Amity P.O.V.
"Hey, love?" Luz hummed as she lifted her head slightly, clearly still tired from prior actions. We agreed to cuddle for a while to rest, which allowed my thoughts to wander. "Do you struggle with your body image often...?" Luz flinched as she pushed herself up and out of my grasp to look at me directly.
"N-no! I used to I mean..." Luz looked away from me nervously. "When I was younger I always looked for a reason to why it kept happening. I never blamed it on my dad so I obviously blamed myself." I gently hugged Luz as her nerves continued to get the better of her. "Like it was something I did or what I wore or something was wrong with me, and eventually I decided it was my body. I decided I was to frail and weak to deserve anything but that." Luz hugged me tightly as she spoke.
"Did you ever do anything about it? I mean like negatively." Her grip grew tense like she became pained just from my words.
"A few times I did. It was mostly just off and on hurting myself. I never caused severe damage I didn't have the urge to hurt myself as much, so I don't have any scars but..." I held Luz closer as I felt more worried. "I stopped eating much for a while. I think it was only a few months but I'm not too sure."
"You moved past all that I'm assuming?"
"I...I don't know anymore. Last night was the first time I thought like that in years. I'm honestly scared that I might do something...bad I guess? To compensate with it all." I moved my hand to cup Luz's cheek, forcing her gaze to link with mine.
"Whatever happen's Luz, just know I'm here okay? I'll always be here for you. If you ever do anything I won't judge you for it." Luz smiled softly and sighed.
"I really hope you'd keep to your word."
"Let's hope it doesn't have to come to that okay?" Luz nodded and let go of me to sit herself up.
"You're asking me about this because of last night, right?" I nodded and watched as Luz huffed and looked away from me. "I...I was mostly in my head when I said all of that so those feelings just came out overwhelming. It's nothing that I think often I promise." I watched Luz get up slowly and leave the room. Part of me wanted to question her more, but I decided to leave it be. I didn't want to ruin the mood further than I already had.
"Shit...how long has she..." I sighed to stop myself from rambling my thoughts aloud. I couldn't help but pry into my memories while guilt slowly gnawed on my conscience. Was there ever an indication that she hated her body when we were younger? Or even now? Did she hide it? Pretend? Or was it really all repressed?
Could I have done anything differently to stop it? How bad has it gotten all while being invisible to everyone but her?
My heart sank as my mind continued to ponder. I felt sick thinking about where Luz could've ended up had she wanted to hurt herself or even if her father never got better. I felt my body hunch over once I sat on the side of the bed, my hands covering my mouth as if I was about to throw up. That reality wasn't real. It wasn't worth thinking about. I shook my head and got up to fix the rest of this date night. We've still got a few more hours to enjoy ourselves before Ed and Hunter get back with Rain. I walked out of the room to find Luz sitting on the couch, mindlessly twirling a glass of wine in her hand. I doubt she had any of it yet but she seemed to have planned on drinking it. Eventually. Her whole body jumped suddenly and her hold on the glass tensed greatly. "Lo siento lo siento lo siento lo siento..."
"Love, you okay?" I walked towards Luz and sat beside her. Looking her over the fear in her eyes told me enough to act. I gently took the glass from her hand, and I set it down on the coffee table to get her attention. She looked at me her emotions still scattered from whatever thought happened to occur to her. Giving her the choice to hug me or not; I slowly raised my arms in expectance for a hug, since physical touch may not be what's comfortable right now. Despite my cautiousness, Luz hugged me tightly. I heard her breath sway as if she were speaking but no words formed. "It's going to be alright, mi amor." Luz hummed a weak response in agreement. She sniffled a little trying not to cry.
"Lo siento, Amity. Yo necesito un minuto." Luz kept mumbling Spanish, although I could tell she wanted to speak less simply. Knowing my knowledge of Spanish is fairly limited, she stopped speaking it. "Talking about my body image kind of pushes me to think about everything that happened, so I was just looking for a quick way to cope." Luz nodded her head to the side, indicating the direction towards her glass of wine.
"That's not exactly a good choice for coping. Perhaps a therapist would be better?" Luz frowned slightly and looked away.
"Perhaps...but–"
"No buts. I'm right and you know it. Love, you need help." Luz bit her lip, holding back words. "Okay here." I shifted my position from beside Luz to on top of her lap. She looked at me in shock, and potentially a hint of awe glaring in her eyes, as I leaned close to her head. Resting my forehead against hers, I forced her to look into my eyes. "You can sit here wallowing in sadness, or we can continue our date night." Luz's lips curled into a slight smirk, turning the gears in her head.
"Oh yeah? And how would my goddess like to continue tonight?" Luz gave me a small kiss before I could respond, moving her hands to fit nicely around my waist.
"All that's up to you. Cuddles and movies...or turn this into a game night. Just some suggestions." Luz lifted her hand gently up my back, shooting a shiver up my spine.
"Game night? Like what a kind of strip UNO? Lose a bit of clothing every time you get skipped?" I felt myself blush at the idea, but shook my head.
"I can tell your still sore from earlier. The slight hoarse in your voice gives that away." Luz's smirk fell as her face grew red. She looked away but she began to work her hand further up my back, slowly, before dragging it back down.
"And whose fault is that?" I felt myself grin as I rolled my eyes lightly.
"Your's, love. You're the one who couldn't stop helplessly screaming 'Mamita'." Her face went a darker shade as I spoke.
"W-well you're the one that said, and I quote, 'Don't hold back'."
Well she's got me there...I didn't exactly give her options.
I sighed and just kissed Luz to shut her up before I got off of her lap, or tried to anyway. Luz pulled me back down and into a hug. "Do you umm...do you really think I need therapy? I mean you glossed over it so quickly I almost thought it was a half-hearted joke but..." My heart twinged. I didn't intend to create worry for Luz. In all honesty I was trying to uplift the mood. Shit, I fucked up.
"Okay sorry I got myself worked up and distracted so mistakes were made. I'm still in a bit of a mood I guess." I sighed trying to find the words. "It was kind of a joke, but I was worried about ruining our date night. So I just tried flirting to get your mind off it."
"Well you can't just say something like that and expect me to forget about it so easily...I mean I played along but..." Luz shook her head and gently pushed me off her. "Sorry I'm not sure what to do or say right now." I sat next to her and felt Luz lean her head onto my shoulder. "I..I don't want to go to therapy. I really don't think I need to go."
"Luz-"
"I'm serious. Please don't try to change my mind." I grabbed Luz's hand tightly, wanting so badly to pull her out of her thoughts.
"What else am I going to do? You're in a lot of pain Luz. I'm not going to just sit around and watch you suffer." Luz pulled away and got up. "What are you doing?"
"I...I need to go." Fear shot through my body as I caught the look in Luz's eyes. They almost seemed numb. Like any emotion had been stripped away.
"Where to?" Luz stopped and tilted her head up, staring the day away at the ceiling.
"Who knows...I surely don't I..." Luz sighs, softly following her sounds into a gentle hum. "I just need to get out of here. I'll be gone a couple hours if that..." I stood up, hoping I could fix this
"Luz if it's what I said I'm sorry I just–" Luz clenched her fists and turned around to look at me.
"Shut up. Just stop okay? Gosh why can't you just take a hint right now?" I froze seeing Luz wave her arm around, her face slightly flushed red. I don't think I've seen her this mad in a while. "Don't bother calling me I'm not taking my phone. I'll be back later anyway." Luz left before I could even say a single word.
"Shit that is exactly what I wasn't trying to do." I looked at Luz's drink. Untouched and waiting. I grabbed the drink and sipped a little. I winced for a moment as I tasted how strong the alcohol was. Luz must've bought this recently, since I swear we didn't have anything this strong. I looked around spotting a bottle that I didn't recognize sitting on the counter. Looking it over I could conclude it was Luz's recent purchase. I opened the bottle and went to pour it down the sink. Luz doesn't need it anyways. "It would piss her off more though..." My hand wavered to the side. Shakily, I set the bottle down. "Fuck I need a second opinion..." I flinched as I suddenly felt weight on my shoulder but relaxed once I realized it was only Ghost. "Not you buddy, sorry." He growled softly and jumped off my shoulder and walked away.
—
"Hey Mittens! What's up?" I sighed as Em answered my call, thankful she was able to. "Uh oh what's going on?"
"Nothing really...well...Actually Em I think I messed up." Em hummed for a moment, before she got distracted with something else.
"Emmie we're out of food for Puddles!" Viney's voice distantly came through the scroll.
"I'll get some in a bit, V. Don't worry." Em's voice slowly faded for a moment, but it returned before long. "Sorry Mittens, what happened?" I calmed myself quickly by controlling my breathing.
"Well...Luz has been going through a lot lately and I've caught her drinking to cope with it. I told her she should talk to a therapist instead but she got mad and left. I don't know what to do there's just so much going on that I just...I don't know." I sighed again and thought of all of Luz and I's recent arguments. "We've been in a couple fights lately and it's starting to worry Rain."
"Oh Amity...maybe she just needs some time?"
"Her mental health is getting worse, Em! She...she opened up about a lot of stuff and I'm really scared of what she's gonna do." Emira hummed for moment, likely thinking of a response.
"Well she opened up to you and your immediate reaction was to tell her to get therapy, more or less, so I can understand why she left. Let her calm down and try apologizing if she lets you." As Emira spoke I felt anxious. I really messed up...fuck. Why did I go all protective on her? She can handle herself usually. Everything that's happened lately is taking way too much of a toll. "Amity? You went quiet for a while."
"Hm? Oh sorry I just got lost in thought. I'll let you go now I have a few things to do anyways."
"Okay Mittens, call me later m'kay? Don't go all silent after this." I chuckled a little. I missed our almost weekly calls. They became sparse once Rain was born.
"I will Em, say hi to Viney for me." I ended the call and looked around. I had wandered throughout the house the entire call and landed myself in the kitchen. The house is so...cold and quiet. Without Luz or Rain it's almost painful to stay here alone.
You probably made Luz want to hurt herself with how you treated her.
"Wait...What the fuck!" I shook my head at the intrusive thought. I really need to relax...maybe I should read or no. I can just pick up Rain! Yeah, that'll help keep me distracted for now. I left the house while calling Ed to let him know I was coming by. The call was quickly answered with a snicker and a short pause. "Hey Ed I-"
"Hey there oh friend of mine you have reached the Ed to the ric of Blights! I'm probably busy coming up with some really cool ways to spend my time, so just leave a message after the beep and I'll hit you up later!" An inhale filled up the quick silence as I sighed. "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE–"
"Ed stop." An absolute uproar of laughed took over the call for a good two minutes. I groaned as his laughing came to a stop. "Alright now that I can assume you're quiet enough to here me, I'm coming over to hang with you guys and Rain."
"Trouble in paradise, Mittens?" I flinched as Ed said the joke. Considering that it felt like I was in paradise earlier, all the trouble I've made for Luz and I definitely helps us fit the idiom.
"Just a bit too accurate to the situation, Ed. Let's just say I need a distraction m'kay?" As I spoke I started getting ready to leave the house and was out the door before I finished my sentence.
"Alrighty then. Songbird and I'll see you soon." I chuckled at Ed using his pet name for Hunter. Think he came up with it when he caught Hunter and Flapjack singing a duet in the shower.
"See you soon, Ed." I summoned Ghost and started to fly us over to Ed's. Once I got there I laughed. Rain had climbed onto the back of their living room couch, so she could watch me through a window. Her eyes lit up as I walked through the door and she ran over to me. I crouched down to her level as I reached my arms out.
"Mommy's here! Mommy's here!" I laughed as I pulled Rain into a hug, spinning us around as I stood back up.
"Hey sweetie. Oh what's this?" I rubbed my thumb over Rain's cheek wiping off a bit of sugary powder, likely from a sweet she'd eaten. I licked the powder off my thumb to mess with Rain, which worked exactly as expected.
"Hey I was saving that!" Rain giggled grabbing my hand to try and rescue any remains she can.
"I think someone just got a little messy while eating."
"Noooooo..." I rolled my eyes playfully at Rain as she giggled. "Wait...where's Mamá?" Rain looked behind me and grew panicked the more she realized Luz wasn't here.
"I was actually wondering that myself." Hunter walked toward us adding on to Rain's question. Despite the stress of the situation I noticed a light hue of red covering Hunter's face. "Is something wrong?"
"No, everything's all good! She just..." I hesitated on what to say. I don't want to talk about this right now.
"It's okay Songbird. Mittens explained that Luz was just running some errands for a bit on our call." Ed looked at me and winked allowing me to sigh relived.
"Yeah that's what I meant to say. Bit of a brain burp for a moment." I nervously laughed it off as I set Rain down. "I'm gonna talk to Uncle Eddie real quick okay?" Rain nodded and went to go back to her toys.
"You doin' alright, Am?" Ed put his hand on my shoulder, reminding me to release all the tension in my body. "Em kinda...filled me in. She didn't say anything exact just that it's a bit rocky with you and Luz right now."
"It's not 'rocky' between us damnit!" Ed jumped back, lifting his arms up defensively. "S-sorry I'm on edge right now. You're right..."
"It's okay. Knowing you two this won't bother you in the long run." I shrugged and turned my gaze onto Rain. Hunter was playing along with Rain's toys. She was so worried at the idea that she wouldn't see Luz.
"For Rain's sake we will, but without her...I'm not sure. I've been reacting so badly to things lately I haven't been able to do anything right for Luz." Ed hummed and chuckled to himself.
"Can't do anything right? I find that hard to believe knowing how blatantly obvious Luz's blush was earlier." I punched him in the arm feeling my face heat up.
"T-that doesn't count!" He laughed and hit me back. "Whatever, why don't I bother you for a bit?"
"By that you mean?"
"Wanna tell me about Hunter's constant blush?" Ed laughed hysterically and just walked away from me and disappeared further into the house. "Dimwit." I smiled to myself for a moment but quickly lost myself in worry for Luz.
Dear Titian, I hope she's okay.