CHAPTER 19
I can't help smiling widely at the appreciation of the beautiful surrounding I am seeing. From the large trees to the blue vast sea which seem to be immeasurable to the naked eye. Chase asked me to ride on his yacht and I couldn't get more excited knowing that we would be able to tour around the sea. It excites me more to know I get to be with him.
I tried to clear my mind first of his situation. I have to know more about his disorder and as much as possible, learn it. I know what he's going through is not easy. He said that there's no cure for it but I don't want to believe him. He will be better. . . he can get through all his struggles. . . and I'm always behind him to see him succeed.
"This is a good spot for diving. You wanna try it?" Chase asked. "I have equipment here that we can use."
He's standing behind me, his arms were wrapped over my belly, his chin on my shoulder. The strong wind is blowing my hair, I gathered it up and set it aside on one side of my neck.
"Probably next time."
"You don't know how to swim?"
"I know how to swim. It's just that it's been a while when I last swim, it's been years and I was still a child back then."
I felt him nod. "I love to swim especially on the deep part of the sea. It feels like whenever I'm diving, I can escape from them."
I looked at him. He must be looking at the vast sea staring at nothingness yet he's actually deep in his thoughts.
"Is it hard?" I asked in a small tone.
He sighed. "The word hard can't even suffice how to describe it, Allison."
"Don't lose hope. I'm certain you would get through this. Don't let your condition consume you. You can't let your past get the better of you."
"What if I fail in the process—"
"Don't think about any negativity. I'm here to help you. I don't know what I can do to help you get better from your condition, no matter what, I will still be by your side to help you."
The wind blew his hair, eyes narrowing a bit. I can clearly see how sharp and pointed his nose is. As much as I want to admire how handsome he is as a man, I can't. Sadness overwhelms all that is beautiful in his physical appearance.
"You haven't seen me at my worst. I don't think you would still choose to stay with me if that day comes. . ."
I smiled, put my hand at his back while tapping it gently.
"Do not worry. I'm a woman of my word. I'll stay."
He turned to me slowly, staring into my eyes without any smile on his face. He's really gloomy that no matter what he does to hide it, it's still evident. Instead of letting him see that I'm affected by the profound sadness in his face, I tried to become cheerful.
"I'm not a normal man, Allison. Why stay with me?"
I looked away from him and stare ahead at the sea.
"Because I promised you..."
"That's all?"
I don't think this is the right time to tell him how I feel. There's a perfect time for that.
I smiled widely when I turn to face him. "Why don't you go for a swim instead? I'll watch you from here. I'll wait for you."
He stared at me, I'm pretty sure he noticed how I deliberately ignored his question. He finally pulled his intense eyes away from me and sighed.
"I won't dive. I'll just stay here."
"Why not? The waves look good today. I no longer swim in the deep part of the sea. I had an accident when I was young and it was scary. Fortunately, someone saved me." I said, suddenly remembering the dream where I saw Reil saved me.
"Really? I also remember during my younger years that I saved a little girl from drowning. I can't remember much about her looks apart from I know that she's pretty."
I smiled at him. "That's good. You've saved someone and became her hero."
"Yeah, I'd rather save lives than to be the victim."
I took a deep breath at what he said. I'm certain he's referring to his past and the struggles he went through. He's the victim of his own monsters.
While my hands are fixed on the handrails on the side deck, I continued to stare at the bluish sea water. Chase told me he would fix something inside the cabin. I thought he might have changed his mind and opted to swim because he mentioned our location is also a good diving spot.
According to him, he wants to stay here in the middle of the ocean until the sun sets. We will be going back to Manila tomorrow morning. To be honest, I'm actually enjoying our short trip I'm hesitant to leave. During the last two days of our stay, I learn to appreciate the scenery. In the short span of time, I've also came to a realization that I'm starting to fall in love with Chase.
My eyes were enjoying the view when I felt a gentle embrace behind me. I smiled. Every time he hugs me from behind I can't help but feel giddy. There's something in his hug that can fill my stomach with glowing butterflies.
"Cha-"
"Give me a head, Allison. . ."
My brows furrowed at what I heard Chase said. What does he mean by that? What head?
"I'm sorry... What do you mean?" I asked while still looking ahead.
"Turn around,"
For a brief moment, my heart suddenly throbbed aggressively when he harshly turned me around to face him. I almost gasped at his dark eyes staring at me. He's like a beast, dangerous and cruel. His features are not different from the Chase I remember in my dream the other day. Only that his eyes there were dark red. Right now, all I can see was pitch black. . . deep and sucking me in.
"Kneel," he said.
My brows furrowed. "W-Why would I kneel, Chase?"
His thick brows furrowed. "My name is Allistair and I want you to kneel for me."
Words didn't rush down to my lips as I keep on staring at his intense eyes in total confusion.
Allistair?
Even before I could speak, he put his hands on my shoulders and forced me to kneel. I couldn't almost catch my breath, unable to understand what was happening. I raised my head and looked at him, he's staring down at me like he's my king and I'm just a servant. His face void of any emotions. Some strands of my hair are blocking my face due to the wind's strong breeze so I tried to hold it on one of my hand.
Chase suddenly unbuckled his belt. My eyes landed there as he unbuttoned his pants and slightly lowering it down.
His white Calvin Klein underwear is now exposed. He pulled it down a bit and freed his hard and bulging manhood. It's fully erected, veins around it were obvious.
"Suck it, Allison. . ."
I never imagined or thought that Chase would asked me to do this. We had sex for a couple of times but I never thought that he's asked me to do it. I know somehow that it's normal but at the moment I feel it's not. I feel like there's something wrong.
"Chase-"
"I said my name is Allistair. Why are you calling someone else's name aside from me?" he growled, his voice was stern and laced with venom.
I gulped. He all of sudden introduced himself as Allistair and couldn't remember that he's Chase. Why does he seem to be a different person? Like he doesn't know who he is.
And then I realized that this is maybe part of his disorder. He has split personalities like he said. I wonder how many personalities does he have?
My hands went cold until my feel on the realization. I admit I'm feeling scared and nervous at the moment.
But you promised, Tanya. You promised to stay with him and fight his battles. Chase is just a victim and I'm sure he doesn't know what he's doing. I'm sure that the real Chase wouldn't ask you to do things you do not want to do.
"Fucking suck me, Allison. Don't make me wait." He said interrupting my thoughts, if it's even possible, his voice sounded like a growling thunder.
I slowly raised my hand and took his shaft. It's thick and huge it almost didn't fit in my hand. I don't have any idea what to do but I will try. I don't know what will happen to me if I refuse.
Right at this moment, I don't know of anything to do but to accept and understand him.
"A-Allistair, I-I don't know exactly what to do?" I asked while head hung low.
"Just put it inside your mouth, I'll do the move."
I swallowed one more time while heart beating erratically. I inched closer to his shaft, opened my mouth and put his thickness inside it. Chase gathered my hair, his hands already placed at the back of my head gripping it tightly, as if he's readying himself.
"Stay still," he said and began to thrust his sex in and out of my mouth.
I feel like chocking whenever he thrust it deep. My hands balled into a fist as I feel the warmth on the corners of my eyes. I can hear him subtle groans on every thrust.
He kept on moving on until his pace became fast and needy. Saliva was already coming out of my mouth and tears were already streaming down my cheeks but I didn't stop it. I got a hold of his legs when his pace become faster on his every move. My chest was tight, couldn't accept any more air even though the wind was blowing too hard.
"Fuck!" he cursed.
His hold at the back of my head tightened, the way he gripped my hair was already painful until I felt him jerking. I looked at him and he's looking up, eyes closed while jaws clenched. His eyes were also shut as I felt him come inside my mouth. The taste of his juices was awful but I tried really hard to ignore it.
He calmed down after a couple of seconds of breathing ruggedly. He looked down at me and or eyes met. He pulled his underwear up, zipped his pants and buckled his belt again.
I can't see any regret on what he did to me. I'm certain that if it's Chase who's in front of me, he won't be asking me to do things which he knows I haven't done before.
"My cock feels good inside your mouth, huh?" he dirty talked while smirking.
I wiped my mouth as I feel there are still semen from on my face from his cum. I stood up, turned around and was about to spit it out when he suddenly grabbed my arm.
"Swallow it."
I shook my head in disapproval. His menacing eyes went darker as his grip on me become tighter.
"I said fucking swallow it. You don't want to disobey me."
The strong wind brought tears to my eyes and without a word wiped them using back of my palm while staring intently at him. Holding my breath, I forcefully swallowed it, trying not to have even the slightest taste of it. He looked down on my neck when I swallowed his cum. The edge of his lips turned upward creating a sinister smirk.
"Good girl,"
"C-Can I go inside—"
"I'm not yet done with you. . ."
He swiftly turned me around, hands leaning against the handrails as he wrapped his arms around my belly. My breathing hitched when I felt him place his chin on my shoulder.
"Prepare for the worst, woman."
He took me from behind. He's ruthless, forceful and merciless. Only the bluish sky and pristine water saw the tears I let go.
If only Chase himself was there to comfort me. . . if only.
☽☾
I woke up from a long sleep. My body felt sore as I moved. I slowly opened my eyes and saw that I'm inside our bedroom of the vacation house. I don't recall what happened after. All I remember was I passed out after Chase took me a lot of times without giving me a rest.
I was interrupted by a gentle touch and was welcomed by Chase's beautiful caramel orbs. He's looking at me intently, probably thinking what's inside my mind. Darkness finally left his eyes. All I see is worry reflecting on his eyes.
Am I already looking at Chase? Or still Allistair?
Holding my breath, I tightened my grip on the white blanket that's covering my naked body.
"C-Chase?"
His jaw clenched, pursed his lips and exhaled deeply.
"I'm sorry. . ." he whispered. "Did I hurt you too much?"
I did not answer, I released a sigh and look down. I felt him bring his hand on my chest. He caressed it the most gentle way. Like I'm sort of a fragile thing.
I looked at my chest and it's then that I saw some red marks like someone has bitten it. Even my arms have some bruises. From what I can recall, he was gripping me tightly earlier.
Chase took my hand, he leaned his forehead on my hand while breathing ruggedly.
"This is what I'm talking about, Allison. There's a huge possibility that I can hurt you without even knowing it. . ." he whispered, his voice was laced with regret. "Asking you to stay with me is a damn mistake."
Then I'm right. That it's part of his disorder.
"Is he one of your alters?" I asked, still feeling nervous even if I know that it's already him and not the violent persona earlier.
He nodded once, probably feeling guilty as he cannot look at me straight to my eyes.
"After this, I'll stay away from you. You must forget about me like I never existed at all."
I shook my head dismissing him. "And then what? Leave you alone in that situation? Don't forget it was you who asked for my help, Chase. No matter what happen in the future, even how many times you hurt me, I will still understand you because I know you did not want that—"
"Allison, you don't understand!" he yelled, frustration can be seen in his face. He stood up, brows creased while his eyes hold anger. "Seeing those marks on your skin that I obviously did is something I can't tolerate! Even if I didn't mean to, truth is it's still me who did it!"
Even though I'm struggling, I still manage to get up the bed while the blanket was wrapped around my body. I watched him sit on the edge of the bed. He bowed down, fixed his elbows over his thigh and frustratingly put his hands on his face. He shook his head, seemingly disappointed in himself.
I ambled towards him, sat behind him and wrapped my arms around his body. I leaned my chin above his shoulder and let out a steady breathing.
"Don't push me away, Chase. I want to stay with you. Just let me stay with you," I asked with a small voice. "Please."
"Hurting you is the last thing I ever want, baby. And it's driving me insane knowing that I already did it to you."
I sighed.
This is our reality right now, Chase. And I'm willing to embrace it . . . even if it burns me.
We stayed in that position for several minutes. I can feel he's starting to calm down while I'm hugging him from behind. No words escaped from our lips the next couple of minutes. We were contented hearing our slow breathing while different thoughts were running inside our heads.
His phone rang. I removed my hands from his waist. He took a deep breath before finally facing me and gave me a peck on my lips and forehead. He bent forward to get his phone on the bed side table.
I saw how his brows furrow while looking at the screen. He then answered the call.
No words escaped his mouth while listening to the person on the other line. His eyes were staring into a far distance, hand leaning against his waist.
"Who is this?" he asked, voice serious and authoritative.
From being serious, his expression went stern. He stood up and I can see how his neck up to his chest turned red probably from extreme anger.
"Where the fuck is he, Coleen?" he growled while walking back and forth.
I was suddenly alerted by his action. I watched him pacing back and forth in front of me, hands fist while jaws clenched.
"Show me where he is or I'm gonna fucking kill you. Try me."
I literally jumped up from where I am when he slammed the phone on the wall. I heard it breaking into pieces while Chase seems to be distracted from something.
"Chase, w-what happened?" I asked, hesitation laced from my voice as he might blurt his anger towards me.
He gripped his hair, hard and tight. He walked towards me and sat on the bed. I can see the frustration doubled in his face as he brushed his face again. He turned to face me, eyes bloodshot and exhausted.
"I have a son, Allison," he said that made me breathless.