Song: Bones - Imagine Dragons
........................................
Hailey
"Hey, Gracie!" Kimmy took my arm and pulled me out the booth, startling both me and Andrew -who looked up at her, frowning a little. She smirked, unbothered. "You don't mind if I steal her, do you? Thanks!"
"Whoa." I allowed her to pull us further enough to be 'on our own' and I sent Andrew an apologetic look, but he shrugged, leaning against the back of the booth's bench and sipping on his cocktail. "Kimberly." I sighed shifting my attention back at her as she stopped and we stood under a column barely away for the busy dance floor. "We were kinda busy, you know?"
"Yeah, I know." she rolled her eyes, only audible over the music because we were so close. "I was just gonna let you know we're going. "
"Going?"
"Yeah, Riley wants to have alone time. And we don't really have much of it lately, so we're going." she eyes me carefully. "Is that right?"
I blinked. "You're asking me?"
"You're the one staying with Mr Touchy you barely know. Eli is around still, and Riley's friend's too. I can tell them to check on you."
"It's okay." I reassured, moved, but ashamed she was acting like I was a toddler they need to take care. "I don't think I'm staying much longer either way. I have work tomorrow." which was true, but also the excuse I would give if I feel like I had enough. I didn't mind skipping some sleep if the time was worth it.
But was it with Andrew? I was yet to decide.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Sure sure?"
I smiled. "Are you sure?"
"No." she deadpanned. "I don't like him."
"You don't like anyone I like."
Her eyes narrowed beyond my shoulder. "That's categorically not true. I like them when they're not dicks." and there it was again. My heart dipped thinking about our earlier interaction and almost as if reading my mind, her brows pursed and she looked back at me. "Speaking of which, what the hell?"
"What hell?" I countered, unable to follow where her mind was going at the moment. Or maybe I just didn't want to.
She gave me a flat look. "You all snappy at Nate. Now that was intense."
And we were talking about it. I could feel my fingers twitching as I control my stupid, impulsive reactions whenever Nate was around. Or mentioned.
Yes, that was intense. And yes, I might have snapped; but then again, it wasn't like he didn't deserve it.
"So?"
"You don't need to be so rude, you know?"
Me? Rude? A spark of fire ignited under my skin. "He left me." I reminded her in case she's forgotten, spiked by the shots and Manhatan and her frown melted a little. "I don't need to be friendly either."
"That's not..." Kimmy sighed. "You're right. Okay? You are right. But he's changed now." Really? She must read it in my gaze because she huffed, brushing her long black hair backwards. "I get it. You got every right to not want anything to do with him... but he's my friend. And he's new in the city. We will be hanging out, and I can't force you to, but I want to keep seeing you as well and I would like that... I don't know, that you at least are civil around one another."
"I am civil."
She stared at me for a long moment, and then looked away with a frown and repeated: "You're right. I'm sorry." her shoulders slumped a bit and she almost sounded defeated. Kimmy defeated? That was like the biggest red flag and I straightened my back, alert. "You're right."
"No, hey." I took her hands, my eyes flickering on the table all the way across the club where Nate and Riley were laughing at something. My stomach clenched, but I forced my gaze back on her. "I'm sorry too, okay? I... I'll try to be less tense around him... a bit."
But she shook her head. "It's okay, it was wrong of me to ask that. I just, sometimes it's hard for me to see the polars being in the middle, you know? Just, if you are in the same room, keep the snaps at bay? And then tell them all to me." she smiled, playing it down, but she was disappointed.
I'd disappointed her.
It's been five years. Couldn't I really be in the same room without snapping? At the moment had felt impossible with his presence buzzing my nerves, but the more time passed in between the more stupid I felt. Kimmy's had my back before. I knew she gave him hell when he messed it with me, so if she now was saying to make it civil it must be for the best?
Unable to utter a word with how confusing it all was I hugged her, and she chuckled squeezing me back before heading back to my booth.
But as the minutes passed, it didn't go half as well as I first expected.
The night had become a buzz of emotions and feeling. For one, Andrew was cute, but he wasn't as perfect as he seemed in the beginning. He was less patient as the night went off and he seemed less interested in what I was saying and more into stealing kisses and getting a lot more forward with the touching.
I couldn't stop thinking back at Kimmy pointing it out. I mean, I wouldn't mind a bit PDA but this was starting to feel too much. Especially after a few more drinks and when he didn't seem to care anymore about what I was telling him. Not like I was really speaking much sense, I was too spiked with all this hours of music, talking and drinking.
But we were now reaching the part of the first date where I should feel like a dream, the part that I would remember in the future as that first connection forming and I couldn't feel that spark I felt forming at the start of the night.
He was kissing me at every chance, his hands bold on my legs and back, keeping us close and even if it did feel nice, this was just our first date. Some hours ago I didn't even know him and now I felt his lips parted mine and he deepened the kiss and his hand moved to my waist up. I stopped him before he could touch my chest area, my heart pounding harshly and I pulled away.
"I don't think we should be that forward."
But his hand on my thigh move up my thigh once more. "Why not?" but even his playful tone was unsettling now.
"Because." I pushed his hand away again, firmer this time and he huffed letting go of me completely.
"Look, we're both adults here so let's be honest. Are we gonna have sex or not?"
I was so astonished by the sudden straight forwardness I failed to even act offended, too busy processing his words. But after the first moment of utter shock, I was hit by the wave of emotions that choked me from inside.
I narrowed my eyes at him, indignated. "Well, now the chances had definitely dropped to minus forty."
He chuckled dryly, shaking his head. "Should have known. Another prude."
"Excuse me?"
"Nothing." Andrew sighed and I felt as if I was seeing him under another light as he no longer put on that easy charming smile. "Go on, tell your friends you've kept it PG13." my lips parted, but no word came out, too stunned to be able to come with a comeback and he scoffed, shaking his head again and taking his jacket from the bench. "Fucking knew it."
Don't just sit here. Say something! "What's your problem?"
"You said you were fun." was his response, like a slap. He slid to get up and leave, but looked at me one last time. But this time the once over felt filthy and I hated it. "Think about it, we can still make the night worth it."
Made it worth it. Because he wasn't here to meet a possible date, but to fix himself an easy lay.
I should have contemplated that option. I was here for a reason too after all, to find a possible date for the wedding; but I was trying to find someone compatible. And this was just the first that seemed promising. Big mistake. Now somehow I felt betrayed and vulnerable because I just realized I didn't matter in his equation. Me, that was dispensable. He wanted to get laid, so everything we've talked about tonight mean nothing. Maybe he never even listened to me.
That's why he was touchy.
But he didn't need to be a jerk about it now.
"You can go fuck yourself."
Andrew scoffed, getting up at last and smirking in a way that made me want to slap it away. "Gladly."
And with that he was gone. Just like that. What the hell?
I slid off my phone, ignoring the way my hands trembled with contained rage and went to the app to scroll through his profile. There had to be a clue that he was only interested in sex, right? And as I moved down I found it.
'Fan of the night pleasures and 0 complications.'
I cringed at it and wanted to kick myself for not having noticed the vibes of it. That was his way of asking for a quick fix? He should have come straight forward. I wouldn't have minded and we all could have skipped this -now embarrassing- night. I wanted to wipe my mouth from the feeling of his lips. Suddenly the music was too loud and my soul was too down.
'You said you were fun', he's said.
That seemed to be the problem every time, right? The reason I was still single at twenty-two. The reason why I couldn't even get someone to accompany me to my ex's and cousin's wedding. I was boring.
"Hailey?"
And of course here was Nate.
With the turmoil in my chest I now had to add his overpowering presence. Hadn't he left? I blinked the moisture in my eyes and barely looked at him a second to check it was indeed him standing by the booth but unable to keep it longer.
I didn't want him to see me like this. Messed by the irrelevant words of an irrelevant guy.
Especially after out little conversation earlier that night.
"Hey." He stepped a bit closer, as if sensing the distress coming out of me in waves and I folded my arms, pressing my back against the cushioned booth but the feeling didn't go away. "Are you... okay?" How was I supposed to answer that? He didn't even really care. Nate glanced around. "Where's your date?"
"He left."
"He left?" he repeated like he couldn't believe it. Neither could I. Andrew shocked me and disgusted me at once. And still, it was all myfault for building sand castles over fain signs. "Did you guys fight or-"
"Have you seen Kimmy?" I cut, not wanting to go through the details of my humiliation with him.
"She left with Riley not long ago." right, she'd let me know that... about an hour ago? But Nate didn't look focused on the answer but on me, going as far as taking the free spot across the booth and leaning his elbows on the table trying to get a better look. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, and Eli?"
"Hailey-"
"Where's Eli?" I stressed and his brows pursed together, clearly reading more into this that what I was willing to share. I could feel my heart pounding harshly in my rib cage as he held my gaze, counting the beats and hoping that would help me seize my emotions. My mind was spining and I felt dense. This had been all a huge waste of time and pride. But I couldn't tell him any of that and now Nate needed a believable reason for my attitude so I blurted in a lighter tone, shoving the rest of my apprehension to the back of my chest: "I'm in the mood for fries."
"Fries?"
"Or tacos." and just by voicing it, I realized I was kinda craving those indeed. The recent shots were helping me focus on that instead of what just happened. "Mhm, yeah, tacos."
He smirked, relaxing in his side of the booth and leaning back too. I could feel his feet lightly grazing mine as he shifted, but it was barely a contact. "It's way past midnight."
"So? Don't you ever have cravings?" my fingerprint traced the lines on the table and his eyes followed it, making my heart twitch. "They aren't logic nor reasonable."
"I guess."
Why everything about him makes my heart twitch? But I pushed down the instinctive urge to get defensive and remembered Kimberly's words. I always snap, I should be civil. Or try. At least for her sake.
Just act normal. Casual.
I suddenly stood. "So, tacos. You're in?"
He looked up at me, bewildered for a second. A second where my pulse halted and anticipation clenched all my muscles asking myself if I wasn't hurting myself further. Andrew mess, and now inviting Nate? I was signing my own pride-death, but I owed it at least a try, right? And after how I treated him earlier, he might as well turn me down.
But then got on his feet as well. "Sure."
Was that bad or good? Did that made me anxious or chill? It was easy to convince myself it was okay when I was keeping myself from spiraling down to ice-cream and long baths -my usual coping mechanism. The alcohol remaining in my system also helped.
"Yay." I grinned. "You have a car, right?"
"Uh, no."
"Oh." my forced-cheerful mood dropped slightly.
What was the point then? Would he walk me? He certainly can't drive us there without a car. Can he?
Nate tilted his head sensing my shift. I could feel his eyes reading my face, slowly. "You don't want me to come anymore, do you?"
No, but he was Kimmy's friend. He would be staying here and our beef was years ago. Years. Acting like I was still sore only made me look bad, so I forced a smile. I can't just uninvited him when I just invite him. And he would keep my mind away from overthinking Andrew's date.
"I do, actually."
"Do you now?"
"Mhm, we'll just have to find a place nearby. Let's go." I spun on my heels, the room bending lightly at the rapid movement and all the shots I had; but I walked towards the exit, hoping he wouldn't notice.
........................................
In the end, I was craving hot chocolate and churros. Very classy.
"I should have known." Nate smiled when we settle on the bench. No one one else up this late. Or rather this early. Between the club, the looking around and finally settling for something, it was almost three in the morning.
Luckily, this place was one of those coffee up 24-7. It was cheap and smelled funny, but we got our the order to go and they put the chocolate in a disposable cup and the churros in a paper bag that was already staining. And napkins. Tons of napkins because this was dirty food.
We then get comfortable on a bench in the park by it, under a beautiful blossoming tree and facing the nature in the middle of the city. The night light was so faint it was barely there and the light we have was the one coming from the city bordering the park and the nearesr lamppost projecting yellow light on us.
"Why is that?" I wondered and he smiled brighter, his finger tracing the lines of his jean's knee.
"You used to be a sucker for chocolate."
I still didn't feel that comfortable knowing I was back spending time with Nate.
Nate. Nate, who used to know me like the back of his palm, and the same Nate that took what he wanted and vanished from my life without a meaningful explanation. All I knew was that one day we were talking about making it work in the distance between colleges and the next he found out I covered Kimmy's secret, he spent the night at his ex's house and broke up with me for good the next day.
And that was it. He became a distant memory as I also watched him stay in contact with Kimberly. So he wasn't against 'long distance', he just didn't want to bother with me. I was that easy to erase. One mistake and it all became meaningless.
And now he was sitting by my side in this bench, glancing forward at the park as I counted my heartbeats while he smiled and reminded me he did get to know me to the last detail. Or used to.
I took off the lid of the cup and blew the hot chocolate, struggling to not snap. For Kimmy. "Guess some things never change."
"I bet." he hummed taking a sip from his own and letting his gaze wander around casually.
Spring's breeze brushed our skin and fiddled with our hair. I had to tuck a stray strand behind my ear before unrolling the top of the paper bag and reached inside for one churro.
"So," I started, cutting it in half and squeezing my brain for smooth talk. "You're moving here."
"Looks like it."
I nodded, unimpressed at his vague answer and looked up to catch his eyes in the shadows of the night. And that same clenching in my chest happened when those green eyes met mine. Too many memories. I tilted my head, trying to push past it and make it disappear. "How come? Work or pleasure?"
His lips curled into a smirk. "Are you interviewing me?"
"No, but I could. Don't make me use the big weapons." I realize my attempt to light the mood came out almost as if I was flirting and cleared my throat, looking at the churros once more but not before catching the way his eyebrow perked. "I'm officially a reporter now."
"So I've heard." He'd heard? Did that mean he asked about me? "Well, that's what you wanted to be, so congrats."
"Thanks." I nipped at the desert, loving the sweet taste of it and wiping the sugar from my lips. As I said, this was dirty food. Maybe not the best choice, but I was still spiked by the previous drinks. And those were the only fluel that keep me going with this kamikaze idea so I would stick to it. "You never answered. So you're here for work?"
"Yeah," he fiddled with the cup. "My employees are opening a new franchise here and they offered me a place. And I... wanted a break from New York."
A break? I looked at him with a question on the tip of my tongue. Why would he need a break? What he needed the break from? But of course that was a way too intimate question. And I didn't really care. His intense green eyes stare back and I knew I had to say something else before he read too much in my reaction. Like interest. I didn't want him to think I was interested in his personal life. Instead, I took it for the easier topic.
"What is it that you do?"
And just like that I realized I had no clue what he was in life. In the senior year, the drama was that he had no clue what to do next, focused on getting a football scholarship and barely passing the classes. And then he left.
I pursed my brows, genuinely more curious than I would ever admit to knowing how that turned out for him.
"I'm a mechanic engineer." Nate simply said and I nodded, but stopped when my mind came blank and I frowned.
"What does that mean exactly?"
He smiled, glancing forwards and sliding on hand through his hair. "It just... This company I work for fabricates engines and I supervise the new designs. Make sure they are effective, that they are done properly... that kind of stuff."
"Oh, well, that sounds cool, I guess." cool, I guess? I cleared my throat. "You did like these things. I mean you did build up a car at sixteen."
And just like that I made the second greatest mistake after inviting him to come with: bring up the past.
"Fifteen, actually." he smiled, actually looking pleased as we talked about Letty, his first car: a Chevrolette he built up piece by piece and was his first and only love throughout all our high school life. "Guess we both ended where we aimed."
"Yeah, how predictable are we?"
"Very."
"Right." I found myself smiling and immediately wipe it taking another bit of the sweet desert. Keep it impersonal. "Do you like it?"
That's more like it. The kind of question you make when doing smooth talk so the chat kept going, but out the limits of a more serious conversation. Like venturing into our past. That was dangerous. And I wasn't at all interested nor ready to go there. Even with the thought of be doing this for Kimmy.
"Yeah, I mean, if I have to do something for a living, might as well be doing this. I don't hate it."
"Then I'm happy for you."
Are you? The sarcastic question was all printed in his eyes as he looked at me at that conventional response, but Nate smirked and my stomach sunk several inches. "What about you, uh?" he leaned more backwards against the bench, bending his ankle over his knee and tilted his head to me. "Do you like your job?"
"Sure." if only they let me write about what I wanted. But there was no way I was telling him that and engage a deeper conversation. So instead I lifted one shoulder. "Some days more than others."
He hummed, and I could feel his eyes burning on my profile. Again. It wasn't just the initial surprised look when you saw someone from the past. He kept looking at me. His stare on my every move, taking in every detail and making my skin prickle. What was that about?
So, guarding myself and already feeling the knot in my guts growing, I turned to face him and found out he was looking at me. His eyes taking everything, not even shy at having been caught; making me feel powerless and exposed, like back in the club and I find it harder and harder not to 'snap' and put an end to this unwanted fluttering.
"Why do you keep looking at me like that?"
"Like what?"
"Like that. I don't know... intense."
He smirked a little, as if amused by me and I didn't know if it bristled me or disarmed me, because there was something soft and warm in the way his eyes keep tracing slowly my features, as if he was trying to memorize them. Or see through me. And I hated it.
"You're not like I remember."
"No, uh?" this was when he would say I changed and I was colder or something like that. Something that he shouldn't say because he was the reason I was tense and bothered at his sudden return. "Sorry to disappoint you." I rolled my eyes. "You've changed too."
"Yeah?" he didn't seem offended by it, more like curious now and his arm leaned over the back of the bench while he held the cup lazily in his other hand. "How come?"
"I don't know. Older." I let my eyes scan him quickly. It was a shame to see he was still handsome. Too much for his own good. Or for mine. It would be more pleasant to hate him if he was as nasty on the outside as it pained me within. But no, his features were all sharp and symmetric, high cheekbones and defined jaw. "Your hair's shorter."
Really? Your hair is shorter? That was my moronic point? It would be stupid for me to assume in five years he hadn't changed it at all. His free hand flew there and slid through his indeed shorter dark locks, barely a couple inches long.
"I guess." Was it me or behind the amused taunt in his tone there was also disappointment? It skirted my chest and I rather not think about it so I shrugged, sipping on my chocolate for distraction, wondering in my head if this counts for trying already and I could make an excuse and go home yet. "Yours is longer."
I picked up the hem of one light chestnut strand over my shoulder. If I straightened from its natural wavy curl it would reached under my ribs.
Five years and we both were talking about hair.
That's good. That's neutral turf. I can deal with this.
Maybe it wasn't that moronic after all. I smiled lightly, letting it go so it fell back over my shoulder and chest. "Maybe we haven't changed that much after all."
"You're beautiful."
Heat exploded in my stomach and I had to look away as it climbed up my neck. There was no way I was blushing over something Nate would say, was there? Maybe it was just the randomness of it all. Or the way it sound effortlessly sincere, as if he was just speaking about how the sky was blue. But what he said was that I was beautiful. When speaking about how we'd changed.
I held on that little flaw in his narrative to have something less complicated to rely on.
"And I wasn't in high school."
"What? No, I didn't mean-"
"Or you remembered me ugly?" There it was, the anger. I needed it to feed me and keep me on my guard. "Is that it?"
I was being irrationally childish, picky and stupid. But holding on the anger felt safer than letting him get away with whatever he was trying with his compliments.
"No." Nate's brows knitted together. "Maybe I have it blurred because it was less painful not remember you like you."
Again, there was this knot in my throat and I had to stand, unable to keep still at this bubbling. Anger? Flutters? I don't even know, but I wasn't eager to explore it.
I abruptly stood, moving towards the nearest bin and threw my napkin. Some stupid trip, but I needed to move and get rid of this tension. Taking slow breaths, I willed my lungs to keep working and my skin to stop buzzing. It's stupid.
When I made it back to out bench, he had leaned back against the back of it. His brows lifted, chill as if he didn't just said that. What was his problem?
I slid back in my place, slowly closing the churro's bag and feeling the paper crumbling between my fingers.
"Nate," I finally found my voice. "You can't say stuff like that."
"Why not?"
Wasn't it obvious? "Because things are different now. Not just us, but things."
"Why did you argue with your date tonight?"
"What?" I looked at him, bewildered and shocked he was asking about Andrew just like that. Out of the blue. As if he had any right or as if it was related to this conversation anyhow. "Why does that have to do with anything? Besides, it's none of your business."
His eyes narrowed, for the first time his mood clouding -even if it was slightly. "He left you alone in the club."
"The karaoke." I corrected, as if that made it any better; but my throat clenched with humiliation at that sudden memory. 'I thought you were fun'. "So?"
"That's not right."
"Oh no," I snorted a dry laugh, sitting straighter with this bubbling in my chest bloating at each passing second. Were we really having this conversation now? I adjusted my purse, buzzing in that emotion and feeling his eyes still glued on me. "No way. We're not doing this."
I got up and marched away, suddenly the park didn't feel as bucolic and chill and I wasn't in the mood nor had the will to remain there a second longer. Not even for Kimberly.
"Doing what?" I heard him getting up as well, but I just fastened my pace. "Hailey, wait." he caught up insultingly easily. "What have I said? If he is a dick-"
"You don't know him, Nate, that's the point. You don't even know me." I halted under a lamppost and turned to face him. The light over us projected dramatic shadows to this scene and my stomach cramps imploded all the more. "Not anymore. And you dare to come and... and give me moral lectures?"
"Okay, that sounded bad." he grimaced, but still looked cool, as if he really didn't see anything bad in his comments. "I'm sorry?"
I scoffed. "I should have known. You know what? Just forget it."
"No, wait." he fell into step with me and slid his hands in his pockets. "I am sorry. It isn't my business, I won't comment on it again."
"Good."
"Am I forgiven, then?"
"Forgiven?" Once more I halted and looked at him. Was that just for his inappropriate comments on Andrew, his digging or... something more? For the innocent glint in his features and how he looked not in the least bothered I didn't dare to believe he was owning for his past mistakes, for our ugly break up or for anything that wasn't his prying. "I- No."
"Wait, what?"
"I'll see you around." I sighed, heading to the side of the road to wait for a cab to appear.
Nate was still somewhere behind me. I could feel him. Still and tense, maybe for the first time realizing things weren't good. But how could he had not noticed before? I mean, I was being civil; but we did argue in the Karaoke some hours ago and we had history. Bad history. But leave it it to Nate to overlook the emotional responsibility over the other's feelings.
"Are you mad because I asked about your failed date or for something else?"
See? He pointed out my 'failed date' like it meant nothing. And to him it didn't, but to me it only brought humiliation and sadness. And anger.
"Never mind."
"No, tell me." he gently spun me back around and this time he did look more serious. I could feel my skin burning where his palm was in my arm, even after he let go and it only feed my inner drama. Why did he snatch such a powerful reaction? "Did I overstep?"
"You always overstep."
Whoa, I didn't mean to say that out loud and for the way his brows rose I could tell he didn't expect it either. My heartbeat increased as I try to keep a neutral face. I knew this was a bad idea. It was too recent. I wasn't ready to deal with his return and as the alcohol effects ran down I was less and less ready to be 'civil'.
"I'm sorry." he said, sounding genuinely confused and it only scratched harder the borders of my self control.
"You keep saying that tonight, but do you actually mean it?"
"Yes. I'm trying to make things right. I'm sorry about your date and I'm sorry we-"
"Oh, please." I rolled my eyes and folded my arms, altered that he was openly gonna say something about our past together again. "It's not like it's completely your fault. We all are reckless when young."
I could tell by the his eyes shadowed that it hurt him. Which, frustratingly, didn't bring me any kind of joy nor relief. I was messed up. He messed me up. But reminding him of that wasn't helping at all. It only made me more frustrated in my drunkenness and self-pity.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing." I forced out through the turmoil happening in my brain. "We all have things we regret."
Again, I could tell that he was hurt by what my neutral words let through. "And I am your regret?"
No. I didn't mean it like that, but it sounded less pathetic than being remorseful because he made me fall for him and left me without a second thought. Spiked by that, I didn't care to correct his assumption and instead, seeing we were talking about it anyway, I blurted:
"You broke up with me. You left me," it was ridiculous how my throat menaced to close but I forced those words out. If I hadn't been intoxicated I would never have admitted that, but now? Fuck it. "You've been away for years and now you're suddenly back and act like nothing happened?"
"Would you rather I had kept in touch?"
I gulped, looking down at the poor paper bag suffering my anxiety. It was easier than to hold his green gaze. I guess we were talking about it. Well, all in, why not some truth?
"Honestly? I would have rather you didn't leave." I confessed under my breath and quickly added. "Back then, I would have. But since you did, you proved your point-"
"My point?"
"-Things changed. I've changed." I shook my head, dizzy at the night and the draining conversation I'd been avoiding for years. "An ex shall stay in the past."
Like Trish should have. But he didn't think so when he chose her over me.
It was kinda pathetic that in twenty-two years of existence, no even one person had settled for me and me only.
My first huge crush ever, Justin, got me constantly as an on and off side girl; messing with me with no real intention of leaving his girlfriend. My first boyfriend cheated on me with his ex and then dumped me like I never even mattered. And Marco, my first dead serious relationship, is about to marry my cousin.
There was something about me that just make no one stay, that might not be worth to stick around. That's why with Chris everything was so simple. We were friends, we met every couple weeks at most, but no one expected more than that from it.
Nate gulped, his eyes carefully taking everything of me again. "Is that what you really think?"
I shrugged one shoulder, tired. "You left me. Why am I the one giving you explanations?"
"I messed up, okay?" Nate shook his head, brushing his hair in frustration. "I know I didn't handle it well. But that was years ago."
As if that was good enough. I should be over it because it was years ago? That only twitched harder the nail in my heart.
"So what? You utter the first 'sorry' three hours ago and expect me to just be okay and pretend it never happened?"
"You invite me to come with, remember?"
Yeah, stupid me. "Kimmy asked me to play nice with you."
"Wow." he took a step back, as if I'd physically pushed him. His pained look shattered me from inside, but I held it together clenching my fists. "Just... wow." he chuckled, but it was an incredulous sound. Wry. "So that's it."
"Don't act like I'm the jerk here. You're doing just the same. You spend years away and suddenly you're back? Don't act like I'm finally allowed back in your life for anything other than me being Kimberly's friend."
"Allowed? You've been ignoring me since we broke up."
What a nerve. "You moved away! You didn't want me to even call you. It was you who cut the bonds. I just gave you what you asked for and now apparently I've been ignoring you?"
"I don't regret you, Hailey." he hissed and I had to look away at the intense tone of it, at the venom he put in that accusation.
I gestured to a cab passing and it came to a halt before us. I just wanted to get into it and left, but my conscience reminded me it was late night already -or early morning- and Nate wasn't familiar with the city yet.
I cleared my throat, taking the handle, but not opening it yet. "You want us to share it or-"
"No."
Alright, now it was him the one uncomfortable. Maybe now he'd understand how I'd felt during the whole night. But again, I didn't feel better by telling him all that.
Still, I rolled my eyes at his response and opened the backseat door, feeling like I was only holding myself together with the thin line separating exhaustion from knocking off. I wanted to put an end to this unfortunate night already.
I held the door and was about to get in and just forget this whole thing, but something didn't feel right. Not parting like this.
Letting out a deep breath I turned to look at him as he eyed me warily, leaning his back against the brick wall of the building. "For what matters," I forced out, "I don't regret you." his shoulders relaxed a bit and I felt my own muscles easing. "It was wrong of me to say that because... well, because I don't. I just don't like most things that happened."
"Most?"
"Some."
He scoffed a laugh, but it wasn't so bitter now. "Fair enough." His hand messed his hair tousling it irritatingly alluringly as he glared the road, deep in thought. "I am sorry, you know?"
I looked away. He said he was, and I believed he was... in a way. But someone that could hurt me that much, someone that had cut me out his life like I never meant anything... I wasn't that sure I should allow him back in. In any way. Sorry or not, he'd gone five years without a regret until the past confronted him face to face.
"Mhm, well, so that." not giving time for anything else to twist I finally get in the cab and gave him my direction, resting tiredly against the back seat and sharing one last look through the window with Nate as we pulled out and the outside of the vehicle blurred by movement.
My heart didn't stop pounding madly, his green eyes branded on the back of my mind.
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Hey! What are your thoughts on them? Is Hailey right to hold grudges? Is Nate? Let me know what you think and what you want to happen next!
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