(A/n: this chapter is solely dedicated to Lou and her superior English grammar and vocabulary/ Aussie slangs/ Australia in general.
I might do couple of mistakes in grammar myself but the character Lou Miller won't. So, any mistakes in this chapter will be mine)
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*Tammy practicing her speech (she prepared for the next parents' meet at school) in front of Debbie and Lou*
Tammy: What do you think?
Debbie: Uhm... I fell asleep halfway
Tammy: asshole. I'll ask Lou. Lou, what do you think?
Lou:
Tammy: Lou? What do you think of my speech?
Lou:
Tammy: Debbie, Lou is awfully silent. Doesn't reply to my questions but stares at me. Is she alright?
Debbie: Yeah don't worry. She's just silently correcting your grammar for last 20 minutes.
***
Lou: Tammy is upset. She was kicked out of mom-groups and was called witch and what not.
Debbie: Why?
Lou: Last weekend, her mom-group arranged a campaign for teaching healthy eating habits to kids. And Tammy had a placard that missed a comma.
Debbie: Okay, and?
Lou: Instead of writing Let's eat, kids she wrote Lets eat kids.
***
*Breakup scene*
Others: it's not you. It's me.
Lou: It's not you, it's your grammar.
***
Constance: Lou, why is grammar important?
Lou: It'll help you know the difference between your shit and you're shit.
***
Lou: I'm sorry if I correct your grammar.
Lou: Cut that. I am not sorry.
***
Constance: Why are you not in any social media?
Lou: Because they all promote ghastly grammar and ludicrous misspellings.
***
*Text conversation between Lou and a girl*
Girl: Your a bitch
Lou: You're*
Girl: OMG your so annoying
Lou: You're*
Girl: Stop doing that. Your making me mad
Lou: You're*
Girl: That's it! I'm gonna slap you're face
Lou: your*
***
*Tammy took Lou to mom-group meet-and-greet*
Lou: I hope you appreciate and appropriately reward me for the effort I put into not correcting their grammar.
***
Tammy: Why is Lou stressed?
Debbie: Last night, a girl somehow got her number and texted her your adorable. Y-O-U-R your. Being a grammar freak, Lou corrected her by replying 'No. You're adorable'. Now, that girl thinks Lou likes her.
***
Lou: It's before. B-E-F-O-R-E before. Not B4. We speak english. Not Bingo.
***
*Advice by Lou*
Lou: Practice safe text. Use commas.
***
*Lou is invited for a talk-show in a local TV show*
Host: So, tell us about your life
Lou: About my life? Well, it's a constant battle between wanting to correct grammar and wanting to have friends.
***
Lou: Tammy is angry on Constance and Nine.
Debbie: Why?
Lou: She had them design and print posters for her special sales and they fucked up real bad.
Debbie: What did they do?
Lou: Tammy wanted them to advertise for beds. And for every purchase of a bed, she decided to give away a matching night-stand for free.
Debbie: Okay, and?
Lou: Constance and Nine created a poster for the said offer and composed the main heading as 'BUY BED! GET FREE ONE NIGHT STAND'
***
*Lou in an interview*
Host: So, what is something you are tired of doing, but you cannot stop?
Lou: Everytime I see someone spell a word incorrectly, I look down at the keyboard to see how close the incorrect letter is to the letter that is supposed to be there and wonder how fucked up that person has to be to assume it is socially acceptable to misspell that word.
***
Lou: I am amused at how in social media, non-english speakers unnecessarily apologise for their possible errors in English despite using appropriate punctuations, correct spellings and framing sentences with little to no error, only to have an English-speaking American reply 'lol, it okie'
***
*Constance gives a speech at a fellow YouTuber's wedding*
*Next day*
Amita: So, how was the wedding party last night? How was your speech?
Constance: The party was good. We all had fun. But...
Amita: But what?
Constance: Nobody understood a word I spoke.
Amita: Why?
Constance: My speech was written by Lou. Her complex words went above their stupid heads
***
*Lou is arrested and then released after an hour*
*Next day*
Tammy: Why was Lou arrested?
Debbie: She vandalised a showroom window by writing something with spray paint.
Tammy: Oh my God! Why? Did she write something offensive?
Debbie: No, she didn't write anything offensive.
Tammy: What did she write then?
Debbie: The showroom had their advertisement up on that window and it contained couple of grammatical errors. Lou corrected them by spray painting proper words and punctuations.
***
*Text conversation between Lou and some girl Lou has been going out with*
Girl: I am luking for gud Buk. Cn u sggst sum?
Lou: Oxford English dictionary
***
*Constance annoying everyone by repeating whatever they say instead of replying them. Tired, Tammy asks Lou to shut her mouth*
Lou: Constance, come here.
Constance: *in poor Aussie accent* Constance, come here
Lou: What the fuck!
Constance: What the fuck!
Tammy: I told you, she is annoying us
Constance: I told you, she is annoying us.
Lou: I know what to do
Constance: I know what to do
Lou: *smirking* Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks
Constance:
Lou: *still smirking*
Constance: Six sex hickeys...
***
*Text conversation between Lou and a girl*
Girl: U wnt 2 mt 4 drnx
Lou: This is an auto-response. The person you are trying to reach is unavailable until you end your senseless boycott of vowels. There is no need to abbreviate everything.
***
*Young Aussie Lou's first day in American pub*
Girl: Hey, you sound different. Where are you from?
Lou: Australia.
Girl: Wow! Speak something in Australian.
Lou: Australian?
Girl: Yeah, speak in your Australian
Lou: in my Australian?
Girl: yeah. You see, Emily here is French, she speaks French. You are Australian, so speak something Australian.
Lou: Uh... There's no such thing as Australian. It's english. We speak English.
Girl: Oh, then speak something in English
Lou: What do you think we are speaking right now?
Girl: American
Lou: *wide eyed*
***
*Young Lou waited for Debbie's boyfriend to pick her up because she was new to US and had no idea about streets. After almost two hours, he picked her up and finally they reached Debbie's apartment
Debbie: Why are you late? This is unacceptable, Lou
Lou: Excuse me, unacceptable? I'll tell you what is unacceptable. Having to fucking drink your goon sacks behind Macca's at quarter to five in the Arvo because your mate was being a cunt and wouldn't pick me up from the bottle-o because his UTE is fucked from doing skids! That's unacceptable.
Debbie: Uh... Can you translate whatever you just said?
***
*In Sydney, stuck in traffic*
Debbie: *offering doritos* Doritos?
Lou: I am Australian. They are not doritos, they are chips. They are not fries, they are chips. They are not crisps, they are chips. They are not twisties, they are chips. They are not Pringles, they are chips. They are not cheezles, they are chips. I am a simple person. Do not confuse me with your fancy words.
Debbie: *rolls her eyes* you want it or not?
Lou: I want it.
*few minutes later, they get a call from Lou's mother asking their whereabouts*
Lou: hey mum, got a bingle out in Broady. Towies on site but it's fair-dinkum chockers here. Will see ya later
*Cuts the call*
Debbie:
Lou:
Debbie: I thought you were a simple person who doesn't like fancy words
***
*Young Debbie, Lou and Tammy*
Tammy: How about we order pizza?
Debbie: Nah, I'm bored
Tammy: McDonald's?
Debbie: I guess okay
Tammy: Okay, McDonald's it is
Lou: *in Aussie accent, without any American infiltration* Oi cunt, if we're going on a Macca's run d'ya think we could stop to pick up some durries from the servo and some grog from the bottle-o so we can get fucking maggot or nuh?
Debbie:
Tammy:
*Debbie and Tammy look at each other confused, having no clue whatsoever about Lou's request (or statements with curses according to them)*
Debbie & Tammy: Let's order Pizza
***
Lou: Americans are pretty confused about identity and how to address others. Whether he, she, they, them or whatever. Us Aussies? We don't care. Everyone is mate for us.
***
Daphne: English is misogynistic
Lou: why?
Daphne: because in English we say don't be a pussy for cowards but not don't be a cock
Lou: Daphne, it's derived from pusillanimous. It has nothing to do with female genitalia.
Daphne: I know you are Australian and are closer to British but c'mon don't be so petty that you create imaginary words that sounds like pussy to justify the misogyny.
***
*Team spending time in Sydney. While others rest, Lou visits the town, shops for a while and returns*
Debbie: You're back. We were worried a crocodile ate you for lunch.
Lou: *rolling her eyes* we are in NSW, not Queensland, smartie.
Debbie: whatev-
Constance: *interrupting* Okay, I appreciate you learning internet slangs but Lou, you need to concentrate more. It's NSFW. Not NSW! You cannot miss for. It's Not safe for work.
Lou:
Constance:
Lou: I meant NSW as in New South Wales, the state in Australia where you are currently at.
***