Shades of Chase (English Version)

Chapter 18

Upon the bluest of waves come a million flashing lights from the sun. I looked at Chase's back as he is standing in the middle of the shore. The muscles on his back were flexing as he brushed his hair up with both of his hands. He's looking ahead of him, probably at the endless horizons.

I always see him as a man who's perfect and not afraid of anything. He's like a storm, dark and powerful. He always leaves me the idea that he's not the man you can mess with and gets away with it. He's invulnerable. . . not until last night.

"C-Chase?" my heart was beating wildly while I walk slowly towards his direction. "W-What happened?"

He didn't shift on his position. His toes were both curled. He's still gripping his hair like he's in pain. . . as if he's tired of something.

I kneel in front of him and tried to reach his legs. His body was still trembling and as I get closer, I noticed that his eyes were close tightly.

"C-Chase-"

"I didn't do it, Allison. I s-swear I did not do it. . ." his voice was quivering. "But they're still chasing me. They're still fucking after me!"

My breathing quickened, feeling nervous as I watched him seem terrified.

"Calm down, Chase. I'm here. I'm the only person here with you—"

"No, you don't understand me. They're going to punish me again for the mistake I didn't do. I didn't do it, Allison. . ."

He glanced at me and that's when I saw the immense fear rolling across his bloodshot eyes. He removed his hold from his hair before holding me tightly in my arm. His nails were digging on my skin but I didn't mind it.

"I didn't kill her."

My brows furrowed at his response as my heart beats more rapidly inside my chest. What does he mean? Who is he referring to?

Before I could even ask him, I was welcomed by his tight embrace. He's hugging me like he wants me to shield him from those who are looking for him. Like he's calling me for help.
His guttural cry played in my ears. He's hugging me tightly as if his life depends on me. I swallowed and hugged him back. I was looking into a dark spot while hearing his painful sobs. I don't know what to say or do that would help lessen his agony because I do not understand anything.

"I didn't kill her. . ." he keeps on mumbling while hugging me.

I didn't even dare to ask him about that because I feel like it's not a good time. I need him to calm down. I need him collect himself so he can tell me what this is all about.

"I'm here for you, Chase. I won't leave you." That was the last thing I said before I felt him dropping his entire weight on me like he's finally given up.

He's still letting soft sobs. I sat down and leaned my back on the wall while I pull him beside me. His head was leaning against my shoulder while I kept on caressing his hair like it's the only way to comfort him.

Beside me were some pills that were scattered on the floor. I had a glimpse of what's that medicine for and suddenly bit my bottom lip to refrain myself from letting out a gasp.

Antidepressants.

I'm not sure how long Chase and I have been sitting inside this dark room. I let myself sit with him for a couple hours, didn't mind if I was already hungry. I just let him lean on me. If it can help him ease the pain he's suffering and feel that he's not alone then so be it.

I have no idea what he's feeling like right now. All I know is he doesn't want to be alone. And I'm here to be with him as long as he wants me to.

I closed my eyes. Not long though when I felt a movement from my shoulder. I looked at him slowly. His head was leaning on the wall behind us while his eyes closed. I didn't dare to talk. I don't know if he's already awake or what. I just let myself stare at his face. He's really handsome in any angle. Even with his eyes shut, the exhaustion on his face is very obvious.

"I'm sorry if you had to see that." Those words came out so deep like they're still buried under the ground. 

I sighed. "It's okay. No problem at all."

"Not sure what I should feel that you saw me on that situation."

I breathed a sigh and faced him. "We agreed that you'll let me know the real you, Chase. This is you baring yourself with me. Why don't we start now?"

He unlocked his eyes and I witnessed how exhausted they really are. He slowly anchored his eyes at me and stared to my eyes with worry etched on his face.

"Would you keep your promise?" he asked.

I nod without any hesitation because I intend to keep what I promised him. I am that determined when I told him that I'll stay with him even if I get to know him deeper. Now that I get a glimpse of how vulnerable he is, the more I feel the urge of fulfilling what I promised him.

He then looked ahead, lift his right leg before he placed his hand above his knee. I assume that he's already calm now. He looks more stable from what I saw earlier.

"I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, Allison. . ." he revealed, slow and precise. "I have split personalities. I've been dealing with this for years and no matter how bad I want to cure myself, I can't. I'm hopeless."

No words came out from me. Literally. Shock was an understatement with what he told me. I was just staring at him, trying to absorb every words he just said. My heart was throbbing so fast as if someone's chasing me. I can't seem to believe what I find out now. It's not true. It's impossible.

But then again, how could it be impossible if I had seen the truth myself? Why would he make such stories like that if it's not true? What would he gain in return for making lies?

Nothing, Tanya. He wouldn't gain anything but pity from you.

"H-How...W-What happened?" I asked after minutes of silence.

"How did I suffer from this fucking disorder?" he smirked sarcastically. "Why can I hear disgust from you-"

"That's not true, Chase. That far from what I feel. I was just surprised to hear about that because honestly, you seem normal."

I always see you as a man who seems fine. Finding out that you're at the dark side of your life, I didn't see it coming.

He lazily bore his eyes at me. I noticed how he looks even more exhausted than earlier. He took a deep breath and stare ahead of him.

"My only sister was raped when I was eighteen years old, right in front of me. I was tied up, couldn't be able to move so I had no choice but to watch her being harassed and killed by those goons," he said. His voice was laced with venom, jaw clenched and defined.

I kept quiet as he turned to look at me, darkness filled his eyes and I could even imagine the resemblance he has with his own self in my dreams.

"They killed my mother that same day, Allison," he uttered that made me totally breathless. "And you know what's even worst?" he asked and then shot me a fiery glance. I gulped at how cruel they are. "They framed me up. They put all the blame on me, saying that it was me who killed my mom and raped my own sister."

Shiver run through my body with what I heard. "H-How did that happen? Are there no other witnesses? Who did that to your family?"

Chase exhaled a frustrated sigh as if he's suddenly brought back to that day. His jaw still clenching while his fists are balled tightly.

"Someone who was too greedy to have our empire. But he's dead now, Allison. Hell already took him away."

My breathing hitched. "H-He's dead?"

He turned to me, his brows slightly raised as there was a dark grin on his lips.

"Are you scared that I might have killed him?"

I didn't respond outright. I admit there's a part of me that thinks maybe that's the case.

He chuckled and shook his head before looking straight ahead.

"I didn't kill that bastard, Allison. Someone already did. But if I only had the chance, I'd definitely kill him with my bare hands. I don't care if I go back to the fucking jail again."

My brows furrowed at what he said. "W-What did you say?"

"They sent me to jail to pay for the crime I didn't commit. Everyone really thought I'm guilty of killing my mother and raping my sister. I was just eighteen years old that time, Allison. I didn't have the fucking means to fight for myself."

He was imprisoned...he suffered from something he did not commit. How did he manage to come out from the prison then? How long was he imprisoned?

"Don't you have any other relatives that time, Chase? Where's your father? I'm sorry if I'm being too nosy."

"I don't mind. I already gave you the permission to enter my fucked up life, haven't I?" he asked, his tone was serious and hard. "My father was dead since I was seventeen. Car accident. I stayed in jail for more than a year. Our family's lawyer helped me get out. Things got only worst after that, Allison. You won't even imagine what I've been through for the past years."

I feel like everything he said literally brought chaos in my mind. I still have a lot of questions on my mind but I don't know where to start. My questions are already being overshadowed by the fact that he was imprisoned to pay for a crime he did not commit in the first place.

"It's a relief they let you out. Those are very serious accusations. Aren't there any CCTV footage that could have captured what really happened?"

He took a deep breath. I feel like those questions are only triggering his traumatic past. I shouldn't have probably asked that and just let him tell me things he wanted to in his own pace.

"It's alright if you don't want to answer that. I understand."

"The CCTV's were all intentionally tampered. Fortunately, there were witnesses on that house who saw what really happened. It took them for almost a year to be brave and confessed the truth. The culprit threatened them not to speak . . . but guilt made them tell the truth," he said. He leaned his head back and shut his eyes tight. "I've been in hell for years, Allison. Running, escaping, trying to hide from them. But I'm still here, stuck and couldn't find the way out."

A soft and wet kiss on the lips snapped me out from reminiscing. Chase is squatting in front of me, staring me intently into my eyes. Beads of salt water are falling down from his forehead down his cheeks.

"You okay?" he asked through his low voice. He blinked at me, that's when I noticed a drop of water dripping from her eyelashes. "You look spacing out."

I blinked even though the truth was that my mind was very confused with everything he told me.

"I'm okay Chase. Are you done swimming?"

I just can't imagine how hellish it might have been for him. The fact that he went through those things at a young age is really disheartening. He said that his own step father killed his mother because he wanted to take over their businesses. He only had the right to everything they owned when he turned twenty-two. It was a hard battle for him. And until now, he's fighting for something that has been done a long time ago.

Monsters keep on chasing him. For the past years, those ghosts from his past keep on haunting him. He's having a hard time getting a proper sleep at night. Voices keep on playing in his ears. He even confessed to me that at times, he's thinking of killing himself.

I don't know much about Dissociative Identity Disorder but according to him, it has no cure. I refuse to believe it. There should be some sort of treatment for it. There must be a way to cure his condition. For him to finally set himself free from everything he's been going through...I would be with him every step of the way.

"Chase..." I said when I got back from my deep thoughts.

He didn't answer. He just stares at me using his caramel orbs that I love to look at. I brought my hand to his cheek and caressed it gently.

"I'm always here for you, Chase. I want to help you fight your battles." I said still staring back at him.

He bowed his head down, took a deep breath and anchored his eyes back to me. He leaned forward to mark my lips a feathery kiss. I closed my eyes at the gentleness it brought. When I opened my eyes, he's already staring at me.

"I'm afraid I might hurt you."

I shook my head in disapproval. "Don't think about that. If ever I get hurt in the process, I would understand. I will try my best to understand." I caressed his face, he held my hand and savour it. "I know you won't do me any harm. I know you won't do anything to hurt me intentionally."