Trigger Warning: Mention of alarming words.
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Chapter 42
"You should be at the mental hospital. Better . . . at jail." My fist once again enraged at her smile.
"Why are you mad?" Now she looked sad.
"Are you happy now that my daughter died because of you?!" I shouted as I pant.
Her sadness shifted to a smirk. I stepped backward at how she smirked at me, she looked out of her mind when she laughed but then later on . . . she sobbed and covered her face with her palms.
"I-I just did that because I-I pity her!" She cried.
"Get out!"
"She might have a mental illness like you! Like me! I'm afraid she might experience what I've been through, my daughter!" She sobbed and stepped forward but I stepped backward.
"You murderer. You made her suffer even more!" My tears fell.
"I didn't mean to make her alive! I—"
I turned my back on her with my trembling steps but she held my hands that I flinched out of fright.
"Believe me! My goal was to kill her than to make her suffer!"
"Mom . . ." I shook my head and bowed as I covered my face with my quivering hands.
"I-I didn't mean—"
"What you did was wrong! That's a crime!"
"I did what I think is better for you and your daughter, Miracle! She needs to die or she'll suffer in this world! I-I'm afraid she might have ADHD like you! She might be bullied! Be laughed at! Be abused! You might even experience what I've been through as a mother with a child that has mental disorder, Miracle!"
"Mom, please . . ." I begged and shook my head.
"I'm here to kill you! I'll kill you so you won't grieve for your daughter's death then after that, I'll kill myself. What do you think? We won't be able to experience pain when we die, Miracle! Don't you think that's good?" Her voice seemed excited.
I looked at her and paled when she smiled at me with a glint of viciousness on her eyes as if what she's about to do thrilled her.
"No . . ." I paled as I stepped backward.
"Hell? I'm not afraid of hell! In this world, it's already hell! Is there any worse than that? Come on, my daughter. Let's die together and end this suffering. At least in hell, no one will laugh at you! No one will talk about your mental disorder! No one will contempt who you are! You'll just cry every day in fire but that's okay because I cry here every day too! They're all satan here!" She shouted in a jolly tone as she stepped forward.
"Mom . . . I-I think you should go ba—"
My eyes widened when I saw her getting a knife from her back.
"Please, my daughter. I don't want to die with the thought you're here in this hell alone, crying without your mom. I don't want you crying, it pained me. I thought you're strong enough to live without your daughter but seeing your tears, it broke me down. Let's die and forget every thing, shall we?"
"No, please. I-I need to live." I shook my head consecutive times as I look at her eyes.
Her smile disappeared.
"Why?"
"Mom, trust me. E-Everything would be fine. Go . . . go back to the hos—"
"Hospital?! I'm sick of staying in the hospital! No one's even visiting me there! No one will love me if they know I came from the hospital! No! They'll be disgusted of me! They think I'm crazy! I'm not crazy but they made me believe I'm crazy!" She fumed that made me flinch.
With a trembling hands, I grabbed my phone on the pocket and dialed number 1. Pixie can't go outside, she's alone. I don't want her to go outside.
"We will die together!"
"Oh my god! Racle!" I heard Pixie's shock.
Fuck! No!
I don't know how I did it. All I know was the urge of protecting them from my mom and the sudden strenght I get that I pushed her out of my house and immediately locked the gate with my trembling hands as I breathe a fresh, air, panting and feeling the coldness of my body out of fear when she started banging the small gate with her fist.
"Open the door!"
I grabbed my phone that was dailing and heard my brother's curse.
"Ju-Jus . . ." I sobbed.
"Are you okay? I heard it. I'm already coming there. I talked to Pixie and she called the police. Don't worry, Miracle." I could hear his loud beeps on the line, it looks like he's on the road.
Mom's loud bangs stopped. I tried to peek at the outside using the monitor and saw her running away. I don't know what's with me that I want her to ran away as far as she can and never come back rather seeing her lying on a hospital bed, sobbing. She's still my mom afterall, I couldn't find myself watching her suffer. I just want her to live a normal life away from me and be happy alone.
I don't know if I should be thankful they didn't find mom when the police called or . . .
"What if someone's helping her without us knowing? What if someone's behind her back?" Pixie held my hand and I could feel how cold it is.
"Don't worry, I'm sure mom won't . . . harm me. I'm still her daughter." I said skeptically.
Pixie stood from the sofa and looked at me unbelievably. Justine who was calling the police again for some information turned to us while Jake stood to calm Pixie down.
"Are you out of your mind, Miracle?! She hit you and your daughter with the car and now you're saying she won't harm you?!"
"Calm down, Pix. I'm sure we'll find her mom as soon as possible." Jake assured her.
I stood while Pixie glared at me.
"I'll rest now. I have an award to attend tomorrow."
"But, Miracle! It's not safe!"
I shook my head and gave her a smile.
"Don't worry. I'll be with her. I'll protect her." Jake gave me a smile.
His phone rang but he didn't grab it, he's looking at me worriedly.
"Are you sure you'll go—"
"Thank you, Jake. I think you should go back now. It's getting late." I cut him off.
"No. Stay here, Jake, please . . . Miracle might escape just like what she did back then!" Pixie's now getting paranoid.
"I won't!"
"No! I don't trust you!"
I groaned and went upstairs towards my room.
After doing what I always do every night, I slept with a heavy heart.
Never did know I'd wake up again just to welcome the sad reality of my routine.
It's been 5 years since the academy award happened . . . his last goodbye. I thought I've already moved on but then yesterday, I saw him after all those years, laughing with the other girl yet it has a great impact on me.
I arranged the lotions, toothbrushes and everything else on the sink at their right position by the time I woke up and then brushed my teeth. After brushing my teeth, I looked at my reflection and felt the need to brush my teeth again so I did. I did it five times and then showered three times.
My phone rang on the night stand outside but I'm not done yet, I need to wash my hands once again but fuck, I felt like if I go outside and touch my phone, my hands would be dirty once again so I washed my hands, not minding the phone call.
"Miracle!" Pixie called outside but I didn't mind her.
One last time. Wash your hand cleanly and get out. Get out after this, step out after this.
But one last time, I washed my hands once again before getting out and grabbing my phone on the night stand. I looked at the huge glass window and I saw the city of Manhattan. We moved to New York, that's what I want because now, Canada gave me a trauma I want to forget. Living once again in our old Mansion.
"Are you listening, Ms. Clifton?" The woman asked.
"Oh! Huh?" I shook my head to gather the attention needed.
She sighed on the line.
I put my phone on my shoudler as I grabbed the medications on the night stand I need to take. She talked again but my focus was on the bottle of medication before taking them.
"Miracle!" Pixie's voice.
I put back the medication bottle and looked at it for a while. There's something off that I arranged it once again in its right postion, from the tallest bottle down to the smallest and then cleaning all the small particles out of the night stand with the use of black cloth. I put down my phone on the night stand and ran towards the bathroom to wash my hands once again.
"Racle! Why aren't you answering?!"
I looked at the black wall and put back the black cloth on the balck cabinet, arranging them once again since it got ruined! Annoyed, I threw all the towel on the ground but then after noticing the mess my eyes couldn't take, I picked them one by one and folded them in the right way, putting them back on the cabinet.
The door opened but my eyes remained on the towels left I need to fold.
"You forgot you have a photoshoot!" Pixie massaged her temple.
I quit showbiz but then I became jobless, I need a job, not an actress anymore ever since I lost my passion with acting especially with the different kinds of sets we need to take in a different kinds of locations I'm having a hard time to deal with, that I became a model for products, thankful many are still grabbing me as their product endorsers— maybe because they pity me after knowing my illness.
"Are you listening?!" Pixie shouted, always been frustrated.
Done at arranging the towels, I grab another towel and was about to go inside the shower room when Pixie held my hand.
Annoyed at her touch, I grabbed the alcohol that has always been with me and sprayed it on my arms.
"Where are you going?!" She hissed.
"I need to take a bath!"
"What?! You just did! Look at your hair! It's still wet!"
"Get out, Pixie!" I grabbed the bathroom broom and pushed her feet off my bathroom tiles.
"I'm offended!" That's her line every day.
I sprayed her an alcohol before closing the door.
"Hurry up, Miracle!"
But I didn't listen to her. I washed again three times, washed my hands four times and brushed my teeth twice.
"Good morning!" Piper ran towards me when I reached the groundfloor.
"Wait!" I shouted that made her halt.
I grabbed the sanitizer and just like a routine, she gave me her palms and let me put the sanitizer on her. I sprayed an alcohol at her clothes first before hugging her.
"Miracle! She needs to go to school again smelling like an alcohol!" Pixie complained.
"Morning, my beautiful sister." I stepped backward and flied a kiss instead of kissing her cheeks, she might have bacterias.
Piper pouted and looked at her sister. Piper's already a teenager but still is acting like a baby.
"Good morning." Ms. Pia greeted me with a smile as she passed by me.
"Morning, Ms. Pia." I sprayed an alcohol to the air where Ms. Pia passed by.
"She said she'll go to school early. You were hard to wake-up!" Pixie grunted.
"Good to hear she's a hard-working student unlike you." I shook my head and grabbed a toasted bread on the kitchen.
"Yeah. Unlike you who's always late at work!"
Afer eating the toast, I ran upstairs to brush my teeth once again.
And I'm 3 hours late in the shoot but it's okay since the shoot usually starts at 8 am and I came at 7 am, they told me to come at 5 am, they're used to it so most of the time, they'd give me a schedule earlier than usual, every staffs whom I workedwith knew about my condition, but still, I did well with the shoot. No re-takes.
"Lunch Break!" Zeus, the commercial photographer announced.
"Pixie!" I shouted.
Like a flash, she gave me an alcohol. Staffs just shook their head when I started spraying the alcohol in the air and on my whole body. I looked at Pixie and she's looking on her phone.
"Oh! Ms. Ignilan said she called you early this morning but you didn't listen to her." Pixie said.
"Oh right! I forgot I was talking to someone!"
Pixie just shook her head and typed a message.
"She told me that I need to be at the principal's office because of my daughter this lunch time so I told her I cannot go, I need to do some things. Go to the school, Miracle." She clicked her tongue.
I nodded and once again, sprinkled an alcohol towards her that she shouted out of anger when it reached her eyes.
"Does the medicines even work?!" She roared.
I didnt mind her and passed by her. I informed Zeus I need to go for a while, his face became bitter at that, he knew they'll wait for me once again.
"Okay." He sighed.
Sometimes, I questioned why is his patience with me long. They'd wait for me and doesn't even dare to scold me, especially Zeus. Whenever I became the chosen endorser of a product, photographers would always ran away from my name that Zeus is the only one who's willing to shoot me. He's been with me for six years, wonder how he managed to put it up with me that long. Staffs are always different when it comes to me, they're lesser and even most are just forced to put it up with me for money, I bet they're cursing me inside their heads if only I didn't have the surname of my father.
I sprinkled alcohol on my steering wheel when I reached the car and grabbed my black gloves first, wore it, before starting the engine and now I'm off to go.
"Oh, it's you again, Ms. Clifton. It looks like Ms. Bercede's too busy to attend this meeting for her own daughter?" The Dean smiled at me.
"Well the teacher called me first." I looked at Ms. Ignilan who gave me a small smile.
"I don't even know why Ms. Bercede would always inform me to call you first if something happens to her daughter rather than calling her first as Ayah's mother." Ms. Ignilan shook her head and arranged her glasses.
I sprayed alcohol on the chair first before sitting. Ms. Ignilan looked at my legs since I'm wearing a black asymmetric mini skirt. I crossed my legs, probably she's thinking if I'm really 31 years old, with the look I know I don't look like one. I smirked inwardly, thinking what will she think if she discovered I'm a mother too. I straightened my back when she looked at my twisted wrap detail black top and arched my brow at the stair.
"Such a waste." I heard her whisper and looked at the alcohol I'm holding.
Why? Because I have mental illness?
The Dean cleared her throat.
"Ayah's coming right?" She asked Ms. Ignilan, Ayah's adviser.
"She will with her best friend."
"Wait? What did Ayah do this time?" I looked at the Dean.
She was about to open her mouth when the door opened. Ayah saw my presence and immediately ran towards me with mud stains littered on her white t-shirt. This six years old little girl is really naughty and messy.
"Hold-up!" I shouted.
Ayah stomped her feet on the ground out of complain when I started spraying her body with an alcohol. The door opened once again but my attention was on Ayah. I sprayed an alcohol on my lap and on her butt, after the cue, she immediately sat on my lap, facing me and hugging me tight, probably thinking I won't get mad at her if she hug me.
"Do not be mad, aunt." She whispered when she looked up to me.
I narrowed my eyes on her and gave her my warning look.
"Oh. Here is Ayah's partnered in crime." The dean said.
"Eydan! You fault!" Ayah buried her face on my chest.
I looked at the little girl that seemed to be a year older than Ayah. She sniffed, her eyes were teary as she stomped towards the chair. My lips parted as I stared at her familiar face. Throat went dry when she looked at me with her . . .
"I'm sorry, I'm late. My daughter—"
My heart started thumping loudly against my chest. Ayah looked up to me when she heard how fast and loud my beating was but my attention was all on the familiar voice from the man that entered the office. His eyes were on me that seemed shock too when our eyes met.
I looked at the little girl in front of me again and confirmed everything by the sight of her . . .
Blue eyes.
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Celestial Aurora