“Wow.”
“Yeah,” came my weak reply. “I know – it's all so crazy.”
After our little hugging session from earlier, Hawk had invited me in. Of course, the Moose's had treated me as though I were their long lost relative or something.
Yeah, I was almost out of breath by the time Gina's hug was over. Jeff, on his part, didn't fail to mention how nice it was to see 'Cinnamon' again. That's right – the nickname stuck.
Even Dove had been just as excited despite the fact that we kept in contact regularly. We always chatted over the phone, and we'd even hung out twice now. The first time was just us, but the second, however, was with my friends as well. Needless to say, Shay, Sunny and Beck had developed an instant liking for the youngest Moose.
Sunny even said Dove was a lot like Jessica, except she wasn't an 'aggravating little bitch.' Her words, not mine.
Despite her words, we knew Sunny adored that younger sister of hers, and honestly, so did the rest of us. But it was especially different for Sunny. With their parents constantly being away on their book tours and stuff, Sunny had grown to become something of a mini-mum to Jessica.
So, yeah, they all liked Dove – and the feeling was mutual. It was nice to see how she'd overcome her initial shyness, interacting freely with them soon after; laughing, joking and all.
Now, though, I returned my thoughts to the present, with me in Hawk's room, and he, sympathetic after listening to my narration of today's revelations. But it wasn't that kind of sympathy that made you feel like a pity case. This was rather comforting, reassuring even.
“So, what are you going to do now?”
I offered a casual shrug in response, as though I hadn't also been wondering the same. “I honestly don't know. But what I know is that she's deceived me for years. She made me hate...” I trailed off, feeling a lump begin to form in my throat. “What she did to my dad and I was unforgivable.”
He gave an understanding nod at that. And a breath later, he was saying, “I get that you're mad at her – and rightfully so. It's fine to be mad at her for what she did, I won't ask you not to. But what I don't want is for you to end up hurting yourself in the process. I think you already know what that's like.”
I did. How could I not? I'd spent the past five years like that – hating my dad, hating myself for not being able to properly hate him, then hating him some more for making it so hard to loathe him.
Yeah, I knew what that was like. Just thinking back to it, left a sharp burning in my eyes, that made me stare away from the boy in front of me, blinking as I did.
“I'm a horrible daughter, aren't I? I chose to mistreat my dad so much through these years,” I chimed between sniffles.
“Hey, come here,” he urged, bringing me to rest on his shoulder, one hand patting soothingly at my back. He pulled away only to gently wipe at my tear-stained face.
“You're not a horrible daughter. You're incapable of being horrible in any way. Well, except for your lyrical skills – those are truly horrible.”
The last part earned him a nudge, leaving him to give an exaggerated cry. And despite myself, I couldn't help but chortle at his antics.
“Do you think your parents would want to adopt me? I could even get a job to help out with the extra expenses,” I offered lightly. “Maybe I could become a waitress. Since I'm already the high school slut, I just need to go blonde, and then try to seduce the bad boy on his date with the good girl.”
“How do you even think of these things?” He asked between laughs, with me echoing the mirthful sounds from beside him.
“Hey, it's kind of your fault, you know? You turned me into a teen romcom addict.”
“Fair point. So, I guess we need rehab,” he remarked, feigning moroseness.
“Yeah, nothing else can save us now,” I chimed, wiping away at an imaginary tear. “We're way too messed up.”
A few seconds later of 'crying' over our addiction, we were bursting into chortles.
In the decline of the throaty sounds however, my voice was slicing through – its earlier lightness gone. “To tell you the truth, there's a part of me that just wants to let go of everything. But then there's also this big part of me that can't stop from replaying everything that's happened over the years, and of what I could have done differently.
And whenever I think of it, I end up feeling this searing pain all over again. I try telling myself it's all in the past and that I should remove it from my mind. Somehow, I think I don't even want to let go of it, or maybe it’s that I just can’t do it.”
“But you can,” Hawk offered, giving my hand a gentle squeeze, and staring at me in a way that made me want to believe him.
“You think?”
“Yes. Getting rid of it is the best thing you can do for yourself. It might not seem like it now, but later, when you look back, you'll realize you made the right choice.”
I knew he was right, and was just about to tell him just that when another voice came bursting through.
“Hawk Gary Moose!” Gina chided – quite angrily if I might add. Seriously, her eyes were literally glaring daggers at Hawk, who for the record, looked about as confused as I was about what was going on.
“How could you?”
“Mom, what...”
“Just be quiet,” she interjected, looking like she could skin him alive if he even tried getting another word in. Satisfied with having silenced him, she turned to me instead.
However, her eyes weren't the glaring ones from a few seconds ago. Rather, they gazed softly at me as she skidded over to where I was sitting on the bed. And next thing I knew, I was being squished in her arms.
“Oh, Milkshake, you don't have to worry anymore.”
Say what now?
“I totally understand what you're going through,” she added. If it was even possible, she tightened the hug.
I could already imagine my tombstone – Brooke Allen, aged 18. Died of suffocation from a super charged hug.
“You must feel so scared and unsure.”
And that was when it hit me – she must be referring to the thing with my mom. She probably overheard it as she was passing by. Well, that definitely explained her behavior.
With that in mind, I found myself hugging her back, saying, “thank you, Gina. I really appreciate your saying that.” And I truly meant that.
“Don't even mention it,” she answered. “I'll support you through all of this, I promise.” She finally broke the hug, a smile remaining on her face soon after.
“But still, we'll need to talk to your parents about it.”
“I'm not sure I'm ready to talk to them though. I don't even know what to say, to my dad especially,” I admitted, staring down at my hands.
“I get that you're scared. But I promise I'll talk to them with you.”
“Really?” I asked, not quite masking the surprise in my voice. I mean, I knew Gina was a really sweet person and all, but I never imagined she'd be willing to go as far as joining me in talking to my parents about all that happened.
“Of course!” She stroked my hair fondly as she added, “you're like a daughter to me now. You know, I didn't have anyone to turn to when I found out about mine then.”
“So, you went through the same thing with your parents?”
“Parents?” She gave a small chuckle at that. “I didn't have any parents. All I had was my younger sister and my aunt who didn't give a rat's ass about us.”
Ok, I was officially back to being confused. If she didn't have parents, then why did she say she went through the same experience?
“But don't worry, Milkshake. Even if your parents don't accept it, I will.”
She would accept my apology? Why would she want to do that on behalf of my parents?
Seriously, what was going on?
“Jeff and I, and even Hawk despite what he thinks now.” She shot Hawk a dirty look when she said that.
“What do I think now?” He piped up, speaking the question on my mind.
“What did you not think?” She fired. “I get you're scared, but that doesn't mean you should write it off as if it means nothing.”
“Wha––”
“I don't want to hear any more from you,” Gina chided, silencing him yet again.
She returned her attention to me, a gentle smile on her face. “Milkshake, pay him no mind. He was just saying that because he's scared, but no one can make you remove this baby if you don't want to.”
Baby. Babies were cute though with their glimmering eyes and...wait, what?
Finally getting her meaning, I felt my eyes widen. “Baby?” I echoed, to which she gave a small laugh.
“Oh, I know it's a lot to take in. It was the same with me. I spent a few days wondering: 'gosh, am I really pregnant at eighteen?' But Jeff was really supportive, and I know Hawk would come around instead of being a jackass and asking you to get rid of the baby.
A baby you both made with so much love. How could you, Hawk? You don't even deserve to be called my Pepper Chicken.”
By the time she was done, two teenagers were dying from mortification. A baby we both made with…
How could she even think of something so drastic? Pregnant? I didn't need a mirror to know I must be the color of beetroot by now – my flaming cheeks were telling enough.
Still, somehow, I managed to voice: “Gina, I think there's a misunderstanding. I'm not pregnant.”
I released a breath I didn't even know I'd been holding when she nodded her response, saying, “Milkshake, I understand.”
Phew! She finally understood.
“You're in denial,” she added, placing a hand on my shoulder.
Or maybe not.
“I felt the same when I found out about Hawk. But it's already there; there's a nut in the pod.”
A nut in the…
Kill me now!
“No, that's not...” I tried to protest, but as I'd come to learn, no one could stop an enthused Gina.
“But you don't have to worry, we're all here with you.” She placed a hand on my belly, face beaming. “This child will have all the love he deserves, or it could be a she.”
Ok, this was getting all shades of awkward and embarrassing.
“We could decorate her roo...”
“Mom!” Hawk cried, his voice coming out in bursts of disbelief and embarrassment. “How could you even think Brooke is pregnant?”
“So, you wanted to keep it a secret, huh? You wanted to force this poor child to remove her baby.”
This would have been pretty amusing to watch if I wasn't actually the 'poor child' she was referring to.
“I heard her telling you of how she didn't want to remove it. But then you told her, ‘getting rid of it is the best thing you can do for yourself.' And then you were saying some other dumb shit about how she'll realize it was the right choice later.”
Oh my god!
“Mom, we were talking about some stuff which Brooke is going through. I was telling her to remove it from her mind,” he explained.
In response, her mouth formed into a small: “oh.” The earlier fierceness with which she stared at Hawk, now tamed considerably into near sheepishness. “So, you're really not pregnant?” She questioned, to which I shook my head.
She bit her lip at that, hitting her forehead gently. “Oh god, I'm so sorry. I feel so embarrassed. I really thought there was a nut in the pod.”
god, no.
“No, it's fine,” I said, managing a smile even though inside, I just wanted to disappear into the dark blue walls of Hawk's room.
“Alright then, I'd just leave now,” she added, rising from the bed.
“Yeah,” Hawk piped up, looking like he just got told that he'd have breakfast with Selena Gomez for a week. “That'd be great, mom! Thank you.”
Gina looked like she wanted to say something else, but Hawk was already ushering her out of the room.
“Later, Milk...” The rest of her words were drowned out as Hawk shut the door, drawing out a breath of relief soon after.
“Remind me to pack my stuff and move to the mountains,” he mused in mock seriousness, earning a chuckle from me.
“Oh, come on, it's not that bad. I think it's actually sweet that she's already looking out for her future grandkids,” I sallied. He shot me a playful glare at that.
“But quick question. What name?”
“Name?” He echoed, the confusion on his face clear.
“What name do we give our baby?” I finished between chortles.
He, however, shot me a look that translated to: 'I can't believe you're joking about that.' But despite himself, it wasn't long before he joined in, the mirthful sounds resonating through the dark blue room.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
“What?”
“What?” I asked back.
“You have your thinking face,” he pointed out.
“No, I don't,” came my hurried reply – a bit too hurried actually. Hence, I wasn't exactly surprised when he cocked a knowing brow.
“Ok, fine,” I caved in. “I was just thinking about what your mom said. Not the baby part, the one about my parents. Hawk, would you...” I trailed off, quite unsure as to whether I should tell him the rest, 'cause honestly he'd done more than enough for me tonight. I didn't want to keep burdening him with my shit.
But he seemed to have other thoughts. “B, what is it? You know you can tell me anything.”
I gave a small nod at that. I knew I could. So, sucking in a breath, I decided to get out with it.
“Would you come with me to see my dad, like right now? I mean, you don't have to be there like in there. I would just really like someone to stop me in case I chicken out and try to turn the car around. Not like we won't ever turn the car around because you know...”
But the rest of my words were left hanging by the sound of a chuckle – Hawk. “I thought rambling was my thing?”
I couldn't help the titter that left my lips at that.
So, yeah, he did agree to come with me – and happily at that. Hence, a few moments later, I was grabbing my car keys and heading for the door. But Hawk's gentle gripping of my hand, stopped me from going any further. I stared puzzled at him, only to find his lips moving in what was supposed to be a smirk.
“Why do we need to go through the door?”
“Uh...because that's the only way to get to the car.”
“Or is it?” He asked, still sporting that 'not exactly a smirk' thing.
“Ok, Hawk, we both know you're horrible at smirks,” I sallied, to which he made a face, much to my amusement.
However, I was soon asking, “so, what other way do you have in mind?”
He simply gestured to the window. Getting his meaning, I found an incredulous sound escaping my lips. “Wow, Spongebob! I never would have pegged you for the kind to sneak out.”
“Oh, I'm not. But I will be tonight.”
“Well, Mr. Newly converted bad boy, we better get going.”
“Yeah, just give me a minute; I need to tell my parents we'd be out.” And with that, he was zooming downstairs, leaving me bubbling with mirth.
Only Hawk would say he wanted to sneak out, and yet, go tell his parents he was going out. But then again, only Hawk was capable of brightening one of the shittiest nights of my life.