KISSING MY KRYPTONITE
(A/N: 46A-46B TW // Violence / Abuse / Death / Trauma / Blood / Mention of Drugs and Suicide )
This is unedited and as you can see, Rafa's POV. Beautiful people, this chapter would like to require all of your patience, for English is my third language. Additionally, 46A pays more attention to Rafa's reasons in carrying out the deeds and, of course, the real villain's side. I've modified a lot from the original plot of KMK talaga, and I'll discuss everything in the author's final note. Maraming scenes ang recap in this POV, nag-start din kasi ako from chapter 1 kaya mahaba-haba 'to. Always remember that the highlighted texts are there to emphasize the transitions between scenes. Skim the previous chapters to keep up, diskarte niyo na 'yan. Ingat sa pagbabasa ♡
"Let me see how serious you are with me," the right corner of her lips shoots up. "Show me your inner demons.."
"I wouldn't be here if I wasn't, Chanel."
I raise my eyes to the highest level of the Mix It Up building. We're inside my car currently, which makes it more convenient to keep track of the people. There are lighting fixtures strobing from the rooftop party that really turn sky-high. The lights and darkness are blinding, but the woman sitting on one of its guard rails still stands out. Not only does she look likely to be the sole individual who's not having a fun time, she also seems to be heavily intoxicated.
"Kill her."
"Why should I when she can do it herself?"
The woman looks like she's planning to jump from the rooftop as I see it, or she's just too inebriated and dumb to manoeuvre herself to death.
"Wait, where are you going?" Chanel wonders aloud after I exit my car.
"Rooftop," I try to shake and stare at the three-story building making up the city's well-known gay bar. Glancing back at my watch, "One minute."
"Okay, execute it for her, push her off that rooftop."
"Do you hear yourself?" I pull on the black trench coat and drape it over my body. Why would I do that to a random stranger?
"You owe it to me to prove yourself!"
She can't order me to do things just like that, proving myself to her by having humans as my subjects is unethical.
In anger, she starts shouting loud and long, "Rafa Eli!"
Staring seriously at my wrist watch, I set a one-minute timer before deciding to approach the short-haired woman on the safety barriers. I've always been fascinated with calculating everything using time and the amounts of it I need for something worthy to be done.
Prior to my steering objective, I cast another quick look down at Chanel, who is now having a cigarette and sitting up against the hood of my black car.
She's probably smiling because she seriously thinks I'll do what she expects. With the knife hidden under the sleeve of my wrist, I reciprocate Chanel's smile and agree to stretch my hand towards the target by holding over her shoulder, but the curve on my lips only vanishes when she speaks without faltering at my touch.
"Hayaan mo na 'ko.." she mumbles, my hand freezes on her shoulder.
I want to utter something but my mouth won't budge. My hand discreetly clutches her clothes as I stare at her back.
"I'm just asking the stars why the world hates me so much," she says, I look back at Chanel, who seems to be enjoying the moment. Jerking, someone tries to snatch my hand that is linked to the woman's black leather jacket, forcing me to take two steps back.
"Oh, Daliah!" the highly intoxicated blonde-haired woman hums, her eyes shutting down.
"Correction snowbear, my name is Daisey!" the person who is dragging her across the floor responds loudly. She nudges her head to look at me, but I instantly cover my face with the hoodie of my trench coat. Apart from her sharp gaze, I notice another set of eyes fixated on me that makes me feel more apprehensive.
Nakayuko lang ako at mabilis na humakbang palayo pero bumangga lang ako sa isang panibagong babae.
"Lucca! Help me here!" the noisy lady who presents herself as Daisey screeches to elicit the attention of the woman who runs into me. I suspect she owns the eyes that have been trying to penetrate into and out of my skin for a considerable time since I entered this rooftop. I'm getting the same feeling this time because of our close proximity.
"Who are you?" she has a deep voice, it's kinda eerie and I don't know why. My digital watch starts to emit an alarm. I walk off without uttering a thing, she tries to follow, but the woman named Daisey continues to call her name.
"I told you to kill her but you failed!" Chanel harshly grabs my shoulders and shoves me inside the car. She lingers outside for a brief seconds instructing somebody to review the bar's CCTV in order to eliminate tonight's record because of what I did.
Truth is, I went up to save the woman who was trying to jump off but I gave the impression almost like I was going to push her to play Chanel's mind but it didn't give me what I want to see in the end. If I really wanted to kill her, I would've done it but I didn't even try.
"We haven't even gotten started yet you're already ruining everything!"
"Chanel.." I try to calm her down by holding her hand, but she is too angry to grab my jaw. There's a piece of me that wants to strike back because I'm already in pain, but her sister will be upset if I hurt her, as I promised that I would never do so.
I hate her behaviour this evening. Not wanting to let it pass, I had to show her a little of my displeasure. I grip her wrist away from me and say, "Stop it," to the point of fighting myself not to break her bone.
"Ikaw kasi," her harsh features turn soft.
"Don't underestimate my abilities, I can go any length if I want to but killing people should not be the perfect method of choice in carrying out the plans."
She knows that, I have my own set of rules that she must follow as well because I am risking not only my career but all I have in this quest..my whole life. Determining how to maneuver my own chess piece, striking with a pawn when necessary, losing pieces strategically, and burning what's left like a master of queens are how I want to play this game.
"Someday, your demons will eat you up that I don't have to do whatever it takes to see you doing anything for Minka. When that moment comes, you're worn out from calculating risks for her," she pulls her hand down from my neck, then takes a deep breath to quell herself.
"Minka.."
When she mentions her name, everything flashes back to me.
"I'll do everything.." I close my eyes and breathe out, "To save her."
Just as Chanel Velazco has appeared in my life, I've had to see myself as someone we should regard based on my conditioned existence and by coming to great terms with her. After my nightmares in the UK, I had to make people believe I was dead just so Sebaztian Davies couldn't find me. I moved back here in the Philippines to reside in peace, almost all things about me have changed, but the fear that he would find me again hasn't gone away.
I thought my death would put an end to my rough patches and that fleeing would make my life better. I tried everything to forget my past. I studied, had my father train me to be bigger and stronger with martial arts, and even joined the Philippine Reserve.
My reservist schooling, however, wasn't enough to wash away all my traumas, and even more so when I met Captain Friedrich Veneracion at one of our survival operations, where Chanel kept me from being caught by him. Meeting her made my life a little more bearable, it took her years to persuade me about her plans for her older sister, Minka, whom I had presumed was long dead because of Sebaztian Davies until she warned me otherwise.
"Did somebody see your face last night? Please let me know if there is anything else I need to clean for you!"
"I thought you had already deleted the CCTV footage?"
"Yes but just to make sure, I'm asking you again!"
If I could clearly remember one thing, it's that woman who ran into me, her piercing stare and voice. The truth of the matter is, I didn't even do anything stupid to make her worry about whatever's going on right now, she's being dramatic again.
"That night, no one saw my face," I take up my eye glasses and wear it.
"Ugh, I should've reviewed the footage first!" she messes her own hair. Inwardly, I frown at her remark because clearly, she still doesn't trust me until now.
"Chanel," I turn to see her again before heading out, "don't come to my office again."
This has been discussed between us to start off our plan smoothly. She urged me to recommend her for a position in the president's office so she could acquire their trust before she went on to her snitch job as Friedrich Veneracion's secretary. Given that, I don't want even strangers to see my interactions with her, or our plans will be jeopardized.
"Blain Finnegan," I once more address, having run out of patience. She's one of the participants in this multi-series activity I'm supervising today. This is a completely new batch of students, though a handful of them are already acquainted to me because they carry out their scholarship work at this library.
"M-ma'am?" she stands up immediately.
"I notice you're not paying attention, I've called your surname numerous times already."
"I'm sorry ma'am."
"Miss Finnegan please keep in mind that this will have an impact on your performance at this first meeting, you'll start at zero for this recitation," I sigh with disappointment and look at the vacant chair next to her, which is now momentarily occupied by a new individual, "and you.."
Beyond the fact that I can tell she's new because the chair she's sitting in was unoccupied before the break, hearing her swear words at the precise moment she turned to face me made my inner monster raise an eyebrow.
"Who are you again?" giving her a strong gaze and tone of voice as I look down on my laptop to check the seat plan. I also agree having seen her previously after reading her name because she seems to be particularly familiar. Her short blonde hair, pointy nose, expressive eyes, and well-shaped lips are all features of her. It's been a month but I still remember her..
She was the woman on the rooftop..
"Brigida Dimacatae?" I lift an empty gaze while she looks uneasy, so I call her name again.
"I'm-" she pauses, looking disoriented. She clears her throat and raises her head, "Y-yes ma'am."
"Proceed in front and give me something about the words I gave you earlier," I start giving her instructions.
"What will I do with those words ma'am?"
"Make up a literary composition using the provided words, you'll have two minutes to prepare before presenting it to your members of the group.."
There's something about her behavior that I don't like, objectionable aura, and even simply watching her is sending me dangerous warning bells. She looks like a slacker, one of the lazy students who was forced to attend school. Muka siyang mayabang at may pinagyayabang. Whatever it is, I don't like her.
"Miss Dimaca-"
"Hold on please, don't mention that name again."
"What did you say?" did I even call her in a manner that sounds offensive to her?
"Please let me take my time, ma'am," she lets out a long sigh, her analytical and evocative eyes didn't leave me that gets me a bit squeamish. She obviously has a lot to say, but she is unwilling to speak it aloud ahead of me.
"Miss, your two minutes is over.." I call her out, she's staring at me for too long already and I'm starting to find it weird.
While she is completing her task, one message pops up on my phone after repeated missed calls coming from the same number. If this is an emergency, I'm too busy right now to make phone calls, but as soon as I read the content of the text, my mind temporarily disconnected from what I was doing.
From: Unrestricted number.
I know what you did in Mix it Up.
I'm watching you, much more
closely now.
Like what? Who is sending me this message?
I turn off my phone and concentrate on the lecture. I almost forgot I had a student presenting in front of me, I was distracted for a moment by the disturbing message I received.
"Thank you," she says with a big smile and a modest nod of her head.
The wildly divergent reactions in the class cause me to simply nod and remark, "Very good."
That unregistered number has been bothering me ever since the incident at that rooftop bar. It never makes me want to give it attention because responding to unknown calls is not my thing. I'm used to people asking for my permission first before calling, so I know whether or not to answer. But now that I've received such a text, it makes perfect sense why I don't want to entertain those disturbing missed calls. It was my first time entering that establishment called Mix it Up, so that's why I knew exactly what that number meant. Who's doing this? And what does this person need from me?
"Can you explain what's funny?" snapping back to reality and collecting myself together, I ask the class as shortly as I realize anything unusual in their reactions. The others are also giggling which I absolutely hate getting in my own class.
"Stop laughing and tell me what's funny!" I find it more disrespectful this time since I have no indication why they are responding in this sense. This annoying me. Did I make a joke?
"Ma'am kasi hindi naman po poem 'yung ni-recite niya, it's not even her original. It's a song lyric entitled Love me like you do.." someone in the class pipes up, they all start telling me what else the woman I met on the rooftop did while my spirit was elsewhere.
"Brigida Dimacatae is also not her name. Absent po Brigida ngayon ma'am."
As soon as I hear that, I stand and slam the table. I am so offended..
Clenching my jaw, I stare at her in distaste, "I'm hoping you're aware that you've entered the most perilous floor in this building. Nobody, not even you, regardless of who you are, can mess with me."
"Who are you to make such a statement?" her smug face makes me want to kick her out of this class more. How unfunny and disrespectful..
I glare at her, "And who are you to come in here without warning, disrupt the class, and disrespect me?" my voice booming through the room, sending unpleasant chills on my own spine.
Any little thing could ruin my day and that encounter literally started me but because I want to find out who that woman is, I ask Miss Finnegan to stay. That student, who was verified as the same woman on the rooftop party, walked into my class without my authorization. I don't want what I'm thinking. I'd like to teach her a lesson for what she did, but my curiosity about whether she has anything to do with the text I received is thriving more.
"Ezra Meziah Y. Veneracion.."
Miss Finnegan then begged me to forget about what happened. She said that she, too, was gobsmacked by the girl's unannounced emergence earlier in the class. In essence, the lady she identified as Ezra had been pursuing and forcing her regarding a personal request.
"Why didn't you tell me?" my question bursts forth as fast as I walk into Chanel's home. I've come to face her about Friedrich Veneracion's youngest daughter, the woman she ordered me to execute on the rooftop bar.
"What shall we have?" she carries two different wine bottles from her bar and suggests them to me so I can choose which.
"Answer my question," I restrain her from opening the whisky bottle because it's too strong for this conversation. I don't want to watch her crying on the stairs and then destroying her valuables after getting inebriated again. If she gets really high, she can utterly demolish her own house.
"Hindi mo pa rin talaga alam hanggang ngayon?" natawa siya at sumimsim sa kanyang red wine na napilitan niyang buksan. "That implies you're not serious about this, Rafa Eli. Matalino ka! Kung gusto mo talaga akong tulungan dito sana naman kahit katiting inaral mo buhay ng demonyong Friedrich na 'yon!"
Sebaztian Davies and Friedrich Veneracion are the people we want to keep behind the bar here. I do not really care about their families, and the thought of using them as a weapon never occurred to me. It's inescapable that they'll suffer the consequences, which is the reason I don't want to pile on more by minding their own businesses.
"What you asked me to do that night is not part of the plan."
"It was a test."
"This isn't my type of game, Chanel, you knew that from the initial stage."
"Then start watching your pieces! Wala tayong mapapala sa ginagawa mo!"
"Do I have to kill someone for you to trust me?" binalingan ko siya, hindi ko tinanggap ang baso ng wine na inaaalok niya.
She shakes her head, "I want you to be faithful to me."
The complete image of the woman who barged into my room, as well as her voice saying how much the world despises her went through my head yet again.
I don't know why but, "Let's leave her out of this, Chanel."
"She's definitely a potential piece, you decide whether to find her relevant or worthless."
I clench my jaw, "I don't need her, she's useless."
"Then keep your distance from her," she takes my hand in hers and pushes the wine glass into my reach, "Promise me.."
I screw my face up and taste the wine which leaves my mouth feeling soft.
Friedrich's daughter should be punished for what she did in my workshop, but I've opted to disregard and forget it because I no longer want to be associated with her. But fate continues to ridicule me, like it become part of her mission in this world to ruin my life. Her unpleasant presence follows me everywhere I go after giving me so much trouble in the library, and worst of all, she has become one of my Philosophy Students.
My nightmares then erupt like a maelstrom. Her mere presence had the power to wreck my mood all at once. She does nothing but give me a headache, consequently I abhor having to see her face every day in class. She never apologised or expressed any remorse for anything she put me through. To get over her, I tried to learn more about her, but as time passes on, she only makes things worse between us.
"Will you not file a case?" my dad asks me, he knows about what happened to my car. If I had known Ezra was the brains behind this, I would not have asked for his help. I could buy a new car if I wished to, but I'd like Ezra to see the consequences of her actions. I wouldn't pass up an opportunity to break her kneecaps, I swear I hate her so much.
"Her father will just going to cover her up again using their money," I reason out because the truth is, I don't want it to be a reason for Friedrich to see me again. Not now that we have plans going on and dad is oblivious about it.
"Bakit hindi ka na lang mag-resign sa unibersidad na iyan? Hindi ba't mas lalo mo lang inilalapit sa kapahamakan ang sarili mo? Ezra Meziah Veneracion is his daughter."
"I finished my studies in that University and worked there for how many years now," I assure my father, and that's how can I say the things I changed about myself are still working effectively, "Hindi ako mapapahamak, papa. Walong taon na ang nakalilipas noong tumakas ako.."
And eleven years since hell started making my life miserable. I began working with Sebaztian Davies when I was just eight years old, we owe him money, and I had to pay him back over the course of how many years. Ang alam ko lang noong una, my family got indebted because of money but light of the fact, Sebaztian Davies was shot during one of my father's entrapment operations in his own casino. Doon nagkautang si papa na ginamit na rason 'yon ni Sebaztian to take me away from him.
"Paano kung hinahanap ka na nila? Nakailang lipat na rin tayo ng bahay, paano kung dumating ang isang araw na kailangan ulit nating lumipat para lamang sa kaligtasan nating lahat?"
This is one of the reasons why I came to an agreement with Chanel Velazco.
"That's not going to happen," I force a smile.
The first and the last time Friedrich saw me, I was still quite young. I don't think he remembers my face, but Sebaztian Davies certainly does because he was so obsessed with me.
"Professor Cordova! Muntik-muntikan ka nang nawala sa 'min dahil sa nut allergy mo!" Navaeh screams, "Mabuti na lang talaga at nandoon si Miss Veneracion."
"Miss Veneracion?" my eyes look around the room painted with plain white, I'm in a clinic because I passed out.
"Siya nagbuhat at nagdala sa 'yo rito kaya buhay ka pa!"
I didn't say anything and just stared at the ceiling as they all discussed about the alleged incident beside me. I told them that eating nuts was an accident, but they still wanted to look into it to make sure it wasn't done on purpose to hurt me. After some time, I noticed the white curtain moving, and from the outside, I found Ezra's eyes staring at me. Looking tensed, she quickly closed it when our gazes locked.
"Muntik ka nang mamatay nakangiti ka pa jan," Professor Yvania pokes my cheek.
"Excuse me?" I frown and snap at her.
"Are you alright?" Navaeh gives me a meaningful smile.
I chew my bottom lip, and look at the closed curtain again, "I'm fine."
I always find Ezra Meziah Veneracion odd and annoying, yet this is the first time she's done something right. Muka siyang tanga kapag mabait or when she's being nice. I know she'll be the jerk in the ass in my class again after this. To deal with her, I actually realise I need more patience.
What she did is appreciated but considering what happened to my car, I'm thinking about calling it quits for the time being. As much as possible, I condemn dealing with her, and I was hoping to end it there but it was only followed by another debt of gratitude for me to look back because she saved Red's life. Then, to make matters worse, she stole my first kiss leading me to punch her face but it wasn't enough. Nothing short of her permanent disappearance from my sight can make up for what she did this time.
"Cheese Whiz.." she's everything I hate in a womanizer!
How could she kiss someone like that and the next day she's dispensing a public girlfriend trial card to everyone who is interested? Knowing how she has the looks and popularity, she goes with different people everyday. What goes in my mind to ask why she did that, she's known for being a play girl! Someone make movie out of this, kuhang-kuha niya inis ko! Simula bukas hindi na siya makakalapit sa 'kin!
"Nasa presidential office na ang mga studyanteng may pakana nang pagsaboy ng black slime sa 'yo," Navaeh flings me more toward the door, which opens readily, surprising Chanel as if she hadn't anticipated me to show up.
"What are you doing here?" she mutters under her breath.
Navaeh is listening, reminding me to be careful with what I say, "I filed a report against my students, the president wants to talk to me about it."
Chanel shakes her head slowly, "Professor, Sir Steven is not here today but the Vice President is in.." she says, emphasizing the words, vice president, to warn me. It tips me off that he's not supposed to see me yet so I take a step back but it's all too late.
"Professor Rafa Eli Cordova," Friedrich walks up to the door, smiling wide like he expected me to enter. My throat dries, then drier as I meet his deep gaze. Nothing much has changed in him despite having neatly-trimmed facial hair, he doesn't seem to have aged at all.
I hid my face in the hope that he wouldn't see or recognize me, and yet when he mentioned my full name, I lost it. Does he know who I am? I spent a long time preparing for this encounter, but I still can't help but be surprised and hope he doesn't recognise me first. My situation is made more dangerous by the fact that he can identify me at any moment. Minka has previously used different names, which means they are wholly ignorant that Chanel is her sister or that she has a family.
I was forced to enter and act normal despite my desire to leave.
"Velazco, bring in the coffee," he commands Chanel.
Chanel's expression indicates that she doesn't like what is happening.
We are both taken aback, this hadn't been planned.
"I'm suspending all of you and not even your families can change my mind," Friedrich formally concludes the discussion, stands up, and walks into his office leaving us all on the guest living room sofa.
But it wasn't over yet, he called me inside the office so that we could talk together. Chanel, like me, was powerless to do anything but toe the line.
"Rafa Eli Cordova," he says my name slowly, as though he's trying to convey something. I clench my knuckles beneath the table. With a stoic smile, "Sounds familiar.."
If he already knows who I am, I'm not scared to confront him now.
"I.." I need to calm down.
"When I found out my daughter transferred to this school I think I read your name in her new records," nakangiti lang siya, "The philosophy teacher, aren't you?"
My eyes blinked in response to what I heard, he's unserious..
Hindi ba talaga niya ako namumukaan? I know it's impossible because of my new look, and he's only met me once before.
Faking a polite smile, "I am relieved that my students' parents are likely well-informed about what is going on in their child's life even she's at school."
"I always think for the betterment of my daughter that's why I'm asking you a favor."
"Favor?"
He gets to his feet and places his hands on the table, "I want my Ezra to fail your subject."
Is he damn crazy?
"I'm sorry but I can't do that," I stand up, "I admit that your daughter did not have a good start in my class, but I assure you that she is smart and is making an effort to pass my subject."
After that, I left the office because something came up that cut our conversation short, which I'm extremely grateful for. I didn't agree with what he wanted, especially now that I'm seeing Ezra continue to improve, and as a teacher, I'm looking forward to her big result or even more of her progress.
"Leave the professor alone and don't show your face here ever again."
The students involved in harassing me stopped bugging because of the person who spoke up and stood up behind them. Ignoring her, I didn't intend to talk and nearly tripped back.
"One meter," I didn't mean to hold on to her arm so I immediately let go.
"One meter?"
"1 meter distancing, Miss Veneracion. Can we keep that distance between us going forward? Unless we're in class, of course."
This is not only because of the kiss or because of what her father thinks about failing her grades but because the world we live in is gradually shrinking for all of us. I'm starting to find myself struggling to breathe, oblivious that she's giving me a breathing space that makes me feel too safe, forget about everything and this isn't a good sign. Hoping it's never too late, I need to focus and remind myself that associating my life with her is always an awful idea.
She is Friedrich Veneracion's daughter..
"Professor Rafa Eli Cordova, you came!"
If there's anything more annoying it's him addressing me by my full name like he's doing it on purpose. The smallest thing can set me off and put me in a bad mood for hours.
I don't have any plans to meet him, but he's still the Cambridge's Vice President, and he's unquestionably using that card to compel me to arrive here tonight.
"Just to be totally upfront," he looks at his watch, "This is all about my daughter's grades."
Again, I understand why I'm here tonight, and I came to inform him that I accepted her daughter's request to tutor her and to prove that she is doing well in her studies so he can stop nagging me about what he was asking me for in the past, whatever his reason is.
"I don't want her to pursue swimming career because she has no future in that sport."
"Shouldn't you be happy because your daughter is finally striving for herself to complete her college years?" I know her daughter's academic background and seeing her doing her best to be better right now is too precious to sabotage.
"She lost her game of medals because of me. Now I want you to continue what I started, or I'll ask others to do it for me," he seems to be getting it tonight, I'm afraid.
"You did that?" I shouldn't be surprised right? He's an asshole!
"Do you think you're the only one who knows how to play the game?"
"What do you mean by that?"
"I can do it another way, but I prefer that you do it yourself. Philosophy is her lamest subject, and failing it will not make it any easier for her to accept it."
I continue to shake my head in disbelief, carrying my pouch and getting ready to leave, "If you excuse me-"
"Sebaztian Davies, I guess he would love to see you again."
I froze in my track.
"Madali akong kausap, Professor Rafa Eli Cordova, napakasimple lang nang hinihingi kong pabor," ngumisi siya nang tuluyan na akong tumayo palabas sana ng office.
Tumikhim ako, "I don't know what you're talking sir-"
"Do me the favor and he will never know you're still alive.."
He recognizes me all along, I can hardly believe this shit.
If I hadn't seen how hard his daughter worked to pass my subject, perhaps I could consider his request, but every time I see her making an effort in class, even if I've given up tutoring her, it's making it harder for me to decide. Being a professor, seeing my own student improve makes me want to be the best teacher I can be, the feeling is just rewarding. I know that my profession is at stake with the plan I entered into with Chanel, but while that day has yet to come, I want to have no regrets.
"She's got the highest grade on her final exam," I'm saying this because I want him to know that his daughter is highly motivated to be the best version of herself. Today is the release of grades, and I'm doing this to persuade him otherwise.
During the brief time I spent with her, I learned how much she gets to enjoy swimming, how many goals she aspires to achieve, and how she wishes to make her parents proud of her accomplishments.
"Why is it so difficult for you to do what I want?"
"Ano bang mahirap sa pagpapakaama, Mr. Veneracion?" I'm fighting myself so say more but I just can't.. "But why should I be surprised if you find it difficult to be humane too, you're heartless-"
He pulls my collar, "How dare you speak to me like that?"
I grab his neck and shove him against the wall, "Hindi ka karespe-respeto, you know that."
"Hindi ka ba kinakabahan sa ginagawa mo?" he scoffs, "Sumunod ako sa usapan, Sebaztian Davies is unaware that you're still breathing air but what have you done? Pagsisisihan mo lahat ng 'to, Cordova!"
"Go tell him.."
Kung alas lang din ang pag-uusapan he will never win over me once I choose violence.
I walked out of the office, ignoring Chanel, who had just entered. I couldn't speak to her because she still had no idea about my confrontation with Friedrich. Sinubukan kong itama lahat dahil hindi ko pa rin kayang i-discredit lahat ng sakripisyo ng anak niya bilang studyante pero huli na ang lahat, nakialam na siya at wala na akong nagawa pa.
The night came and I couldn't forget what had happened.
"Hindi ka rito kakain ng dinner ngayon?" my mom asks, she's watching me getting my keys.
"I'm going out," I pick up my phone and decide to message the number I've been staring at and attempting to call for several hours.
It's Miss Veneracion's number..
We need to talk.
Sapori D'Italia, 7PM.
I decided to tell her everything, but things did not go as anticipated. She got mad at me. We failed to discuss about it because I didn't know how either, it's getting harder, there's a part of me that didn't want to get her upset or feel bad.
"Ez..I'm so sorry.."
As I play the grand piano, sing, and watch her inside with another woman, her words begin to jumble in my head again.
"Don't worry, ma'am, I didn't get the grades I deserved, but it doesn't take away the fact that I learned a lot in that subject I never anticipated to learn so much in. I still see you as my former dynamic teacher, kasi kahit puso ko natutong magmahal. Mahalin 'yung subject na inaayawan ko lang no'n."
All of what she stated are still fresh in my mind regardless of the fact that it has been almost a month. Her broken face while saying it, the pain and betrayal she has to endure. I feel like I just heard it yesterday, and it's annoying that I'm thinking about it again.
"One of the most essential lessons I learned was this: It's how I shouldn't be tricked by your personal logic again. I shouldn't have trusted what I only saw. I should've spent more time digging deeper into your professor's shadow before trusting you."
"Never again will I fall for your deception.."
"Never again.."
Hindi naman dapat niya ako pinagkakatiwalaan at gano'n din ako sa kanya. Wala kaming patutunguhang dalawa dahil hindi pwede, maling mali na mapalapit kami sa isa't isa. But as her professor hindi siya naging iba sa mga classmates niya, lahat nang ginawa at pinakita ko sa kanya ay totoo.
Everything began to fall apart because of her father. Things could have been better if he didn't interfere in such a way and if I had not agreed to give her special classes. I wish I wasn't feeling the guilt and being affected like this but I am.
"Say I'm your queen, I don't wanna leave this
Low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low-key.." I drop the microphone after hearing everyone's applause, Arthur stepa up to lead me to our table.
I got out of my car and stood in front of the bar's entrance near the casino. Chanel called and begged me to pick her up, but I had to wait outside because Friedrich was inside.
"Are you alright? Do you need help?" I inquire Miss Veneracion but she only walks past me. Hindi niya ako pinansin. It's not surprising to see her in this bar and looking so woozy but there's something else I can't pay no attention to.
My phone continues to ring because of Chanel. I rush into the bar to see if Miss Veneracion has any friends with her tonight. It's raining outside and she can't drive her sports bike like that knowing she's drunk.
When I get there to check on her, she's already lying on the ground.
"Hey!" I dash to arrest the woman I suspect is the reason of her fainting. I chase her until we reach the dark part of the alley, not giving up until I catch her black hoodie on her back. Her face is completely obscured by her black mask and hoodie. She's good at fighting, but I'm better than best.
"Who are you?" I roughly grab her mask to see her face, but she dodges and defends herself quickly as she can.
Someone yells Miss Veneracion's name, which distracts me and leads the woman to flee. Yesha enters the bar in search of help and, possibly, the phone that she is looking for. I manage to carry Miss Veneracion to my car, ignoring the wound I had obtained from the woman earlier.
"You're awake.." inwardly, I'm happy the first aid worked. My friend who works in the nearby hospital gave her something to counteract the effects of the strong party drug she had taken.
I didn't tell her about it, nor did the woman who tried to take her away from me, because I had a hunch that Chanel has something to do with this. I really do have to sort this mess out on my own because, if I'm right, I'm going to make sure she never gets close to her again. If staying beside her keeps her safe, I'll do whatever is necessary to protect her.
"Rafa Eli, you're not answering my calls!"
"Kausapin mo ako, ano ba!"
"I'll go to your house tonight, not here Chanel."
She pulled me and took me to a hidden part outside the library.
"I want to hear it now! Explain why were you with that Veneracion last night! That's after the Miting De Avance! Ano'ng ginagawa mo sa parking lot kasama ang babaeng 'yon?!" galit niyang saad, "May pinaplano ka bang hindi ko alam? I told you to stay away from her!"
I was right, not only Miss Veneracion's friends were following us last night, I had a feeling that she's somewhere else watching us too.
"Calm down, someone might hear you," I purse my lips and wait for her to cool down, "It's not what you think, okay? I don't have any other plans, and I will never do that behind your back."
I know she just wants to be assured today as we haven't seen each other in a while.
"Paano ako kakalma kung nakikita kitang kasama ang babaeng 'yon?!"
"Art and I fought because I rejected him. Miss Veneracion was there, and.." I let out a long sigh, and that's it. I asked her to drive me home because I hadn't brought my car, but we ultimately opted to go on a road trip and watch the magnificent city lights.
"We're in the same university, you could have called me!"
"I needed a friend, Chanel you're not my-" she cuts me off by attempting to slap me, fortunately, I am able to block her hand.
"What a thing to say at this moment.." she looks hurt.
My voice softens, "I want you to believe me, but you have yet to do so. Do you even see me as your friend or merely as weapon you can use for your plans?"
"May usapan tayo, Rafa Eli. Tingin mo aabot tayo rito if I don't care about you?"
In honesty, I only shake my head in disapproval.
"Ganito lang ako dahil marami ng panahon ang nasayang pero hanggang ngayon wala pa rin tayong nagagawa! Siguro oras na to upbeat our plans, pwede nating gamitin ang mga malalapit na tao sa buhay ng Veneracion na 'yan para sa plano."
Our main goal was for her to work under Friedrich Veneracion to gain more access to his earthly possessions in order to gather evidence we could use against him and Sebaztian Davies. Once justice is served, we will get Minka out of that psychiatric facility. I agreed to work with her because she guaranteed me that we would follow due process, not the other way around. I will never use violence unless it is my last option to save what is left of me.
But, as time flies, I notice a shift in her. She is becoming increasingly desperate for the justice we seek, and I don't want us to get to the point where someone suffers or innocent people will die again.
"Chanel you promised me, hindi tayo mandadamay ng ibang tao," fear colors my tone to the possibility.
"But we don't have any other options! Diyos at santo ang tingin ng mga tao sa kanila, Rafa Eli," she scoffs desperately, "I think it's time to face Davies if Veneracion will not give us-"
"Have you lost your mind?! Do you think he'll let you live if you show up? He will kill you like what he did to your father!" I lower my voice as I notice a volleyball tossing close to us, someone somewhere is listening to us.
"Miss Veneracion and Miss Chua?"
It's Lucca Chua and Ezra Meziah Veneracion.
"The actual reason why Davies is still unaware that you're still alive is that I don't want to dwell on the past, but if you don't stay the hell away from my dear daughter, I'll be forced to watch everything go wrong again."
Friedrich Veneracion came up to ruin the night. Making a serious confession for Ezra was my next plan after our heated up moment in the waterfall but her father popped in to snap me back to reality, making me question her feelings for me. Will she still accept me once she finds out everything?
Tonight, I finally accepted and ceased refusing that she had the power to weaken me. Perhaps she was right. She is my kryptonite, but choosing to stay by her side will keep her safer, so I will do so albeit at the expense of my safety.
Following my conversation with Mr. Veneracion, I went for a walk outside.
"Nakarating ka na ba sa inyo, ma'am?" Miss Veneracion calls to ask me that.
"Yes," I need to lie, I'm still reeling from all that happened tonight. The almost confession..the kiss..damn it.
"Rafa! Is there anything else you need there?!" Ma'am Averie's voice booms from the guest house.
After a few, I get the feeling that someone is watching me from a distance. I pull out the knife I used to peel the apple earlier. As I feel it drifting away, I hurry into the guest house and shut the door. Kahit sa loob ng shower room ay dala ko 'yung knife dahil pakiramdam ko nasa paligid lang ulit 'yung presensyang 'yon, katulad nang naramdaman ko noong nasa rooftop bar ako, noong nanood kami ng fire dance at sa casino.
"Occupied.."
"This is me..Ezra.."
"I know," alam kong siya 'yon dahil dinig na sa labas palang ang kaingayan nila ni Kelani. Tatawagan ko pa sana siya ulit para makasiguradong ligtas siya dahil sa kakaibang naramdaman ko kanina, may kutob kasi ako na hanggang dito ay nakasunod 'yung babae sa casino.
"Who threw the knife? Was it you?"
Quietly but deadly, I roll my eyes in response. I did that because I overheard her flirting with Kelani outside. Naiinis ako. This feeling is all too familiar. That very first time I felt it was when she stole my first kiss, and the next day I saw her desperately searching for women to fill out her Girlfriend Trial Card.
Red switchblades, a pocketknife. I saw that woman drop it in the library when I chased after her that night. I think this is what she used when I met her at the casino after Miss Veneracion passed out.
Nasa kotse ako nang tawagan ako ni Chanel kaya imbes na umuwi ako ay kinailangan ko pa siyang sunduin sa kanilang bahay.
I throw the pocketknife on the backseat.
"How's tita?" pabungad kong tanong, hinila niya ako paloob ng kotse at hindi na pinalabas para kumustahin ang mommy niya. Mabilis niya akong niyakap na hinayaan ko na lang, sa tuwing nagkakaganito siya I know it why already. Tita Tifanny is a hemorrhagic stroke survivor but she has underlying sickness that affected her so much, she's still recovering through different therapies and her continues medications. This happened to her because Chanel's father died while looking for Minka and fighting against the Davies.
"She's with her personal nurse," she starts crying. "My sister..hinahanap siya ni mommy, hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano'ng isasagot ko sa paulit-ulit na tanong na 'yon. Hindi ako mapapagod pero natatakot ako na huli na ang lahat hindi pa rin natin siya nababawi."
"I'm sorry," my voice weakens, "I haven't done anything to help you up until now."
"Kasalanan ng Friedrich Veneracion lahat ng 'to!"
"This is all my fault," I caress her back. "I was weak.."
"May magagawa ka pa," she looks at me.
"What do you mean?"
"Friedrich's one of his weaknesses is his own daughter. We can use her to our advantage. Why don't you go ahead and make her fall in love with you? Then after, we could do anything we wanted with her. We could assassinate her to make Friedrich suffer much more."
"T-hat...." umiling-iling ako.
I got out of the car, brushed my face, and gazed up at the sky. Lasing siya noong unang sinabi niya sa 'kin ang tungkol sa ideyang 'yan at nag-away lang kami dahil hindi ako umayon. She's bringing it up again this time. Hindi ko kayang gawin ang sinasabi niya. I'd rather die than turn Ezra against her father or hurt her, I'll never do that.
She went out of the car and slams the door close, "I'm just kidding around, we will not going to kill anyone okay?" her features kind of loosens, "But sometimes it really makes sense to give up a pawn if it's the only way to be in control."
Chanel was so serious about using Ezra that she became her realistic hope for revenge, and I couldn't handle it. My wild suspicion about her doing things behind me is growing stronger, she's planning something big but isn't quite ready to inform me about it. I couldn't trust her at this point, I have to do something before my inner demons equal hers.
This is the hardest decision I have ever made so far, but I have to do it for everyone..for Ezra. While Chanel is plotting how to bring Friedrich down, I considered meeting him again for the last time in Mi Vida Plaza Hotel.
"Have you made up your mind?"
"I will do what you want but you have to promise me one thing," I exhale, "Protect her at all costs.."
His forehead knits, "Protect my daughter from what?"
"From me," I raise up my chin and stare him. I have to say it this way because I still need to cover up Chanel though I am actually doing this to protect Ezra from her. For now, I'll just let myself look bad in his eyes. Alam ko rin namang pinag-iisipan niya rin ako ng masama kaya niya ako gustong lumayo sa anak niya.
He stares at me for a moment.
"Is this supposed to be a warning? Are you planning to hurt her?"
"No.."
"Then why?"
"I will not relent in my efforts to find the truth and take back Minka," I seriously say, his mouth parts, "Lalayuan ko ang anak mo pero hindi ako titigil sa paghahanap ng katotohanan, ng hustisya para sa mga taong inagrabyado niyo."
He didn't say anything and just stared at me. I stood up because I had nothing more to say when he spoke again.
"Who's Minka?"
"Minka Velazco is Faureen Heneral's real name," binalingan ko siya, gulat na gulat ang muka niya.
"Hindi ko ginusto ang nangyari kay.." nanghina ang boses niya, "Sa kanya.."
Nag-init ang ulo ko dahil sa sinabi niya, gusto ko pa siyang komprontahin pero nagulat ako sa mabilis na pagtayo niya para hilain ako. Few men entered the VIP room at first, we were both taken aback when the last person reached our area.
Sebaztian Davies..
"What a pleasant surprise you have for me, amigo," he smiles, his deep eyes scrutinize me from head to toe, something I'm bothered to being seen, as a woman.
What's the meaning of this? I look at Friedrich with hint of accusation, he did this on purpose, didn't he?
"I didn't know you're coming, mayor?" Friedrich clears his throat, he looks surprised by the appearance of his dear friend.
"I dropped by for my interview and heard you are here so I came," he answers while his eyes still fixated on me.
"It's been a long time mademoiselle," the closer he gets, the more I step backward to avoid him. He tries to kiss my hand but I quickly pull away in disgust. I walk past him to leave the room, but his men try to stop me, and with all the defense I can muster, I start punching all of them.
I'm looking for my voice...but I just can't talk.
"Nahanap na kita, bakit pa kita pakakawalan?" he whispers and plays the torn strap of my dress in his fingers.
Amidst my urge to scream at him, I chose to fight and save myself first. In wrath, I hit him in the face and roughed up nearly half of his men, but they were too many for me to prevail. I thought it was the end of me, but I was pretty shocked when many more men come in to help me. Mga tauhan ni Friedrich..
"What did you tell him?!" tanong ko kay Friedrich nang walang salitang umalis si Sebaztian Davies pagkatapos nilang mag-usap at sandaling magtalo.
A woman merged and laid a coat on my back to cover the ripped bits of my dress.
"I spared your life, don't worry because you owe me nothing," he walked out of the room, I was blown away for a minute before following him. He had fellow businessmen with him when I approached his spot, he introduced me as his secretary so they wouldn't ask further.
"We need to talk," matigas kong sabi kahit na naririnig na ng mga kasama niya.
He shakes his head and whispers to me, "Stop talking and just leave. Sumunod ka sa usapan, layuan mo na ang anak ko at 'wag ka nang magpapakita sa 'kin kahit kailan."
I try to say something else but he backs away and smiles.
"Oh, why is my daughter here?"
I bat my eyelashes, "Miss Veneracion.."
The woman who made me do all of this is standing right ahead of me, a painful expression visible on her face. I was terrified, and the first thing I wanted to do upon seeing her was hug her tight. There is so much I want to tell her, but it is becoming exceedingly challenging for me to do just that.
I wasn't really upset when she mistakenly thought I was having an affair with her father. Somewhere in my heart, I understand how she feels, and I couldn't blame her because, knowing his father, he's nothing but a useless man who makes no difference to men preying on women. I truly pity her because she does not deserve a father like him, she deserves so much more than she is currently getting.
"This conversation made me realize that..we should stop..Ez. It's making things a lot more difficult for us because you like me and I still don't know what to feel for you. We're not for each other, kahit kailan hindi natin maiintindihan ang isa't isa.."
"Don't say that after telling me you don't wanna leave this."
I know I mean it when, after telling her those words, I can still taste the kisses we shared in the piano room until now. I'm still drunk from the taste of her lips, and I don't think I'll ever sober up. Marahil hindi kami para sa isa't isa pero gusto naming pareho ang isa't isa. In the end, what we have for each other aren't strong enough to withstand the chances and risks that it will merely damage us.
"Gusto kita, kahit ito na lang ang paniwalaan mo."
Trust me, I believe you even if it took me so much time for it to happen because you're a campus playgirl and a...Veneracion.
"If you like someone, you have to learn to trust them as well. This is a little devastating to process, but please fix yourself because I can't do that for you."
"Maybe masyado lang siguro kitang gusto kasi kung ibang babae 'to baka pumasok lang ako ng hotel na parang walang nakita pero ikaw, eh.."
Honey, how I wish I could say I'm not mad at you. For a lot of things I'd like to tell you, most of which require the use of white lies because I really have to push you away from me...from this game.
"This is easier said than done but please save yourself from feeling this way again, forget about me.."
"Do you think that's easy?"
"I think you're attractive but I just couldn't bring myself to give you the same wavelength of feelings like you do have for me, it means you have nothing to hold on."
"I know you're just lying..tama na..but go ahead and believe your lies until you can.."
"Ezra, you know this is downright wrong from the start. I believe I didn't fail to remind you of this."
"But you failed when you kissed me back that night at the beach, you blew it all big time after our make-out moment in that piano room and all the false hopes you gave me, Professor Cordova."
"I messed up, and tonight I want to make things right," I say dismissively, "The things I told you when I was introduced as your new SSC Adviser, I want to keep it the way they are from now on..I'm..sorry.."
The most agonising feeling in the world is that when I finally realised how much she meant to me, for a good reason, I had to end what we had never begun. I like her, and the memories I have shared with her are truly amazing, but they are not enough to silence the demons in my head. They say we're better off without each other and that I can't tell the rest of the world how I feel for her because I have to save her and keep her protected from me.
Hence, I will not stop hoping for the best to come. Maybe one day or in the next reality in which there will be no barriers for us, it will be more convenient, because loving her closely right now is too painful for the two of us.
SSC Leadership Training, Baguio City.
"It's past 12AM now, Miss Veneracion,"
Gearing up for the SSC training, we're currently spending our first night in a cabin house right here at Camp John Hay. For the past month, we both existed as if nothing happened or left, and now that I'm her adviser in the top organisation at Cambridge, we're both obligated to come together for this one-week training.
We took an excellent approach to our task, but for some reasons we personally struggled and felt unusual until now. Undesirable tension between us continues to expand, giving me the hint that she is still distraught with me. She clearly shows to have moved on from me, as though she has no intention of ever seeing me the same way again.
"Go to the bed."
"I feel comfortable in this couch, don't worry about me," she answers, her voice making the traditional fire place useless because of its coldness.
"Have I done something tonight that upset you more?" we had an untimely brief argument over dinner.
I'm not that ignorant of the fact that she had been caged up with the implications of how I conveyed my feelings for her. She thought I was playing with her emotions with my perplexing behavior, especially at the earlier scene, because I was jealous, but I'm not. That woman named Daisey is familiar to me, and I remember seeing her somewhere before. Having any idea she was one of her flings only added to my bitterness at the time.
"You did not.." she looks pretty surprised because I'm wearing her hoodie and the slippers she bought for me.
"Then sleep in the bed with me," I scoop up her pillow and blanket and entice her into the bed. Damn, I want to talk to her but I don't know how.
"Do you have a fever?" I heard her ask as I chucked her pillow and blanket back into the wardrobe. I made it all up so she wouldn't have a choice but to share things with me in that bed. That manner, I'll be able to approach her and talk to her more easily.
"I'm not sick," I start applying lotion to my legs. I'm at a loss for how to get her into the bed, she's not tearing her eyes away from me and I hate it.
"I don't have a pillow."
"Use mine," I offer my pillow, hoping I don't sound stupid with it. What on earth am I doing?
Her scent grows stronger, even more so when she lays down beside me. I recall so much just by inhaling her perfume throughout the air.
"Ano'ng oras training bukas, ma'am?"
"Seven," I hug the heart-shaped extra pillow, I'm not giving it to her. "But we need to wake up at 5 AM."
"Isn't it too early?"
"I don't want to get stuck in a heavy traffic."
"Okay."
I'm frozen in place, she's too cold. I know why she's like this, I understand but tonight is just too much for me to take it.
"Miss Veneracion," I really need to talk to her, "Are you asleep?"
"I'm awake," her breathy voice giving me chills.
"I just want to thank you.." I don't know how to start god-damned it.
"Para saan, ma'am?"
"The training started off nicely, I thought I'd be attending it all by myself but you showed up."
"It's my job. I'm sorry for coming late again."
"Quit being a pain in the ass, Miss Veneracion," I need her to look at me, I have to move to get her full attention, "Being SSC President means carrying a burning torch for your university, especially in this kind of leadership training. You are no longer that student who can go around flirting with anyone and then breaking the rules at school."
"I'm your SSC President now, you can always count on me, professor. I apologize for all the troubles I caused you.."
How long are we going to stay like this?
I don't understand why I'm asking this right now, probably due to what happened earlier. I've never seen her so frustrated before. It's more serious than she was in the past. I hug myself, "It's getting colder here.."
"Do you want me to get you socks or something?" her voice turns soft.
"No," I don't know what I want exactly.
"Don't you need anything? You're my guest here, don't hesitate to let me know, ma'am."
"I don't need anything.." I'm already melting against her body as I hug her without even realizing it, she's warm as her touch and hot breaths. It feels illegal to do this, but even for a single time, I want to unscrew myself and do the things I've been putting off, even if it means breaking my own rules.
"Okay, w-what do you want me to do?"
"Nothing," I mumble weakly, I want to touch her face but I have to hold back, "Just do nothing.."
"B-but.."
"Just let me know if I'm overstepping the mark," I let myself be swallowed up by her soothing warmth.
"Miss Rafa.." she audibly mumbles.
"Sleep," I nibble my lower lip, when will she stop talking? Is what I am doing too much?
"But-"
"Don't you get it? Your hoodie is not enough, just don't say anything..and give me a silent friendly cuddle.."
The weighty feeling, the inexplicable longing, the uncertainty, and many other things faded as surely as I was freed to settle down by her side. As the night ends, I have to admit it-no matter how many times I try to push it out of my mind-I'm acting this way because I missed her so much.
Will I ever be able to run from it? I don't think this will ever be gone.
"Oops.."
"What are you doing?" I exhale and look directly at her firmly upon gathering myself after almost dropping my laptop due to her tripping into me.
"I'm sorry, Professor," she gives me a sidelong glance. "Cordova?"
"I saw you did it on purpose, what's your problem?" my brows twist next to each other a little. I saw it with my own eyes, she did it intentionally.
Her eyes are drawn to my necklace, then glance up again, "Why hadn't I noticed it before?"
"What are you implying, Miss Clark?"
She smirks, "I know who you are.."
I don't have time to indulge her today. If she's having problems with me because of Miss Veneracion, she needs to stop because it's not funny anymore.
"Alam kong ikaw 'yung babae sa rooftop, nakita ko kung ano'ng ginawa mo kay Meziah."
I can see where this conversation is going, I have to end it because this isn't the appropriate place to talk about it if she really means that night.
"Are you the person who has been sending me messages randomly?" I ask abruptly to confirm, but nothing alters across her face besides maybe ambiguity, so it's not her. "I'm sorry but I think you're referring to the wrong person."
"Don't you think it's too sketchy? Because look at you, naging professor ka niya tapos SSC Adviser pa," her eyes narrow, "There's something wrong about you."
"Be careful with your accusations, miss."
"Ikaw ang mag-ingat dahil kapag may masamang nangyari sa girlfriend ko," dinuro niya ako, "I will make sure you suffer forever."
"Girlfriend? Don't make me laugh," I raise a brow calmly. It's not even proven yet but the thought of it is already piercing through my heart.
"We're back together again," she smiles, "And I'm warning you, know your place and stop seducing my girlfriend-"
"Go show me something to back up your claims," I cut her off. I don't know if she noticed my calm demeanor gradually giving way to anger, even so, I must take it easy because we are surrounded by the majority my fellow teachers.
Tumawa siya, "I don't know what your plan is kaya dikit na dikit ka sa kanya at mukang sinasadya mo pa. If you're just one of the women who wanted Meziah's endearing love, I hate to tell it to you but you're just wasting your time. Hindi siya marunong magmahal. Iisa lang ang tingin niya sa inyong lahat, laruan, sidelines at parausan so pick your struggle."
Talking to her storms my head with unwarranted thoughts, it was the worst time of my life.
My world was flipped upside down when I caught them kissing in the restroom, it felt like I was trashed into chaos and empty plain of the world.
"H-hello?"
The seminar has ended late for today. I'm standing outside the convention hall, having felt as if what I had seen in the restroom backed by my confrontation with Miss Veneracion before the program started, transpired only a minute ago. It's killing me whenever I think about it..
"I have a good news," Chanel speaks, I'm talking to her in a call right now.
"What is it?" My voice is still broken, she asks me about it, and I can only explain that it is caused by the weather in this city.
"We finally got a piece of evidence against them!" she screams excitedly, my phone slides from my grasp.
When will it all be over? Like sand in an hourglass, I'm being torn asunder and slowly draining away. Why do I have to be in this position to completely acknowledge that I'm falling deeper than I thought? Why is it always too late when it happens to people? Is this what they mean by "love"? If that's the case, this is the most bizarre contradiction and painful thing I've ever experienced in my life.
Time, I need it to make up my mind.
"Damn, you made it again! You're making us all look bad here!" Art takes off his hearing protection, and I put mine back on and continue firing through the remaining shooting mats. His eyes pop out, my peripheral vision picks up on his mouth talking fast but I can't hear it. Seconds later, he walks closer to hold my arm to calm me down.
He approaches me and seizes my arm to quiet me up a little bit. Then he snatches my gun, allowing me to drop on my knee pads, and throws it onto the table. Growling, I quickly remove my eye protection, gloves and slap my bare hands on my face.
"Rafa.." it's quiet but I know he's calling my name, he kneels before me to offer me a new towel for my sweats.
His eyes silently asking, I take in a large amount of an air, "I'm fine."
"Get on the chair," he helps me stand up, "Kukuha lang ako ng tubig."
Looking back at the shooting stall next to ours, I see someone wearing full protective gear and a jacket to maybe mask her identity. By her figure, she seems to be a woman. My body hiccups when she goes on to aim her gun at me. If she thinks that scares me, I'll tell her it doesn't, but it bothers me. I rapidly get to my feet and walk into her stall. She runs off by breaking out through a hidden door beside her, and that is when I finally understood that she was the woman who always follows Miss Veneracion.
Kung hindi siya tao ni Chanel, who is she? Daisey Clark? That's impossible.
"Something isn't right, it's true that we were planning to upgrade our security systems pero next week pa i-uninstall ang CCTV's"
"You know how serious it is for a firing range to have an extensive security framework. Be wise next time, and never go on a discrete day like this unless you're better equipped," I reprimanded, Art being over perplexed behind me. To be sure, I went to nearby establishments with CCTV that could have caught the woman but obtained no results.
"Rafa? Ano'ng nangyayari?"
I haven't ever felt more terrified before. Knowing that Ezra is in danger leaves me feeling like the universe is coming to an end.
"I need to leave first."
That woman has been following us nonstop. I first saw her at the casino, then at the library, and now here in Baguio. I'm still unsure whether she's after me or Ezra. Regardless, I should not have left her in that sort of way and put my feelings before her. If something terrible happened to her, I would go insane, and I will never forgive whoever is responsible.
"But, you know, we have other plans after this? Chanel is coming in later for it, and she needs to talk to you as well."
He has no idea about my deeper connection with Chanel, all he knows is that she is a new colleague of mine. Arthur, on the other hand, is also helping me in gathering evidence against Friedrich and Davies, and that's another story because we both want to run things fairly.
"I just need to check in on someone, but I'll be back, alright?"
I just wanted to look her over, however, unplanned events took place that I wasn't prepared for. While apologising to her was one of the primary reasons I had to see her, making an argument with her that led me to confess my truth and feelings for her was not. I had endured and waited a long time for her to realise that I love her, but it wasn't intended for her to know at that time. I was there to offer an apology and ensure she was fine. I thought it wasn't the perfect place and moment because I had really provoked her breaking point, only to discover that she loves me too, despite being too outraged by my stupid decisions and mixed signals.
The blinding reality is that I am not meant to be with her, it was never my intention to fall in love with her stronger than I could imagine. As I accepted what's inevitable, my sprouting feelings for her have always been filtered through the armour of my ultimate purpose for being at Cambridge University. My career, inner demons, and plans on carrying out my stratagems with Chanel Velazco were what had been dissuading me from moving forward and taking risks.
Maybe I haven't gotten through it all yet, but I know that out of the love I have for her, I will. This is no longer about me, but exclusively between us. My confession also signifies that I am brave and strong enough to fight for her and for everything that is right. I just need some time to fix the situation no matter what, and we'll be fine one day or another.
"I'm so in love with you, Rafa Eli Cordova.." she kisses my forehead softly, so much love and sincerity tumbling out each syllable.
"I love you..more than you know.." I can't help but response and tell her how much I feel. "I love you kahit minsan tanga ka, Ezra Meziah Veneracion.."
It fills me with warmth to hear her repeatedly declare she loves me over and over. It feels like I am floating in a wind of overpowering happiness with her, soaring above everything and everyone. The more pieces of myself I connect with her, the more terrifying it feels for me to hurt her. Everything in excess can be harmful. We are just humans who could be victims of our own love, and I don't want to watch ourselves go beyond that.
"I'll be in Korea for a symposium. Because of you, I missed my flight. What did you just do?"
She dragged me along before I could even get to the airport. I couldn't fight back because dhe was escorted by two armed men whom I had only happened to meet just now.
"I know you've been avoiding me for a few weeks now," she takes another sip of her wine, "You made me do this."
"I'm just busy with my job, you know that-"
"Waiting weeks after I told you I had evidence? I thought we're both in the same boat, why do you keep wasting time? When will you take this seriously?"
We're in an unknown beach house right now, and based on what I'm seeing, I'm guessing she owns it.
"Is this because of what I said last time? Since I mentioned making Ezra Meziah Veneracion fall in love with you, I've started noticing you slowly backing away."
Something is amiss in this place or with her. I'm afraid to speak for fear of slipping away and telling her about my real relationship with the woman she wants me to break into pieces.
"That's not it.." I have to disagree calmly, accepting the glass of wine she offers me and allowing her to pour some into it. I take a seat in the bar stool and place my white pouch on the table.
"You're forgiven, may oras pa naman tayo," she smiles sweetly. Is it odd to find that shift in mood unsettling? "Do you see these things? Isn't it nice?" she points to the table that was set up finely, but I just can't get it up.
"I'm not here to have fun or for this."
"But we're working with a bit of amusing plans in a philosophical discussion. You like deep conversation, aren't you?" she takes a red rose from the vase and sniffs it. "Red roses, blue and violet tulips. These are my sister's favorite flowers," she pours more wine into my glass, "She likes wine too.."
The things that were used against her were her favorites. She loves the fragrance of those flowers and the taste of red wine. It was too painful to grasp how those were used to damn near kill her.
We had no idea Davies was on to something, he was well cognizant of the plan from the outset. I was already in exile when I discovered that Davies had spritzed a toxic drug on the flowers and wine that she had shot down. It was because she failed to appear at the meeting spot that I claimed she had left me hanging and backstabbed me.
Minka was poisoned, and they made me believe she was dead. I had almost given up and lost my will to live when I thought I had lost her. She was one of the influential people in my life who taught me the value of setting goals that eventually stirred me up to survive, continue, and finish what we had started.
"Roses and wine, violet and blue tulips. Candles, drug, and salad on the menu. Make her feel special by acting out your nut allergy, death will gradually turn out to be true."
"Rafa.."
"Y-yeah?" I flutter my eyelashes.
"See, that's what I'm saying!" she slams the table in frustration, the things on the table including my pouch drop over the floor.
"That's not true," I stand up and follow her to her room, "Naalala ko lang siya, I apologize for that."
"I want Davies and Friedrich to get into what my sister and father went through."
"And we don't want others to experience the same thing, do we?"
She jerks me away, "Ezra is Davies' ex-fiancee, the only woman he has ever wanted to marry is Friedrich's daughter. Do you not see it? Killing her is like hitting two birds with one stone."
"He agreed to marry her for business reasons, not because he's in love her." He knows nothing about love, he's heartless and a monster!
"Ezra's still important to him," she counters. "Uubusin ko't sisirain lahat ng mga bagay at taong pinapahalagahan niya."
Shaking my head in disagreement, I take a look around her bedroom. I can tell she's staying because of the clutters and fucks. When I saw something, it drains the color from my face more.
"Are you.." I swallow hard, "Chanel you're into drugs again?" I understand it now why she's behaving this way again, it's always the influence of what she's taking into her system.
She continues to push me outside and slams the door shut without even looking at me. Outdoor, my phone begins to ring, I walk back and pick up my pouch. I unzip it and throw everything inside out. After having answered the phone, I quickly stow it in my bag, along with the red pocketknife I almost forgot about.
"Rafa.." Chanel emerges from her room, as shocked as I am.
I drop all my things to chase after her. "I'm driving it," I say stiffly, she just quietly slides into her car. I choose not to speak to her because I know that's already a worrying sign, and drive to where we are supposed to be. The last time I saw her like this was after her father passed away.
"Please tell me you're lying.." she begs their private nurse, who had earlier called us about the bad news.
"Minka is gone.."
Those statements she said on the phone ruptured my chest once more, bringing tears to my eyes.
"That's not true! You're lying! This can't be true, she's not dead!" she breaks down.
She's gone..
Minka is dead..
They news say she killed herself..
"Chanel.." my trembling hand tries to keep her back.
"This is all your fault," with escalating tears and rage in her eyes. "Don't you get it?! Hindi na niya tayo nahintay! Wala kang ibang ginawa kundi pahirapan siya! Ikaw ang nang-iwan sa kanya sa ere dahil pinabayaan mo siya at wala kang ginawa, hanggang ngayon wala kang ginagawa!"
Everything about the past has begun to shatter my heart. Could it be me? Minka chose to protect me over herself. She was always there for me. Without her, I would have died. I wouldn't have made it through the dark hole Davies compelled me to live in if it hadn't been for her. Minka did nothing but love and protect me, but what did I do for her?
"Davies molested her in front of you, and all you did was watch her to suffer! Mahina ka, wala kang kwenta! You're useless!"
"H-hindi totoo 'yan.." my knees shuddering.
Sebaztian Davies was the reason behind all our nightmares. It all happened the day before my 18th birthday. Davies had been surprising me with clowns at my birthday parties since I started working for him. I hated clowns, as he was the one who always dressed up for it, he thought it was funny, but I never liked it. Until one terrifying night before my debut, he came in wearing one. When I told him I was too old for it and that I was cancelling the party, he got enraged and attempted to force me. Minka stepped in to save the night, but at her expense, because of fear I passed out.
"Minka..I'm s-so sorry.."
Minka filed a case against him, only to have the case thrown out like a piece of crap. I did everything to help her considering I was an eyewitness, but nothing happened. We sought every possible help, but Davies always figured out a way to twist the truth; even Friedrich didn't believe Minka when she went to ask for his help and support. That's when we discovered Friedrich was actively helping him and covering for him.
They both regard Minka as trash-a woman they only have use for, but she is not that type of a person. She was blinded by love, falling in love and being manipulated by Friedrich. She only realised this after he did nothing to defend her, everything was too late. That's when we decided to run away because we'd had enough and were afraid of suffering all that much longer. Pero hindi dumating si Minka..sa hindi mabilang na pagkakataon mas pinili ulit niya akong iligtas kaysa sa sarili niya.
If I hadn't met Chanel, I wouldn't have known what they did to her...na buhay pa siya. That she's still constantly battling for her life and sanity in that facility where they locked her up. Upon our investigation, paulit-ulit lang na pangalan nina Friedrich and Davies ang lumalabas na utak ng lahat.
"I'm so sorry.." I breakdown into tears. "I want to see her, please let me see Minka's body.."
"I want you to leave for now please, I want to be alone," Chanel points out the door and orders the two men with her to push me away.
"I'll do whatever it takes to uncover why this happened to her, pagbabayarin ko sila!" huling sigaw ko at daing.
Minka's death brought me to question every decision I had made except for one, Ezra. The reason why I still choose to do the right thing and to be a bigger person when my anger overtakes the best of me.
"May we talk to the owner of this car?" one of the two men with Ezra converses with Art.
"I am the owner of this car."
"Pasensya na po, nakakaharang na kasi kayo sa daan. If you are aware, you are the reason for the increasing traffic congestion."
"Nagloko lang makina ng kotse ko, sandali na lang 'to," Art shrugs. When the man walks aside, he shuts the window and looks at me, "Mga pulis ba 'yon? Ayokong magulpi rito, Rafa."
I look at my watch, "Let's go back.."
I have to stop them on their way to Sebaztian's rest house. Arthur alerted me that Chanel has been putting out an impulsive scheme on Davies, so when I learned that Ezra was leaving to meet Davies, I urgently sought his help. I don't want Ezra to meet her there, hindi maganda ang kutob ko.
"So, where is your car?" he takes off his bull cap.
"Ginamit ni Chanel."
At first she was just insisting to meet Davies not as Minka's sister but as Friedrich's secretary. Hindi ko alam na tinapos na pala niya ang buhay ni Davies. We had another multiple debates and misunderstanding because of it, and she promised me that she would stop-for Minka and her death, I gave her another chance.
One night, a few weeks later, I came to one of her beach houses to know why Friedrich fired her, that was never in the plan, and he wouldn't do that arbitrarily. I want to understand why, what her future moves will be, and if she is scheming something without my knowledge.
"Checkmate," she blurts out, and smirks. "Too bad, why do you keep saving your queen? That's a disaster because you're just leading her to her own death."
I grip tightly on the red ribbon Ezra gave me, "Are you even playing with me to win or to behead the queen?"
"Killing the queen is also a win, Rafa Eli. Quit this game with me if you have no plan on pulling it off."
"I have a plan, Chanel."
I'm deliberately making things worse because I want her to win and put an end to it, but after hearing what she said, I changed my strategy and am now driven to defeat her.
"Why did he fire you?" I ask her after the game, we're now drinking wine over this subject, and she knows I'm not going to let this go.
"After what they did to my sister, tingin mo ba kakayanin ko pang makita araw-araw ang pagmumuka ng demonyong 'yon? Baka mapatay ko lang ulit siya agad na hindi ko napapahirapan."
"That means he didn't fire you?"
"I think he found out that I'm a snitch kaya magpapalamig muna ako habang inaayos ang plano," she says seriously, "Basta na lang niya akong sinisante," ginulo niya ang kanyang buhok, "Itinakbo natin sa hospital si mommy dahil lumala ang kondisyon niya nang malaman niyang wala na si Minka, nasa hospital din si Friedrich for his regular check-up. Paano kung nakita niya si mommy?"
Minka and her mother bear strong parallels when it comes to their physical attributes, just like Chanel and her dad.
Hindi ko pa nasasabi sa kanya na kilala na ako ni Friedrich, at ang pagdating niya sa bahay para kausapin ang mga magulang ko.
Kaya naman pala siya narito niya 'nung nakaraan, nagbabayad ng utang, at the same time naniningil.
Pa..I didn't know he come over here for that.
Itanong mo ang mama mo. Alam na ba ni Meziah ang tungkol sa nakaraan mo?
Kung totoong kilala na ni Friedrich si Chanel, baka may ideya na rin siya na may koneksyon kaming dalawa.
"He should've said something if he truly uncovered you and Minka are sisters. Don't think too much," I calm her down. "Please don't make plans without referring to me first, 'wag mo nang ulitin 'yung ginawa mo kay Sebaztian Davies."
When the news about Sebaztian's death was broadcast on television, I fell into silence while she's laughing so hard like her happiness depends on it.
"How did you do it?" I ask it again because seriously, Davies' murder has stayed relatively in the news as the killer has yet to be identified.
"His death?" she smirks, looking calmer now. "Are you seriously asking me that again?"
"No, it's the way you fought his men. There's a lot of them, did you do it alone?"
"Is that even possible?"
"It is when you're well-trained for it." I saw her roughed up her own hit man outside, she's really fast.
"I have my own people," she replies flatly.
"Chanel, you promised me. I thought we're done with it.."
She had changed so much after Minka's death that I could not even recognize her. She goes off on her own but she's not alone, there seems to be a shitload of them like now, armed men are all over this place. Hindi ako matatahimik hangga't hindi ko siya napapatigil pati na rin ang kung sino si Xiomara Morgana. The thing is, what if they're both on the same side?
"Dahil wala ka pa ring ginagawa, Rafa."
"We just handle things differently," my firm statement, "Hindi tayo magkatulad."
I've spent so long fighting until now, even with Arthur, yet not in the ways she wants it to be. Excluding the real sense that she is Minka's sister, I pledged to work with her as I had unrealistically high expectations that she would help me because we're battling for the same reasons, rooted in justice and our love for Minka.
"Where are you going?" she holds my arm. "Pick up your pieces, we have more pawns out there like Ezra Meziah-"
"This is enough, Chanel," I pull away my hand and take a breath in. "The authority needs to know what you did, you need help..a serious help."
"And you're going to lock me in a rehab too? Like what they did to Minka? Are you doing this kasi kilala na ako ni Friedrich?"
"No, Chanel. We should end this before it ends the both of us." I press into my chest, beginning to feel numb, "C-chanel what's happening?"
Everything goes black the next thing I remember.