I couldn't sleep knowing that Haechie saw us. I haven't even had a wink of sleep. I'm all nervous and stuffs about him thinking bad about us kissing.
"I know him…" Renjun said after that. "That was the one you carried last night right?"
I couldn't answer. I froze and lagged.
"I told him I was an ex of yours…" He hesitantly said and that made me crumble even more. I knew that was so rude for him to do so because it is my story to tell Haechie, not his.
But it was already too late. I really already messed up.
I walked out early, wait for them to go out of their room, only to be told by the clerk woman that they've gone home in the middle of the dawn.
And I could've ran after them. But shits happens and Koeun just had to call me and tell me that I'm already late and that they need me. This is when I realized that of all things I could do, I fucked up instead.
I went to work after a quick shower, and whilst I was at it, I thought about not going to work and knocking on Haechie's condo although I'm not even sure if they're really at home by now or if they're somewhere else.
Renjun told me he'll pass by later on his own. I offered him the keys only to remember that he has one and he still has it with him. I wasn't in the right mind to argue about it with him so I just let him be.
"How was the wedding?" Koeun curiously asked. "Will you have it next?"
I present a pale smile and answered "It was fine." for the first question but nothing for the second one. I don't want to get married for now.
"Oh, here's the files for his meeting next week. And also tomorrow, we'll have a team night out. You have to be there!"
"Tomorrow?" I tilt my head and shook it. "We'll see."
"Also… I need to talk to you about something."
I turn on my swivel chair and looked at her in confusion. "Is it something bad? Are you going to fire me?"
"No, silly!" She says. "The company offers a place near this building, for the managers and there's an available one for you. The rent's on us but as soon as you leave the company, the contract's over."
"I've heard of it!" I exclaim, suddenly thought about having a place of my own. Things would totally be different for me when that happens.
"Do you want to take it?"
"Yes." I said almost instantly. "I want to take the opportunity."
"Then pack up, boy." She laughs happily and threw me a bunch of silver things. Keys. "Call me if you need me to assist you. I'll text you the address."
"Wait… really?" I stood up, halted and found a strength to chuckle to myself in bewilderment. "This isn't some sort of a prank, ey?"
"I don't have time to waste on you, boy." Koeun rolled her eyes and locked the door to my office.
I smile and finally it sinked it. I'll have a place of my own even though it's not yet permanent. It's just fitting for me to have it now because that would mean I don't have to spend a few days with Renjun. I'll have freedom both from my past and from him.
Don't get me wrong, the condo means so much to me. I had memories with Haechie, there. I built a lot of memories with it but it's just rightful for me to leave, especially now that it's getting more complicated for me and for us—me and Haechie.
"Do you wanna drink?" Taeil knocks on my door but I refused. I have to go home as soon as possible and meet Haechie.
"Maybe tomorrow night, if I'll be free."
"You have to come to our team's night-out!" Doyoung yells. "It'll be your first."
"As I said," I yell back. "When I'm free."
"You're one of a gentleman with no kids and wife, Mark. Loosen up!" He replied, but I believe he's wrong.
I have a baby who's waiting for me. The one who cries a lot. The one who loves me a lot. That baby I love the most.
The day's over and I'm finally going home.
🧸
A mess.
That was what I came home to. A fucking messed up living room full of toys and a burnt kitchen.
"W-What the hell…" I gasp. "What the fuck?!"
"Hi, Mark!" Jaemin waved a hand. As well as Jisung. On the mat, there was Shotaro and Chenle with Renjun. They were painting in a canvas.
My hopes were high about seeing Haechie. I ran to the couch and on the very end, there was Haechie with Jeno. I felt like crying again, all because I missed him.
I put my bags down silently and make my way beside him nervously. I could feel a good big lump on my throat while I try to hold him.
"Mark is here, Hyuck…" Jeno smiles at me. But the one whom he talked to looked like he never heard anything. He's busy with his iPad.
I tug his sleeves. "Bub?"
He's mad at me. Jeno probably felt awkward as he cleared his throat and pulled himself up, but right when he took a step forward Haechie called him.
"Nono…" He says silently. "Cawwy me, pwease?"
My heart cracks not just a bit, but a million times over and over. I slouched whilst I think about the reasons why he never looked at me nor asked me to carry him like he usually does. Instead, he's asking for Jeno to do it for him and Jeno did.
"Thank you, Nono. I wuv you."
That sweet I love you isn't something that's for me. My heart is aching and it's creeping unto every inch of my body. I collapsed in disappointment.
"We ordered food!" Says Jaemin as they almost burned my kitchen. I nodded anyway and removed my tie off me.
Everyone is busy in my own condo and yet I'm baffled why they're here. I remove the sad looks on my face and went to ask Shotaro who's with Renjun now.
"Vacation, it is! Uhm… Jaemin wants to watch a movie! And Haechie told us we can watch movies in your house! And there is Renjun hyung."
Haechie wanted to be here?
I nodded at him and excused myself. I changed into comfortable clothes before going back and finding out Renjun is already setting my projector on the place we often watch movies in. This brought back memories, some of which I don't want to remember.
"Can you do this for us, please?" He says. "You know very much I can't do this, every single time I try to."
It was audible for everyone and I wished for one person not to hear it. Jaemin and I exchanged looks and I knew he knows about us. I bite my lip and unlocked eyes with his.
I assembled and made it work, then the kids started filling up the space in my couch. Renjun, Shotaro, Chenle and Jisung. My baby is still in the kitchen with Jeno.
"Mark, you can sit here." Renjun taps the armrest of the couch beside him. I shook my head and refused to do so.
"I'll… probably just rest."
"You don't want movies?" Chenle pouts. "But it's your house?"
"It's okay." I smile at him. It was Haechie who wanted them to watch movies in here anyway and it seems like Renjun isn't having a bad time.
"Then just eat the food with us, Mark. It'll be here in no time." Jaemin wins me over. I said yes and wait for it for a minute more.
Fried chicken, pizza, jajangmyeon and cola. A bunch of it were placed on the floor and they looked so happy sharing. When I saw Haechie crawling towards the fried chicken, I make my way beside him even before Jeno could. He's not much of a threat anyway because I know he's for Jaemin. What threatens me more is how my baby is acting.
I deboned the wings for him and put it on the silver plate. I looked straight into his soul and my eyebrows rolled upwards, my eyes glimmered in fear of what he's about to do.
"Baby?" I whispered while deboning every chiken wing for him. "Is my baby mad at me?"
"Mark," One calls, handing me the chicken thigh. "I know you love them. We even fought about it… was it last year? I don't remember actually. But we both know chicken wing is tastier than thighs."
I don't know for sure, but I'm assuming Haechie didn't like it as he placed the chicken back and didn't eat what I deboned for him. Frustration rises up.
"Don't put green onions in Mark's noodles. He doesn't like it that much." Renjun says and I snapped.
Out of frustration, I stood up and cursed under my breath. I pulled Renjun out of the crowd, went inside his bedroom and locked it.
"W-What?" He nervously asks.
"I'd rather not have you talk about our past relationship, Renjun. That's not right!"
"It is right." He argues. "It's not like you have someone in there that'll get jealous. And I do remember everything. I've memorized you!"
"Is this how low you'll stoop?" I frown. Madly, I squeezed his arms before letting go. "I don't go around, telling everyone that you were once mine and I'd love for you to do the same! I'd rather not have anyone in that room to know that we were once together neither, do you understand?"
"Mark…" His shoulders slouched. "I never wanted us to break up."
"You left me!" I yell angrily, feeling the burst of emotions fill my eyes. "All for your fucking passion and for yourself! You broke me once, Renjun! And I'd have that pain for the rest of my life!"
"Then why can't we make things right?"
I stepped backwards and raise a brow at him saying, "What?"
"Mark…" He sobs. "I'm still inlove with you. Babe, I never stopped."
I froze.
"All this time, I thought it'll be over if I stayed in there for a year, but halfway through I know I couldn't do it." Renjun says, even when he's already out of breath. "That's why I accepted Ten hyung's offer, a temporary job in here. But I didn't know you were acquaintances until we met yesterday."
"R-Renjun…"
"I left in hopes of finding a good place for us out of this country because we don't have anyone in here, Mark. We only have each other—"
"You knew that but then you still left me." I grit bitterly.
"I did that for us! For a brighter future with our future kids—"
"You did that for yourself!" I hiss. "You thought you couldn't reach anywhere with me. You think I don't deserve you, that's it! You're hopes of me were high but I didn't even reach near that. You grew sick of me, that's the truth."
He shook his head and took a few steps backwards while crying. "T-That's not true, Mark. You know that I love you more than anyone."
"If you really did you could've stayed with me," My tears rolled down in pain. "You should've settled in a crappy place with me Renjun. If you really loved me, you could've wanted me to be with you but you pushed me away instead. You searched a comfortable life out there without me."
"I had no idea of what's gonna happen out there, Mark. I had a low chance of success, there were no certainties out there! I didn't want us both to get stuck in there—"
"And yet you still call that love? You had certainties with me. Certain marriage, certain kids, certain future. Everything were planned out for us! But you chose something else." I sob into my palms. "Because maybe, I was not the certainty that you wanted."