Author's Note fünfundsiebzig:
I promise... this will be the last sorta sad chapter for a while; writing this story is making me depressed at the moment so I promise that the chapters that follow after this one will have a lot of fluffy moments
Don't get me wrong... this story won't turn all cliché, but I want the next few chapters to just be like 'feel good' chapters you know? lol i'm sick of sad nialler... when niall cries... the world cries :(
Song of the Chapter: Bleed for You by Hidden in Plain View <3 [check out the media section and listen to the song while Niall "sings" it to Channing]
!WARNING! I'm bowing my head in shame bc... i used the word "orbs" in this chapter. It makes me cringe because it has become so cliché when it comes to fan fiction... please... have mercy.
Guys you should go back and vote for the previous chapters of AKOTW & AKOTC... and remember... every vote for akotw/akotc is a vote for Jesus.
Dedicated to @Janine_Diandra for ALWAYS keeping up with the story and she pretty much keeps me from slacking off because she's always subtly asking me "hey, how's the new chapter coming along?" lol rather than "WHEN IS THE NEW CHAPTER COMING OUT TELL ME OR I WILL KILL YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY" haha cus sometimes that's how I start to feel when ppl ask me WHEN i'm going to update ;)
[P.S] sorry for all of my curse words always being like "fxck" "bixch" ugh it annoys me too but WATTPAD has been up my ass trying to restrict my stuff so i'm trying to stay off the radar grrr
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Chapter 10: Bruised All Along Her Thighs
|| c h a n n i n g || [when she's still trapped in the house with Niall]
Niall was holding me tightly as we hovered near the top of the staircase; I tried to tell him that I could walk, but the one time he agreed to put me down, I almost fell flat on my face. Needless to say, he hadn't bothered listening to my pleas for independence since... and I guess I couldn't blame him, considering I could barely breathe let alone walk. Still, I felt so useless and guilty; this boy that was loved by millions was putting himself in danger just to help me. Although I was grateful, I was also terrified of something happening to him, not just for my sake, but the sake of all the girls around the world.
I subtly allowed my eyes to roam over Niall, fully taking in the adrenaline filled boy that was trying to save me. I felt him grip onto me tighter as he moved one of his arms over his forehead, wiping the sweat away. The amount of tension that was building in around us was crippling as we held our breath and tried to listen for any noises that would indicate we could make our move. I was thankful that the intense pain that had been racking my body earlier was starting to die down, either that or I was becoming numb to the pain.
My eyes felt heavy and my head was still dizzy, but I wasn't sure if it was from my step father's fists, or the powerful sleeping pill he forced down my throat a few hours ago. Niall and I stood completely still as we heard loud footsteps walking around on the first floor and I heard him sigh in relief as three knocks sounded on the front door. My grip tightened around his neck and one of his hands caressed the small of my back reassuringly, however at the moment, it did little to calm my nerves.
As Niall slowly began to creep down the staircase, my eye caught something sitting on the edge of the banister, immediately making my heart sink; earlier he had placed Louis' cell phone on the railing as he'd attempted to readjust me more comfortably in his arms, and now it was sitting there, forgotten. I met Niall's eyes once more and flicked mine up so that he'd catch my drift and look upwards; once he did so, I felt the worry pass over him as he debated on whether he should turn around to grab it.
Meanwhile, I knew that we were running out of time, Jeff would only argue with the pizza boy for so long before getting bored and slamming the door in his face. I adamantly began shaking my head, silently urging him to leave it behind, "Go!" I mouthed as he nodded and proceeded to step down the next few steps successfully. We were almost down to the bottom and Jeff was yelling at the boy at the door; just a few more steps and we'd be able to turn around the corner and be safely out of sight.
Just as Niall's foot made contact with the last step, I glanced up just as the white iPhone vibrated loudly against the wooden banister. My eyes widened and Niall immediately froze, hoping Jeff wouldn't notice the distinct buzz. I felt my heart fall as the buzzing continued, obviously indicating a phone call. I looked up once more, squeezing Niall's bicep tightly in panic and we watched the iPhone as it tipped right over the edge and went crashing down to the floor below. The loud noise seemed to make Jeff jump slightly and he spun around quickly, meeting my eyes before I saw him slam the door in the delivery boy's face.
Niall hesitated for just a moment, but that moment was long enough for Jeff to get over his shock and sprint over to us.
"What the fxck!" he yelled after us as we ran around the corner and into the kitchen where we could see the back door beckoning us to safety. Jeff was right on our heels and Niall immediately reached out for the door, trying desperately to get it open, however it was locked.
His fingers fumbled with the deadbolt, but by that time, I could hear Jeff standing directly behind us. I had my eyes squeezed shut and was refusing to look at him, but as Niall's movements stopped and his breath suddenly hitched, I looked over his shoulder to see Jeff holding a butcher knife to the back of Niall's neck.
Jeff released a condescending laugh as I watched him press the knife harder to the back of his neck, his rancid alcohol ridden breath hit me like a smack in the face, "Put her down and get the fxck away from her," he seethed through clenched teeth.
Niall was still facing the door and I watched as he squeezed his eyes shut, ignoring Jeff's instructions. His entire body tensed up as he held me tighter and spoke slowly as to control his anger, "She needs tah see a doctor, I'm takin' 'er to tha Hospital," he replied in a low voice; my heart sank at the tiny tremor I could hear in his voice, and I prayed Jeff wouldn't pick up on it. Jeff liked to use your fears against you, and if he knew you were afraid of him, it only made him stronger.
"You think I give a fxck?" Jeff asked as he roughly shoved us against the door, "Put her down or I will kill her right in front of you," Jeff warned, I chanced a look up to his face, and I could tell he was serious by the deathly look in his eyes.
"Just do it," I whispered against Niall's neck, his body was encasing mine like a protective cocoon; he shook his head, refusing to remove himself as my shield.
I was about to respond, but Jeff had had enough of the waiting game; I yelled out in pain as he harshly grabbed my hair from over Niall's shoulder and pulled roughly, causing Niall to turn around as to stop me from screaming. He ripped me out of Niall's arms, shoving me down to the dirty tiled floor as he quickly pulled his fist back and launched it into Niall's face.
I screamed as I watched Niall's head bounce off the back door, and tried to scramble back up to help him before Jeff could take another cheap shot. However, just as I was attempting to stand, I watched as Niall ducked down, easily out maneuvering Jeff's second attack; Niall used all of his weight, throwing himself at Jeff who was momentarily off balance from all the force he packed into the punch that completely missed Niall. I wiped my eyes furiously trying to clear the tears as I saw the both of them fall to the ground in a heap.
Niall was on top of Jeff, and I watched in astonishment as he punched him easily in the mouth three times in a row, drawing a line of blood down the bastard's face. I gripped the edge of the counter and pulled myself up as quickly as I could; I felt like my body was on fire as the searing pain rushed to every part of me.
I bit my lip to hold back a cry as I managed to stand up, and watched in horror as Niall let my presence distract him, "Chan, get out! Get tah Jetta!" he urged as Jeff overcame him, flipping them over and holding the knife right over the front of his neck again. I gasped as Jeff pressed the blade firmly against Niall's skin, right over his adam's apple.
"Get off!" I screamed, trying to stop my voice from trembling as I attempted to get closer to them, but with every step I felt like I would crumble to the ground.
"NO! Channing, don't!" Niall yelled, trying to deter me from getting closer; I shuddered as Jeff punched him in the mouth once more. The force of his head hitting the floor and bouncing back up caused the knife to cut slightly into his skin, leaving a frightening streak of blood trailing from the shallow wound.
I limped closer to them, but something sitting in the sink caught my eye; I quickly reached into the basin, and pulled out a heavy iron skillet. My fingers gripped it tightly as I pulled it out and quickly hobbled closer toward the scuffle.
Jeff was still holding Niall down, threatening him with the knife as I crept up behind him, "Get off of him!" I cried as I swung the skillet like a baseball bat; I felt an overwhelming satisfaction as I heard the crack from the pan connecting with the side of Jeff's head. Alright... I admit, that satisfaction may have come from the fact I felt like Repunzel from the Tangled movie. Frying pans really do make good weapons.
Jeff slid off of Niall slowly as I watched his eyes roll back in his head for a second; unfortunately, unlike in the movie, the frying pan didn't knock him out, but it did daze him enough to get him away from Niall. As Jeff slumped down to the floor, I gave him a hard shove to get him off more quickly; I dropped the pan and reached for Niall, taking a much needed breath of air as I wrapped my arms around him, trying desperately to pull him to his feet. I winced with each breath I took, something in my chest and in my sides was overwhelming me with pain as I tried to catch my breath.
'Get up, get up, get up," I whispered urgently as Niall shook his head a few times and wiped the blood from his lip.
After another second of recovery, Niall finally got to his feet and ran over to the door, desperately trying to unlock it; after doing so, he came back over to me, as I was leaning against the counter, almost wheezing. I was really starting to freak out because I felt like I couldn't catch my breath, and the panic was making things even worse. Niall went to try and pick me up, but I screamed in agony as he tried to wrap his arms around my back.
His eyes softened as he took in my tattered state, and I could feel my body shutting down. It hurt me too much if he tried to hold me, so I leaned on him as he attempted to help me limp towards the door. We quickly tried to shuffle past Jeff who was lying on the floor, his back facing us. We proceeded past him with caution, and just as we were about to step outside, my world was shaken again as I felt a hard grip on my ankle.
In the matter of seconds I was ripped from my upright stance and sprawled backwards on the floor, the last thing I remember as my head made contact with the ground was Niall's terrified face as he desperately tried to get Jeff off of me.
|| j e f f ||
I could hear the little bixch and the other kid trying to get out the door, but there was no way in hell that was happening. She had the nerve to hit me when my back was turned? As soon as this shit was over with, she was going to regret everything. I was playing opossum as they tried to sneak past me, but just as I felt the whore step closely enough, I reached out, ripping her feet out from under her so that she came crashing down to the floor. The back of her head made a satisfying cracking noise as it hit the ground, and I smirked as I saw her eyes immediately begin to slide closed.
The boy looked around frantically and I turned around, glaring at him as he tried to pull me away from her. I threw my elbow back, hitting him in the face; I couldn't help but laugh as he fell to the floor and cursed, the kid certainly had a mouth on him.
"Please!" He yelled in a vulnerable voice as I reached for the knife and held against one of Channing's wrists as he continued, "Yer supposed tah be like a father to 'er, how can yeh be so cruel?" he asked thickly in an unfamiliar accent. He wiped at his bloody nose as he stared me down; I knew he was just trying to distract me.
I turned and shot him a deathly glare, "I'm not her father! This little bitch ruined everything! She's worthless and used, what could you possibly see in her?! She's tra--!"
"She's not!" he replied instantly, cutting me off, "She's not trash! You've no room tah call 'er that! Can yeh even comprehend how strong she is? You've beaten 'er down and tried tah ruin her, but she always carries on! If anyone is trash 'ere, it's you! Yer pitiful an' should be ashamed," he finished with a disgusted look on his face as he shakily climbed to his feet.
I could tell this dick was obviously a talker, not much for fighting, or he would've jumped on me already. However, even though I was plotting a way to finish him in my head, in the back of my mind, I was frozen by the strength in his words.
Those words made me angry, not only because they were the truth, but because I could tell how much he cared about her. I'd once cared about her too, both her and Maxine. We were a real family for a short while, at least that was until I came home one night to find Maxine on the phone with one of her co-workers. Apparently she'd been having an affair and I overheard her telling the man that she was ending it.
Something snapped inside of me that night; I grew this new permanent wall around my heart and was quick to anger, always lashing out. I never told Maxine that I knew of her affair, instead I just let it sit and fester in the pit of my stomach; the resentment towards her and Channing became overwhelming and I slowly began to blame all of the problems I had with my wife on Channing. She was easier to take it out on since Maxine was never home; over the years, my conscience began to dissipate and I lost the ability to think of Channing as an actual person. I felt the best way to get back at Maxine would be to destroy her daughter, and I think I was right... but was it worth it?
I shook my head to clear the truth from my mind; it didn't matter what the truth was anymore. Nothing mattered anymore. Why should they get to have love when I didn't? Eventually one of them would stray, so I'd actually be saving one of them a lot of grief in the long run if I just ripped them apart now.
The kid was still glaring at me; I could almost hear the prayers he was repeating in his head, hoping that the good ol' hand of Jesus would strike my heart and save his beloved. Little did he know, there had been no God in this house for a long time; how could even God break through a heart so diminished by hate?
I released a humorless laugh as I looked down at Channing; her face was bruised and battered and her breathing was quick and shallow. I looked down at her hideous wrists and decided I was going to give the kid a race against time. I quickly grabbed the butcher knife that was a few feet away and brought it back to hover over her wrist; I looked over my shoulder at the little prick who dared to come here, into my house and upset the natural order of things. If I gave him the chance to save her and he failed, that would destroy him.
As soon as he realized what I was doing, he charged at me, but not before I took the sharp blade of the knife and dug it straight down her forearm, slicing through a few bracelets as well. The cut was deep and thick blood began oozing from the wound instantly.
"NO!" He yelled out in an agony stricken voice before shoving me off of her completely. I fell to the floor and watched on emotionlessly as the panicked boy ripped off a strip from the shirt Channing was wearing, and began wrapping it firmly around her wrist.
"Ch-Chan, come on," he murmured as he picked her up urgently while trying not to jostle her. His eyes kept darting over to me, probably expecting me to come at him, but I'd already decided to let them go. That cut was deep; there'd be no way to get her help in time. Just to mess with him, I took a step towards him, making him flinch and stumble backward.
"Fxck you!" he screamed in anger as he rushed toward the door, I watched him go before my words stopped him, "I warned her I'd slit her wrists to the bone; this is your fault, her blood is on your hands," I said in a calm voice.
He merely shook his head at me before running out the door. I looked down at the puddle of blood as well as the crimson trail that led to the door. I rubbed my hands over my face before lazily walking out of the kitchen, heading to my phone that was somewhere on the couch.
As I was about to phone Ryder to tell him to be on the down low, I saw a while sliver sitting over on the bottom step of the staircase. I quickly got to me feet, and reached down to retrieve what looked to be a fancy looking cell phone. Hmm... it was probably that little pricks. I smirked as I studied it closely, and even though there was a large crack on the screen and a lock on it, I just started laughing. I had people who could help me unlock this; if she did happen to survive, at least I'd be able to find her again.
|| h a r r y || [At the Hospital- 5 days after incident]
Liam, Zayn and I had arrived back in Saint Louis a few days earlier, and we were now headed back to Channing's hospital room to take Niall some food, considering we couldn't get the nutter to leave her side. To be honest, Niall hadn't been himself since this entire ordeal happened, but who could blame him? The night they took Channing to the hospital, things were really touch and go for a while, and Lou told me how torn up Niall had been, especially since they wouldn't let him in to see her because she was recovering from surgery.
I was astonished when Jetta revealed just how badly Channing had been beaten; aside from the welts from the belt buckle that would probably leave scars on her back, she also had three fractures ribs, a dislocated jaw, and internal bleeding. She was placed on a ventilator because one of her broken ribs had punctured her lung, making it extremely hard for her to breathe. Not to mention the worst of it all, the cut Jeff made along Channing's wrist, it was extremely deep and caused a lot of blood loss. She was so pale and her breathing was so shallow that Niall was terrified he was going to lose her.
We made our way to room 214 and I knocked on the door lightly before letting us in; as expected, Niall was sitting in the chair next to the bed with his guitar in his lap. Ever since we'd arrived, Niall was constantly playing his guitar and writing; when anyone asked what he was doing, he'd brush it off and change the subject, however, I could tell he was writing music to cope. In fact, he was probably writing it for her, she did seem to be his muse after all. I'd never seen him so interested in writing his own songs until she came into his life.
"You alright, mate?" I asked, patting his shoulder lightly; he didn't respond at first, but after a few seconds of silence, he slowly turned around, looking me in the eye, "I'm great, an' yerself?" he asked rather sarcastically. As soon as he said it though, I saw the guilt pass over his eyes; it wasn't normal for Niall to act so rudely, but he was hurting, so we tended to let it slide.
Although I knew he didn't mean to lash out, I still felt my face fall at his words, which immediately caused his eyes to soften as he looked up at me, "I'm sorry, I don' mean tah be rude," he mumbled softly as he looked up at me, "I'm jus' werried an' stressed out," he said simply as he put his guitar on the floor and crossed his arms over his chest.
"We understand, Niall," Liam replied for me in a comforting tone, "But, we're her friends also. We care about her too," he reminded him kindly, taking the empty seat next to the bed. Niall nodded in agreement, and offered me a small smile, silently asking me to understand and to disregard his bitter mood.
I leaned down, offering him a hug, and he took the opportunity to share his appreciation, "Tanks fer commin' guys, I do appreciate it," he mumbled softly, watching me intently as I released him and picked his feet up so that I could sit at the foot of the bed; Niall smirked at me as I slowly laid his legs back down so that they were resting along my lap.
Zayn came in a few minutes later and after offering Niall the Big Mac we'd gotten for him and the Coke we grabbed from the vending machine, he walked across the room, leaning against the far wall.
After a few moments of silence and the constant beeping of Channing's heart monitor, I suddenly realized we were missing a pair of loud and obnoxious people, "Where're Lou and Jet," I asked randomly; Niall studied me for a second, and I tried to mask my face from any emotion; I was attempting to go about the topic casually, but there was some obvious trepidation in my voice.
"They went out fer lunch," he replied as he gazed up at the clock on the wall for a moment before locking his eyes back on mine, "... about four hours ago," he said softly.
I nodded my head with nonchalance as I reached into my pocket to change the subject, "Here's your phone Niall... sorry I kept forgetting it in the hotel room," I apologized softly. Although my mind drifted to Louis and Jetta... wow four hours? Who goes to lunch for four hours?
Niall took the phone and immediately began looking for something; after a moment he smiled and I nodded my head in understanding as the video of him and Channing began playing.
"You should make her a new video," I suggested, as I turned my head to look over at Channing. Her chest was rising and falling in a steady rhythm.
Niall seemed reluctant at first but Liam tapped his knee to gain his attention, "Yeah make her one to show that we care and will be here when she wakes," he said with a smile, I laughed a little at Liam's excitement.
Niall nodded his head and picked up his phone, after clicking the record button, he turned the phone around and began recording himself, "'Ello, Channing!" he greeted with a smile that looked somewhat forced but was sincere nonetheless.
"I'm 'ere with tha rest of tha boys, and we're jus' waitin fer yeh to wake up," he said with a sad smile, suddenly; the phone was ripped from his grasp and I looked at Liam who now had the phone pointed at himself as he offered one of those famous, genuine smiles;
"Chan, we're all here for you, so as soon as you're done with this beauty sleep," he quickly pointed the phone down at Channing to capture her sleeping figure for a moment before bringing the phone back to face himself, "Which you obviously don't need..." he quipped with a grin, as he rolled his eyes, "As soon as you're ready to wake up, we can finish this darn tour and then take you girls to England," he promised. That was the plan, after all; there was absolutely no way Niall was letting her stay in this damn city, not that she'd want to anyway.
I motioned for Liam to throw me the phone, and as I caught it, I turned it on Niall once again before I began speaking, "Channing, this bloke right here... to be honest he looks like crap and smells terrible because he is refusing to leave your side. Now that is love," I teased as his cheeks grew pink.
"Hey tah be fair, I don't look or smell that badly because there is a shower in tha room, after all," he informed us as he pointed toward the bathroom, "No need fer yer embarrassin' exaggerations, Princess Kitty Paws..." he said with a wink as I let the smile drop from my face.
"Niiiialll..." I whined, "What have I asked of you? If Jetta's around it doesn't bother me... but when she's not can we please..." I slowly brought the phone to my face as I darted my eyes from side to side as if someone were spying on me, "ixnay on the P.K.P nicknames!?" I whined before pouting into the phone.
Niall let out a hardy laugh as Zayn stepped up from behind me, snatching the phone from my grasp, "Oh, give it here, she doesn't want to wake up and see a video of your pouting mug," Zayn said with a laugh as he turned the phone back toward himself, "Chan, we all love you so much. I know we've only just met you, but you're part of the family now. You're important to Niall, so that makes you important to us," he said with a sincere smile before tossing the phone back over to Niall.
He turned the phone to face himself once more, "By the way, Olive... when yeh wake up... please don' blame me fer what happened to yer fingernails," he said as he winced and then picked up Channing's hand to show her one of her nails, "Well, okay, this one's not so bad... because Jetta painted these... but this one," he continued as he dropped Jetta's masterpiece and picked up Louis first grade art project, "this is all Louis' fault. Apparently this happened when I was in the shower, so don't blame me," he repeated adamantly.
"Oi, that's dreadful, Lou's got four younger sisters... you figure he'd have a little more experience with nail painting," Zayn mumbled, sounding amused as he took Channing's hand and studied it more carefully.
"We'll see you when yeh wake up, baby," Niall said as he blew a kiss to the phone, "love you," he whispered with a bashful smile. Before he was able to turn off the video camera though, Zayn, Liam, and I let out a chorus of 'awes'; Niall's cheeks flushed as he rolled his eyes, "Shut up yeh twats," he grumbled before finally ending the video.
"Well that was certainly a nice way to end your 'Chialler Video Diary #2'," I mused as the rest of the boys started laughing as well.
"Yeah well, it wouldn't be Niall without some colorful language; surely Channing's figured that out by now," Liam added with a wink.
|| n i a l l || [listen to the song in the media section]
Ever since speaking with Clara, I'd been acting as if Channing were perfectly fine... just napping. Of course I wasn't so deluded to believe that, but it did slightly soothe my conscience. I was strumming my guitar and resting my feet across hers at the end of the bed; for the past two nights I'd been working on a song for her. No one really knew how badly she was hurt during her stay with that fxcking dick. All we knew for certain was that he'd beat her with a belt, broken some ribs, and punctured her lung as well a slit her wrist. Not to mention, there was also some obvious bruising along her thighs, they mostly looked like fingerprints. The doctor had told Jetta that there seemed to be some trauma from a sexual assault, but it didn't seem to be too extensive, or in other words it wasn't that bad. Not that bad? How the fxck could they say it wasn't that bad? Any damage, no matter how small in a situation like that could be devastating for any woman, or any person for that matter.
Over the course of her stay in the hospital, the bruises had gone from dark purple to a light bluish-green. I'm not a perv or anything, I only knew these things because Jetta had been helping the nurse wash her off and change her gown.
Still as I sat there, the thought that those bruises were anywhere on her body, let alone in such an intimate place made me sick to my stomach. The pain she must have felt while getting them sent a chill down my spine, but I would gladly take her place if I could; I'd bleed for her, hell I'd die for her.
As my anger tainted my thoughts I zoned out and only came to when I heard a distinct snap and the sound of something falling to the ground. I took a deep breath and looked down at the paper where I'd been writing down the lyrics, "Shit," I murmured to myself when I realized I'd snapped the pencil I'd been using in half.
I stared down at the lyrics I'd written down over the last few days; I summoned all of the hate I possibly could as I thought about all of the pain that had been inflicted on Channing; no one deserved for their body to be taken and used as if it were a piece of property. The thoughts that filled me with the most anxiety though, were the ones of how Channing would be fairing right now if I hadn't intervened.
I glanced up at Channing as I placed the guitar back in my lap and expertly began plucking the strings as my voice rang softly throughout the room;
"The cold concrete cuts against her back
And her spirit spills with blood onto the pavement
Hands tied so tight behind her neck
And a silence falls, and everything changes
Everything dies, to you nothing's alive, to you anymore
I guess you've gotten more than you may have wanted"
The words left a bad taste in my mouth as they tumbled freely from my lips; just the thought of someone, anyone, being put through that was sickening, but I couldn't help but to write about it... to sing about it.
"If I could take your pain away
I would scream for you
And I'd bleed for you
So you'll never feel this way again
When you're in my arms, again
I would scream for you
I will bleed for you"
The song was certainly different than anything I'd ever written before; it was dark and cold and lonely, but underneath it all I think the message was clear: If I could, I'd take her place, and regardless of her past, I'd always be there for her. I continued to manipulate the strings on my guitar with a disturbing intensity as I continued;
"She drowns herself until the images erase
But the skin is bruised all along her thighs
Nightmares repeat refrain the memories remain
The mental photographs haunting all the time
She shuts her eyes, to you she tries to hide
From you, she falls asleep into dreams where she is safe
"If I could take your pain away
I would scream for you
And I'd bleed for you
So you'll never feel this way again
When you're in my arms, again
I would scream for you
I will bleed for you"
As the next verse in the song began to form on my tongue, I looked up to the sleeping girl, willing her to wake up, willing her to pry her eyes open. I focused on her face; I was almost afraid to blink for fear of missing her if she opened her eyes. I lowered my voice, slowing the pace of the song as the words spilled out straight from my heart;
"Put the weight on my shoulders
And the pain in my heart
Tie the knots in my stomach, let it tear me apart
So I could be everything you need
Put the weight on my shoulders
And the pain in my heart
Tie the knots in my stomach, let it tear me apart
So tear me apart.."
My mind was wandering with complicated thoughts as my lips spilled more worries of a girl with a dark past; I just wanted her to be the same girl with the contagious beautiful spirit. I just wanted her to be my Channing... so I tried to look at things from her perspective. I tried to imagine how things could have been from her point of view;
"Where the silence strips me bare,
and your body pins me down.
I've never been so scared to breathe,
afraid to make a sound.
But all I know is you'll never let me go...
Just kick and scream, bite and bleed,
and make believe it's all a dream."
I truly believe there is a defining moment in each of our lives; a moment that can either make us or break us. Don't get me wrong, throughout our lives we will have many opportunities to fall and pick ourselves up again, but I truly believe there is a single moment in everyone's life, no matter how mundane that person may be. A single moment where for just a second, the world stops and you are the center of the universe; a moment where you choose your own fate and create your own destiny.
I think Channing's moment was when she first made the decision to write me those letters... and I think my moment, was actually taking the time to read them... because without those two actions taking place... who knows where we'd be right now?
|| c h a n n i n g ||
If you asked me what it felt like to be in a coma, I'm afraid I couldn't tell you. I didn't dream, I didn't smell or feel, and I couldn't sense things. I also felt no pain. I wish I could say that I heard all of my friends talking to me and was just unable to respond, but that's not what happened. I wish I could say that I had an out of body experience where I was floating overhead and watching my friends as they worried over me, but thankfully that's not what happened either. No... for all intensive purposes, it just felt like death... at least that's what I assume death would feel like... absolutely nothing. It was like an endless black void, and even though I wasn't aware of the black void at the time, as I felt my eyes fluttering open, that's all I could remember.
I had been dead to the world for five days... no pain or worries, just sleep. I remembered what happened before the coma, but for those five days afterwards, I knew nothing.
Even though I was unable to see, smell, touch, or feel anything during my sleep; I do remember coming out of it, quite vividly. As I fell out of that dark void, it was as if I was being pumped full of adrenaline and I was trying to break free from the snarling blackness that was trying to keep me held in. My mind began to wake up before the rest of my body was able to; my toes being the first thing I was able to move. As I sat there, moving my toes slightly so that they scraped against the light blanket which covered them, my mind was still trying to pull itself out of the swampy darkness.
I didn't know what was happening. Why couldn't I move? Why couldn't I open my eyes? I felt so helpless and afraid but all of that fear was quickly washed away as I head a voice by my side... his voice. He wasn't speaking though, he was singing... like he always did for me. The melody that accompanied his beautiful voice was sending familiar sensations through my body;
"If I could take your pain away
I would scream for you
And I'd bleed for you
So you’ll never feel this way again
When you’re in my arms, again
I would scream for you
I will bleed for you
Pain away
I would scream for you
I will bleed for you"
I could hear the strumming of the guitar come to an abrupt halt as I felt his warm hand grasping mine. I was trying to open my eyes for him, with all of my might; I was trying with everything I had in me. As I felt his hand around mine, I sensed that he was drawing nearer as I felt his cool breath against my neck. I heard his breath hitch as he scooted in closely to me, surrounding me in his presence, wrapping me up in his spirit. With one last effort, I put all of my energy into trying to squeeze his hand, and I believe I was successful when I felt him sit up abruptly, and heard the metal chair he was sitting in scrape across the floor.
"Ch-Channing?" he whispered, his voice was warped with agony as I felt him squeeze my hand firmly. I focused all of my energy once more on trying to move my hand, and I must have succeeded again because he quickly got even closer to me; I felt the bed dip as he squished in beside me and wrapped his arms around me.
"C'mon, Olive... come back t' me," he murmured into my ear. I felt his hand resting against my cheek as it trailed down my neck and shoulder, where he jostled me slightly.
I felt an odd sensation on my face, and that's when I realized he was kissing me. He kissed my lips gently, before sprinkling kisses along my cheeks, forehead, and nose. As he spoke to me, his voice was filled with so much emotion; I could feel a slight wetness pricking at my eyes and then roll down my cheeks. Why did he sound so scared? Where were we?
His hand brushed my cheek and his fingertips lightly swiped away the tear that had slipped out, and I continued to lay there in a comfortable silence. I was still terrified because I couldn't move, but I felt safe, knowing that Niall was with me; I knew he would keep me safe.
"Open yer eyes, baby," he pleaded, his voice breaking my heart into tiny pieces, that accent I cherished was making my head spin.
I summoned all of the strength that I had left in my body and as I peeked my eyes open at him, I was almost blinded by the light of the room. My eyes opened for just a moment, taking in the beauty of those blue orbs staring back at me, and just as quickly as they opened, I snapped this shut once more.
"Oh my God!" Niall whispered as his voice broke. I immediately felt him bury his face into the crook of my neck; he squeezed me so tightly I felt like I might explode. After several minutes of his labored breathing brought on by the excitement of me opening my eyes, I could feel his heart rate beginning to calm down.
"Open 'em again," he begged, his breath cascading over my neck.
I couldn't though, it was too bright. I could still feel my eyes watering from briefly opening them a few moments ago. Instead, I tried to make my lips move, and after several attempts, I managed to get a noise out, "Bright," I whispered so hoarsely, I wasn't sure if he could even hear me.
"What? What's wrong?" he asked urgently, trying to make me repeat myself. I took a few seconds to build up my strength before trying once more, "Too bright," I said again, this time making my voice loud enough to understand.
Not even a moment later, I left Niall leave my side and heard the ruckus as he probably scrambled across the room to turn off the harsh overhead florescent lights. If I had the energy I would have laughed when I heard him kick a chair and curse under his breath.
He quickly rejoined me on the bed once more, and held me tightly as he turned my limp, useless body over to face him. His hands framed my face, and I could feel his nose brushing against my own, "Please Chan, open yer eyes for me," he whispered, leaning his forehead against mine.
It was becoming easier by the second to move, and I moved my fingers slightly before prying my eyes open, being almost blinded by his perfection.
I blinked a few times, trying to focus my eyes as they watered excessively from lack of use; after finally clearing the blurriness from my eyes, I was finally able to focus on Niall. I took a few seconds to study everything from his lips, to his nose, to his eyes. We didn't speak, we only looked at each other.
I was still confused as to why we were here, obviously in a hospital bed, but at the moment, it really didn't seem to matter. The amount of worry I still detected in his eyes was troubling as I leaned in closer to him, closing the distance between us. His lips set mine aflame as they ignited a gentle kiss; gentle, yet mind-blowing.
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Author's Note sechsundsiebzig:
OHEMGEE Channing woke up! Can I get a hell yeah? Sorry if it seemed like I woke her up too soon... but writing this story with a sad Niall was hard... me no likey :( oh... and lmao just pretend like her waking up to him singing isn't at all cliché xD
Seriously though... do any of my readers have a Niall follow? Or ANY/5 for that matter?
HELP ME GET A NIALL FOLLOW AND I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER. lmao sorry i'm being a desperate bitch right now... but oh well... it is what it is ;) I just really want Niall to be muh friend... and since I kinda refuse to spam him on twitter (cus I feel like an annoying asshole) I just want u to follow and retweet me sometimes and i'll cross my fingers that Niall sees it and realizes I'm fab and will want to follow me too and eventually get married. Seriously I only have 400 followers on twitter bc no one likes me... pardon me while I cry :'(
[2014 update... i currently have 2.1k followers... yet, sadly... still no Niall follow. PRAY FOR ME... but I think i gave up any hope of getting noticed about 6 months ago]
hopeitallwrksout/5 ;)
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