"So where do you want to eat?" she asked when we'd gotten in the car. I had already text Gray to let him know I was leaving with her. He wouldn't get the message until after practice, but seeing how I'm not in the stands I'm assuming he knows the situation.
"I don't care." I couldn't help it, I was being short. I didn't feel right. I keep getting thrown back and forth and into all these different situations with her, and every single time, I don't know how to act. It changes every time we're together. I can't stop thinking about it. About the fact that I don't know what we are, or what we're doing. She broke up with me, or I broke up with her. I don't even know anymore. The point is we're not together.
"What's wrong?" Her voice had changed.
"Nothing."
"You're lying." I rolled my eyes. We hadn't even pulled out of the school yet. We were just sitting watching people go by.
"What are we Riley? What are we doing?" I saw her muscles tense up just a little bit. She took in a deep breath and then let it out.
"I don't know."
"Are you going to leave again?" She wouldn't look at me.
"I don't know." At this I felt my frustration boil over. I've been worrying about her, worrying about us, trying to figure this all out, sorting through every variable, and all she can say is, she doesn't know.
"What do you know Riley?" My tone was a bit more hostile than I meant it to be. She looked down at her hands. I could tell I had hurt her. I didn't mean to.
"The only thing I know right now Tess, is that I love you. I don't know much else besides that."
"I can't handle you leaving again. I can't handle you treating me like a stranger, like there's nothing between us. It hurts too much." I felt my chest tightening. The lump in my throat was making itself more evident.
"So, what do you want to do?" It was now my turn to look down at my hands. I don't think she had looked at me once, but I had been just staring at her.
"I don't know Rye."
"Okay."
"I'm sorry Tess. I know..." Before she could finish speaking we heard a tapping on Riley's window, we had never left the parking lot. Behind Rye I could see Charlette and her little gang all standing next to the car. I took a breath and tried to compose myself. Riley begrudgingly rolled the window down then turned and smiled at them.
"What are you doing?" Charlette asked. I hated her tone. I hated the way Ally and Isabel stood behind her like she was some wall to protect them from the backlash of their bitchiness.
"Nothing. Gonna go eat." Riley's tone was nice, but fake, although I don't think they would be able to tell the difference. Riley's tones were usually subtle unless she was really mad. I've only ever seen Riley truly angry once, and it was terrifying.
"Hmm. Okay. Well we're going to hang out at my house. Drop by after."
"Yeah. Maybe." I could tell she was getting frustrated already. Probably because they interrupted our conversation, and because they were lingering. She hates that.
"Okay well see you later I guess." Charlette and her group walked off but as they did I could see them eyeing us. It was annoying.
"Do you want me to take you home?"
"No. Let's go eat. I know you're hungry." She nodded and started driving. I just looked at her. I know she's just as frustrated as I am, and I also know that she means it when she tells me she loves me. I stared at the dashboard the entire ride. I felt her pinkie rub the side of my jeans just a tad. She wouldn't look at me though. I reached over and intertwined our fingers.
"I'm sorry."
"I know."