Day 851
Jimin lets the breeze go through his hair, the view of the school beautiful from Namjoon's office. The scenery is covered with blood, the tips of the long blades of grass stained in carmine. His hand presses itself against the window, a fire cracking its flames in the fireplace. Namjoon is there too, taking a sip from his glass. That man has secret liquor stashes all around campus, it seems. Not that Jimin can blame him. Especially after the day they've had.
As it turns out, Jimin's theory was correct. The zombies were banging on the front gates because they were chasing people. Everyone was back safely. They came back the same night of the siege, working through the zombies and helping each other get back inside. It seems as though Jimin and Y/n were the only ones who waited longer. Jimin freezes up.
Y/n.
He places his hands on the windowsill, pressing them against the texture and not caring about the small burn it brings. Namjoon finishes off his drink and comes over to Jimin, patting him on the shoulder. Both of them have their heads dipped. As if the Y/n news wasn't enough, the Jungkook news though...
Jimin swallows what's left in his throat, unsure of how to react to any of the recent events. Jungkook and Jimin had their last conversation. He's never going to see Jungkook again. Bile burns his stomach, working its way up his body until it sits at the back of his throat. Saliva coats the inside corners of his cheeks, overflowing his mouth until he needs to keep gulping down all the moisture. It combats his urge to vomit, and eventually, it subsides. He forces himself to relax, closing his eyes and hoping the room will stop spinning.
After Y/n fell asleep at Yoongi's compound, Jimin silently cried in the corner of the room. He let the tears fall, and he wasn't ashamed of them. Jungkook was a great man. A good doctor who had too much trauma for his own good. But he always tried to do the right thing. Like saving Jimin and Y/n from the Ranglers with a rocket launcher. He pretended he was okay with all that death, and he did all that just to save the people he cared about. Jimin admires that. He truly wishes Jungkook was still here.
"Would it be bad to ask how you are?" Namjoon asks, Jimin poking his tongue against his inner cheek for a moment.
"No. It's an important question. The problem is I don't have an answer." Jimin pauses, shifting his gaze to the taller man. "How are you after all that?"
"Not sure. Relieved. Stressed at the same time. It's not easy to think about. You think the Ranglers will come back for us?"
"If they survived the attack, you mean?"
"Yeah. If."
"I doubt it. Each time they came for us, we broke out and caused damage to them. At this point, it's just not worth it. They'll either try to get all of us, or they won't get any of us at all. Taking all of us risks everything for them. But at the same time, after that attack, they might be so desperate for people that they don't know what else to do. I really hope we're done with this bullshit. I'm ready to relax, mourn, and raise my son. Is that too much to ask?"
"Apparently so. The apocalypse doesn't care about our feelings. Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth it to keep living like this. Life used to be so peaceful, then those assholes came and decided to ruin it for us. But they won't be the only ones. Even in the apocalypse, people want power. Desperately. After the Ranglers, another will rise and take their place. Will the cycle repeat again? More dangerous people coming to take us from our homes, maybe kill a few of us in the process."
"I don't know," Jimin mumbles, "we lost a lot of people in the first attack. You think they got out?"
"Not sure... I didn't see any of them in my time there. You probably wouldn't even recognize them that's how long it's been. It's crazy to think how many we had before that attack, and now we're a fraction of what we used to be." Namjoon runs a hand through his hair, glancing at the fireplace and the blood stains on the ground. "How's Ves?"
"Locked in his room with Sky."
"Julia?"
"Locked herself in Yoongi's room with him."
"Do you think he actually likes her, or is he just humoring her?" Namjoon asks, Jimin shrugging.
"Yoongi doesn't seem the type to humor someone, so... I don't know. I'm sorry, on any other day I'd be a Cupid and shipping the shit out of them, but just... I..."
"You don't need to explain." Namjoon comes a bit closer and wraps his arm around Jimin's frail form. Jimin accepts the gesture, almost falling against Namjoon's body before letting himself shudder from the weight of it all. The weight of dealing with this hell. Jungkook and Y/n are two thoughts he doesn't want right now, but they're the only two thoughts that come to mind. That and the idea that Namjoon might keep Jimin as leader. They haven't spoken about that yet, but seeing as the Ranglers may come back, they're going to have to.
"I'm not ready to lead this place, Joon. I appreciate your faith in me, but everything has fallen apart, and I can't help but feel like it's my fault."
"Jimin-"
"Don't coddle me. At the end of the day, I didn't fight hard enough when the Ranglers came for the first time. And I traded myself to Jihyun. That caused all of this. That caused Jungkook to die."
"Y/n said the same thing about her plan," Namjoon mumbles, Jimin whipping his head around at that.
"She talked to you?"
"Before Katherine took her, yeah. She pulled me aside and apologized to me for causing Jungkook to die."
"That girl," Jimin says, letting out a prolonged breath before backing away from the window. He swivels on his heel, Namjoon grabbing his elbow and giving him furrowed brows. "I'm going to see her."
"Jimin," he replies, his voice a soft yet stern tone. "Wait until she's awake. Don't do that to yourself. Give her a chance to react to it by herself. I know you've seen a lot of shit out there, so forgive me if it sounds like I'm lecturing you, but trust me when I say you don't want to be there when she sees it."
"That's exactly why I should go. She shouldn't be alone for that."
"She lost her best friend. Her childhood best friend. She may need to mourn alone, and I know that sucks to hear since you're the type that wants to fix everything you can, but this is something out of your control."
Jimin's shoulders slump, but he can't disagree with what Namjoon's saying. Sometimes Jimin oversteps when he tries to make things better, and Namjoon's right about this: he might overstep and end up annoying his girlfriend. That's the last thing they need. Especially when they just confessed their love for one another. All it took was her getting bit. Yippee.
Even though she'll live, seeing her without a hand will be beyond strange. How she'll keep going without her talent for hair is beyond him, but he'll do his best to give her a new type of activity. Maybe he'll teach her dancing. Dancing can be done without both hands. In fact, she may be able to use that to make it even better.
All Jimin can do for her is brainstorm ideas that can take her mind off everything. Give her new hobbies and good food since good food actually does help a lot. Not that she'll have an appetite anytime soon, but Jimin needs to prepare to help her with all her needs. She's going through the worst thing Jimin can imagine putting someone through. Surviving a bite is traumatic enough let alone surviving it mere hours after finding out your best friend is a zombie.
The rest of the school feels Jungkook's loss too. Ves and Sky are locked away for a reason. Namjoon is heavily drinking and pretending he's fine. Katherine hasn't left the nurse's office even though Y/n's operation should have been over about half an hour ago. Taehyung hugged Jimin and offered condolences before locking himself away like Ves and Sky. Jimin is attempting to hold back his emotions, but his heart is filled with despair. Jimin and Jungkook weren't the closest when compared to some of the other friendships here, but Jimin still misses Jungkook dearly. It doesn't feel like he's gone.
Jimin is about to turn back around and stare out the window again. Then, the door snaps open, revealing Katherine's body. "She's awake and ready for Jimin, but only Jimin," she says, her voice void of any emotion. Jimin frowns at her disheveled hair and empty face, but he knows he's in no position to comment on it, so he bids his goodbye to Namjoon and follows Katherine out of the office.
The walk to the nurse's office is long and silent, Katherine not uttering a sound. Honestly, she doesn't even look present in the moment. Her eyes are waning in and out of focus, her figure seemingly going through the motions and nothing more. By the time they get there, she doesn't open the door for him. She points before trekking away. Jimin watches her go, her form disappearing down the hall until she turns the corner. Why she's leaving Y/n alone boggles his mind, but it's too late to protest now.
He stiffens, scolding himself for hesitating when he's so close, but he keeps himself still for a moment longer. Jimin mentally prepares himself for all the emotions he's about to see, but after he opens the door, his eyes expand at the lack of emotions awaiting him.
Y/n is there, an IV in her working hand, covers draped over her body up to her chest. Her hair is pulled back and out of her face, her skin a few shades lighter than it had been before. Likely due to the sudden loss of blood. Katherine gave her anesthesia so Y/n would feel no pain or even see the procedure, but the damage is already done to her mental state. Her eyes are blank and resting on the bandaged stump that used to be her right hand. She doesn't move her arm at all, or her body for that matter, but she does stare. She stares and stares until Jimin's sure she doesn't know he's there.
"You can sit if you want," she says, her voice as flat as Katherine's.
He shuts the door and takes the offer, sitting by her bedside on the single chair set up. She still doesn't bother glancing at him, and since he's sitting on her right side, it adds insult to injury that he can't hold her hand. Jimin can sense she doesn't want to talk, so he keeps his mouth sealed as he gazes at the new body of his lover. The urge to remind her that he loves her punches him in the gut, but he chains that thought in his mind, refusing to let it spew out of his mouth.
This is her moment to have someone to share the pain with. Speaking isn't necessary, and both of them know that. Jimin sits there and respects her need for silence, his head dipped down and his eyes falling to the ground. It's a way of mourning her hand as well as Jungkook. He peeks up for a moment and notices the leather jacket in the corner of the room, soaked with water. Katherine must have tried to wash it for Y/n, and surprisingly, a lot of the blood is gone. There's still stains that will likely never wash out, but it's in better condition than it was before.
Several minutes pass, and for a while, it feels like this is how the entire day is going to go. Them sitting in silence and thinking about the events. So much has happened that Jimin hasn't had time to toy with the idea that his brother could be dead. Or worse, feeling betrayed and angry at Jimin for leaving. If Jihyun is dead, Jimin will blame himself despite it not being remotely his fault. Yet another thing for him to cry about tonight. He's making a mental list, and he'll spend a certain amount of time crying over each item on it. Twenty minutes for Y/n's whole situation, forty for Jungkook, ten for self-blame, and another twenty for Jihyun possibly being dead. He'll add more as he goes.
"What do I do?" she asks, her voice scratching against her throat as it flies into the air.
The single question throws Jimin's entire world view into a loop. It crashes down the walls he built up to hide his emotions from her. Instead, his sadness breaks through to the surface in the form of tears dripping down his cheeks, a frown permanently resting on his face. He meets her eyes, and his heart becomes a series of cracks that never seem to end. He wants to take her remaining hand, kiss it, and tell her everything will be okay. But that would be a lie. A beautiful one, but a lie nonetheless. Instead, he tells her the painful truth.
"I don't know."