"I am so confused."
"Shocking."
"Hey, be nice." You scolded the bickering children.
"Well, someone killed our mothers, so we shouldn't exist." Viktor explained. "But clearly, we do exist, and the universe can't handle it, which is a problem."
"Big problem." Five confirmed.
"I feel like Benedict Cumberpatch." You mused, sighing and leaning your chin in your palm. "All I need now is a cloak."
"Yah!"
"Stanley!" Diego yelled. "Now is not the time to be doing karate, okay?!"
"Yeah, well, Mom said I need to practice." Your nephew spat back.
"Yeah, well, she's not wrong. You're very bad." Diego began to flip his knife in his hand.
"Yeah, well, I saved your pathetic ass!"
"You two say 'yeah, well' a lot." You rubbed your temple.
"Okay, hold on," Allison spoke up. "Five, so we caused a paradox. What does that mean?"
"It's hard to say. It's all been theoretical until now, but things have started to disappear." Five answered, as you motioned to Chet to bring you a drink.
"What things?" Viktor asked.
"Right now? Uh, lobsters."
"Cows! So many cows!" You wailed, tears in your eyes as Chet placed a margarita in front of you.
Five smacked his lips awkwardly, before continuing. "But I have a feeling this is just the beginning."
"A feeling? Aren't you two retired?" Allison spat.
You scoffed, creasing your eyebrows and flaring your nostrils.
"We want nothing more." Five complained.
"You know, you can't keep dragging us through hell because you have an itch only an apocalypse can scratch and then expect us to deal with the fallout."
"Well, unfortunately," you took a sip from your drink, "We're stuck saving your incompetent asses from whatever trouble you cause."
"IT'S NOT VIKTOR. IT'S NOT FIVE. IT'S ALL OF YOU."
You groaned, rubbing your forehead.
"Are you already drunk?" Klaus asked.
"Shut up."
"You two aren't the bosses!" Allison yelled.
"Fine, we're the messengers, and we're telling you that something terrible is coming." Five looked Allison dead in the eyes.
"Then let's go attack the Sparrows, get the briefcase, and go home," Allison said like it was the simplest thing.
"This is our home now." You looked at Allison. "Learn to accept it."
You whipped around at the sound of clattering, only to see Stanley knocking things over with the pool stick.
"That's it!" Diego stood. "I'm telling your mom!"
"Ooh!"
"Wait, where's Lila?" Five asked.
"Lila's here?!" You exclaimed, joy in your eyes.
"Shower. I told her she could stay with us."
"AHHHHH!" You squealed with delight, racing down the stairs.
You practically threw open the shower doors, and Lila's head snapped up, before she gaped.
"Y/N."
"Lila!"
You ran over, hugging her while crouching over the bathtub.
"Oh, it's been too long!" You laughed, letting go and leaning on the bathtub's edge.
"Care to join me?"
"Would I?"
Without a second thought, you stripped down and joined Lila in the bath. She studied your skin.
"I know. It's nasty."
Lila chuckled.
"What are you doing here?" You asked, playing with the bubbles in the tub.
Lila shrugged. "I got stuck."
"Hm?"
"My briefcase won't work."
"Do you know why?"
Lila shook her head. "I stole yours and tried it too. Nothing."
"Girl, guess what."
"What?"
"We caused a paradox."
"Really? SLAYYYY! We're all doomed!"
Five burst in.
"I was literally 30 seconds behind you. How are you already in the bath with her?"
You shrugged.
"Hey, get out, you little perv!" Lila ordered.
"Oh, Lila, tell him about the briefcase!"
"What briefcase? You have a briefcase?" Five asked.
"Jeez, keep up, old man." You spat, crossing your arms.
"Is this about the puppy? I told you!-"
"Okay! Okay!" Lila interrupted him. "As much as I love old couples... You two are gonna drive me bonkers. I have both mine, and your briefcase. Neither of them work."
Five's jaw dropped as he ran over to the bath, opening each briefcase. Both made a sad, broken sputtering noise.
"This can't be happening" he muttered as Lila got out of the bath and began to dry off. "The odds of one of them failing, it's in the millions. But two of them..."
"Astronomical. Yeah. So, what does that mean exactly? End of the world?"
You stretched in the water, before getting out. You groaned as the cold air hit your skin, and sighed in relief when Lila tossed you a towel.
"Oh, It's much worse than that," Five muttered, picking up your sundress and folding it up, before handing it to you. "It means you and I are gonna have to work together."
"...Shit... Only if she comes too!" Lila jabbed a finger in your direction, and you smiled.
••
"...I was training, honing my skills. The biggest thing. I was becoming a real man."
"Right."
"My ass, Diego!" You laughed as you exited the communal baths. "You were out buying me flowers!"
"Aunt Y/N?"
"Lila?"
"Hi Stanley," you waved.
"Hmm?"
"You need to take this kid with you."
Five exited the room behind Lila. Diego looked at you, then Five, then Lila, then Five again.
"The hell were you doing in there?"
"Bathing." Lila replied.
"All together?"
"Oh, okay." Five muttered, placing your sunhat atop your head and picking up the second briefcase. "Diego, we don't have time for this. Lila, Y/N and I have got important shit to do."
"Hey, whoa, whoa, wait! What's more important than family?"
"End of the world." You responded to Diego's question.
Diego pulled Lila over and began to whisper a conversation to her, while you stood next to Five. You pressed the summon elevator button.
"You know, I had a dream we made out in an elevator once." You stated casually.
Five turned to you. "Sure it was a dream?"
Your eyes widened a fraction, and you chuckled lightly as you stepped into the elevator. Lila and Diego continued bickering back and forth about their relationship.
"You used to be like that when we were young." You muttered, crossing your arms and looking away from him.
"I AM NOT GETTING YOU A PUPPY!"
••
You looked around at all the wires.
"Why is she checking them? I mean, I'm totally gay for her, but she's never even worked for the Commission." Lila whispered.
"Because, Lila, Y/N has a mothering gene. She can almost sense when something is wrong. I assume she got it from spending four years in solitary confinement with no human interaction."
"How do you know this?"
"She can tell when my equations are off." That made Lila go silent. "She definitely doesn't know what they mean, but she can tell when they're off."
"There's something wrong with this one." You muttered, pointing to a wire.
Five walked over, and looked at the haphazardly placed wire. If they had activated the machine while it was there, it would have probably exploded. He moved the wire, and then turned to you.
"Well?"
You shrugged. "I think it looks lovely."
"Stop acting like we colored in the lines and tell us if it's ready." Lila laughed.
You shrugged again. "I don't see anything wrong with it."
"Okay, then. We're ready to go."
"By they way, lovely suit." You brushed his hair out of his face.
"Thank you, love." He moved to grab the electrical clamps Lila handed him.
"I'm going to miss those pasty knees." Lila commented.
"Me too." You agreed.
You looked between the two, before stepping back. You gave Five a look, and he nodded.
"Ready to hot-wire this briefcase?" Lila asked.
Five exhaled. "Let's do this."
Lila hit the on switch.
"AH SHIT!"
Five wailed in pain while you and Lila laughed.
"Shit! Lila! Y/N!"
The machine caught on fire, and Five dropped the clamps, before grabbing a rag and putting out the Fire while you and Lila held onto each other for dear life, laughing so hard you could barely stand.
"Yeah, I was 99% sure that wouldn't work." Lila giggled.
"I'm glad my pain amuses both of you."
"You have no idea," you and Lila said at the same time, as you joined her and hopped up on the box she was sitting on.
You removed your sunhat, and placed it on Lila's head. She took the daisy from it and began to fiddle with the flower.
"Well, now we're down to one half dead briefcase, and my jumps are only accurate up to a couple minutes. So, essentially, we're screwed."
"Maybe. Maybe not." Lila grinned.
"Oh, I hate that smile."
"Listen, on your own, your little jumps are rather pathetic. But if we we powered up together, you blinking, and me mimicking that blink, I think that we could create some kind of feedback loop and get enough juice to jump-start the case."
"No..." Five rubbed his eyes. "While it is a good idea, we're still just a tad short on power."
You cleared your throat, and both Lila and Five turned to you. You slowly shifted into Five, wearing a black button down shirt, which was only halfway buttoned, and black trousers. You smiled.
"That won't be a problem." You said. "I can produce a given form's powers, if there are any, as long as I have a basic understanding of how they work."
"I hate this plan." Five sighed. "Do I really sound like that?"
"Yep!" Lila cheered, slipping back into the electrical room. "Let's hold hands."
You reached your hand out towards Five, smiling. He winced, but slowly too your, or technically, his hand, and followed you into the electrical room.
Five and Lila grabbed the machine, hands still intwined with yours as you stood in between them.
"Okay, relax." Lila ordered.
"I can't. Your breath is terrible."
"Guys," you scolded them. "Let's try to get along. It's just a few moments if we do it right."
"I don't care. Garlic is for winners. Enough foreplay!"
"Slay!" You called as Lila began to turn on the machine.
"This is so stupid. What does that even mean?"
"Be quiet and power up." You ordered your partner, before grabbing Lila's hand and activating Five's power.
You all strained as the machine began to pulse. It felt like you were made of short circuiting wires, but the others didn't look to hot, either.
"Let me in!" Lila called. "Pass the energy through Y/N and let me in!"
"I can't! It's too much!"
"That's not what you said last night!" You yelled back. "Give it to me, Daddy!"
"Fuck you!" Five screamed, before your body felt like it was on fire.
Lila let out a groan of pain, before it seemed as though the energy was flowing harmoniously throughout all of your bodies.
You all began to yell in pain.
"Now! Do it now!" Lila screamed.
You all began to scream as the whole room produced sparks and zaps.
And then you were in the snow. You stumbled over your own body, immediately shivering. You shifted back into yourself, looking around.
"I thought you said we were going to the Commission!" You yelled over the howling wind.
"We are at the Commission!" Lila yelled back, shivering.
You turned around, and gaped at the destroyed building. You turned to Five, and he outstretched his hand. You shifted into a dormouse, landed in his palm, and scampered up his sleeve.