Camila's POV
I wake up the next morning and smile, remembering the night before. I like Lauren. Lauren likes me. If only it could be that simple.
The reality that Adrianne is going to the same school as us sets in again, and I groan a little.
"Something wrong?" Lauren asks, stretching her arms out. She looks at me from her bed.
"I just hate mornings." I say, laying my head back down.
"But it's Saturday!" Lauren points out.
How could I forget? It's my first weekend at college, so I'm already wondering what to do today. Other than homework, which I'll probably put off until Sunday night.
"Thank god." I say, and Lauren laughs. Eventually, we both fall back to sleep for a couple more hours.
When I get wake back up again, Lauren is already dressed. I start thinking about her and I...what are we? Are we dating? Is it too soon for that?
"Good morning...again." I say, sitting up.
Lauren giggles and runs her fingers through her hair. "Hey, you're up."
"Yeah, surprisingly. It feels weird getting up before noon on weekends." I laugh a little. "So, last night." I say, after pausing for a moment.
Lauren claps her hands together. "Yeah, last night." She says a little awkwardly, and we both laugh again.
"But really, are we together now?" Lauren asks, sitting next to me on my bed. She looks at me intently with her hypnotic green eyes.
I think for a second, about all I went through with Adrianne. All the pain and disappointment. I think that I'm finally ready to let go of the past, let go of that, and move on.
"Yeah." I say happily, nodding. "I'd love that." I realize that holding onto my difficult past would only hurt me more. And Lauren makes me so happy.
Like last night, Lauren leans in and our kiss lasts for a few seconds. It's magical, and I'm glad to be with her.
"So, what should we do today?" I ask, shortly after pulling away.
Lauren pulls out her phone. "Let's see." She googles places near our campus and in town. "There's restaurants, malls, beaches...basically everything."
"Beaches!" I exclaim. Beaches remind me of my home, and I have to admit, I am feeling a little homesick.
"I love the beach, too!" Lauren says excitedly, and starts texting Dinah, Normani and Ally. "How about we make it a girls' days?"
"That sounds fun." I walk over to my drawers, and find my bikini. I pick out an outfit to go over it, after a few minutes of searching. I wish I could be more like Lauren, because she picks out her clothes and gets ready so fast.
I'm a little hesitant to wear a bikini, because of...certain reasons. I just slip on my pair of shorts and loose top over it.
"When are we going?" I ask Lauren.
"The other girls will be here in about half an hour." Lauren says. "Normani said she had to go to Dinah's dorm and physically pull her out of bed." She laughs, looking at her phone.
She goes over to her drawers, and pulls out her swimsuit. It's an all black Triangl bikini, and I think she'll look great in it.
A few minutes later, we're all ready and the five of us head out to Normani's black jeep in the parking lot.
"Ooh, a Jeep!" Ally says, getting in the passenger seat.
"It's so beachy. I love it!" Dinah announces and hops in the back next to Lauren and I, after we put some bags in the trunk.
"Ally, isn't there a law about how tall you have to be to sit in the front?" Normani asks jokingly.
"Hey! I'm 5 foot." Ally protests, feigning hurt.
"Suuure." Normani says, and turns on the car.
"Ally, turn on the radio!" I exclaim once we get going.
Summertime Sadness by Lana Del Rey comes on, and even though it's so overplayed, I love it anyway.
"I love this song!" Lauren shouts over the sound of the wind.
It totally feels like a movie moment. Five best friends, music up loud, wind blowing through our hair...it's so easy to forget all the troubles in life, like schoolwork and Adrianne.
I shake the thought of Adrianne out of my head. I just need to stop feeling guilty and get over it.
Lauren is singing along to the song, and she actually has a really good voice. "You're not too bad of a singer." I say, nudging her.
"I like to think so." She smiles playfully at me.
When we arrive at the beach a little while later, we grab all of our bags and head over by the water.
"I haven't been to the beach in forever!" Normani declares as we unpack our towels, laying them on the chairs.
"Me neither, girl! I can't wait to swim." Dinah adds. "Let's go!"
They all start running towards the water, but Lauren stops when she realizes I hesitate a little.
"What's wrong?" She asks, slowing down. "Fear of sharks?"
I smile, walking next to her. "No, I'm just...more of a sandcastle person! But I'll swim for a bit." I give in, because I don't want to seem suspicious.
"That's good, because I need to cool off." Lauren says, fanning herself with her hands. "So, when are we gonna tell the other girls we're together?" She asks.
"I guess there's no better time than now." I say, and we catch up to our other friends, who are already in the water.
"So, guys," I start out. "I just wanted to let you know that Lauren and I are dating now." There's really no simpler way to say it.
"Oh my god! Camren is real!" Dinah shouts, which earns some confused stares from the other beach-goers.
"Camren? It's catchy." Normani smiles. "I ship it too."
"That's seriously so cute!" Ally exclaims.
Lauren and I smile at each other. "I'm glad you're so supportive. Especially you, Dinah!" Lauren says, and we all laugh.
The rest of our afternoon is spent by playing beach volleyball, playing in the water like 5-year-olds, and chatting while tanning. I still don't tell the other girls about Adrianne and that she's going to our university, because it's just not the right time. I don't want to make it awkward or ruin the day.
I have to admit, Lauren does look incredible in her bikini. A couple times she catches me staring at her, but she doesn't look away. She raises her eyebrows at me, but I just shrug casually.
We decide to go to a seafood restaurant by the pier for dinner. The view from it is gorgeous, and I'm starving. But then again, when am I not?
Our waiter seats us at a table near the window. You can see the pier and the ocean, and it looks amazing. The beach never fails to take my breath away.
"I'm gonna get the lobster!" Dinah says happily. "I'm so hungry, I could probably eat seven."
"Saaame." I sigh.
Since we're sitting near the door, I look up when I hear someone come in. For the second time in the last 24 hours, I feel my heart stop. Dirty blonde hair, dark green eyes, tanned skin...it's definitely Adrianne.
Oh my god, not again. Adrianne can not be here right now. Why is my luck so bad?
Adrianne and I make eye contact for a few seconds. We just sort of stare at each other, and she looks shocked. I wonder if she regrets the way she acted now. If she did, she definitely never showed it after our harsh breakup.
The girl with her, through, shakes her arm. Adrianne snaps out of her little trance, smiling at her friend (or girlfriend).
Lauren stops their conversation (which I was oblivious to while having yet another internal freak out) and asks, "Camila, what's wrong?" It's like she can sense when I'm worried...it's sort of creepy yet romantic at the same time.
"Uh..nothing, I just thought I saw our food coming." I say, shaking my head.
Dinah gives me a look. "Please, Mila, I can tell that something's up."
"Yeah, you were acting weird last night, too." Normani points out. "Plus, we haven't even ordered our food yet!"
"I..." I realize I can't lie about it anymore. I feel too guilty keeping the truth from my friends. "Okay, my ex-girlfriend is going to the same school as us. And," I slightly motion by the door, lowering my voice. "She's here right now."
"Ooh, that is not good." Ally whispers.
"Was your breakup bad?" Dinah asks, putting a straw into her glass of water.
"You could say that." I say, looking down at my lap.
"It's okay, you know we're here for you." Normani says. "Plus, if she tries to pull anything, I can definitely fight her." She pretends to karate chop the table.
That makes me smile a little, but my stomach is still churning. When I get nervous, I get really nervous, sometimes even sick. Let's just hope that doesn't happen right now.
I see Lauren looking over, and I follow her line of vision and notice that Adrianne is being seated across the room from us, thankfully. Everyone at our table is quiet, and we all sort of half-glance at her as she takes a seat, trying to be casual about it.
"So...uh, do you guys want to get appetizers?" Ally asks, breaking the silence.
Before we can respond, Adrianne gets up and walks to our table. "Camila, hey!" She says, as if we're old friends. "Funny seeing you here." She smiles at me and at my friends, who barely smile back, and I see Dinah roll her eyes.
"Yeah..." I can hardly manage to say. I feel sick talking to her, because I know something bad is bound to happen.
"So, how have you been?" Adrianne asks.
"Uh, pretty good. Usually just chilling with my friends and stuff." I respond, looking around the table. "And my girlfriend." I put extra emphasis on the word girlfriend, and put my hand on Lauren's. I want Adrianne to know that I'm happy and I've moved on.
"That's nice." Adrianne says, but her smile seems forced. "I'm guessing your friends already know all about me and what happened...so they probably hate me."
We're all just quiet, and it's pretty awkward. "But do they know all about you? And what you did?" Adrianne asks, finally.
"Adrianne, I-" I start to say, but she cuts me off.
"Camila, for so long, you have been making yourself the victim." She says bitterly.
I feel tears stinging my eyes, all the horrible memories of our breakup flooding my mind.
"Okay, I don't even know what you're talking about, but you better sit down before I make you." Lauren says defensively. I can tell that she's getting angry.
"I bet Camila could tell you what I'm talking about." Adrianne says, smirking. With that, she walks back to her table.
I get up, unable to contain my tears any longer, and I hear Lauren call my name as I run for the door. I don't stop as I race out of the restaurant and onto an unpopulated part of the beach. At last, I sit down and let myself cry it out.
There are so many thoughts running through my head, so much regret and pain. But the thing I'm worried most about:
Will Lauren still love me once she's seen my scars?
-
After a couple minutes, I hear Lauren shout, "Camila!" I turn around, and see that she's running through the sand to me.
She sits next to me, breathing heavily. "Camila, are you okay?"
"Not really." I reply, playing with the bracelet on my ankle.
"Camila, you can tell my anything, okay?" She says, looking into my eyes. She pushes a strand of hair out of my face. "Adrianne is just a bitch."
I sigh. "I'm so afraid to open up and tell other people about...about what really when we broke up. And after we broke up."
"You don't have to say it if you're not comfortable." Lauren says tenderly.
I take a deep breathe. "Adrianne and I got into a huge fight when we broke up. It's all because she thought I was flirting with another girl, but I wasn't." I start out.
"She called me worthless and so many other things, and I believed her. So I started to cut myself." I look down, ashamed. A tear rolls down my cheek and hits the sand. I glance quickly at my left wrist, where there are only a few fading scars. They're still a constant reminder of that time in my life.
"Then Adrianne saw the cuts one day in class, and she texted me about it that night. I should've just blocked her number, but then she started saying all these things and she...she told me to kill myself. And I said I wouldn't care if she killed herself, either."
I can't bring myself to look up at Lauren. I've never even told Marielle the whole story, because I regret the way I acted and everything I did. I don't want to seem like I'm fragile and looking for pity, either.
Lauren takes her hand and tilts my chin up. "Camila," she says, not breaking eye contact. "I don't want you to do that to yourself ever again, okay?"
I wipe my cheeks. "I don't know if I can." I say honestly.
"Yes you can." Lauren encourages me, holding both of my hands in hers.
"I used to not be able to control it sometimes...I cut a couple months ago, on my hips." I say, looking out the ocean. "That's why I didn't really want to swim. I was afraid you'd see them and stop liking me."
"I wouldn't do that, trust me." Lauren reassures me. "I really like you, Camz. And I know that you're strong and intelligent, no matter what mistakes you've made in the past."
"Camz?" I ask, smiling a little. "No one's ever called me that."
"I made it up." Lauren says, giving my hand a light squeeze. "Just for you."
"I like it." I say, as we stare out at the sunset.
There's something I've always loved about the ocean. The peaceful sound of crashing waves, and the way you can lose yourself just sitting there, staring out at it all.
Except right now, I don't care too much about that view. I look over at Lauren, her dark hair being blown back by the breeze. She really is beautiful, not only in her looks, but in her personality, too. The way she always knows what to say to make me feel better, her smart advice, her unending kindness, everything.
That's the view I'm enjoying right now.
Lauren.
~
Thanks for over 1k reads!! Also, this is my longest chapter yet, so I hope you all liked it. :-)
-Emily