Pain. That's the first thing I feel. Holy fuck, I'm in pain. Then I hear the beeping. I know that noise all too well. I get the strength to open my eyes and see the white walls of the hospital room. I try to lift my head to look around, but it's excruciating pain. I gasp a little at how painful it is. This time feels different than my other hospital visits.
"Janetta?" There's his sweet voice.
"J-Jasper?"
"Hey baby, I'm right here." He comes up next to me and kisses my head.
"What happened?" I can't remember anything.
"Jess's car got t-boned Saturday night. Your side got the worst." My eyes widened at the news. "Your doctor left to go get your chart. We had a feeling you were going to be waking up soon."
"How long have I been here?"
"Almost two days. It's Monday morning."
"Are my parents here?" I don't want them to see me like this.
"Your dad and Anna went to grab a coffee. Your mom and sister are on the way. They caught a last-minute flight." I take a moment to let it sit.
"How bad is it?" I ask, my voice shaking.
"I don't know. They rushed you to surgery, so the doctor is on the way back to discuss what went on in the OR."
My doctor came in, and a nurse trailed behind him. Both of their faces were emotionless. I'm in too much pain to read their emotions.
"Hey, Janetta. I'm Dr. McCall, and this is Nurse Sarah. We came in to discuss what occurred." I nod. Just as he said that dad and Anna came in.
"Oh, honey!" Anna said, rushing to my side. Dad stood next to her and held my hand.
"Do you want them here while we discuss?" He asks.
"Yes, I don't mind," I reply.
"So we rushed you to surgery when you arrived. Your right leg was broken in four places, including a bone in your ankle. We were able to fix it. We currently have it in a tight-fitting cast. You were extremely lucky in that department."
"That's good," I say, slightly smiling. I glance at Jasper, expecting to see him showing some relief on his face or even just feeling it. That did not happen. He was still as a statue, his emotions unreadable. I could still feel some tension in the room. "What else is there?" He paused, probably deciding how to deliver whatever news it was.
"Unfortunately, we were unable to save the baby." He said apologetically. "We did everything we could."
The mood in the room suddenly changed. No one moved or said a word. I could feel everyone looking at me. It took me a moment to process what this doctor had just told me.
I look straight at the doctor. "I-I was pregnant?" His eyes got wide, realizing I didn't know.
"Yes. You seemed to be at 12 weeks, based on the size of the fetus." My jaw dropped. The math isn't adding up because I wasn't with anyone 12 weeks ago. I was with Jasper over spring break, but definitely not before that trip.
I softly gasp. My head snapped to look at Jasper. Tears were in my eyes. His face was frozen. Emotionless. He stared back at me, probably unsure what to do or say. I turn and look at dad and Anna. Their jaws were dropped and Anna was tearing up. This has to be some mistake.
"I'm deeply sorry. An OBGYN will be in shortly to discuss this accident's impact on your body." He and the nurse left the room. Jasper suddenly stood up and walked out of the room. He appeared to be calling someone. My eyes follow him as he walks out, my heart beginning to crack.
I couldn't move or say anything. Anna moved and held me, and my dad just sat in a chair with complete disbelief on his face.
After what seemed like forever, Jasper came back in. No change in his expression. He sat right next to me, grabbing my hand and kissing it. No one said anything.
After another few minutes, there was a knock on the door, and in walked another doctor. Guessing she's the OBGYN on call.
"Hello, Janetta." She greets me. "I'm Dr. James. I'm here to discuss your injury." I tried to sit up a little more. "I want to give my condolences for the loss of your baby." A tear finally slipped down my face.
"What happened?" Jasper asked. The first time he said something.
"We did everything we could. There was a tiny heartbeat, but we were unable to keep it. There was too much damage on the lower half of your body."
"Heartbeat?" I questioned. "Y-You heard her heartbeat?" My heart felt like it shattered into a million pieces. A few more tears follow the first one.
"Yes." She said gently. More tears started falling. "I'm so sorry." I got in her head. She was remembering the heartbeat. It was beautiful. My baby had a beautiful heartbeat.
I laid there silent. I didn't know what to do or say. I'm trying so hard to keep the rest of the tears in. I looked over at Jasper, and he was looking at me. Emotion is finally showing. Despair. Sadness. Grief. Slight anger.
"There was extensive damage to your uterus. We did the best we could to try and fix it."
"What does this mean?" Dad asked.
"There's a 99% chance you will never be able to conceive again." My heart stopped for a moment. 99%? "There was just too much damage. The impact of the car was focused on that area of the body." I've heard enough.
"I-I need some time to take all this in." I manage to say, a wave of tears threatening to flow out.
"Of course. I will come to visit you tomorrow morning."
She left the room, and I finally broke down. Anna was still holding me, but I felt a shift. Jasper crawled into the bed next to me and held me. This went on for a few minutes.
"We'll step out and give you two some time to process." My dad says. He wraps an arm around Anna and guides her out.
"She had a heartbeat!" I whispered loudly, tears flowing.
I look up at him. "We made a baby. T-The weeks don't match up. T-Twelve weeks ago, I was just getting to know you. I wasn't with anyone, I swear!" I was terrified that he would think I was with someone else.
"I'm not worried about that baby." He says, calming me instantly. I think he was personally calming me down. I don't care. "I called Carlisle. He's on the way over now. Alice and Rose are tagging along. They will stay outside as long as you want."
That made me cry harder. I never considered the idea that I would ever be able to have kids with him. Knowing my body could conceive with him, by some miracle, and now that will never happen again. That's what's killing me.
The sobs start up again. I grab onto Jasper. More like clinging. If he could cry, he'd be crying too. He kept whispering I'm sorry over and over. He holds me tighter and continues to let me cry on him. I know I was staining his shirt with tears, but I don't care, and I know he doesn't either.
"I-I never thought I'd be able to give you a baby. I-I know we barely talked about it." I try to take deep breaths, but every time, I fail. "How was this possible?"
"I have no clue." He says. His head perks up a little. "They're here." I sniffle, trying to stop crying.
"They can come in." They heard that and came in softly. I was holding it together until I saw Rose's face. And the sobs started back up.
Alice and Rose came right over, hugging me. Alice kept kissing my forehead, and Rose was holding me tight.
Tears falling, I looked up at them and whispered, "She had a heartbeat." Their faces fell. I cried in their arms while Jasper got up to talk to Carlisle. I know he was asking Carlisle how this could've been possible.
I pulled away and looked at him. "Do you know anything about this?" I asked him.
"No. I've heard stories about vampires and humans having children, but I assumed they were just stories." He responded. Stories always come from some truth.
"He said I was 12 weeks. Jasper and I didn't have sex until our Rio trip. How is that possible?" I asked, not caring if it was too much information regarding our sex life.
"That is an absolute mystery to me." He says. He comes over to me, hugs me, and kisses my head. "I'm going to research this to be able to give you some kind of answers." I nod, and he leaves, Jasper saying thank you and returning to me.
I turned and looked at Alice and Rose. "I'm exhausted. Can you all come back later?" I asked.
"Of course, Netta," Alice responds. Rose does the same. They both give me hugs and kisses and leave the room.
I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling—a million different scenarios of what we could've had with this baby. It's like my body was temporarily frozen, and my mind was blocking out the world. After a while, I could hear Jasper softly calling my name over and over, but it was like background noise to me. It isn't until I snap out of it do I realize I'm crying again. I turn and look at him.
"Can we take a nap?" I ask, dazed. This is our thing. I call it us taking a nap, but it's just me while he holds me.
"Of course, darling. Anything you want." He crawls into the bed and holds me. "I will give you anything you want. Always."
As I start getting sleepy, I whisper his name. "Please don't leave me. You're all I will ever need."
"I vow right now never to leave you. If you wanted me to, I'd never leave your side." He kisses me softly on the lips.
"Did you ever want kids in your life?" I asked him.
"Not until I met you." He replied. I looked up at him, tears forming again.
"I'm sorry," I said. Over and over again. The tears started flowing again. I suddenly felt a wave of calmness and sleepiness fall over me. "Thank you," I told him before falling asleep in his arms.