Czarina opened her eyes due to the sudden brightness only to find herself standing in the middle of an unknown place covered with white roses.. she looks here and there trying to figure out where she really is..
Where is she?
Czarina : hey is anybody there??
She voices out but instead of getting any reply, her voice echoes in the whole place. She keeps calling out for anyone to listen to her, and finally she hears the voice she is desperate to hear for weeks.
Xavier : czar..
She heard her best friend voice from behind, with a jerk she turned around only to find out Xavier standing infront her with that sweet gentle smile of his..
Czarina : xavy, thank god you are allright? where the hell are you hiding yourself all these time? i was looking for you all around, you are not in your home, you are not picking up my calls, you are not seeing my massages, you are not coming to college, can you explain These? Do you even have any idea how worried i was?
She boomerang him with all those questions she was trying to find answers of, but instead of getting any reply from him, he just smile..
Czarina : why are you not saying anything, iam talking to you..
Czarina asked getting impatient with his silence..
Xavier : are you sure..
Xavier said, cutting her words in the middle..
Czarina : about what..
Xavier : that you are looking for me all around.
Xavier questioned her statement back, making her eyes widened in disbelief .
Czarina : are you doubting my words xav, did you really think that I will not look for you, when you'll just disappear in the thin air, are we really having these discussions, I can't believe this, I fucking can't believe this, in all of those people you are the one asking me such questions, you are questioning all the years of bond we share, you are questioning our friendship. Damnit.
She said in disbelief, she sounded so defeated at Xav's statement. unable to believe the words his bestfriend is saying, did he really think of her as a mean bitch, how can he doubt her words, her friendship, her concern, just how?
Xavier : i never doubt your words czar, i am just trying to know whether you look at the right place or not, if you did why you are unable to find me until now..
Xavier said while shooking his head in denial.
Czarina : what are you talking about, ofcourse i did..
Czarina confirms her statement, sure about her efforts and the places she looks at.
Xavier : than what about there..
He pointed towards her, czar looking at herself before looking back thinking that maybe he is pointing at something or someone, but to her dismay there's no one except her and Xavier, she again turn back to face Xavier..
Czarina : what are you pointing at iam not getting anything..
She said shooking her head in confusion.. Xavier stepped towards her before pointing at her heart..
Xavier : these..
He smiled sadly.. as he continued
Xavier : have you ever looked here, coz if you were even for once, then you shouldn't have to look for me anywhere else, coz iam always there, and from the day i understand the meaning of keeping Someone close to our heart, you are always there in mines. My first and last,
He said with an soft whispered..
Czarina : xav..
Czarina whispered back.. unable to understand what her bestfriend is trying to say..
Xavier : no right, than how can you say that you are looking for me all around, when i am always there, and always will..
Xavier stepped back, maintaining a good distance between them..
Czarina : no. Why are you moving back
She tried to hold him, but failed miserably..
Czarina : why iam unable to hold you..
She questioned to Xavier who just stand there, smiling sadly looking at her failed attempts..
Czarina : why..
Xavier : coz it's too late..
He cut her off with a short simple answer, which contains 1000s of emotions..
Xavier : you never look at me the way i look at you, you were busy searching for something or someone else, when iam just beside you, when iam busy searching for you. You are busy searching for someone else. And now when i was gone for good then why are you searching for me now?
Xavier's eyes keep blaming her for something she is unable to figure out..
Czarina : what do you mean..
She asked as her Tears keep threatening to fall, she is confused and hurt by everything, their situation, the way Xavier is answering her questions with another question, the way he is blaming her for something she is unaware of, what really happened, did she miss something, but what..
Xavier : leave it.. it's nothing..
Czarina : what are you hiding, why it feels like I am losing you as each an every second passes by..
She said defeatedly.. looking at him for the answers she wants to know, as she wiped her glossy eyes in frustration.
Xavier : because you are.. but that's another story, we are not here for that..
Czarina cut him off in short..
Czarina : then what?.. why are we here? where we are? What's the meaning behind your words? Where were you all these time? What's going on?
Xavier smiles at her question, as he kneels down and extends his hands in which he is holding an bouquet of white roses..
Czarina : xavy what are you doing..
Czarina asked with an confused frown.
Xavier : the thing which i should have done years ago, but i was a coward to do so, but not anymore, i want to do it before i lose you forever, which i already did. I guess,
He chuckled dryly at his own words,. A bitter truth which is not less then a poison for him
Xavier : truth to be told you were never mine in the first place, are you?
Xavier eyes flick with pain, which czar never seen before, or should I say never noticed before..
Czarina : xav..
She took another step closer to him, in order to hold him in her embrace and take all the pain he is feeling now, but all her attempts are going in vien.
Czarina : what's happening xavy, why iam unable to hug you, why it's seems so difficult, why you are so far from me.. why.. answer me..
She pleaded in guilt and sorrow, it's hurt to see the one who is her strength kneeling in front of her being so venerable, mesirable, and helpless..
Xavier : i love you....
Czarina paused, stopping in her action, looking at xav in disbelief with the words she just heard from him..
Czarina : w...h..
She shutter, choaking in her own words unable to complete her sentence due to the utter shock she is feeling..
Xavier : it was always you, from the starting till the end.. no one else just you..
Blood Started to drip from his chest covering his white sweater..
Xavier : Whenever you fall, I fall with you, so that i can pull you back, whenever you cry, I cried harder than you too share the pain..
Craziest eyes widened, seeing those blood dripping out from his chest, but she is unable to move, unable to utter a single word, her heart is aching with that unknown pain, seeing her bestfriend, her soulmate in so much pain and agony is the thing she never imagined before, it's just unbearable for her..
Xavier : but what about you, you didn't even realise my heartache, you didn't even realise the tears i shed for you..
She covered her mouth with her hands, as tears started to stream down from her eyes straining her cheeks..
Xavier: every day, every second i logged for you, wetting my pillow with my tears, i was the closest one to you but at the same time the farthest one,
He coughs blood, as blood Started to drip down from his mouth as well as his chest like someone just stab him right on his chest, meanwhile czarina just shook her head, feeling helpless, Xavier each and every word is pricing through her soul, but she is unable to do anything. Unable to help his bestfriend. She never feel this much pathetic for herself.
Xavier : look at me still now, my heart is getting Torn into two, but what are you doing, you are spending your day with the one you desire for, smiling and laughing, wholeheartedly, where am I czar? How can you forget about me? How can you abandon me when i needed you the most? aren't you the cruel one here.
Xavier keeps blaming her, but czar knows it's not his best friend Xavier, it's not his words, he can never say such harsh things to her, she can bet on her life that even if she kills Xavier now, he'll die with happiness but he'll never blame her for that, that's how much she believes him, that how much she trust his love towards her, which she thinks as a bestfriend adoration, he can never do anything to hurt her, saying mean words is far away.
But at the same time she knows whatever these guy who looks like xav is saying is true, she is cruel? How can she forgot his own bestfriend who is there for her in her worst nightmare to support her, motivate her, encourage her, but what about her what she did?
Xavier : it was always you.. but what about you, where were you czar all these time, where are you now, why are you not here with me, why am I the only one left behind to cry, is it the punishment i got to love you, If that is the case..
He started to cough more vigorously spitting more blood, but he didn't take his eyes off of her even for a single second.
Xavier : then I am ready to take this punishment for the unconditional love i have for you, which you never did.. but still i love you with all the broken pieces of my heart, and i always will till my last breath..
his eyes keeps blaming her for being the reason behind her pain and agony..
Xavier : you asked me, where we are,
Xavier looks around admiring the whole place with admiration, like he is looking at the most precious treasure in the world, he again divert his gaze to her smiling bitterly..
Xavier : look their..
He said pointing in a particular direction, she turned to the direction he was pointing at, there she saw two figures one is a boy while another is a girl, the boy is none other than Xavier, and the girl is someone who looks like her, but when she looks clearly she realised that, no it's not someone who looks like her, it's her only?
Xavier : that's you and me .
Xavier answered directly clearing her confusion, like he can read whatever is going on in her mind, Czarina blinks her eyes twice to clear the vision which is blurry due to her own tears, she can clearly see the reflection of her and Xavier now, They are holding each other hand smiling at each other with so much adoration, there eyes sparkle with the amount of love they had for each other, the way they are looking at each other is enough to tell how much love they have for the other.
Xavier : it's the place where i always imagined both of us together,
He paused as the reflection vanished in front of their eyes, bringing him back to reality, he again diverted his gaze to her, as she did the same.
Xavier: it's one of my best dreams, something i dream of, which can't be true, a beautiful dream which can't become reality..
Tears started to stream down from both of their eyes, they both were unable to stop their tears. It hurts, it Fucking hurts.
Xavier : it's time to go.
Czarina shook her head vigorously, she didn't want to go anywhere leaving her best friend in pain, she wanted to take him with her, but was unable to move from her respective place.
Pathetic, mean bitch.
That's what she is feeling about herself. She never hate herself more than she does now.
Zar.. baby
They heard Ryan voice calling out for her, Xavier look at the direction it's coming from, before again diverting his gaze on her..
Xavier : go, he is looking for you.
Not without you, you are coming with me, I am not going anywhere without you, please, please, please. that's what she wanted to say but her words get stuck in her throat. As it comes out as an chocked whimper..
Zar baby wake up, you are scaring me..
Ryan's voice rang once again..
Xavier : time to wake up angel, never forget i love you, I always do, and always will, if you get blessed with a baby boy, do name him after me, Xavier, give him my name, take care of yourself and that Little one for me..
His voice laced with the pain he is feeling, at the mere thought of letting her go for her own good, but he has to do it, he can't drag her in his miseries, thats not what he wants, he wants her to be happy even if it cost this tears, this pain, this heartache, this life he is ready to pay..
Czarina : xav.. no please...
She begged him to stop, which came out as another whimper, she didn't want to let him go, not after knowing how much he was suffering, for her, she just can't.
Xavier : sorry it's the price i have to pay, i can't deny it.
He whispers, as his lips tremble controlling his own sobs, His eyes Started to close, he is having a hard time to keep his eyes open, but he has to do it, coz he wants her to be his last site before he shut it for forever, soon he falls on his own pool of blood..
Xavier : i love you...
Czarina : XAVIER.....
Czarina wakes up with a jerk, shouting Xavier's name Huffing vigorously, ryan who was beside her hugged her immediately, looking at her miserable condition, her tears is stabbing him in cruelest way continuously, he was trying to wake up from a few minutes now, as they are in Evan's mansion, he and Vyan directly bring her to vyan's room to spend some quality time together, she falls sleep after eating her meal with vyan,
Vyan went out to take some medicine for her, trusting her in Ryan's care, when Ryan came to vyan's room he found her sleeping like a baby so he let her sleep, as he himself laid beside her, taking her in his arms, he himself don't know when he falls asleep in her comforting warmth, but his sleep get intrupted by her vigorously shaking and sobs, she keeps whimper in her sleep, vyan tried to wake her up, but his all attempts went to vien.
Ryan : hey, shhh it's allright, look iam here, don't cry..
Czarina shook her head vigorously hugging him tightly like her life depends on it.
Czarina : Xavy, he is leaving me, he is in pain, please please baby take me to him, he didn't deserve all of this,.. he..he..
She chocked on her own tears, remembering that heart wrenching site of Xavier..
Ryan : it's just an nightmare baby, didn't he text you and informed about his sudden departure, he is allright, he is stuck up with some stuff he'll be here back to you as soon as he was done, he is not leaving you.. it's just an nightmare..
Ryan said drawing comforting circles on her back, trying to assure her with his assuring words, he was aware of the affection and bond czar share with Xavier, it's something he can't point out, he knows she loves Xavier as her bestfriend, and he respects her feelings, it was hard at starting, but slowly as he spent time with Xavier and czar, he understand it, Xavier never hides the fact that he love her from ryan, but he never try to force his love on her, he respects her decision, and ryan respect his feelings, Ryan is not cruel, he can't punish xav for loving someone without expecting anything in return, it's xav choice whom to love, ryan just wish him to get his own happiness..
Czarina : no i was stupid to believe that, i should have trust my gut feelings, Xavier never avoided me, he never leave my side, even if he have to go anywhere he personally come and talk to me, he knows how much i get worried if he was not there, he'll never leave on a phone call, it's so not him, he didn't come to inform me personally that means only one thing, he is hiding something from me, he is not okay, he is not okay baby, please.. i want to see him.. i.. i.. please..
She said controlling her own sobs, tears started to fall from her eyes, as guilt washed over her whole existence, she keeps blaming herself for being so careless, and avoid all these fact, how can she not notice the pain in his eyes all along, how can she just believe that her best friend will ever leave her, even after knowing him for all these years, how can she not notice it..
Ryan : if you think so, i promise I'll look for him, I'll bring him back to you, just stop blaming yourself, it hurts to see you in tears, please can you stop crying for me, and get yourself together, i promise I'll look for him..
Czarina lift her head up from his chest, looking at him, with her red puffy eyes..
Czarina : p..p.. pro...mise..
She shutter in her own words.. ryan cupped her cheeks..
Ryan : promise..
He answered with determination, wiping the tears away from her eyes with his thumb..
Ryan : come here..
He extended his hands czar look at him carefully, before sitting on his lap, wrapping her legs around his waist, her hands snaked around his neck, aa she buried her face in his neck inhaling his calming scent..
Czarina : he was always there whenever i need him, without caring of the time, he spent thousands of sleepless nights, just to put me back on sleep whenever i woke up due to my nightmares, he was always there to comfort me, he has already suffered enough because of my messed up life i don't want him to suffer more, having a friend like him is a blessing and i don't want to lose him.. i.. i.. I'll lose myself if i lose him.
Czarina whispered over his neck feeling miserable, opening her heart out, spilling everything she was feeling at that moment, she didn't want to tie Xavier with herself, that's not her intention, she just wants to make sure he is alright, as a bestfriend she wants him to be happy with whomever and wherever he is that's all.
Ryan : you will not and i promise you that. I'll bring him back.
Ryan assured her with his calming tone unaware of the fact that there's someone standing at the door, witnessing the whole scenario, promising himself to do the exact opposite of what Ryan said..
Vyan : you can't, he'll not come back in our life, and i promise you that.
Vyan cleanched on the medicine package he was holding, his eyes filled with sinister and something dark..
To be continued....
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