I did was so wrong as for him to do that to me in front of everyone. I know I'm just a kid in his eyes, but he didn't have to treat me that way.
I feel like I've being here for hours, crying my eyes out, but it's probably been a few minutes. By the time I can stop crying and actually stand, the shooting has finally ended and it's been called a day. I try to put myself together before I head to look for Teru so we can leave the set and go to rest. It's been such a long day and it's being practically horrible for me. I just want a bed, even if it's not my bed.
I have to look for Teru, but I keep my head low so I won't need to make eye contact with anyone. Soon I realise that is not clever to do that in a sea of people who are all trying to leave and get some rest, because I bump into someone. I immediately take two steps back after the collision and bow to apologise for being so reckless.
"I'm sorry," I mumble. "I didn't see where I was going."
I look up just to find lead actor, Gareth Maddox, in front of me, watching me with cold eyes.
"It's fine. Are you okay?" he asks but his expression doesn't show a little bit of concern. I just nod, taken aback by his demeanour. "About earlier," he begins and my hands start shaking again, fearing what is to come. Another humiliation like before. I remember his grimace when Jerry spat at me. What will he tell me? To leave? To stop humiliating myself because everyone knows I'm just doing that? "Don't you think that you should-"
"What?" I cut him off before he can say the words I know that are coming. I've had enough today. Enough of mock and disdain from everyone. It's late, I'm tired and I don't want to cry again. "To go home and never show my face again? Do you also think I'm just pretending to be an adult and fooling myself?"
His expression changes, it finally does. He is flabbergasted and he blinks quickly, his mouth slightly agape.
"You think I don't know that? I do! But I don't have another choice and I'm just trying my best but no one is even giving me a chance. Why can't I prove you all I can do this? Why don't you even let me? I want this production to be a hit as much as everyone else. This isn't a game for me. I'm not playing, I'm working!" My voice is shaky and louder than usual and by the time I finish I'm breathing hard and once again my eyes are teary but I refuse to blink and let the tears fall. I've cried enough for today.
"I didn't mean that I just-"
"Save it. I've had enough for today. Please," my last word is a plea and his mouth shuts, his eyes still watching me with shock and pity. I can actually see that this time.
Well, it seems the Ice Prince does show emotions sometimes.
"Thank you for your hard work today," I finish and bow once again because no matter what he, or everyone else for what matters, thinks of me, he did a good job and worked hard today and he needs to be thanked for that.
I think he's about to say something else, but I just walk past him and keep looking for Teru. I want to get out of here immediately. I don't know if I can hold it anymore. I wrap my arms around myself and keep walking, keep looking for the closest to a family I have here but once again I don't find him, instead I run into Cece and I actually relax when I see him.
"Ann! Here you are, I was worried. I was looking for you after what happened," he says and without even asking me, he wraps his arms around me and gives me a tight hug. "That arrogant bastard. He had no right to tell you those things and even if that's what he thinks, he should've at least been more polite and quiet. He didn't need the whole crew to know," he continues, stroking my hair and I just stay there, my arms hanging limb at my sides, suddenly too tired to do anything else.
"If I weren't so young I bet they would respect me more," I mumble and I hear him sigh. His broad chest fills with air and expands, moving with me.
"Love, it's not only that. If you were a guy they would treat you more respectfully. It sucks, but that's how this fucked up society works. Women have it harder," he says and his words are so true but not less hurtful.
"I should've gone with the whole gender bender thing," I mutter next and he pulls me back to look at me with a confused expression. I forget no one can understand my internal jokes. "My name is Mulan, Mum's silly mistake and way to encourage me. I don't like it but I still joke about it and tease myself and you know, I'm taking my father's place so I should've disguised as a man to do so," I explain and I can see the amusement in his face.
"That might've worked in the past but today you can't really do that. I mean, pretending to be someone else, even more someone from the opposite sex. Especially when your father is such a known person," he tells me what I already know.
"I should've pretended to be some illegitimate son. Things would've been better then," I continue and Cece laughs. "I should've follow the heroine's footsteps more closely, after all I was named after her."
"She got discovered later on and that caused her to be left behind all alone. Not so good, love," he once again reasons and this time I laugh.
"True that and I don't think I could pretend to be a boy either way," I accept and Cece nods in agreement, easy smile still on his lips.
"That cute little face would've given you away, sorry to break it to you." I sigh dramatically and he just shakes his head and then wraps an arm around my shoulders and we start working together. "But you know what? You don't need to pretend to be a boy but you can try to look older so they take you seriously. After all, you are the boss. I mean, if you want you can get Jerry fired and you shouldn't forget that."
"And how do I do that?" I ask and he looks at me almost offended. "What?"
"Please, just leave it to me. I'll give you a makeover, love. I'll take that innocent look and I'll give them tough CEO so even you will believe it," he says and I look at him with wide eyes, wondering if he can really do that. "I'm the best, just trust me."
"I will," I say, glad I can lean on him.
"By the way, if you're Mulan, who's General Shang? Do you have a hidden boyfriend back home?" he asks and I burst out laughing. "Perhaps he's here?" I can't stop laughing at such absurd thing. "Sure thing I'm not him 'cos I have my boyfriend already, but I'd gladly play some other character. What about Mushu?"
I laugh even harder, so grateful he's here and can cheer me up after the horrid day I've had.
"Aren't you a little bit old to remember all the names in the Disney movie?" I ask and he presses a finger over my lips and looks at me with wide eyes.
"I might or might not have a secret obsession with Disney movies, but don't tell anyone." I bit my lips together to keep me from laughing. "Anyhow, you didn't answer. If you're Mulan, who's General Shang?" he insists wiggling his eyebrows.
At my mind comes an image of Gareth Maddox but then I shake my head. No, he can't be the General Shang of my story.
"I don't think he's here. This is a different version of the story. No General Shang, just Mulan and Mushu, apparently."
"That's fine," he says. "Just the best to make this another blockbuster," he winks at me, making me laugh and I lean a bit closer to him, glad I've found a friend among so many foes.
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My poor baby Ann, but at least she has an ally this time (: What do you think of the chapter? Let me know. Also, did you know that with Unseen I'm doing two updates every week because the response was so good and the readers more active? I could do the same here if you show a bit more of enthusiasm. I know the story is just beginning but don't give up on it just yet.
Dedication to @HBAgirl2018Thanks for sharing my story and getting so excited about it.
Bel, xx