Jaemin had his first therapy session. The session was...going surprisingly well. An omega woman listened to him speak about his mother for about fifteen minutes then told him,
"She sounds amazing. I'm glad she got the help she needed, but Jaemin, you talk down on yourself too much. You keep saying your mother is too perfect, and you'll never be like her, but was there something in particular that made you think you'll never be good enough? Sometimes our parents make us think like this, even if it's not intentional."
"I think it was...my dad. That's what he would say all the time. In words: You're only good for making alphas happy." Jaemin felt weird saying his father's words out loud. Suddenly, they didn't feel so normal anymore.
"And your mother? Would she defend you?"
"She...only sometimes, but I don't blame her. She was scared too. He told her the same thing. She got the worst of it at first."
"Has your mother ever made you feel that you're worthy?
"What do you mean?" Jaemin frowned.
"Well, a mother is there to make it all better, essentially. A mother will compliment you and help you get back up."
Jaemin got quiet for a good moment. That was a somewhat hard question to answer. He though back to when he was younger. His mother had been there for him, but maybe never in words. She put the bandaids on and kissed the bruises, but never whispered what he needed to hear, maybe not until recently.
He visited her the other day, telling her all about the baby shower.
***
"And guess what mom?"
"What, Jaeminie?" She smiled in anticipation.
"It's a boy. You're getting a grandson."
"Jaemin," She leaned over to hug him. Jaemin could see that her eyes were teary, but his mother wasn't one for crying. She was always holding everything in, even now.
"I'm sure he'll be just as pretty as you, baby." She pet his head.
"Pretty?"
"You're so very pretty, Jaemin, and handsome, and so adorable." She backed away, pinching his cheek with a cheeky grin.
***
"Not until recently has she been verbally expressing herself to me. She called me cute as a child, but she stopped once I became a certain age. It was always only with her actions, but she's been more verbal about it recently."
"And do you know why?" The therapist asked.
"Because, I guess, she's getting the help she needs."
"That's good. You must be happy for her?"
"I am."
"I like your necklace, Jaemin." She suddenly said.
"Thank you. Jeno gave it to me." Jaemin smiled, looking down at the necklace.
"And who's Jeno?"
***
Christmas Eve with the Lees?
Jaemin had agreed.
Was it really a shock?
Not really.
It seems to Jaemin that he'd recently made a new discovery: he'd do almost anything Lee Jeno asked, or maybe he had made this discovery before. He knew why now though, and he wasn't proud of it. Falling in love sounded so embarrassing; there must be another few set of words for it that didn't sound so cliché.
Jaemin spent Christmas Eve with a small handful of Jeno's family, but a part of him was distracted the whole dinner. He only spoke when spoken too, which was always a norm for him. It's what he had been taught was polite, but Aera kept looking at him with a look of worry and Jaemin felt Jeno's hand squeeze his thigh in worry too, but Jaemin only pushed it away, telling Jeno he felt ticklish.
They all ended up watching a Christmas movie after one of Jeno's grannies had suggested it. Jaemin sat close to Jeno, overwhelmed with the sensation of every part that their skin was caressing. Jaemin was hardly watching the movie, biting off his nails.
"It's twelve!" Jeno's mother spoke excitedly, making Jaemin flinch internally.
She paused the movie and started bringing over presents from under the tree. She called names out and handed the presents. Jaemin had received about three, which was honestly really surprising. Jaemin couldn't remember the last time he had gotten so many Christmas presents. He almost wanted to decline them.
The grannies opened their presents first, receiving lotions and perfume, chocolate, and a plant. Jeno's mother received a pretty ring from Jeno and some kitchen supplies from the grannies, all Jaemin had given her was a cheap face lotion he knew was good and a warm blanket, but still, he felt she deserved more. She seemed extremely excited though, telling him she had been wanting to buy a lotion.
Jeno went next, opening mainly clothes. His mother had knitted him a scarf, nagging at him to make sure to wear it. He opened Jaemin's gift last. It was a bag containing the drawing his mother had made of Jeno, which Jaemin had painted. It was something he was working on lately. He was certainly no Renjun, but it did look pretty good. There was also a bunch of random candy he had bought last minute, thinking it all wasn't enough. And it still wasn't enough, but Jaemin hardly had any money anymore.
"Wow Jaemin, this is beautiful." Jeno said, taking the drawing out.
"My mom drew it. I just painted it. I didn't really know what you'd like, but.."
Jeno kept staring at the paper. Jaemin almost wondered if he was looking for flaws.
"I love it." Jeno turned to kiss Jaemin's cheek. Jaemin's eyes widened. Why was Jeno acting like they were a couple? They definitely weren't, but Jeno often made it seem like it. "Open yours, Nana."
Jaemin stared at his gifts, deciding to open Jeno's last, because he wasn't sure how prepared he was for it. Jeno's grandmothers had given him a knitted sweater, along with a small one that Jaemin was sure was for his baby, Jaemin pouted.
"It's so cute! Thank you." He exclaimed.
Jeno's mother had given him some really nice kitchen supplies.
"Jeno told me you liked cooking."
"Thank you." He smiled.
Now, only Jeno's gift was left. Jaemin took a deep breath in, staring at the box. He unwrapped it and opened the box. He gasped.
"A camera?"
"Yeah, you said you were always interested in photography, so I just thought you'd like it."
"Wow, I don't know what to say. Thank you, Jeno, but I shouldn't accept this." Jaemin began closing the box.
"Well I'm not taking it back, so please keep it."
Jaemin still closed the box, to move it aside.
"Uh....Let's take Christmas photos with it." Jeno suggested. Jaemin raised a brow, but complied, pulling the camera out of the box, when he saw a smaller box at the bottom.
"What's this?" He said, pulling it out, feeling a cold sweat run through his body.
"Open it." Jeno laughed.
The first thing Jaemin noticed was a black and white photo. It was from the ultrasound. Jaemin hadn't wanted to see it then, but now it came as a surprise. Jaemin really didn't want to cry, but he couldn't help but get teary-eyed. It was the first photos of his baby. Underneath it though, there was a sparkling gold necklace. It looked delicate and thin, with a small golden star attached to it. It was beautiful.
"Jeno..." Jaemin stared at the necklace. He liked that it wasn't flashy. He could wear this everyday, but could he really? Jaemin didn't deserve a penny of all the things Jeno did for him. It was too pretty for something so ugly as himself.
"Before you try to give it back, or do that thing that I hate where you bring yourself down like you don't deserve the world. I just wanted to say something..."
Jaemin's heart skipped a beat and he turned to Jeno to see him run a hand through his hair, looking down at his lap. Jaemin held in his breath in anticipation for Jeno's next words.
"I really thought you deserved something nice. I know our situation is hard on you. An alpha gets to walk away from these things, but you can't. You deserve this because you're giving me the best Christmas gift ever: a son. And apart from that, the drawing is something so personal. It's something I'll remember for life. I guess what I'm trying to say is: I'd give you the world if I could, because you're already giving me a part of yours. You've given me the moon, so I want to give you the stars...well, at the very least."
And Jaemin had to ruin the moment,
"Did you rehearse that?" He laughed heartily to avoid how flustered it had made him, "It sounds too planned to be your normal speech."
"Does it matter?" Jeno frowned with a deadpanned expression, "I planned some of it, but think of it as: you were on my mind for a good while, while I tried to think of how to speak to you. So, will you please stop thinking you don't deserve everything I give you?"
Jaemin looked around towards where the grannies and his mother were sitting, but they had left the room. Jaemin wondered if Jeno had told them to leave, or if they sensed how private the conversation was.
"I can't promise that, but I'll try."
***
"He's my baby's dad." Jaemin said, playing around with the necklace on his neck.
"How is your relationship with him?"
"Oh, we're...just friends." Jaemin frowned.
"Sounds complicated." She smiled sympathetically.
"I guess so. We're on good terms. It was all an accidental pregnancy though."
"How often do you see him? Do you feel comfortable with the situation?"
"We live together." Jaemin said, suddenly aware of how odd that sounded.
"How long?"
"Just a while ago, around Christmas."
"And how's that going? How do you feel about it?"
***
Jeno hauled all of Jaemin's luggage, boxes and items into the car, Doyoung helped, along with Mark and Donghyuck who they had invited over. Every time Jaemin would try and pick something up, Jeno would quickly snatch it away. Jaemin would huff and frown, but Jeno would only laugh and pinch his cheek.
Jaemin went to the kitchen to get something to eat for everyone. He had just finished cutting fruit and putting it all in a big bowl, so he picked it up, when it was suddenly snatched from him.
"Stop doing that!" He turned, expecting to see Jeno, but was met with a cheeky smile from Donghyuck who stuck his tongue out at him. The rude boy laughed and put it back down, plucking a piece of watermelon with his hands to stuff it in his mouth.
"So, are you excited to move in with your boyfriend?"
"He's not my boyfriend." Jaemin simply said, walking over to get cups for the lemonade he had also made, and maybe, it was also to hide his small smile of content.
"Yeah, you wish." Donghyuck teased.
"How are you and Mark?" Jaemin said. Donghyuck had texted him not long ago, telling him he had found Mark's "diary" at his house and read it. Jaemin chastised him for reading it, but he couldn't really get mad at Donghyuck too much, because the boy seemed so excited, telling Jaemin it seemed like Mark was really in love with him.
"We're doing great. I'm enjoying teasing him even more now."
"You've got to confess to him." Jaemin said, "You already know you won't be rejected, so you should just confess."
"I'll do it if you do it." Donghyuck challenged, raising a brow.
"I don't like Jeno like that." Jaemin squinted back. He was lying, but he wasn't about to burst it out to the whole world that he was basically in love with Jeno. It was way too embarrassing.
"You don't have to lie about your feelings, Jaem. It's written all over your face."
"Whatever." Jaemin shrugged.
"I'm planning on confessing for New Years though, so maybe you should do it too."
"New Years is in like four days."
"Exactly."
Jaemin rolled his eyes. He doesn't think he'd ever be able to confess his feelings. He could hardly confess them to someone who wasn't Jeno. There's no way he'd build up the courage in 4 days.
Later on in the day, they got to unpacking everything at Jeno's house. It wasn't so much, because Jaemin had ended up donating a bunch of his furniture. It was mainly just his clothes and the more expensive furniture.
Jeno told him to go rest while he and Doyoung cleaned up, but Jaemin refused, staying up to help in whatever he could.
When they were finished, Jeno walked him to a guest bedroom on the lower level. He wheeled in Jaemin's suitcase for him. Jaemin hissed at the sudden pains he felt. He was out of breath too. Jeno immediately walked over and walked him to sit on the bed.
"What's wrong?"
"Contractions."
"Is it time?" Jeno looked scared.
"No, just give me a minute." Jaemin clutched his stomach, "This keeps happening lately. It'll go away in a sec."
Jeno began to massage Jaemin's shoulders, evidently trying to ease the pain, but Jaemin wasn't having it.
"Leave me alone." Jaemin whispered through the pain, "Please." He added, seeing Jeno's surprised look. So Jeno did.
He really did.
**
"It's going okay. We don't cross paths too often because of how big the house is. We sleep on separate levels of the house, so we don't even see each other at night so much. Jeno's gone all the time. He works a lot, so I spend a lot of time with his housekeeper, Doyoung. I do see him on like weekends and I also did on New Years. It's going well I think."
It made Jaemin a little sad. Since he was going to be moving in with Jeno, he had expected to see him more often. And worse, he blamed himself for it. He was the one always pushing people away. Jaemin just didn't know how to show people he cared about them, but maybe that was because he never learned how. He would sometimes completely avoid people or be completely too much to try and overcompensate.
"You can be honest, Jaemin. I'm not judging. I asked how you feel about it too, not just how it's going."
"I feel..." Jaemin started, "...A little l-lonely, but that's stupid, right? Jeno and I never lived together before and I didn't feel lonely then. I literally lived by myself. But my best friend has been gone for a while and I don't have many other friends and... I don't know. I'm a little lonely."
"Sometimes when we really care about someone, we'd like to see them everyday. It's like you can't get enough of seeing them, so maybe that's what you're feeling. You're close, but you still feel far, because you're not seeing Jeno as much as you'd like to. You can be surrounded by people, but if you don't have the right company, you'll still feel lonely."
Jaemin nodded, not really sure how to respond to that. He felt embarrassed by how right she was.
"But anyway, how was New Years? Did you have any fun? Did you spend it with any fun company?"
New Years was...something else...
Please let me know if the formatting for this chapter is any confusing because the next chapter is going to be formatted the same way
I like that the Christmas chapter is the 25th hehe
Merry Christmas! 💕 💀 even though it's June and I'm boiling in my country