Morgan Sinclair
I wiped away the dried tears that crusted on my face courtesy of the night before, I sleepily walked over to the bathroom attached to the bedroom. Looking at myself in the mirror- I looked as drained as I felt. I slept for about 10 hours but the dark circles under my eyes say otherwise. My puffy eyes lined with red, pale sickly complexion, and chapped lips all contributed to the external representation of how I feel on the inside- a mess.
I splashed some cold water on my face hoping it'd wake me up- either from this fever dream or enough to be a functioning member of society. Unfortunately it did neither.
About an hour after I woke up, Kellan and Victoria came into the room as I sat on the edge of the bed.
"Hey, you alright?" Victoria asked, it was impossible for her to sound more disinterested saying those three words. Kellan slowly turned his head with a pointed glare. "Whitlock told to come in and ask if she was alright, that's exactly what I did."
Kellan shook his head at Victoria's unwavering apathy. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine, really." I said with feigning enthusiasm, praying it was convincing enough so they'd leave. It definitely wasn't.
Kellan started walking into the room, "Any questions you have, you know-."
"I know." I exhaled deeply. "I'm sorry, please don't take this the wrong way but I really wanna be left alone. I do have questions but I don't think I can handle any more answers right now." I said. "Just give me the day to... regroup."
"Perfect. I have to be in New York anyway." Victoria remarked, promptly walking out of the room.
"Okay. Anything you need though, we're just out here." Kellan said with a soft smile.
"I know. Thank you."
I did get the day. A much needed day. I couldn't handle any more bombs being dropped on me. The only interaction I had after that was Chloe bringing in lunch and dinner for me- apparently she cooked, which is amazing but I didn't have the heart to tell her that I was getting more and more nauseous with every bite.
I knocked out at about 8:00pm after a whole day of feeling extremely tired, nauseous, and not having a single thought. I wanted the day to regroup, to go over things, think things through but instead I got nothing- which arguably was better. Nicer, at least I got a small break.
I wake up now to the aftermath of Chloe spilling a whole cup of hot coffee on herself.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." Chloe whispers to herself over and over, running to grab a towel from the bathroom as she winces from the burns coating her arm, and part of her chest and neck.
"Are you okay?" I slowly sitting up in bed.
Holy shit.
Just sitting up felt like it took all my energy.
A couple of days ago I'd think I was developing DKA but since my diabetes isn't real I have no idea anymore. Chloe walks out of the bathroom with a towel. "Oh God, I'm so sorry if I woke you." She bends down to wipe up the remainder of the coffee off the floor. "I put the mug down and tried to close the blinds but the sun and all." She rambles a little. "I hit the mug- I caught it, it was just upside down."
"You're okay though?" I ask, rubbing my eyes in an attempt to wake myself up.
Even speaking is tiring. Why is everything tiring right now?
"Oh yeah, my workout wasn't enough I needed some burns from the sun and scalding hot coffee to really wake me up." Chloe smiles, walking over to the end of the bed- her wounds already healed. "How are you feeling?" She asks while her eyes frantically examine me.
I feel pretty horrible, somehow worse than yesterday so I can only imagine what I look like right now. "I'm just tired." I look over at the clock on the nightstand- 4:02pm.
Oh just casually slept almost a full day.
I pull off the covers and swing my legs to the edge of the bed. Immediately I post my hands on my knees, that simple action took so much out of me. "Just tired?" Chloe inquires. "You sure?"
"Heh, I actually feel like shit. Feel like I haven't slept in a week and just did a full body workout." I say rubbing my face. I look at Chloe staring at me with her lips squeezed together. "What?" I ask seeing her visible distress.
Chloe grabs onto her arm. "I think I know why you're so tired."
"Why?" I ask since my one explanation went out the window.
"Well you're not gonna like what I have to say." She says. "But I promise if you have it it'll make you feel... not shitty anymore."
I just put two and two together. Fuck.
I feel my face drop. "Fuck me." I whisper under my breath.
"I know, I know." She grimaces sympathetically.
"I can't-."
"Morgan, this will only get worse if you don't." She advised. "You haven't had any blood in your system in a bit and we kickstarted your transition-,"
"Ew. I-," I exhale, "are you sure... blood is what I need?" I ask already knowing the answer.
"Positive. I can get it from the kitchen quick, put it in a cup so it's maybe less weird for you." She says beginning to walk over to the door.
"Wait." I say, Chloe turns back around to me. "I'll go out too."
"I can bring it back it's no problem."
"I can use a change of scenery." I start to stand up, realizing I'm a little wobbly on my feet. Chloe takes a step to me. "I'm okay. I'm gonna brush my teeth quickly I'll meet you out there."
"Are you sure?" Chloe asks, her eyes surveying me as I blink rapidly trying to get rid of the black spots creeping into my vision.
I stop my blinking right after the spots dissipate. "Yeah, I'm fine don't worry."
"Okay." She says, cautiously walking out of the room.
I steadily walk to the bathroom and brush my teeth with all my energy. This whole bathroom since the first time I walked into it the other night, came fully stocked with everything I could ever need. Which in a way is worrying because how long am I supposed to be here? Honestly I'm too exhausted to have concerns about anything, so I'll just be grateful I have a toothbrush. I'm assuming I have Chloe to thank for that, considering this is her house.
My legs feel like Jell-O as I head towards the bedroom door. I begin to walk through it only to run into the well built body standing in the doorway, almost stumbling backwards. Those hands I vividly remember grab onto my waist holding me in place.
"Easy love, don't hurt yourself." I hear Grayson's husky arrogant voice.
I look up at him, his ocean blue eyes scrutinizing my face- I know what I look like right n- "You look awful." He grimaces.
"Yeah thank you." My face reddens. Embarrassed about how I look and the hyper awareness of his hands on my body isn't doing me any favors in keeping the skin of my cheeks not bright red.
"Ah I see." He smiles. "You're just hungry, I can get someone you can sink your teeth into-." He says casually.
My eyes widen. "I'm not sinking my teeth into anyone."
"You're right, I forgot you don't have fangs yet. They can still come and bleed into a cup or something-."
"No, I- I don't even know where to begin with how wrong all of that is. What do you want?"
He smiles slyly, "I was coming here to give you these." Removing one of his hands from my waist.
He raises his hand up to my eye line so I can see what he's holding. "Is that my fucking thong?!" My eyes bulge staring at the thong I wore at the club a few days ago.
"Yes."
Oh my God. My heart sinks to my stomach. I'm already on the verge of passing out, if he wasn't holding me up with his other hand I'd drop to the floor right now.
"Why do you still have them?" I ask, frozen with embarrassment.
"You put them in my back pocket and said that you'll get them later. It's later."
"It's been days."
"Right and I've been out or you've been either unconscious or surrounded by these idiots. I, being the gentleman that I am, wanted to return them to you consciously and privately." He says. "Or would you have preferred me to hand them to you in front of everyone."
I yank them from his hands, "No." looking out in the hallway making sure no one saw, hoping Chloe's still in the kitchen.
"This is new." He's actually enjoying how embarrassed I am right now.
"What's new?"
"This frantic shy thing you have going on right now. It's a very different you, than the you that was removing those for me in a bathroom stall." His eyes flick over to the thong in my hand.
"I'm not shy." I defend, putting my hand behind my back so my thong is out of sight. "Just thrown off."
"I hope so. I happen to like bathroom stall Morgan- or sorry, Avery." He leans in. "Let her know I'm here if she'd like to make an appearance." He says lowly into my ear and I swallow a gasp, forcing down whatever this sensation is. "Finish what we started."
He comes back into my view and his eyes pierce into mine, unmoving. I look away from his intimidating and empty gaze, but catch myself staring at this mans lips remembering what they feel like, how they taste- Stop. I pull my eyes away once more, looking at literally anything else but my eyes keep drifting back to his. I don't mean to but I can't not look. There was something so magnetic yet unsettling about their beautiful blue.
I don't think my cheeks could feel any hotter. I don't even want to imagine the color of them right now but based on Graysons shit eating grin, I'd imagine they're pretty red.
He steps back, taking his other hand off of my waist but his wicked eyes linger on mine. He begins to turn away to Chloe who's making her way down the hall. "What did you do?" Chloe asks Grayson as she arrives, looking back and forth between him and I.
"I did nothing I was returning her property and we had a nice chat." He states while I shove the thong into my pocket as quickly as possible.
"Property?" Chloe asks.
"Her thong. From the club bathroom. I was giving it back." He smiles innocently but his eyes show differently. I suck my teeth balancing between my annoyance and small humiliation.
"Go away." Chloe says blankly.
"Of course." He says before turning and walking down the hall. Even his walk is smug.
"You okay?" She asks me, her face both confused and concerned.
"I'm fine. He's just..." I trail off unsure what to say about him. Too many words come to mind and a few are contradicting.
"He can be a bit much, I know." She says.
"Yeah." I clear my throat. "Let's go get this over with I guess." I motion to the kitchen, Chloe smiles and nods
The walk down the hall to the kitchen feels like it takes forever. Each step more daunting than the last. I'm really walking to go drink blood right now. What's strange is the way my body reacted to the thought of it- of blood. I felt this off putting foreign excitement. It was a brief feeling but it was enough to feel disgusted at myself.
I sit down at the island counter, as Chloe walks around to the counter near the fridge grabbing a glass that I see is already filled.
Shit.
She gently slides the glass filled with blood across the island counter to me. "I promise you'll feel better." She offers a warm and genuine smile while every other part of her screams tense and anxious.
I really appreciate how compassionate and understanding she's been these past couple of days. She's been doing everything in her power to make sure I'm comfortable- or as comfortable as I can be in this wildly uncomfortable situation. Constantly checking if I'm okay, either herself or sending others to do so, cooking for me, stocking up my room, and just being someone who despite only knowing for a week I feel at ease around.
It's not that the others- most of them at least haven't been kind but Chloe seems to be going the extra mile. Grayson only makes makes me violently agitated. Victoria appears to be completely indifferent to everything. Dane now only comes across as detached and anxious, but from what I gather that's from the hunter attack. Every time Kellan's around he's sincere and kind but he tends to keep his distance, which part of me is happy about. I get nervous when he's around, a good kind of nervous but I can't really deal with a stupid middle school-esque crush right now.
I place my hand on the glass, making a face at it. Not so much at the situation but at myself, I actually want it. I want blood- God what is wrong with me?
"It's okay. I know it's weird." Chloe says leaning on the island counter with her hands folded.
"What's weird is that I actually want it." I respond.
"That'd be the thirst-or bloodlust." Chloe says looking down at the counter.
"The whole wanting blood badly thing. Dane mentioned it."
"Yeah kind of. It's more of a never-ending need." Great. "Your body constantly craves blood literally twenty-four seven but whether or not you control that is depending on you. Everyones different when it comes to that though. Some have more control over it than others." Chloe says gnawing at the inside of her cheek. "You're new though so-."
"So it's probable that you'll lose your shit and murder a bunch of people." Grayson interjects from behind me.
"Do you mind?" Chloe looks past me where he's walking.
He saunters out, now in view holding a large duffle bag, the contents of which rattled with each step. "I'm just trying to be honest."
"Go be honest elsewhere please?" Chloe nods her head in the direction of the front door.
"What does he mean?" I ask. The mention of me murdering a bunch of people and losing my shit, has me ever so slightly disturbed.
"Nothing." Chloe quickly says.
"When you're new you have little to no control over yourself. So involuntarily killing some people? Probable." Grayson casually says, glancing down at the blood filled glass in front of me. "First time?"
Chloe stands up from her leaning. "Yes but it's time to go."
"No wait, I'd like to be here to witness it." He shifts his dark eyes to me. "I have time."
"You have about three hours till sundown." She walks over to him ushering him out. "Better get on that."
"That's more than enough time." He teases, playfully slapping her hands away. "I'm way early."
"Nope. Not at all."
"Fine."
She comes back over to me in the kitchen. "Be safe. Have fun." She calls out.
"Oh so much." He nears the door. "Bye Morgan, hope I didn't worry you too much." He says, with his arrogant nauseating smile before exits.
"I'm sorry." She leans back down on the island counter shaking her head. "Grayson has an amazing ability to be an incredible ass."
"It's fine." I look down at the blood in the glass, swirling it around like it's a glass of wine. "So I just won't have control over myself if I drink this?" I say as Chloe looks on apologetically.
"No, no. Your spells and curses are still far from being completely gone. I don't think you'll have to worry about your actual bloodlust for a while. This seems more of like a-."
"A preview?" I pull my attention back down at the glass.
"Yeah. That was probably part of a curse, those are gonna take longer to wear off unfortunately."
"I don't think that was apart of either curse. It was one for healing and the other for my, I guess abilities." I paraphrase what Dane told me while I continue to swirl the glass.
Chloe furrows her brow. "I didn't know there'd be a spell strong enough to suppress something like that... Maybe it's just included in all that."
"Yeah." I stop swirling it and close my eyes for a few seconds. I open them back up as I raise the glass up. The closer it gets, the stronger it's scent gets, the more my mouth waters. I'm disgusted with myself, personally. I take a deep breath as the rim of the glass touches my lips. Exhaling I begin drinking it. The second the blood brushes past my lips and coats my tongue, my body erupts in goosebumps as if I just got electrocuted in the best possible way. Fuck me, why does it taste good?
Good was the last thing I'd think I'd ever describe blood as tasting. I was thinking more metallic, penny-ish, and gross tasting but no quite the opposite actually. I place the glass back on the table- taken back at the fact that I finished it.
Chloe was right, I do feel better. Much better actually- Unnaturally better.
Is this what it's like to have actual energy?
I lift my arms. Outward to my sides, in front of me. Dropping them back down onto the island I start laughing- or crying. Both kind of. I look up at Chloe, whose eyes widened and face dropped as soon as she saw the tears in my eyes.
She hurries over to my side of the counter. "Hey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry we should've started slower or something. I'm sorry." She panics, sitting down on a stool next to me.
"No you're fine." I say wiping my tears and stopping my laughing. "I'm sorry, I'm okay. I just... I feel good."
"Oh good." She says with a questioning inflection.
"I have energy." I raise my arms up in front of me once more. "This isn't a hassle." I laugh as tears fall once more.
"I'm gonna be honest, I'm confused."
I stand up from the barstool and laugh even more. I've never really had energy to do anything ever- raising my arms was tiring. I always felt in my own way, everything felt hard like what little energy I had was wasted on the most basic of movements. At clubs and bars the dancing was kept to a minimum with a head bop and maybe a side step. I'd watch all my classmates and whatever friends I had, participate in sports and physical activities in general, knowing I just couldn't do any of it. Over the years of dealing with it and having every doctor and eventually my own family tell me it's all in my head- there's nothing wrong, or chalking it up to having something to do with my "diabetes" I accepted that. It never got better but I was accustomed to it. I played pretend.
So to be experiencing this sudden and intense burst of energy, I'm a little emotional. I can raise my arms like it's nothing, stand and not feel like I have the knees and back of an 85 year old. I feel normal, I feel amazing. 20 years- almost 21 of feeling like a lethargic mess and a single cup of fucking blood fixed it.
"I feel normal, Chloe." I say smiling ear to ear, wiping my tears away once more.
Chloe smiles unsurely back. "Okay. That's good. What do you mean normal?"
"I mean I'm not tired."
"Well yeah, not having blood will do that."
"No, no. I mean yeah, this morning was a lot but I'm talking about in general. The last 20 years of my life- fuck, I feel normal." I cackle, immediately cupping my mouth to stop myself from laughing. I remove my hand, shaking my head. "I am not lethargic Chloe, oh my God." I stop a laugh from escaping.
"You were lethargic for 20 years?"
"Yeah. Everyone told me it was in my head or I was milking the whole diabetes thing. You know? I was being dramatic- God, do you know how many times I got called dramatic?" I say, pacing around the kitchen. "This, right now is the first time I've ever felt like... I don't know, like I can go running or play basketball or something. Not that I am I just feel like I can do it."
Over Chloe's shoulder I see a shirtless, sweaty, heavy breathing Kellan coming through the door to I think the basement. He looks up from his phone, slightly shocked at the sight of Chloe and I. "Hey, you're awake."
Getting a full view of his sweaty and pumped up body wasn't helping my already disorganized brain. His body that I believe was carved from stone- glistening. Perfectly sculpted abs. The veins traveling up his forearms, towards his especially large biceps. His hair drenched and messy with strands gracefully laying on his forehead.
I nod, because I'm apparently not able to form a sentence like- 'Yeah I am.' 'Yes, you're hot- you're pretty?' 'You're very muscular.' 'I am awake. Yes.'
It's probably a good thing that I just nodded and didn't open my mouth because I would've said something stupid then I'd have no choice but to lay in traffic.
"She just had blood for the first time, she's a little uh... wired." Chloe stated.
"Oh wow. How do you feel? Other than wired." Kellan asked walking over to us.
"Good, good, really energetic." My heartbeat quickens with every step he takes. He leans up against the small divider wall between the kitchen and dining room.
"Good I'm glad." He smiles. "If you need to burn off some of that energy I can help you. I can go again."
I feel myself blushing. "What?"
His smile drops and his bright green eyes widen as he realizes what he just implied. "Oh! No, no not that. Not that you know, you... um." I see his cheeks turn a faint red. He clears his throat, trying to gather himself. "I mean working out, like weights and stuff. Chloe has a gym in the basement."
"Oh, yeah right. Yeah, yeah that'd be fun but are you sure? You just worked out." I trailed off, still trying to un-fluster myself. I glance over at Chloe who's fighting back her laugh.
"Yes I'm good." He chuckles nervously. "High Royals have a lot of energy- you'll get used to that, so uh I'm good for another workout." He smiles.
"Kellan." Chloe scolds in a loud whisper, as if saying it lowly would make me not hear her.
"What?"
"What's a High Royal?" I ask. Chloe purses her lips and slowly turns to Kellan who looks like he's now aware of his mistake. I look back and fourth at Chloe and Kellan who are both staring at me like deer caught in headlights.