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Chapter 23: Who am I? without you
It's late at night in Seoul, and the night is still young for a certain group of people. It has become Jungkook's routine to go play football with his friends. Even though it's been more than a month, and Jungkook finally glances at his phone a lot less, the boy still tries to find distraction to stop thinking about his tiny best friend who might be living life so peacefully.
Only if Jungkook knows that the boy that keeps living on his mind has been trying to stop himself from reaching out two him for almost three weeks now. That fact might have made Jungkook sleep better at night and become less salty towards people at the Marketing department he's interning in right now.
Salty, yes. Young master Jeon starts to be known as an arrogant jerk prince. Big doe intimidating eyes and aggressive walk. He's so sharp with his words and not available for friendly socializing. The gossip did reach him since his dad's assistant aka his mentor is a lowkey close friend to his dad. The nickname makes Jungkook cringe hard at the 'prince' part.
These people should focus more on how professional he's been trying to be instead of complaining about how he won't socialize. Instead of calling him an arrogant jerk, people should realize how he's a quick learner and his work.
Jungkook could care less about the gossip even though his mentor did mention about how he should socialize and be more friendly. The arrogant jerk prince insists that he won't change as long as his work performance is still always above and beyond expectation.
Not that Jungkook wants to be an arrogant jerk, or he's proud of the nickname, but his mind, most of the time, is not available. Jimin still takes over his mind when it's not occupied with something else.
Longer and longer as the time goes by, Jimin still hasn't reached out to him.
It makes Jungkook crazy like the storm in his body to live with the fact that he might have to live in the new reality without Jimin being his best friend. His brain starts to develop the idea that he might lose Jimin forever, and his heart can't accept the fact that Jimin might never reach out. Ever.
No more Park Jimin in his world. Jungkook has been extremely confused. It's not about egos being hurt or pride being destroyed, but it's about how he can't live well with that fact. How can Jungkook even get used to this new world when his world always evolved around Jimin. The world without his passion?
Ever since they were young, Jungkook has always been playing a hero role of taking care and protecting Park Jimin just because he was taller back then. Therefore, automatically, Jungkook has been someone who takes care of Park Jimin.
In Kindergarten to elementary years, Jungkook always chased away the kids who teased Jimin, and they ended up chasing those kids together. The very young master Jeon would wake Jimin up to go to the toilet together, so Jimin didn't pee his pants while taking a day nap. They did share toys and games. One flash of memories was that Jungkook used to pretend to like vegetables so much to make Jimin eat them too.
Jungkook would always help Jimin carry his school bag everyday until their parents told Jungkook to let Jimin do it by himself. Parents picking up late at school was never a problem because they're together, playing tag, eating tons of ice-cream and laughing a lot. Busy parents mean that each of them would always spend time at one another's house to wait for their parents. It was so much fun in his memories.
Jungkook remembers he would always make sure to make Jimin eat well every single meal just like how their parents told him. Jungkook even asked their parents to learn taekwondo, so he can take care of Jimin. Just in case.
When they reached teenage years, it was when Jungkook was told to always be serious with his education. It was time he prepared to be the heir with all the classes at school and extra classes outside of school.
Unlike Jungkook, Jimin didn't have to get straight A's or join a football team for good records. The young master Jeon tried to force his best friend to do all that stuff, and that caused a big fight between them. In the end, Jungkook had to visit Park's house every single day with gifts and Jimin's favorite snack for two weeks until Jimin finally talked to him again.
Therefore, Jungkook knows best not to try to control his best friend. He did realize his boundaries from that certain incident, and it's beneficial because Jungkook would always remind himself to take care of Jimin well instead of trying to control his best friend.
They're best friends who grew up together, but their upbringings are slightly different. There were moments when Jungkook was hating it so much that he had to study hard when Jimin could just chill. He was mad that Jimin was not there on that journey with him.
However, things didn't turn out so bad when his tiny best friend was always extremely happy whenever he scored on the football field. Studying so hard paid off whenever he gets Jimin's praises.
Besides impressing his parents and being a potential heir of Jeon, It can be said that Jungkook has been trying to achieve every goal just to earn Jimin's smiles and praise.
It's Jimin who always causes trouble. Senior high was Jimin's prime time to piss the teacher off. Jungkook's serious path and Jimin's not so serious path always work well together. With time, Jungkook learned how to make it work.
If Jimin wanted to go clubbing, Jungkook would make it happen by getting their fake IDs. If Jimin didn't want to study, Jungkook would study everything even if it's not his selected subject. The boy would conclude the notes, read and explain everything to Jimin who would just sleep and listen to it. Jungkook was more than happy to double study as long as passing the exam means Jimin can hang out with him on the weekend. Jungkook hated it so much when Jimin was grounded for not doing well at school. He would even let Jimin copy the answer from his paper.
If Jimin wanted to make new friends, Jungkook would make sure to accompany and vibe check them. Taehyung was a rare case because most of the time, they don't pass his vibe check, but who is he to control Jimin. All Jungkook had to do is wait and
When Jimin wanted to skip school, it's the rule Jimin had to tell him beforehand, so Jungkook can turn in early assignments and study ahead for some certain subjects. Jungkook always made sure to have copies of real doctor certifications, starting with going to the hospital for being sick, lying that he needs more than one for all his classes, and it's done. Jungkook made many copies, but it didn't work too many times. They didn't know that the teacher would compare all the signatures in each letter together and figured out that they're the same time.
Park kid was grounded and grounded again right when the teacher compared their homework books and figured out that Jungkook's handwriting was also in most of Jimin's books. That was when another big incident happened for Jungkook to learn that he should not support Jimin's rebellious behavior. He blamed himself that Jimin was crying so hard from his parent's punishment, and they almost sent Jimin away to boarding school in England.
Ever since then, Jungkook changed and became someone who's so strict with Jimin's studying and well-being. He turned against Jimin's rebellious behavior and all the behaviors that will make Park parents send Jimin away.
Therefore, it's been official that Jeon Jungkook is Park Jimin's care giver.
Their parents did not force Jungkook or throw the duty on him. It's just Jungkook who loved it at first when he succeeded in making things go smoothly for Jimin like taking the tasks. He loves the fulfilling feeling when he completes those tasks. It was just a task at first for the kid Jeon Jungkook.
Later, the crescent smile belonging to Jimin became so rewarding. The smiles and praises that make him feel like he's valuable. Later, Jimin's good well being is something that keeps him sane at the end of the day.
When Park Jimin was around, the smaller one used to be the first thing he thought of in the morning since he always had to wake Jimin up. Jungkook spent extra time working out in the gym, so he could finish all the extra dishes Jimin ordered, but couldn't finish. That explains a lot about Jungkook's fast muscle growth.
It's a habit that Jungkook had to leave his house early to pick Jimin up before school. Jungkook used to strike one level of his mobile game daily when waiting for Jimin to get ready. 15 minutes late everyday is Jimin's mantra.
And who is Jungkook? In the world where there's no Park Jimin.
Jungkook might be just a loner boy who doesn't want to make friends anymore. Jungkook might be just an extremely boring person who doesn't want to have fun because to be successful and be at the top are the two things Jungkook has been focusing on. Without Park Jimin, Jungkook is an arrogant jerk who eats alone at the canteen.
It's codependency with Park Jimin, but with all these things he's done for Jimin, wouldn't it be too mean to not appreciate those things?
Isn't it a little too heartless to blame Jungkook if he's grumpy over Jimin's friendship with Taehyung? Jimin should stick by his side only, and Jungkook doesn't want anyone else.
Is it so wrong to always complain about Jimin's behavior and prevent Jimin from being sent far away from him?
Is it so upsetting to hate Harry and Malfroy fantasy just because he hates the idea of being a bad guy for Jimin?
Is it so terrible to do everything to keep Jimin as his best friend even if it means he had to be super cruel towards Jimin's feelings?
Yes, for this one Jungkook knows by heart that he's so wrong.
Jungkook also knows he's wrong for not being that friend who supports Jimin's emotional needs. However, that's basically just because his mind was already occupied with taking care of both himself and Jimin at the same time. Now that Jungkook has only himself to take care of, he's lost.
There's many times when Jungkook almost forgot what he likes to eat since all his meals will always contain things that he can share with Jimin. Jungkook can't get used to getting too little stuff at the stationary store since he always got extra blue things for Jimin. No more extra note books for Jimin's assignment. Jungkook still writes down Jimin's tasks on the other side of the notebook out of habit.
Why go clubbing when there's no Jimin to take care of anymore? Why go clubbing if he won't get to see Jimin's stupid dance? Why go shopping when there's no Jimin who wants his opinion on clothes? No more Park Jimin who always picks up the pieces Jungkook would like.
Without Park Jimin, Jungkook is just a boy who scores in the football field for nothing, and that's why Jungkook, tonight, asked for the time out. It's not fun anymore to score and not see that crescent smile and a small frame jumping at the side.
Jimin has been his kind of fun. Park Jimin is the chaos he needs. It gives him peace to always have Jimin by his side. No one to impress. No one to pick up. No one to do things for, and life has been so easy and simple without Jimin. Depressingly easy and empty. Jungkook doesn't want that.
Waving goodbye to the team which includes Namjoon and Yoongi who have been inviting him out as much as possible, Jungkook is on his way to his car.
Again, driving nowadays makes him feel lost since there's no stopping at the drive through to get Jimin's favorite snacks and drinks. Weekend starts tomorrow, and Jungkook lets out a sigh. What's the point of playing video games alone without Jimin taking a nap on his bed before they can fight over whatever they want to eat. No more Jimin who wins and gets to eat what he wants every time.
Sunday must be extra boring just like the last many weeks without Jimin. Why do family gatherings if Jungkook won't get to argue with Jimin over some singing contest TV show Jimin can't miss.
Jungkook keeps on thinking of what to do or watch on the weekends. Iron man? What's the point of watching the movie when there's no Jimin complaining how boring it is. Jungkook at least chuckles at the fact that Jimin is one of the rarest percent of the world population who find Iron man boring.
Maybe there's some hope on Netflix for him to survive this weekend, or he can just sleep his feelings away for the whole two days. Lost boy Jeon Jungkook scrolls his phone when stuck in the traffic, Jungkook starts to roam on Netflix, but Jungkook almost has a heart attack with one certain notification which makes his head throbbing. His breath hitched.
Jungkook waits until he's free from the red light and pulls over as soon as possible to make sure that he's not hallucinating. Breathe in and out deeply, he picks up and phone again slowly because if this is just his illusion, it would be unbearably disappointing.
Opening a texting app, and the first unread message shows on his screen. The name that's been on his mind for more than a month.
'Jimin: Jungkook. Hello.'
And those two words make the boy let out a laugh, covering his face, looking up at the sky, thanking god for giving him a chance. Not that he prayed about it, but Jungkook thinks he should start going to church now. He's not even a Christian.
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End of chapter
A/N: Do we want to see them texting each other?
It's writer block period for me, but I'm thriving. I've been taking care myself and working on growing in terms of spiritual. We'll keep healing and we'll be fine. <3 take care, and thank you for reading, always.