Jaemin had spent too long at Jeno's house that in returning to his house, he could smell the house's scent.
In coming back home, but something felt off.
He saw a stack of mail by the door and had taken it to the kitchen, not bothering to really look over it. It wasn't until he was sat down to eat cereal a couple of days later that he decided to look through it. He had mail from his landlord. Jaemin ripped it open, wondering why he'd get mail from him all of a sudden. His landlord only nailed him for money, but Jeno had already paid his rent for the month.
Na Jaemin,
I know you have been a good tenant, always turning in your rent on time, but I hope you're able to understand. I've been struggling lately with the prices going up. A family friend just offered to pay me more rent for the house, and I really need the money. I'll give you until the 27th to find a place and pack your things. It'll be my Christmas gift to you. Good luck.
My apologies :(,
Moon Taeil
Jaemin put the paper down on the table and tried not to groan in annoyance. He had almost forgot he was renting the house from someone. He'd lived there so long; he forgot the possibility of the house being taken away from him. Jaemin took a deep breath to calm himself. Things had been turning up, but of course, everything that goes up must come down and his little high had to subside.
Jaemin didn't want to be worried about this, not when he had his baby shower in a few days.
So he didn't.
Jaemin went about his days until the day of the baby shower, where he tried to dress up a little nicer. He'd be the center of attention, after all. Jaemin didn't like that, but he was starting to become more of a people pleaser. Some weird part of him wanted Jeno's family to like him. Jaemin looked in the mirror one last time before walking out.
"You look nice."
Jaemin laughed, "You too."
Jeno opened the door and they left together to his mother's house. It was pretty calm along the way. Jaemin was nervous, but something felt different this time. Jeno helped him out of the car and into the backyard where they had danced the day of the Halloween party. Now, it was winter and very cold, but there were heaters out in place and Jeno had made Jaemin wear a thick jacket. It was a fluffy white one.
Everyone turned and cheered. Jaemin wasn't surprised like most are, but he was fine with that. He smiled and waved to everyone, bowing a couple of times. Jeno's mom walked up to them, urging Jaemin over to sit down by a heater. There was only one spot, so Jaemin turned to shrug towards Jeno, sitting down with the other omegas.
"What gender do you think the baby is or do you know?" Chaeryoung asked.
"I haven't really thought about it. I'm fine with either." Jaemin laughed awkwardly.
Jaemin was asked question after question by the other omegas. One of them was holding a baby and Jaemin looked at the baby with so much fondness, which got them asking more questions. They were very kind about it, but Jaemin was starting to feel overwhelmed. He suddenly heard a whistle from the table over and turned to look and see Jeno, holding a beer. Jeno nodded his head towards the food table and Jaemin understood.
"Excuse me, I'm going to get something to eat." Jaemin walked to the food table where he was met with Jeno.
"Sorry about them; they like to know all the gossip." Jeno laughed.
"They're...nice." Jaemin smiled, filling his plate with food. Jaemin went back to his seat and so did Jeno.
Everything was pretty minimal for the party. It seems Jeno's mother knew Jaemin didn't want to be the center of attention, because most of the games didn't involve him so much, except one. It was called "Which Parent?" A sheet was passed around where the guests had to guess which parent would do what the question asked.
This game got Jaemin thinking about a lot of things because when you get questions like,
"Who will cry first when the baby is born?"
"Who will snuggle the baby more?"
"Who will read more bedtime stories?"
"Who will spoil the baby more?"
your mind really starts to reel in. Jaemin's imagination was going everywhere: imagining Jeno pushing their kid on the swing while Jaemin bought ice cream; imagining cooking in the kitchen while Jeno helped their kid with their homework at the table, imagining Jeno spoiling the hell out of the child and Jaemin having to tell him to stop spoiling their kid, imagining a family vacation, and
Oh my goodness
He needs to calm down.
Jaemin might've had a panic attack, if it hadn't been for Jeno smiling at him from the other table, keeping him grounded. Because thinking of the answers to those questions was hard work for his mind. Jeno would certainly spoil their kid. There was no doubt about it. Jaemin would shower their kid with affection. He could see it. Jeno looked at Jaemin, showed him the paper, and shrugged twice. They both laughed.
The game was over when Aera told everyone it was time for the gender reveal. This was the part Jaemin felt most anxious for. Everyone got up and went to the open space in the front yard. Aera pulled Jeno towards the front with Jaemin following behind. She told them Jeno's uncle was in the backyard preparing everything.
Jaemin anxiously played with his hands. He took one up to his face and started chewing on his nails. Then, he felt Jeno tug his hand away from his face.
"Stop biting your nails." Jeno said with a chuckle.
"I'm nervous." Jaemin said.
"Why?"
"I don't know. I'm finally going to find out the gender after all these months of not knowing. It's weird."
Jeno's mom started a countdown. Jaemin felt Jeno intwine his fingers with his to hold his hand. Everything seemed muffled around him as he looked up at the sky waiting. Suddenly, a loud boom was heard and an explosion like stars filled the sky.
Fireworks.
And they were blue.
And maybe Jaemin's vision was starting to get blurry, but don't worry, Jeno was there to wipe the tears away.
He laughed softly, "Why are you crying?"
Jaemin laughed through the tears, letting Jeno pull him close, "I don't know."
Jaemin turned to see everyone around them looking at them excitedly. They looked as if they were waiting for something.
"They're all watching us Jeno." He said, "I think they're waiting for a kiss."
"I don't care." Jeno chuckled, shaking his head. Jeno stroked Jaemin's cheek and leaned in to peck Jaemin's other, whispering so no one heard,"Nobody should tell me when to kiss you."
Jaemin was sure his face was painted by pink dust. It was warm, despite the cold. Everyone cheered for them, but Jaemin was left in a trance. It wasn't until Aera walked up to the two, urging them to go open their presents, so Jaemin snapped out of it.
Jeno mainly lead the present-opening, and Jaemin was grateful for that. This was Jeno's family after all. They had gifted many wonderful things, things that had Jaemin's imagination flowing again. A cute crib, and a bunch of small clothes: little hats, and little hoodies. Jaemin's favorite though, was an adorable teddy bear from Jeno's mom, patterned with different colors. Jaemin held it in his lap, close to the baby. Jaemin felt calm, but he would have felt more calm if it wasn't for the pressure on his lower back.
The night ended fine, with Jaemin only feeling a little overwhelmed. He kept thinking about his son. What would he look like? He'd be handsome if he's related to Jeno and his family. They were full of attractive people, but Jaemin didn't feel pretty. His mother was pretty, but Jaemin looked like his father too, and he hated seeing his father's face in the mirror.
Jaemin sat at the table with Jeno's mother as she made him a warm drink, while Jeno tended to guests.
"You seem pensive. What's on your mind, Jaeminie?" Aera walked over to him, handing him the drink and started playing with his hair. It felt like she was braiding the small locks.
"It's a lot of things really." Jaemin said.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Jaemin shook head head slightly.
"Was today okay? I tried not to overwhelm you. Jeno told me you seem to have anxie- Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to bring that up."
"It's okay." Jaemin sighed, "I had a feeling he'd psychoanalyze me. Your son is smart." Jaemin closed his eyes, taking in Jeno's lingering scent in the air. It was frightening how much he loved it.
"I have anxiety too, you know, and a little bit of abandonment issues."
"Abandonment issues?"
"Well yes, my husband left me and it's left a scar."
"My mother left me, but now we're starting to be on good terms. It seems that I'm being forced to heal from all the trauma I've been through lately."
"Life has a way of doing that. Sometimes you go through stuff you hate so you can learn to appreciate what you'll receive."
Jaemin smiled at her as she walked in front of him. "Are you going to name my grandson?"
"You should do it." Jaemin sighed.
"But I want you to do it." She said, giving him a sad smile, "If you're not going to stay with him, will you please gift him his name?"
"I..." Jaemin frowned, "I'll think about it."
Jaemin wasn't sure though. He had been thinking about it lately. Though he had tried so hard to not get attached, that had all gone down the drain, and he'd been thinking about talking to Jeno about it. He wanted to be a part of his son's life. He was abandoned, and he didn't want to make the same mistake. He wanted to be the parent he had always wished he had had.
When everyone was mostly gone, Jeno came and sat by Jaemin.
"Haven't seen you in a while." He smiled.
"Liar." Jaemin laughed. It had felt like a while. Though they were together for a lot of the time, they hadn't gotten the chance to talk.
"I'm going up to bed. If you guys decide to stay here, you can take the guest bedroom. I know you must be tired of being up and about all day, Jaemin." Aera said, drying off her hands and walking over to give Jeno a kiss on the forehead and squeeze Jaemin's hand.
"Goodnight." They both said in unison, looking at each other with a laugh because of it.
A comfortable silence filled the room. Jaemin got up and filled a glass of water, handing it to Jeno. Jeno thanked him. Jaemin sat down, ready to spill his thoughts.
"So, I've been thinking..."
Jeno leaned his head on his hand to look at Jaemin while he spoke.
"About a lot of things, and honestly, I've decided: I want to get to see my son." Jaemin felt a small warmth at the fact that he could call his baby his "son" now, like his baby had gained more identity.
"Really? That's great..." Jeno smiled.
"Yeah, but I think I need some help..."
"Of course I'm going to help."
"No, no, that's not what I mean. See, the other day, I visited my mom. She told me she knows you, because, well, she's in a psychiatric hospital and she's talked to you before. She's been through a lot, but she's better now. She got the help she needed. And I...I think I need help." Jaemin smiled sadly. Jaemin looked down at the table, then felt Jeno pick up his hand.
"That's so cool of you, Jaem."
Jaemin looked up at Jeno in surprise. "Cool?"
Jaem?
"Yeah, not everyone can admit they need help, and a lot of people do, even I do. I have my own therapist, you know. I think it's so cool that you want to take the initiative. It's the responsible thing. Most parents end up passing all of their trauma onto their kids unintentionally because they don't realize what they need to heal. If you see that you need to heal, then that's good that you can recognize it before you pass it on."
"So you'll help me? I don't exactly have the money for a therapist, but you're one and I was thinking maybe..."
"I'll get you one. I don't think it would be a good idea for me to be your therapist."
"Why?" Jaemin frowned.
"Because I'd be biased, and I wouldn't be able to tell you the truth because you're close to me and just a lot of other personal reasons."
"...okay, but I'm going to at least spend the rest of my savings on it. I keep wasting your money. I'm about to lose my house now t-"
Crap.
He didn't mean to say that. It seems everyone is saying things they didn't mean to say.
"What?"
Jaemin got up, "Let's go to bed."
"Wait, what's happening to your house."
"Nothing much, but I'm tired right now, so let's go sleep in that guest bedroom, yeah? Lead the way please."
"Jaemin." Jeno said sternly, "What's happening to your house?"
Jaemin ignored him, walking to the what he believed was the guest bedroom, opening the bathroom and shutting the door. He got ready for bed and walked out. Jeno was sitting on the bed on his phone.
"Here's some clothes for you." He said, "I'll go back to my room once you tell me what's happening."
"Then I guess you're sleeping here." Jaemin said, grabbing the clothes and walking into the restroom to change. He came back to see Jeno still on the bed, holding the little teddy bear from earlier, sitting up and looking too damn attractive in his sweatpants. It was his pajamas, but still. He looked effortlessly handsome.Jaemin had the biggest urge to sit between his legs and let Jeno hold him tightly. He wanted to become small in his arms and gosh, how much it hurt to feel like Jeno deserved better than him.
"Are you going to tell me now?" Jeno asked with an exaggerated pout as he pet the bear's fur.
"Nope, I guess you're staying with me tonight." Jaemin said, though a part of him did secretly wishe for him to stay. He got under the covers next to Jeno, laying on his side to face him as Jeno remained sitting. "Go to sleep, Jen."
"Tell me what's going on? I thought you were starting to open up to me with telling me about your mom."
"You're one to talk." Jaemin mumbled, remembering how Jeno's mother had said Jeno was secretive too, and now that Jaemin thought about it, Jeno hadn't opened up to him either. Jeno either didn't hear him or ignored the comment because he continued,
"I want to know what's going on with your house. If you don't tell me, I'll..." He trailed off as if trying to think of something.
"You'll what?" Jaemin yawned.
"I'll kiss you."
Jaemin was wide awake.
"W-why do you want to know so bad?" Jaemin closed his eyes, to avoid Jeno's gaze.
"You make me worry all the time, Nana." Jeno turned to lean his face over Jaemin's, saying the nickname in a teasing tone. Jaemin's breath hitched, opening his eyes to see Jeno's beautiful face. It made Jaemin want to wail at how unfair it all was. Jeno did look worried, but the fact that he was so close had Jaemin feeling flustered. Jaemin glanced at Jeno's nose and trailed his look onto his lips, gulping.
A kiss?
Who would want to kiss someone who's kissed a lot of other gross people?
Maybe this was Jeno's way of using him, and the sad part is, Jaemin would let Jeno use him, if he asked nicely. Maybe he really does have too many issues.
Jaemin looked at Jeno's eyes to also see him looking down towards his lips. Jeno started leaning down closer to Jaemin's face, but Jaemin quickly put his hands on his chest to stop him.
"Fine, fine, I'll tell you." Jaemin looked away, but Jeno didn't move, just kept hovering as Jaemin began to explain the situation. Jaemin couldn't even look at him, keeping his fingers scrunched against the fabric of Jeno's shirt.
"You can come live with me then." Jeno said. Jaemin's eyes widened and he looked at Jeno to see him smile, but something about it looked smug.
"See, this is why I didn't want to tell you. You're so extra. You do too much for me already. I can't...live with you."
"Why not? You're not wasting my money, none of it is going to waste. This honestly makes things easier: no more dropping off groceries, no more paying your house bills, no more worrying about my son and my omega." Jeno brushed Jaemin's bangs back with his fingers. He didn't even try to correct what he had said, but no matter what Jaemin wished, he wasn't Jeno's, and Jeno wasn't his.
Jaemin was sure his blush had crept down to his chest and his heart was hammering, even to his ears. The baby fussed about a little and Jaemin realized something:
The baby moves when his heart beats.
Which coincidentally, is always when Jeno is around.
"Stop flirting with me." Jaemin said, smacking Jeno's chest.
"Why? You can't take it?" Jeno laughed and it felt so vulnerable to be in a bed laughing with Lee Jeno, his voice husky and sleepy, and his actions flirtier than usual. Jeno certainly hadn't drank much, so it must be because he's sleepy.
"No. It's annoying." Jaemin tried to give Jeno a deadpanned look, but the fondness in Jeno's eyes made him unable to look into them, because what is he supposed to do with that? Jaemin watched Jeno's lips form the words,
"I know you want to kiss me."
"Oh? Do you?" Jaemin raised a brow to challenge Jeno, but his voice wavered a little, and Jaemin was sure it was obvious how nervous Jeno was making him. Jeno smiled smugly and leaned down to bury his face in Jaemin neck and left small pecks, giving Jaemin goosebumps. Jaemin froze, feeling suddenly too warm.
"Or maybe I just want to kiss you." Jeno said quietly. Jaemin wasn't even sure if that's what he had said with how light his voice had been.
Jaemin stared at the ceiling in shock, feeling his breathing pick up. He should want to push Jeno away, but he only wanted to pull him closer and dammit, he was sure of something else now, but it was all over before it got more heated.
"Goodnight, Jaemin." Jeno smiled up at him and kissed his cheek before moving to the other side of the bed to sleep.
And fuck, Jaemin couldn't sleep. He heard small snores from Jeno and he still couldn't sleep.
What did he realize?
It should be too obvious.
Jaemin was head over heels falling in love with Jeno,
no doubt about it,
but whether Jeno liked him or not, he deserved better. The alpha probably only liked him physically, because that's what happens when you have sex before getting to know each other, and to add on to that, they've gone all the way and had a child.
How sad.
Jaemin needs to find a way to move on.
Emotions are cruel.
~•~•~•~•~
This'll be over soon 😔 a maximum of like 5 chapters left.
-Ottokajae 💕